Chapter 41: 41. Good commander
Stephanie pursed her lips. "Restless, to say the least. I'm sure you heard about some of the issues we've been having?"
"I did—Abigail briefed me. Vicky Carter from the Tiger said she's having some issues as well. Nothing so much on the Valiant just yet," said Jack, remembering the morning brief.
"I think the worst part is just the not knowing portion. Maybe it'll be better once we actually arrive but all these days at sea in between aren't helping," said Stephanie.
"You're exactly right. I just hope the crew can hang in there a little longer. We should be there any day now," said Jack. "Maybe once they see simple sand and surf, they'll realize it's just another place."
Stephanie nodded and then chewed on her lip for a moment. She opened her mouth several times before closing it just as quickly. Finally, Jack heard her speak up. "Jack, do you mind if I ask you something?"
"Of course not. What's up?"
Stephanie cracked one of her knuckles nervously. "I'm really scared that we're not going to see home again."
Jack leaned in closer. "Why's that?"
She nodded her head toward the horizon. "Because of what's out there. I've heard the stories. All I can think about some days is the day we left Aberdeen back in Java. Like that's the last time I'll get to see my home and everyone I grew up with."
"Oh, Stephanie, you know that—"
"Does that make me a bad officer, Jack?"
"Why would that make you a bad officer?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. That I'm not confident enough? That I'm afraid of dying a long way from home for a cause that I know nothing about? That this war is just going to sweep us all up in it and spit us out?"
Jack smiled gently. "That sounds like it makes you human."
"I know but look at Abigail. She's so strong and so confident. I'd follow her anywhere. Even her sister is amazing too. And Lt. Abrams is masterful at the guns. I feel like all the officers on this ship are something special but sometimes I feel like I'm just out of place," said Stephanie as her head fell slightly.
"I think what you're feeling is entirely normal. And I think you aren't the only one that feels that way," said Jack.
"What do you mean?"
"It sounds like you've been listening to that little voice of reason in your head a little too much. That one tries to get you to doubt yourself. That forgets what you're capable of. Not just anyone in the world can be a naval officer, Stephanie. To have undergone grueling years of training and academics and to come out in one piece on the other side is the very definition of strength to me."
She finally looked up at him with misty eyes. A quick swipe of her cheek and her eyes fixed back at him.
"Stephanie, you were chosen to command this ship for a reason. You're the head of the entire division because of your intelligence, your abilities, and your courage. Don't ever forget that. We're all scared to take on this mission and every time that voice tries to pop back up in your brain and tell you that you don't belong here, squash it right back down where it came from. You deserve to be here," he said while putting his arm around her and pulling her in for a hug.
She came willingly and crushed against his side. "Thank you, Jack. I was so afraid to tell you about this and find out what you might think about me. That maybe I wasn't fit for this role or that you might send me back in disgrace."
"Quite the opposite," said Jack. "I think it makes you a better officer for being so in tune with your feelings."
Stephanie sniffled a little and then broke out into a small smile. "You're a good commander, Jack."
Jack chuckled. "Some days it's hard for me to believe that, but thank you."
She looked back up at him. "Don't listen to your internal voice, Commander." She followed it up with a wink.
Before he could respond, the door to the bridge was slammed open, the noise loud enough to make the both of them jump. It was Abigail.
"Jack, I need you right away," she said with a breathless tone. It was obvious she had practically ran to the bridge to deliver the message.
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