The Adventures of the Null Kitsune: Lilith

As I step out of the portal, I look around. I am currently on what looks like Earth's moon. Moving my eyes ever so slightly up, I can indeed see Earth.

 

‘Huh. I wonder what univer… Never mind. I know where.’

 

Smiling, I turn around and see, or more like sense, an entity in front of me. Male one second, female the next. Blink and you’ll miss the transformation. We stare at each other for several seconds before I begin to feel the entity trying to apply some pressure to myself.

 

Lilith: “Ha! Cute~ Even with all your might. You will never be able to even inconvenience me… ‘OAA’”

 

OAA(One Above All): “You are not welcome here. What are you doing in my universe?”

 

Lilith: “What ever the FUCK I want! I don’t give a shit if I am welcome or not OAA~. What are you going to do? Nothing~. Now leave, before I make you a weak ass mortal woman, and transmigrate your ass to the Goblin Hunter universe. And leave you gift wrapped in a forest~.”

 

With that little threat, I apply a bit of my pressure to him slamming him into the moon. Leaving a giant creator and several cracks. I float down to OAA, and lean to their ear and whisper.

 

Lilith: “You may call yourself One Above All, but you are so far down the totem pole outside of your small omniverse that it’s hilarious. The whole frog in a well thing, really~. Now, are you going to behave, and fuck off? Or are you going to be entertainment to a nexus world?”

 

OAA: “I… will not let… you…”

 

OAA was struggling to even move, let alone stand up. It baffled me why entities like this just don’t get it sometimes. OAA has been around since the cycle of this ‘True Omniverse’ has started. Yet he doesn’t understand that he really isn’t One Above All~

 

Lilith: “Oh well. I’ll just adjust this ‘omniverse’  to not actually need your energy to survive. Not like you ever did anything anyway. Hmm.. A simulacrum can work for the shit you actually did. Yea, let’s go with that! Enjoy gobbling those goblin’s OAA. Hehe.”

 

With a snap of my finger, the ‘strongest’ existence in this little omniverse was stripped of their power, permanently made female and a mortal. And then true to my word, I gift-wrapped them in a sexy bow-like situation, and opened a portal under her that would drop her in the middle of a forest near some gobbies.

 

Lilith: “So sad. Some people's fates are truly horrible. How can God let something like this pass?”

 

I just sneered at that saying, and turned my attention to the big ole blue globe behind me.

 

‘Now, on to more important, and FUN, things. Hrmm.. let’s see where I am in the timeline, the old fashion way!’

 

A few minutes later, one could hear the song ‘The internet is for porn!’ being blared on the moon. How could that happen with no air? Fuck you, that’s how.

 

With a wry smile I think, ‘No matter the time/place/omniverse humans really are degenerates and disgusting. Love it.’

 

From the internet, I learned that the timeline is after Ironman, but just before Thor. Since there was no mention of him or any of the other Avengers. With that in mind, I decided to pay a visit to this universe's favorite pirate.

 

As I appeared in Nick Fury’s office, it seems he was getting a briefing from, whose voice I think is Agent Coulson, about something.

 

Coulson: “Yes Sir. It’s just a rather large hammer. But no one can pick it up. Orders?

 

Fury: “Hmm. Alright, set up a base, and start researching the thing. I want to know exactly what the hell it is, and how we can use it. Anything else of note?”

 

Coulson: “There was a beam coming from the sky reported before this event happened. A young female researcher or something was keeping tabs on it, and a few other things. I was thinking of having the men go and see what she knows.”

 

Fury: “Do it.”

 

While the two of them were talking, Black Widow entered the room, along with Hawkeye. They went in front of the desk and stood at attention. While I was waiting for a good time to appear, I created a comfy one person recliner, and waited by the front corner of his room. I decided to speak to my BFF while I waited.

 

Lilith: ‘How is it going Ophis. All good~?’

 

Ophis: ‘Hn. Comfy. Tasty candies.’

 

Giggling a bit at her, ‘That’s good to hear! Did you want to come out and say hello to these humans with me? Or just want to watch the show for now?’

 

Ophis: ‘I, will watch.’

 

Lilith: ‘No worries BFF~! Just let me know when you want to join me~’

 

Refocusing back into the room, I could see they were still talking about something.

 

Lilith: “Wow. You mortals are so fucking boring~ I am tempted to do something already. And I know just the thing.”

 

After I said that, I snapped my fingers.

 

— P.O.V. switch Nick Fury —

 

As two of my best agents were informing me of a few things, the three of us suddenly heard a voice and then a finger snap.

 

Looking to the side of my office, I see… I don’t know what exactly. A Human with fox ears and tails, and with a dress made up of stars and galaxies? What? Just as I was snapping out of my little daze both of my agents also snapped out and pulled their sidearms.

 

Widow and Hawk: “Freeze, don’t move!”

 

But. There was something wrong with Barton’s voice just now. Romanoff also seemed to notice, as we both looked at him. My eyes shot wide. Standing where Barton was just a moment ago, was a very female looking Barton. Romanoff was also just staring at him.

 

Natasha: “Clint…ton…?”

 

While he… or she(?) was still pointing her gun at the intruder, she looked at Romanoff with a bit of confusion from the tone she had used to address her.

 

Clint: “Yea, Nat? What’s wrong?”

 

Natasha: “What’s wrong?! Why are you so calm?! Look at yourself!”

 

Barton gained a worried look on her face, and looked all over herself. Seemingly expecting something horrible to be wrong. I just looked on, dumbfounded.

 

‘What the fuck. What the actual fuck just happened here?’

 

Looking at the entity sitting in the chair, seemingly completely forgotten by my two agents, she had a huge smile on her face, and an immense amount of glee in her eyes.

 

‘She did this. She did this somehow… Now, I have to find out how and reverse–’

 

Clint: “Don’t scare me like that Nat!! You made it sound like I had a bomb on my or something! But nothing is wrong!”

 

What.

 

Natasha: “What.”

 

A giggle could be heard, and just then the two agents remembered we had an intruder, and brought up their guns again.

 

Natasha: “What did you do to Clint?!”

 

Clint: “Yeah! What did you do– Wait what? Nat, nothing is wrong. I feel completely fine?”

 

This time it was me who spoke up.

 

Fury: “Barton. You’re a woman.”

 

The whole room was silent. Barton had just looked at me with a deadpan, and unamused face.

 

Clint: “And you’re a man, Sir. No shit I am a woman. What the hell are you going on about?”

 

I just stare blankly, mind reeling at trying to understand what he, now she, just casually said. As if I was a retard for bringing it up.

 

Natasha: “But you’re a guy!”

 

Barton seemed to visibly get upset, and angry at Romanoff’s shout.

 

Clint: “Natasha! I’ve told you many times! Just because I also have a dick, doesn’t make me a man! I am a woman! I thought we got beyond this already!?”

 

After she said that, the entity started laughing uncontrollably.

 

???: “Oh, this is just as great as I hoped it would be. Go on Clinton, show them your shield I.D. I think my appearance just startled them something fierce, that they think you’re a man for some reason.”

 

With a little flash of light, Barton’s ID was floating in front of all of us. And it clearly showed a female Barton. A bad thought ran through my mind. A horrible thought.

 

I sat back down and started looking up several old case files and things related to Barton. And much to my growing worry and paranoia, the old Barton was not in any of them. Even old videos. Everything had the new Barton, the female version.

 

‘This is bad. Either this thing can manipulate data on a previously unheard of level.. Or–’

 

???: “Or she can alter reality. It’s the second one, Nick~. Or rather, Fury. It suits you much better. Makes you sound as cool as you deserve~. And I am not a thing, Fury.”

 

She stood up, and damn was she a big one. And much to my ire, I actually slightly enjoyed her quip about my name. But no, even more worries to the pile, she can read minds. Great.

 

???: “I give you the honor of knowing my name Mortals. I am Lilith Zenon. A Null Kitsune, and Outer God~. And yes, the kind of Outer God you’re thinking of Fury. Not all of us are a mass of extreme horror. Well, sometimes anyway~.”

 

— P.O.V switch Lilith —

 

Lilith: “Anyway, stop pointing those toys at me, you’re going to hurt yourselves~”

 

Before they could even blink, I turned their sidearms into Nerf guns. They still shot real bullets though. Even if it was loaded with Nerf darts.

 

‘That’s going to cause a bit of a ruckus, hehe~’

 

Lilith: “Anyway. The reason I am here is for a few reasons. One being I wanted to actually meet you face to face. And I got to say, you didn’t let me down, Fury. My little prank on Clinton was just to display a bit of my ability. After all, I am going to cause so much chaos~ And there won’t be a damn thing you can do about it~.”

 

Clint: “Prank?”

 

Lilith: “Oh, Nat and Fury here know what I am talking about. It’s up to them if they want to tell you though. After all, they were the ~only~ ones to see me do it. No one else is the wiser~”

 

I looked at Fury pointedly when I said that, and it seems he did pick up on what I meant. I wonder if they will tell her? Oh well, it wasn’t my business anymore.

 

‘Awe, look at her confused face. So adorable~’

 

I clap my hands to get their attention.

 

Lilith: “Whelp, off I go to cause some chaos~ I hope you will enjoy the show! Buh-bye~”

 

With that, I shattered into several butterflies, and was gone.