The Adaptive Quincy of Bleach

The room grew very tense at that. It took a whole minute before Sora calmed down, by biting down on his lip—hard enough to draw blood, which evaporated before it reached the floor. He was not trying to give this place his DNA; next thing he knew, they'd clone his ass.

So yeah. Though he does wonder, how strong would he be if he wasn't the Soul King's son? Hm. Probably still OP. He would still have to adapt to the Mimihagi piece... hm, that evil version of him.

He never awakened the godlike DNA in his genes, so guess that would be a good estimate. Aight, now let's look at the stats.

At 2%—closer to 1%—he beat the brakes off Yama, then ripped out the Royal Realm from where they were and held the three realms together with his Reishi.

Ichibei being in that tomb did nothing. He was a figurehead.

So, even without it, he would still be OP. How nice.

As to why he was thinking of shit like this right now?

Well, that... helped him not try to kill Yhwach.

Who currently was looking at his dad. The man took out his blade...

And slashed it at the Soul King. Sora placed his hand in front of the strike, Blut Vene at the ready.

The sword clashed against his bare skin... and actually did no damage. Huh?

Sora was confused... not at the sword dealing zero damage part—that was to be expected, he had future sight—but his Blut Vene...

It turned on, on its own... like he had programmed it to, back when he still had his Quincy ability, which he currently lacked... sad.

Wait. He didn't have his Quincy skills yet, and shouldn't have them yet.

So why did his shit awaken so soon?

Well, since he was basically God, a quick Almighty check and... oh... his sheer hatred of Yhwach sped up the process.

Ain't no way.

He awakened his Quincy power... like this?

After like a few weeks... because he came close to Yhwach? Well damn.

"Guess my body just doesn't trust you," he said, eyes flicking to Yhwach.

The King of Quincy stepped back a pace. He was furious like no other.

"You defend him?" Yhwach spat, glaring at Sora. "Him? The coward who sealed himself away, who abandoned me, our people—left us to rot in the shadows of Soul Society while he kept the title of 'God'?"

His voice cracked like thunder.

"Do you know how many times I had to watch as the Soul Reapers took away everything that should have been mine?"

'Grown-ass man throwing a tantrum... couldn't be me,' Sora thought to himself.

Adyneus looked up slowly, expression calm... but aged. Weary.

"I did what had to be done."

"Bullshit!" Yhwach snarled. "You let them slaughter us! You sealed yourself behind glass and gold while they purged our bloodline from existence!"

Anyway, Sora was planning to kill him while he talked. He could easily sneak in, a sneak attack here...

—And then Adyneus stepped in between them. One hand raised.

The punch stopped. Not by force. But by presence.

Adyneus looked his younger son in the eye.

"...Don't."

Sora growled under his breath. His hand trembled.

"He tried to kill you."

"I know," Adyneus said quietly. "But don't."

That... felt unfair. So he turned his frustration into sarcasm.

"Cool. So we just let genocidal mustache man go around yelling at his dad now? Is that your vibe?"

Adyneus didn't flinch.

"I failed him."

Yhwach flinched.

Sora blinked. "Wait, what?"

The ancient Soul King—the very concept of divinity in the spiritual realms—lowered his eyes.

"I allowed myself to be sealed because I saw the coming tide. I believed the world would need a neutral god, not a ruler. A judge. I thought I could remove myself, and leave behind balance. I wished to seal that creature away for good."

He looked at Yhwach, gaze heavy.

"But I left a son behind."

Silence.

Yhwach didn't answer. But he didn't lift his sword either.

Adyneus took a breath, then said, "Everything I did... was to prevent the rise of what sleeps below."

"The Beast," Sora muttered, his mood dimming instantly.

"Yes. Luz'xipher."

Sora folded his arms. "...You're still bad at parenting."

"Agreed."

Yhwach's fingers twitched.

"You want me to forgive that?" he spat. "A few words and suddenly the centuries I spent carving survival out of blood and ash mean nothing?"

"No," Adyneus said softly. "I don't want your forgiveness. I want your understanding."

Yhwach's eyes burned. "Then you ask too much."

"You misunderstand again," Adyneus said, standing taller. "This isn't for me. This is for him."

He nodded toward Sora.

Sora blinked. "Huh?"

"I do not wish to watch my youngest son teabag his brother..."

Wow, no hope on Yhwach winning at all. That was crazy work.

As to why that was...

As Yhwach's Almighty turned on:

Death by Umbrella – Sora opens an umbrella indoors. Yhwach vaporizes in a puff of cosmic irony.

Reverse Uno – Yhwach fires an arrow. It reverses mid-flight and stabs him through his third rib.

PowerPoint Presentation – Sora uses a slideshow to bore Yhwach into spontaneous combustion.

Too Much Drip – Sora puts on a cloak so stylish that Yhwach's corneas melt and he explodes.

Accidental Paper Cut – Yhwach signs a treaty. The paper slices too deep. Sora whispers, "That paper was forged from my Reishi."

Passive-Aggressive Hug – Sora hugs him and accidentally crushes his spine.

The Almighty Rewind – Sora rewinds time to Yhwach's birth and high-fives the midwife so hard Yhwach vanishes from the timeline. {Yes I know, he spawned into existence from Adyneus's energy, but for the joke ignore that fact.}

Death by Bunny Slippers – Sora steps on Yhwach's face wearing slippers shaped like Rukia's Chappy doll. Instant deletion.

Breathing Too Hard – Yhwach breathes too hard. A nearby atom collapses. Sora channels it into a black hole.

Killer Karaoke – Sora sings Unravel so beautifully that reality implodes on Yhwach's head.

Banana Peel Incident – Sora leaves one on the stairs. Yhwach trips and falls into the 12th dimension.

Overdose on Future Deaths – Yhwach sees too many ways he dies and his brain just shuts down.

Sword Stab? – Nah. Sword grows out of his own shadow and bisects him.

The High-Five of Death – Yhwach accepts a high-five from Sora. His hand detonates on impact.

Death by Finger Snap – Sora snaps twice. The first snap deletes gravity. The second deletes Yhwach.

Death via Unpaid Debt – Sora sends a Reishi collection notice. Yhwach reads it and is sued out of existence.

Spiritual Tax Audit – The IRS of the afterlife arrives. Sora filed it. Yhwach owed existence. He got repossessed.

Death by Eye Contact – Sora stares. Yhwach implodes. No words. Just vibes.

Death by Inner Monologue – Yhwach thinks, "Maybe he's not that strong." Reality slaps him out of the plot.

Unfiltered Twitter Post – Sora tweets #YhwachMid. The ratioed backlash kills him.

Nuked by Flavored Tea – Yhwach drinks a cup of Sora's homemade "soul tea." Every molecule goes nuclear.

Sat on by Destiny – Fate itself manifests as a sumo wrestler and crushes him.

Punched Through a Metaphor – Sora punches a metaphor about power. Yhwach was standing behind it. Oops.

Suffocated by Expectations – Literally. They manifest physically and wrap him like a boa constrictor.

Rewritten as a Joke Character – In one timeline, Sora rewrites Yhwach into a comedy relief frog. Someone steps on him.

Trapped in Genjutsu Forever – Every time Yhwach thinks he's alive again, he's not. The cycle never ends.

Vaporized by Sentimentality – Sora tells Uryu he loves him. The shockwave of genuine brotherhood disintegrates Yhwach.

Overpowered Punchline – Sora tells a joke. It's too strong. Yhwach dies laughing.

Reishi Dominoes – Sora flicks a single Reishi coin. It knocks over a domino chain across the universe that ends with Yhwach being hit by an entire mountain.

Deleted from the Author's Notes – Sora breaks the fourth wall and deletes Yhwach's narrative relevance.

Yhwach's lips twitched.

He almost vomited from sheer existential fatigue.

Adyneus sighed again.

"Both of you... enough."

He turned to Sora.

"Sora."

The boy looked away with a pout. "No."

"Sora."

"Still no."

"Sora... for me."

Sora blinked.

That was cheating.

Goddamn parental manipulation.

He clicked his tongue. "...Fine. But only because I am running out of ways to kill him."

He gave Yhwach the fakest smile in all of creation.

"Let's be fri—"

Sora puked out blood.

...fuck. That hurt. That hurt so much.