Thank You For Being Trash

Unlike yesterday, Distria didn't insert right away. The sound of his breathing, drenched in excitement, could be heard in my ears. His hand, which had been stroking my chest, descended on the stomach and grazed my thigh.

I could feel Distria's strong body behind my back. I barely struggled and refused his act. It was right to leave my excitement behind and reject him because of Arne’s personality.

At that, Distria stopped caressing my thighs.

The scorching heat receded, and I raised my hand to remove the cloth covering my eyes. Then, he grabbed my arms with one hand before whispers came.

“Where are you going?”

It was a low, threatening, deep possessive voice. It was as if I had been left without a weapon in front of a beast that had been starving for a long time. Even under the ferocious atmosphere, the fast-beating heart made me feel joy instead of fear.

While anticipating what he would do next, I muttered words from my mouth.

“I paid what I had to pay. This non-consensual act is tantamount to violence.”

Distria moved his lips to my ear as though he couldn't hear me.

He brushed the lobe with his tongue and bit my lobe. A wet sound hit my ear as he tied my arms roughly in a white robe and laid me down like he was throwing me on the bed. My nerves became sensitive because my eyes were covered.

His fingers ran down my chin, neck, and chest, touching my entrance. As I reflexively closed my legs, the sound of Distria's laughter was heard.

“I like you quite a bit. Except for not crying.”

As he spoke in a whisper, he loosened the robe that tied my arms and put it on properly.

—Ring.

A small bell rang in the room.

The scorching heat quickly cooled, and what had just happened felt like a fantasy. My uncool body was deeply saddened, and I wanted to pretend to be crazy and hold onto Distria.

“See you next time.”

He behaved forcibly and now let go of me again… He was an unpredictable person.

I was immersed in thoughts as the maid drove me to my temporary residence.

In the original story, Arne's first sexual partner was not Distria. I thought the original was twisted at some point, but I didn't know it would have enough ripple effect to change her first experience. Even so, I didn't think it had changed seriously.

I couldn't imagine what kind of result the twisted original would have on me.

Nevertheless, I was vaguely convinced that in some way I would face the inhumane deeds that Arne had suffered. Even if I struggled to deviate from the original work, in the end, I was convinced that at some point, I would be sexually abused in this Imperial Palace.

As I entered the room and unwrapped the cloth that closed my eyes, I saw Rewan with red eyes and tears. His clear, youthful eyes became cloudy, the color of a dead man.

His usual ascetic appearance became decadent and aroused irrational sexual impulses within me.

The gown slid down, revealing the teeth marks left by Distria on my shoulder. From my neck to my calves were mottled pink flowers.

As I deliberately did not fasten the open gown, I could feel his gaze.

His facial expression changes were quite colorful. He was angry, then sad, before getting again, and then he fell into a sense of shame.

The sound of Rewan's rough breathing, which sometimes quenches his anger, filled the room. What kind of anger is that? I couldn't know.

“I want to rest. If you have nothing to say, please leave.”

"How should…I… How should I have acted in the right way?”

His trembling voice got wet little by little. Slowly, he came over and kissed me. I could feel his impatience and nervousness as if he was breaking down.

Somehow, I felt like I was going to laugh.

This was more destructive and tragic than the original story. If it was Arne and not me, she might have already been ruined. She lost her purity due to the mistake of the knight she believed in and was attacked by her own knight, who has lost his mind due to a sense of shame.

This trash cliché, was a pretty ideal flow.

Rather than an ideal relationship, I liked a relationship in which we covet each other with muddy, unpleasant, and gritty emotions—clearer than the word ‘love.’

But, why does it feel weird?

“Calm down, Rewan. It's not your fault. I am happy that you are alive.” I said while his lips parted for a moment.

My voice trembled faintly. The trembling of my voice was not a lie. My heart was beating with an uneasy sound.

The thin gown was easily removed with a single gesture from Rewan. My excitement surged, and at the same time, I forgot the strange feeling I had just felt.

Looking at the red traces, I realized that he was jealous of the traces left by Distria. I liked the way he showed ugly feelings towards the woman who sacrificed for him.

In the original story, it felt more humane than inhumanly upright. Somehow, he felt like a human.

Rewan kissed the red flowers embroidered by Distria. And, he began to plant flowers in the new place. I knew that the new marks that Rewan had made would upset Distria’s mind. Still, I pretended not to know.

As if he had come to his senses, he stopped coveting my body. A suffocating stillness choked my throat. Pretending not to know the excitement of the moment. I concentrated all my nerves on stimulating my tear glands.

As tears flowed down my cheeks, I pretended to cry sadly, pretended to be hurt, and buried my face in the pillow.

“…Huff.”

Rewan gazed at the miserable Arne and seemed to be at a loss for what to do. I could feel his hands in the air. I wondered, does he feel that he was entirely responsible for this misery?

Actually, in the first place, this misery started from me, who opened the door to the Imperial envoys. Moments later, I heard Rewan quietly leaving the room.

…Did two days pass?

During that time, no one, even Rewan, had come to the room I was staying in. Only the maids who occasionally brought meals knocked on the door.

When I opened the window…

A terrifyingly cold, clear winter has arrived.

* * *

One day, when the flowers embroidered on my body gradually faded, I opened the door. In front of the open door, I saw Rewan kneeling on his knees. Since when he had been like this, his complexion was pale. His body seemed to have lost weight after starving for several days sitting here.

Strange, for a moment, I felt the same strange feeling as back then. Though I shook my head.

It wasn't guilt.

“Get up and go back to Sorano.”

“Go back to Sorano… I would rather die.”

Replying back, he got up from his place and came over to me. As he stretched his legs and staggered while walking the short distance, he embraced me.

Rewan cried out loud.

"I'm sorry. I’m sorry I don’t have the shame to say I’m sorry.”

He then slowly opened the distance and knelt down on his knees.

“It was all my fault, so I wanted to die to pay for my sins. However, considering that no one would be left with Your Majesty, I could not afford to die and ask for forgiveness.”

“…Stop."

It was difficult to hear his words. I never thought of him for a moment.

“I was foolishly holding on to life. If you tell me to die, I will die.”

He was despaired, desperate, ruined, and miserable because of me.

Truthfully, I didn’t really feel anything.

In his one-sided love, where it felt hopeless and despair instead of me, it was death. Still, I couldn't feel any regret, guilt, or any emotion toward him.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry you two are talking to each other, but His Majesty is looking for you,” Said the maid, who quietly approached.

I nodded once to signify my acceptance and put on the clothes I wore when I first left the kingdom.

After telling the crying Rewan to treat his body, I followed the maid to the audience room. As I entered, a bright red carpet stretched out on the floor of the audience room.

Distria sat arrogantly on the carpet end seat and stared down at me.

"Take it."

He smiled brightly and held out a piece of paper. Then, the attendant politely took the paper and handed it to me.

I knew this scene, only Rewan was not by my side.

It was the day Arne lost her country.

[ “Sorano von Arne, I hereby declare that you are not the King of the kingdom, but the hostage of the Empire.”

Arne's face turned pale when she checked the paper she had received from Distria. It was a map where the Kingdom of Sorano was not marked.

She slowly turned the map over. It was a notarized map with agreements from neighboring countries and temples stamped on it.

The Kingdom of Sorano has disappeared from the map. This meant the country was gone.

As she stumbled greatly, her body lost focus and tilted. Rewan, who was behind her, grabbed her, who was about to fall, and stood her up.

Arne, having corrected her posture, could not hide her anger and shouted at Distria.

“Wicked bastard. Capturing the King of one country in the Empire and plundering the country… What you did is no different from a thief.”

Contrary to her pale complexion, her words were unhesitant.

Distria, who was sitting on the throne, slowly descended to her. As he went closer, he grabbed Arne's chin.

A sense of humiliation filled Arne’s mind.

Rewan drew his sword towards Distria. However, at the same time, his sword fell to the floor with a bursting sound. The sword of Acacia, the commander of the First Knights escorting Distria, was shining sharply.

Rewan bit his lip. The sense of humiliation swept over him.

Acacia stared at Rewan with cold eyes. With one glance from him, he was subdued by the knights and laid down on the floor. Even though Rewan raised his sword to protect his master, his helpless self seemed to make him nauseous.

From the depths of the abyss, a sense of shame arose.

“There is no one in this Empire who can save you. Even the knight lying on the floor can't save you. You'd better think about how you're going to conduct yourself."

Arne did not shed a single tear on the day that her country was taken away.

She couldn't help but not cry because she felt that the tears to be shed for the nobles and their people who died while fighting until the last moment were so fleeting that a drop of tears would not be comforting.

She felt sorry for crying, so Arne bit her lips. She would somehow survive and take revenge on the Empire, continuing the kingdom.

She would not give in.

Arne wept without tears.

After she became the Emperor's personal handmaid, Arne could only live in the Emperor's bedroom, and the clothes she could wear were also limited.

It was forbidden to tie her hair up, and she was not allowed to wear underwear. She could only wear dresses made of silk. It was to prevent in advance if she ever possessed weapons that would assassinate the Emperor with her hostility.

Arne's face was dyed bright red at the original meaning of the transparent dress.

As Distria glanced openly at her, he stretched out his hand to Arne. She refused such a touch.

It was an instinctive rejection.

She clearly felt that Distria was uncomfortable, though she could not accept the touch. And, it came to Arne as another ordeal. ]

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