Thank You For Being Trash

It was like a pain in the throat. My head was throbbing and aching. I felt pleased at the hazy feeling.

As I slowly opened my eyes, I could see Distria staring at me with an uncomfortable expression. He grabbed my wrist. My wrists, crushed by the restraints, were stained with wounds. Even the simple touch of his hand, which had no sexual meaning, brought excitement.

“Huhk…”

“Tsk.”

Without realizing it, a groan broke out. Distria clicked his tongue and gazed at me. It may be an illusion, but I thought it was a look of concern. Outside, the festivities could still be heard.

Unlike the noisy outside, silence fell in the room.

“I was told that you had taken the drug that was more than four times the proper amount.”

He gently stroked my cheek before kissing me finely and patted me on the back.

At that, I found out why I was emotional. Why I acted like a beast without thinking properly was because my reason was paralyzed. For some reason, I clung to him almost like a beast and cry under him, though I was not unfamiliar with that and liked it.

I wasn't offended by the fact that I was given drugs without my knowledge. Rather, I would say that I have come to know the joy of getting drugged.

The lips, which were always bitten and scarred, were good today. Sucking other people's stuff made my lips swell, but it's better than a cut.

“I was told that your whole body would be sensitive for a while.”

Uttering so, Distria touched the back of my hand.

As he said, even with the slightest touch, I felt a burning sensation in my body. In an instant, I was engulfed in excitement and let out a hot breath.

He smiled contentedly.

My mind was messed up again by the heat. I didn't like the fact that it was beyond my will. Still, I knew the pleasure that filled my mind after that.

I shut my eyes slowly, looking forward to his next move.

“…I didn't like this situation, but this one is fine.”

Unlike his gestures that seemed to covet me, he carefully applied the medicine to me. Distria put crushed herbs on my wounds.

I stared blankly at what he was doing. I was unfamiliar with this kind of friendly behavior. Like Rewan's blind love, all of that was unfamiliar so I unknowingly refused his hand.

"Haa."

I lifted my hand he was holding on to apply the herbs. I closed my eyes, knowing that violence would continue afterward.

Contrary to my expectations, he did nothing. I stared at him silently.

His hand came to me in a different sense than violence. Distria grabbed my chin and kissed my lips. I could feel the vain heat on his lips. The energy of the drug that did not subside, even a small act, filled me with enthusiasm.

When he pressed his lips together, I felt his lips move as he whispered.

“Open your mouth.”

When I opened my mouth slowly, his tongue ran through my mouth. I was distracted by his scent, and I grabbed Distria's shoulder. Instinct prevailed over reason, still drunk on drugs. Although I knew it, I had no idea what to do.

I grabbed his body and waited for the pleasure to come. This instinctive act was better than a friendly act such as applying medicine.

“I was told your brain almost melted.”

What about melting brain…?

I was so engrossed in him touching me that I didn't quite understand what he was talking about. Distria, who stared at me for a moment, took over my body. He touched my chest and stroked my bottom.

A large amount of love juice poured out. He continued.

“You can’t even think, and you have no reason. You just become a beast for s*x.”

He put his finger in my entrance and stirred.

It was like opening up the inside before starting the relationship. The folds were swollen from overuse, though I felt excitement rather than pain at his gestures. Distria fitted his own thing and shoved it in one shot.

I was busy moaning as he moved. I had the idea that, as he said, it wouldn't be so bad being a beast for s*x, anyway.

A life that wanted only pleasure for the sake of pleasure… It was a pretty satisfying life.

“I like that, too, but I want you to be a little aggressive.”

He speeded up his hips and ruffled his hair. The arrogant eyes reached me. He smiled, folding his eyes like a half-moon.

“How far away do you have to go for resignation to dwell in your eyes? I look forward to that time.”

* * *

Distria often stopped by the room and returned to satisfy my desire which was brimming with the drug, at least three times a day. I had s*x with him up to as many as five times.

Even though it was physically difficult, even in the act of feeding a meal, if he touched me even a little, I would get excited and heated up. After that, of course, I couldn't eat properly, and I was busy crying under him. No, he didn’t have to feed me anyway.

It had been about two days now, and I was still pretty well. Reason had taken precedence over my instincts. However, I couldn't miss this opportunity to express my desires as I want, never knowing when the chance would come again.

So, I was still pretending to be drunk. The doctor who looked after me said I could die because of it, though was it something I should care about…?

All I needed to do was enjoy it.

It was the third night of the festival to celebrate the victory over the Kingdom of Sorano. On the last day of the festival, Arne was branded as an imperial slave. Flowers representing the Emperor's bedroom slaves were stamped on her shoulders and thighs. It was said that getting burned by fire was the most painful pain in the world.

I opened the window and glanced at the night sky. I was worried about whether I would be able to withstand the burning of raw flesh in a sane state.

Oh, couldn’t I just not do it? Although I am M, I didn’t enjoy pain without pleasure.

The night of the festival had also ripened, and the sounds of people rejoicing and the scenery full of joy caught my eye. What did Arne think when she saw this? What did she think when she saw people who enjoyed the ruin of her country…? It was not that she did anything wrong.

All of a sudden, a moment that I was not even aware of, I had a feeling of guilt for Arne for a moment.

I shook my head.

After all, the country was ruined. Rewan's death was also an irreversible fate because this was a book with a fixed ending.

Even if I felt that it was changing.

To relieve the guilt, I lied to my heart. There was nothing I was doing wrong.

“….”

I was lost in thought for a moment, and I couldn't hear that someone had come. I hurriedly closed the curtains and looked at the unfamiliar intruder. I could see Lepis staring at me with a slightly bewildered expression.

My eyes met him.

The curtains flapped in the wind, making a loud noise. There was no need to see unless the person who came in was Distria. I just turned my head and turned to look out the window.

—Thump, thump.

I heard Lepis’ footsteps approaching me.

As the distance between me and him got closer, the stronger his physique looked. He reached out from behind me and brought me to the window. When I turned my head and gazed at him, he made eye contact with me and slowly closed the window.

In the room where the noise outside the window disappeared, only the sound of each other's breathing and the unknown heartbeats were heard.

Even with the window closed, Lepis remained still as if he had no intention of moving.

Trapped in his arms, I just waited for his next move.

“It is still cold.”

“…You don't have to worry about it."

“It bothers me when you catch a cold.”

He said softly.

As a soft breath brushed against my shoulder, strange emotions bloomed.

He put a thick coat on me, grabbed my collar, and sat me in the chair. Even though his eyes were full of tiredness and annoyance, his hand that poured soup and fed me was kind. Maybe, he was just trying not to touch me.

He kept his distance from me, and I felt a certain urge to see him hate me. Impulsive thoughts of wanting to trouble him. I grabbed his wrist, feeding me the soup. In an unexpected shock, he dropped the spoon he was holding onto the floor.

The spoon hit the floor and made a loud noise.

His eyes met mine. I had the illusion that he was lusting for me.

“You don’t even get enough food to eat.”

He uttered nervously.

Even in the darkness, I could hear the hazy sunken eyes and strangely irregular breathing sounds. I felt his desire. It didn't seem like an illusion. Was he lusting for me or Arne? Would you do it? To protect the character like in the original story…?

So, who was the Lepis of that day? Who was Lepis, who hugged me tightly? I felt confused. The original was already twisted as it goes, so there was no meaning to think about it anymore.

I decided not to think about the original. I searched for the original story without being able to feel the reality.

Lepis leaned over and picked up the spoon that had fallen to the floor before making eye contact with me again.

“You seem to have no intention of eating.”

He exhaled softly, took the bowl and left the room. When he left the room, I could feel a chill in the feeling of the sticky desire in his eyes as he glanced over me and wrapped around me.

…I felt coveted by his eyes?

I let out a sigh of excitement. It was a bit disappointing that he left without doing anything, but it felt like I didn’t want to do it with him by pretending to be drunk. I just stared blankly at the door he had left and turned my head.

Contrary to his cold behavior, Lepis’ coat was warm.

* * *

The day I wanted to run away from so much came.

Of all the contents of the original story, the scene that I felt was the most terrifying. I was dragged out of a wide cage with my hands and legs tied. My mouth was closed with a white cloth.

In the original work, Arne endured the pain of burning flesh with her bare mind without even screaming. I was worried about whether I would be able to endure the pain. How could you, a human, get burned without screaming…?

The only comforting thing was that there was still a little bit of drug. I had a meaningless thought that it would be good if the drug could function like an anesthetic.

“The sinner, Sorano von Arne, deserves the death penalty, though your life will be spared for the people of the Kingdom who died for you. As a slave to the Emperor's bedroom, you cannot have children until the day you die, and if you do give birth to a child, the child's right to heir to the throne is…”

The official recited the instructions one by one.

I didn't hear anything since I was so nervous that I didn't even understand what it was about. All I could see was an iron skewer that was cracking and burning in the fire.

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