Chapter 58: I am, aren’t I?
Hanging things up didn’t take too long, at least. Half an hour of hammering and drilling, and it was all done. Dad did give the spear a twice over, and tried to stop me from touching it, but I only needed to lay a hand on it once to stop him from ever getting it from my grip.
Which shocked him. He actually tried taking it from my hand for a moment, but my stance was much better, and I was far more used to grabbing onto the wood. With a quick flick of my wrist, and a tug with my shoulder, I removed the spear from his hands.
There was a small moment where he just stared at me and I gave him a smug smile, reflexively rotating the piece of wood in my hand until the tip pointed down. Then I paused, looked at the weapon I was holding, and my smug grin turned into an embarrassed one.
I took a breath and shook my head before I spoke. “I’m not a child, dad. I can touch the sharp objects, you know?”
He blinked, still processing. “I, uh,” he eventually answered, stammering. “I know. It’s just… I didn’t expect it to be, well, it just kinda didn’t sink in until now.” His eyes looked somewhat guilty.
Exaggeratedly, I rolled my eyes at him, then smirked, lightly tapping his shoulder with the back of the spear. “Well, the future is now, old man,” I teased. “Come on, put some brackets onto the wall.”
The only reply he graced me with was a snort and a shake of his head, but despite that, he dutifully went to work again, pre drilling holes and adding wall plugs where he planned to mount the brackets.
After a bit more work, we had almost everything installed. Matt hung up most of the posters, debating the locations with me. Mounting those was a lot easier, given that they used sticky pads and magnets rather than screws.
I liked them. No, that was an understatement.
I loved them.
The flat, the white walls, suddenly didn’t seem so foreign anymore. The little bit of decoration made it feel so much less claustrophobic, it was hard to even compare. I smiled, and honestly, I couldn’t stop smiling the entire evening. Hells, there was a damn spear hanging on my walls now. How fucking cool was that?!
And even better than that, I now had a giant lesbian flag nailed to the wall above my bed frame. It was pink and red and absolutely gorgeous. Something about those colours that already really appealed to me, then combining it with the personal meaning it held… I couldn’t help but grin.
Matt matched my enthusiasm, his smile as wide as mine. “You really got style when you actually try, Fio.”
I elbowed him. “Always got style, Rabbit,” I said.
My dad walked into the living room, where we’d been standing, his gaze sweeping over all the posters. For a moment, I felt a reflexive worry bubbling up, thinking he might judge my taste in pictures. Then it died down. I didn’t care if he judged it.
“Those are pretty cool, Bear.”
Okay, maybe I cared a little.
Regardless, I shook my head. “They’re awesome, dad,” I replied, hands on my waist. He let out a rumbling chuckle, then moved to tussle my hair. I reflexively stepped back.
He flinched, then slowly withdrew his hand. “Sorry,” he mumbled hesitatingly. “I didn’t…”
I interrupted him with a sigh. “You’re fine, dad. It’s fine. Well, not fine, I am upset, you know that. It’s not permanent, I have it in me to forgive you, but I don’t want that right now.”
His eyes were sad. They were so easy to read, dad always wore his emotions on his sleeve. It made it easier to talk, sometimes, easier to understand him, but it had hurt very badly when I was younger and he’d looked at me with just crystal clear disappointment.
I shook my head, throwing those thoughts aside and focussing on the present. “I get that, Bear,” he said. “I’ll respect it. Sorry again.”
“Apology accepted, alright?” I said, giving a ghost of a smile.
“Yeah,” he agreed, his lips curling higher than mine.
Afterwards, he still helped me fashion a makeshift holder for the practice sword Matt brought me. My dad put the brackets as parallel to the spear as he could, though they still came out slightly off. Always did, I knew that much.
Still, with the sword on it, I was now proudly displaying two weapons on my wall, and I couldn’t help but grin again. This was part of who I was, and even if my parents knew nothing about Eden, they’d now have to deal with this.
It felt like I was being truthful to myself and them at the same time as I was telling them to take their expectations and shove ‘em anywhere I didn’t have to deal with it.
Despite the crappy air quality, I took a deep breath and felt good.
Time drifted by, then. I don’t even know how long it had been since the last time I was just in my regular living space and felt the minutes drift by quickly without doing anything else.
We kind of just sat. Chatted of small things. I kept getting up and walking through the flat, looking at all the art. I walked up to each poster super closing, looking at the little details and smiled. Really smiled, smiled until my cheeks hurt from smiling.
I felt at home.
An hour or so later, my dad left again, driving back to his own apartment. I truly, genuinely hoped he had a calm rest of his evening, just watching a movie or something. I don’t know what he did. I still hope he didn’t drink, because the thought of it hurts.
Matt and I watched a movie together. A very silly one, with lots of action and explosions and dumb one-liners that you laughed at for being so dumb then either promptly forgot five minutes later or turned into a running gag for decades down the line.
We shared music. I showed him some of my favourite songs, and he showed me some of his. They were all incredibly sad, though. Well, mostly, of course there was some variance, but still. Most of them were slow, ballad-like, and talked about dealing with life and love.
“Aren’t you aro?” I asked.
“Yeah. Doesn’t mean I’m not curious about what it feels like to be in love.” He shrugged.
“Right, right. It’s nice, if you ask me.”
He smirked, then teased. “Not according to those musicians it isn’t.”
I shook my head at him. “And what do they know?”
He shrugged again. “How would I know what goes on in someone else’s brain, hm?”
[I can do it just fine. Skill issue to be honest.] Cass supplied.
It was a quote from the movie, and I couldn’t help but lose my shit, laughing out loud until tears formed in the corners of my eyes.
Matt looked at me, his face scrunched up. “Did I, uh, say something funny?”
I laughed some more, trying to catch my breath, and eventually succeeding. “No, no,” I manage between chuckles and bits of laughter, “not you. Cass. She uh. Told me you have a Skill issue.”
His eyes narrowed even more, then they went wide, and he laughed as well. “Divines,” he said, draping his back over the armrest on the side of the couch, until his hair fell downwards from his forehead, the longest curls drifting against my floor. “Tell Cass she has a good sense of humor for me, then,” he said, chuckling once more.
“You caught that, Cass?” I asked out loud.
Rather than an answer, all I got from her was a vague feeling of embarrassment, like she wasn’t really expecting to be acknowledged. “I think you flustered her,” I told Matt with a smile.
“Oh?” A hint of mischief snuck into his voice. “Well then, tell her I think it’s adorable.”
“She can hear ya, idiot Rabbit.”
“Dang. Well then, Cass, I think you’re being adorable!” he said, his body snapping back upright as he shot me a wide grin probably meant for Cass.
“She’s even more flushed now,” I said, then laughed, then pulled Matt into a hug.
He hugged me back.
“You’re a great friend, Matt.”
“You too, Fio. The best I have, probably.”
I smiled. “No, really. You’re awesome.”
“Nah, you are,” he fired right back.
Then I smacked him in the side, laughing. “Listen to me ya daft Rabbit looking ass. Li-sten. I’m not good at this kinda shit. But you really fucking made my day. Just by being you. You’re fun, you’re sweet, you’re amazing. You handled my dad like a champ, and you’re even being kind to Cass.”
“Matt, I need you to take me very seriously when I say that I’m incredibly lucky to have you in my life.” I squeezed him more for emphasis.
I could feel him flushing in embarrassment. “Fiooooo, you can’t just say that!”
“Already have, Rabbit.”
“Okay, okay, right. I shouldn’t discourage it. I’m… super glad to hear that. That I can have a positive impact on you. Honestly, I didn’t even feel like I did that much. But I’m glad.”
After another squeeze, I let him go.
“You’re just as awesome, Fio,” he said, poking my cheek.
I smiled at him. A bright, goofy, wide, and unbelievably radiant smile. “I am, aren’t I?”