Doubts
The rest of my day and night were much less exciting than the morning had been. With the sixty nine and driven to blow my load in a bathroom for Wendy’s entertainment I found myself sexually spent as I made dinner for Greg. I idly looked over some of the notes that he had made years before as I waited for things to cook properly.
I gave up the idea of having free time in the near future and what time I did have I wanted to fill with enjoying myself as much as possible. Whether that was with Wendy, Veronica, or someone else I would rope into my expanding sex life. I wondered what kind of guy I could find and have them join in on the fun. Though I had no idea when I would find time or a place to find a scene for gay and bi guys.
I absentmindedly placed Greg’s plate in front of him and had my lesser portion planned out. Greg would have some leftovers to enjoy for lunch tomorrow at least as I split my mind into eating and going over notes. One thing about this morning is it suddenly felt a lot easier to split my focus. Compared to trying to ignore someone stroking me and keeping me on an edge all throughout the morning.
“You seem lost in thought today Tim,” Greg cut through my thoughts as he scrapped the last crumbs off his plate clearly enjoying what I had made.
“Well, my life is getting busy and I don’t think I’ll have time to find a job. Studying, practicing, and trying to have a social life is going to be difficult to juggle.” I looked down at my empty plate, not having fully noticed that I finished my meal and had just been playing with my fork. “I think I’m going to go do some cardio. The swimming has been nice but I think having some exercise might help my mind reset. Reading these notes is starting to feel like stuffing cotton in an overstuffed pillow.”
I scooped up the notes I took and the ones that Greg had given me in exchange for our deal and then got ready to head down to the gym downstairs. I was in some jogging pants and a sweatshirt so I could work up a good sweat and burn any fat that was thinking about forming on my body.
The clatter of weights filled my ears as I signed in. I noticed a couple of guys in shorts and tank tops. I grabbed one of the complimentary hand towels and headed over to the one treadmill. I slipped some headphones in and put on a heart pumping playlist to lose myself in the beats while I jogged. It started at a slow pace as my eyes became glued on the two workout bros. I watched as their muscles strained with them pushing their max weights.
The rippling muscles started to glisten with sweat as the two men pumped iron. Properly spotting one another as they moved through what must have been chest day. I wondered what it was like to be with someone so strong, Derrick had been a lanky and thin guy that was part of track and field. We had met in the showers in school as we caught each other staring at the other. A coy smile and we both knew that there was more than a passive interest in one another.
Thoughts of Derrick flitted through my mind and how boring he was in comparison to what I had already experienced with Wendy and Veronica. Both of them were wild and explorative. They wouldn’t settle for repetitive hand jobs and reciprocated blow jobs that started to feel more and more like a chore. Plus, Derrick had never been able to take my full length into his mouth and seemed less and less giving through the last few months. My heart began to really pump as the workout drove me into the fat burning zone.
I started to feel incensed at the thought of someone that had become selfish and unwilling to explore and give new experiences to one another. I increased the pace that the treadmill was taking to push myself harder as I replayed him dumping me after I had pleased him. Using me for one last blow job before he left me crying in my room. I increased the speed even higher as I was lost in thought.
Doubts started to fill my mind on how eventually Wendy would grow bored of me. Would find that I was too distracting for her to keep her grades and toss me aside like Sandra had. Left me feeling inadequate and used in the back of a hatchback car. My body started to be coated with sweat as I lost myself to the darkness that would occasionally flood my mind. My heart slammed in my chest as my lungs began to burn as I looked for that runner’s high to relieve me of my doubts.
I felt like such a teenager still, I was to be fair, but still why should I still be heartbroken over two lovers when I’ve already found more? Two lovers driven to expand my life to be more exciting and interesting. I felt my legs burn and ache as my mind raced as I tuned out the music losing my pace as I almost stumbled and tripped on the treadmill with how fast I was running. Panicked, I reached out and rapidly slowed the pace down as I did my best to stay on my feet.
Slowly I calmed down as my legs and lungs caught fire with how much I had pushed myself when lost in thought. I took a deep lungful of air and focused on clearing my mind and losing myself to the beat of music that was now slower than my own heart. I looked around the small gym and found myself alone now. The two guys had left for whatever else they had planned for the evening.
I looked at the tiled ceiling as my body calmed down from the course I put it through. I could feel sweat running down my spine and sides and soak into the sweat shirt and pants I was wearing. Stopping the treadmill I climbed down and looked around the room. My body strained as I went through my stretches now that my muscles were warmed up. I closed my mind off and listened only to the music. Focused on the smell of sweat permeating the room. Grounding myself in the moment so that I would stop thinking about the past.
Calmed down I grabbed some light weights and focused on doing repetitions. I looked at myself in the mirror and my sweat soaked forehead. I took another half hour of working out with light weights and now that I was calm I felt my phone vibrate.
Taking a look at it my dad’s number had popped up, “Hey son, just wanted to see how your first days at school? Meet anyone interesting?”
“Hey dad, yeah, met a cool older guy who already took my class. I just got to cook for him and he will keep giving me his old notes. A strange arrangement but I’m ok with it. He buys enough groceries for the both of us anyways.
The dorm supervisor is pretty cool, invited me to go hiking or camping when we have a break in school. I think I’ll get to know him better before I agree. Met a couple interesting girls, maybe you’re right about letting myself be a little wild.” I quickly typed out my reply.
“HA! I knew you had it in ya boy! I never got the chance to be wild when I was your age so make sure to enjoy it. Don’t worry and think about the past and look towards the future, that is the best way to go about life.” It had taken my dad a little while to text back as he was a slow typer.
“I’ll keep that in mind dad. How’s mom? I know she doesn’t really text. Though see if she will reach out to me more. I miss you both.” I found myself smiling while texting my dad. My mind’s worries started to fade away.
“Oh, she's making some leather slippers for my birthday. She is doing a bad job of hiding it and trying to be sneaky. Retirement has been pretty great though. I’ve been watching this really cool show called ‘Forged in Fire’. You should watch some episodes and we can chat about who makes the coolest swords.” I rolled my eyes as my dad tried to rope me into yet another show he was interested in. He never fully realized how busy I was.
“I’ll think about it. Don’t know when I’ll have free time to start watching TV. I’m going to wrap up my workout for the night. Give mom a hug for me. Love ya dad.” I felt my body cooling down from the hefty workout and that great soreness settled into my bones.
“Love you too son. Remember to relax sometimes,” No more typing bubbles popped up so I closed my phone and wiped the sweat off my brow before tossing the hand towel in the bin and headed for the showers.
The feeling of the hot water washing away a day of debauchery in the morning and a hard workout in the night. I was truly tired and satisfied from it all. Some part of me didn’t know whether to hope my days would all be like this or if I would get some break. Just two more days before the weekend and probably the first party of the semester. I started to wonder if I should fish around for an invite. I might have been a little too young to drink but maybe some dancing would do me some good.
I turned my head into the hot water and let it all run down my body, washing away the soap and getting me to smell like sandalwood and bourbon. My favorite smells. I let the water melt away my stress and soaked for a few minutes in the unending hot water.
I sat in bed wiping my hair free of water while I lounged in my pajamas. My mind cleared. I pulled up the class recordings and started to take notes.
I felt myself harden as my brain associated the sound of the lecture with Wendy playing with me under the desk. I rolled my eyes at the response of my body after I had finally calmed down. Sighing, I blocked out the memories and focused.
Maybe when Veronica was here we could have some fun.