Chapter 92: Who I Am Inside
The robot looked at her whole body with attention under the gaze of her mother. Emely noted everything on a piece of paper, paying close attention to Remiel's movements.
"Everything should be alright. You should be able to function properly without any problems now."
"What is going to happen now?" Remiel tilted her head slightly toward Emely, waiting for an answer.
"You're pretty much free. You don't have a room yet though so you'll have to sleep in the lab for now."
"Where will you sleep, mother?"
"Don't call me that..." Emely looked away and continued with a shy voice "And I'll just sleep in my room, like usual."
"I believed that this was the room you slept in. You sleep here often."
"It's only because I was working a lot."
"I believe you should sleep more often, master. Sleep is considered important for humans."
"Master!? I preferred it when you called me Mother! Just call me Emely, alright?"
"Can I call you mother?"
Emely turned around at the voice behind her, she couldn't help but get a small smile on her face at Silva's sight.
"No one's calling me mother."
"Oh, you prefer master~" Silva grinned slightly, embarrassing her friend.
"You're both going to call me Emely! Seriously... It's not easy to deal with you two at the same time."
"I apologize, Emely." Remiel said before bowing to her creator, embarrassing her even more.
"It's not you that should apologize, Silva is the one saying weird stuff!"
Emely put her paper on the desk with a sigh while Silva approached Remiel with a curious look and poked her face.
"So she's all good now?"
"Should be. I want to do a test before just to make sure."
"Will it take time?"
"I think I'll spend on few hours on it, it's just to make sure that everything is alright and that she won't explode out of nowhere."
Emely chuckled at her joke but saw Silva's sad expression. She figured that her joke was maybe weird or that she made Silva sad for some reason and tried to find a way to cheer her up.
"You can stay and watch Silva! It's a bit boring but you don't bother us."
Silva flinched, realizing that she must have acted sad. She smiled the best she could but a hint of sadness was still there.
"I'd love to."
The young engineer prepared everything while Remiel stared at Silva deeply, analyzing her. Even if she couldn't see it, she knew that the robot was staring at her.
"You want my pic?"
"I am not able to take pictures of humans without their consent nor am I interested in it."
"Maybe you're captivated by my beauty then?" Silva smiled at Remiel, who kept a neutral expression on her face.
"Are you wondering about the reason for my attention toward you perhaps? I am trying to estimate whether your behavior is dangerous or not."
The girl turned to her friend who was preparing the test for Remiel and asked her with a concerned voice,
"Is your robot alright? She thinks I'm dangerous."
Emely was a bit surprised and walked toward Remiel to understand the reason behind her suspicion.
"Are you worried about Silva? Don't worry I trust her, she won't hurt us."
"I am not worried about us, I am worried about her."
The two girls were surprised by her statement and waited for the robot to explain her thoughts.
"Her heart rate is faster than it is supposed to be. The average healthy human has a heart rate between 60 to 100 beats per minute, Silva's heart rate is closer to 160, which is highly abnormal. Furthermore, her body language indicates discomfort and restlessness. I would suppose that she is afraid of something. While fear is a common feeling, it is recommended to take action for the good of her health."
"Nah, bats have a natural high heart rate and as Emely said before, I'm a bat."
"Oh, I understand. My apologies."
Remiel nodded her head in agreement under the terrified eyes of her creator.
"Wait, don't listen to her, she's a human. And is Silva really in danger?"
"If she stays like that for a few years then yes, it is recommended to take action and provide her with a calmer setting."
"It's just temporary, don't worry for me."
Despite her friend's words, Emely couldn't help but feel worried. She figured that Remiel's presence wouldn't help Silva open up about what was bothering her and decided.
"Remiel, can you get us coffee? The coffee machine in the main hall."
"Coffee is not recommended for people suffering from an already fast heart rate. I will do it but keep in mind that caffeine can-"
"Yes I know don't worry."
Remiel executed the order, leaving the two friends alone in the room. Emely sat on her desk and tapped the place next to her, inviting her friend to sit with her. Silva accepted her friend's offer, despite knowing where the conversation would go.
"Is everything alright Silva?"
"Yeah, what about you?"
"I'm fine. Is everything okay?"
Silva paused for a moment, not sure to understand.
"Yes, I just said-"
"I know you're not... Why don't you tell me?"
Silva stayed silent and took a deep inspiration. She took a few minutes to think while her friend waited patiently for her to prepare herself.
"I'm not as good as I thought... I'm still scared..."
Emely hugged her tightly and caressed her short red hair, trying to relieve her from the weight in her heart.
"Why do you say that? It's normal to be scared."
"I know, Neige told me too... It's just... Have you ever thought about who you are? Like what makes you... You."
"I can't say I did. I wondered before but never thought too far into it."
"I was kinda forced to. Silv... She's my other self but I never saw myself in her. The thing is, with time, I started seeing more of me in her... Her voice sounds like she's always on the border of insanity, she doesn't seem to care about anything and acts like a child when she doesn't get what she wants."
"But... You're not like that." Emely said, confused about her friend's words.
"It's hard to explain, it's like I'm like that inside of me. Deep inside, I have those feelings... When I was stuck in that bunker and my parents came to me, I could have accepted or rejected them... But instead, I asked them to beg, knowing I wouldn't change my mind. I took pleasure in imagining them painfully dying while I..."
"Silva..." Emely whispered her name, holding her tightly against her chest "You were all alone and it was traumatic. You can be proud to be the strong and cheerful person you are today."
"I'm not cheerful... I just want it to end it all... I stopped harming myself but the feeling is getting stronger. I'm sure it's the same for Silv... I'm... I'm scared to be like her. When I fight her, I feel like I'm fighting myself more than her."
"You're not like her, you're a stupid bat. Why didn't you say anything about it earlier?"
"That's not even what I wanted to talk about... I wanted to tell you something but I got scared. I'm scared of myself, I'm scared of hurting you."
"I know that if you hurt me you would heal me twice as much. I trust you with all my heart."
"So... You accept me? Even despite my past, despite my problems, and despite me?"
"I want all of you, I love every part of you. You just don't see how great of a person you are and... I'm glad that you're feeling comfortable enough to talk about it with me."
Silva leaned back to get out of her friend's embrace and put her sunglasses in her pocket, revealing her eyes full of tears.
"Emely... I love you. I... Want to stay with you forever and know what kind of love it is... Can I?"
"Of course, it would make me so happy to be with you."
Emely smiled brightly at Silva who suddenly took her in her arms.
"I don't understand myself... You're not a tall and badass man, you're not even a man."
"Is that what you're into?"
"Not anymore," Silva said softly, holding her friend against her "At least you're flat like a man."
"I think I don't understand myself either, I shouldn't like your weird compliments, and yet, I love them... And I'm not that flat."
The two friends stayed in that soft embrace for what felt like an eternity. Despite their uncertain future and present, they felt at peace. Silva slowly went away from Emely, who seemed confused initially but quickly understood when she heard the metallic footsteps approaching. Remiel arrived with at least ten cups of coffee in her hands.
"I was not sure which one to take, so I took one of each."
Silva chuckled while her friend hurried toward Remiel to explain what she should have done. She put her sunglasses back and prepared herself to leave.
"I'll go now, I need sleep... Have fun with Remiel."
"Oh, see you Silva!"
Silva took one of the coffee cups from Remiel and opened the door of the lab to leave but stopped after hearing Emely's voice.
"I'm not sure if it's really appropriate, I don't know what we are exactly but... I love you!"
Silva smiled and answered back to her friend without hesitation.
"I love you too, my little inventor."