NOVEL WEB Lying Down Was A Good Idea
[Welcome to CineMraft, the award-winning VRMMO.]
Ah shit, here we go again.
Words float in fancy-schmancy patterns, and a fake female voice echoes inside my head.
The styling looks cheap, like when they reinvent 3D movies every few decades.
While it's not as sickening on the second try, lying down was a good idea.
[Welcome aboard, Arnim 13642, let's set up your first character. As a member of a government program to prevent crime, some settings will remain disabled for you. We will still strive to give you the best experience and are happy to receive your feedback.]
"Well gee, thanks."
Both the headset and system know it already.
Let's hope they won't hang a sign over me that says 'This idiot plays because the cops caught him'.
"And how's the menu supposed to work without the options listed?"
[You can order Premium for 9.99 on a beginner discount in your first three days. Otherwise, 30 days of Premium subscription costs 24.99]
"Ah, it froze up to load an ad."
If they hope to sell their shit to slum dwellers, they must be desperate.
Sorry, but there's nothing to spend here.
Baldie was adamant about registering, so let's fill in the basics and that's that.
The selection window loads and the field of view is infinite.
[Please select a gender.]
The image pans as the eyes turn, which means it's spinning out of control for a moment before settling down.
This is a great start if they want their users to throw up.
At least they went balls to the walls with the level of detail for such a simple choice, the graphics are amazing.
The boys didn't look this lifelike yesterday, and they are real - unless we're in a simulation already.
The figures are dynamic, they breathe, clothes rustle, and the girl smells like citrus.
Why bother when there's no time to look, the text flashes to rush the choice.
"Fine, fuck it, make it a boy."
They highlight the male, curbing the excitement.
I'd rather stare at a chick than a dude if the game's in third-person, but going with something familiar is safer.
Who knows how much of the senses of this virtual body I would feel?
[For more detailed character generation you need a Premium account. You can order Premium for 9.99 on a beginner discount in your first three days. Otherwise, 30 days of Premium subscription costs 24.99. Free accounts can only pick from limited presets.]
"Woah, stop with the ads. I'm broke, so there's no way you get a penny out of this."
CineMraft already sucks, before it even launched.
The ads disappear to show the separate short lists to pick from face, body, and hairstyle.
[While this avatar will represent you inside the world of CineMraft, there is no need to worry. You can change your looks with the one-time Character Rescuplture Service for 14.99. Together with the beginner discount, it's only 19.99 in the first three days.]
"Oh for fuck's sake."
They almost let me select something, let's hope they won't charge for walking after each step.
How many of these resculptures do they sell with avatars like these?
They all look generic, edgy anime protagonists, except more realistic.
Loads of spiky black haircuts and almost no facial differences.
Only one preset has purple eyes, so that's an instant pick.
The moment it's selected, the window fades, and a hair color palette pops up.
It's less than a split second before it disappears though.
How bugged is this shit?
Well, black hair's fine, let's not fret over the small details.
It doesn't have to look fancy.
The goal is to kill twelve hours with the headset on, hoping this already counts.
[Next, give your new character an alias. You can't change it later.]
"Ugh, that's a lot of pressure." And how does one type here anyway?
Let's go with Arnim and see what happens. The menu freaks out, and a warning pops up, flashing, complete with a sound cue.
It's like a jumpscare, thank God the real body can't move.
[We discourage players from using their real names in CineMraft.]
That's a fair point, even if it's funny how they warn you about it after stealing all your data. Or did they get it from the feds?
Baldie never opened the box, and it came with the preset. Whatever, typing is easy, any text that comes to mind will appear in a little box.
[The username DragonSlayer was already taken.]
Figures. All the cool ones will be out.
Why can't more than one person have the same tag? Finding something nobody else thought of before will take a while.
How many players does this thing have anyway? There are only so many combinations to choose from.
[The username DragonSlayer69 was already taken.]
At least it accepted the numbers, that's good to know, - too bad, others tried it as well.
How about the other way around, and put them at the front, before and after, or insert them in the middle?
One version should be available. Right?
[The username 69Dragon69Slayer69 was already taken.]
Are you fucking kidding?
Damn, this alias is popular. It shows what kind of people play this, but it seems weird to complain after so many failed attempts.
Okay, let's try a different one.
One that sends a strong signal to the feds, and others wouldn't want to mess with.
No swear words, because the system won't allow it, and it can't be less than three letters or more than twenty.
It gets more limited with every second, fuck, nothing cool comes to mind.
[The username Rebel69 was already taken.]
Of course, it was.
Okay, if they don't allow you to rebel and slay dragons, let's destroy the other players.
Even if that's not my thing in the real world, this could be the cool Jazz within the game.
Nobody will know who I am anyway, it's a fresh start, make it count.
[The username NoobSlayer69 was already taken.]
It's not surprising, but it's funny how creative the brain gets when it should focus on something else.
In situations like this, it's completely numb.
There has to be a tag nobody thought of before. After trying the last few with the numbers, let's see if this one works without them.
[Username Noob is available.]
Wait what?
Oh, it deleted more than intended, yet it's the first tag that worked.
Whatever, let's check out the attributes, they should be more important than the nick.
It will give me enough time to think of something better while the stats are set.
Who knows what works in this title?
Most RPGs do the same, and they must give a simple rundown anyway.
Come up with a decent build, and see if it sticks.
The window fades to black for way longer than expected, and no help or character sheets come up.
[Welcome, Noob to the world of CineMraft!]