NOVEL WEB Chapter 74: Sales Pitches?
“You think we should what?” Lia asked, staring dumbfoundedly at Lily.
“I believe we should construct a colosseum, my Queen.” Lily said calmly. “It will provide entertainment for our citizens and training for our troops.”
“But that seems…wasteful.” Lia said. “We could just convert whatever monsters we would use, instead.”
“We can still do that.” Lily replied. “Instead of having our combatant kill the monster, we have them convert it instead. It is a slight waste of modeling wax, yes, but I believe it is worth the expense.”
“She has a point.” Rose said. “We are uniquely capable of storing monsters in preparation for fights, and the colosseum is a fantastic way of training people without exposing them to too much risk. If we keep capable people on standby, we can keep our people from getting too injured, and ensure safety.”
Lia frowned. “I thought the whole point of a colosseum was that either the monster or the person died at the end.”
“Not at all.” Rose corrected. “Obtaining those monsters was expensive, and gladiators that could put on a good show were similarly rare. There were accidents, yes, but it would seem that history has exaggerated the lethality of the arena. We can make our arena even safer than those by ensuring that the person always has some advantage. It won’t be perfect, nothing ever is, but it is far more controlled than fighting the same monster in the wild.”
“I suppose, but…where?” Lia asked. “The campus doesn’t exactly have a lot of free space for something that large.”
“It doesn’t need to be big.” Lily said. “I was thinking we could cannibalize some of the more mangled buildings, like the biology building, and use the resources to construct other things, while freeing up space for the colosseum. We can construct a proper one at a later date.”
“Okay, but we still need to have a bare minimum of solid construction, so the fights don’t damage the –”
“Lia!” Amelia cried, bursting into the room. “We’re in big trouble!”
“Amelia? What’s going on?”
Amelia paused, catching her breath for a moment. “A Hero has been summoned!” She said, voice trembling. “And…and I’m not unbound yet and I haven’t regained my strength and we’ll be defenseless if they come find us and this is bad!”
“Take a deep breath, Amelia.” Lia gently advised. “You’re afraid right now, and it’s causing you to hyperventilate, which is going to make it worse.”
Amelia nodded, taking a deep breath as instructed.
“Good.” Lia said. “Now, slow down, and let’s talk this through. Obviously, the situation is bad, but we have some options.” Lia turned to Lily and gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry Lily, we’ll have to get this hammered out at another time. Could you give the three of us some alone time?”
Lily gave her a relieved nod. “Of course, my Queen.” She said, hurrying out of the room as quickly as she could. People were generally grateful when they were able to escape one of Amelia’s mood swings, and Lily was no exception.
“I’m…afraid?” Amelia said nervously. “Is that what this is?”
“You’re thinking about the future, and getting more and more riled up whenever you imagine something bad happening, right?” Lia asked.
Amelia nodded. “Yes.”
“Then that’s fear.” Lia said. “It’s a perfectly normal emotion to feel, especially if something happens that might end up getting you killed.”
“And this is…how everyone felt going into fighting Ira, but…they went anyway. Why?”
“If you had to fight the Hero right now, to try and save me or Rose, would you?”
“Y-yeah.”
“That’s why. It’s called being brave, and it’s hard, but we do it because we have something that’s more important to us than our fear.”
“And every time I threaten someone…”
“They feel like this.” Rose said. “It’s why threats aren’t considered polite; they have their time and their place, but they’re not for people you want to be friends with.”
“I…I see. But, um, what are we going to do? I mean, we don’t know who this Hero is or what they look like or where they are and if we let them get strong then they might get almost as strong as I used to be and then –”
“Deep breaths.” Rose said calmly. “I know it’s scary, but we’ll get through it, like we always have. We have things the Hero won’t ever be able to have, and if we’re careful, we can make something happen. All it takes is one moment of weakness, and then all that power will be ours, and we’ll be unstoppable. We just need a plan.”
A portal to the Dimension of Discounts suddenly opened to the side of the group, prompting everyone to stare at it.
“Lia?” Rose said. “Why did you –”
“It just happened by itself.” Lia said quickly. “I think Connie wants to talk to us? She usually messages me, though, so I don’t know why she chose this way, but…we might as well see what she has to say. Amelia, are you good to talk to other people, or do you need some time?”
“I…I need time, but I don’t want to be alone.” Amelia squeaked. “Please don’t go.”
Lia and Rose shared a look. “I’ll stay here with you, but Lia needs to go talk with Connie, okay?” Rose said gently. “Connie will probably have some answers for us, and that might help.”
“I…okay. Just…please hurry.” Amelia said in a small voice.
“I will.” Lia said, stepping through the portal and out of earshot.
“Lia, just the person I wanted to see!” Connie said cheerfully. “I understand you’ve received a bit of unfortunate news!”
“I suppose you could call it that.” Lia said guardedly. “I assume you have some sort of offer for me? And why didn’t you message me like usual?”
“You know me too well.” Connie chuckled. “I do have an offer, and I wasn’t messaging you because my message terminal was busy. You see, your favorite goddess has managed to get this new Hero to choose her as his godly benefactor, meaning we have quite the interesting situation on our hands.”
“So…you’re playing both sides, then.” Lia said flatly.
“Not quite.” Connie chuckled. “Any information that isn’t common knowledge will come at a price, and I’m afraid he doesn’t have much that I want. He’ll have to do me favors, and I might be willing to ask him some for a wealthy client, so long as they wouldn’t get him killed…”
“Can you tell me anything about this Hero?” Lia asked. “Or will I need to pay first?”
“He actually asked me to tell you about him, so you would talk with him when you inevitably meet.” Connie said, eyes sparkling. “His name is Yamamoto Ichiro, he’s eighteen, a smart kid with a strong sense of justice and fierce loyalty to those he loves. A combat prodigy, but a bit of a pervert; he’s seeking to make a harem, and he’s got his eyes on me as a potential member.
“I’ve been very vaguely mentioning you guys to him, calling you my precious followers and implying that you have the answers he’s looking for. Answers to questions that we’ve seeded in him, of course; he knows the whole Amelia situation isn’t quite as it seems, and he knows about the swarm and Brom’s Oath, but not the contents, thanks to my Blessing.
“And, on an entirely unrelated note, I have a new sale up today! For the low, low price of one hundred thousand Blood Money, I’ll be giving out a device that gives the location of all people with a Heroic Job, complete with teleportation co-ordinates! If you want to meet a real-life Hero, this is your chance!”
Lia frowned. “Who’s side are you on?” She asked. “And what’s with your obsession with one hundred thousand lately?”
“I’m on my own side, and Jerry’s side.” Connie winked. “There’s a lot of confusion among the gods right now, and they haven’t fully made up their minds yet, so there aren’t really any sides. Let’s just say that I have made up my mind, and am taking action that I feel is best for the future. As for the number one hundred thousand, I have something I want, and that’s how much Blood Money I need to get it. If you want something that’s “not on the menu”, then that’s how much you’re going to be paying until I get what I want.”
Lia nodded. “I’ll start saving up, then.” She said. “Do you need anything else from me, or can I get back to making plans?"
Connie didn’t immediately reply, instead reaching down below the counter and bringing out a large beige box made of some material Lia wasn’t familiar with. “Here you go.”
Lia moved to open it, but Connie stopped her. “Not here.” She said. “That’s for you to have fun with later. I said your first “couple’s item” was on the house, but you don’t seem interested in picking it up, so I’m giving it to you now.”
Lia gave her a flat look. “You’re just trying to get me hooked so I buy more.” She said.
“Guilty as charged.” Connie laughed. “But I’m not saying you have to use it or anything, it’s a freebie. It won’t get you addicted or anything, either; if you come back for more, that’s purely because you desire it, no compulsions or mind-altering effects involved, and that’s a guarantee.”
Lia sighed, then took the box. “Fine.” She said. “We’ll give it a go.”
“Oh, and one more thing.” Connie said. “Due to Amelia’s progress, I’ve leveled up and evolved your Dimension of Discounts Skill. You can buy facilities now, but I won’t be giving you that free leisure facility until I determine that she’s made more progress.”
“When did you do that?” Lia asked. “I never got a window.”
“Just now, and I suppressed the window. No need for you to see it, since you’ve got the cutest Goddess of Commerce here to tell you about it!” Connie said, winking and striking a pose.
“You…really adapted to your new sex fast.” Lia muttered, shaking her head in wonder.
“That’s what you comment on?” Connie chuckled. “But, for your information, us gods don’t care about our physical form much, so if swapping back to being a man is gonna cost money, I’m not doing it. Besides, cuteness sells, and what kind of saleswoman would I be if I didn’t take advantage of my situation? Anyway, do you want to hear about facilities?”
“I won’t be able to buy one for quite some time.” Lia pointed out. “I’m saving up for another big purchase at the moment.”
“But it will inform your future decisions.” Connie said. “It would be crucial information going forward, and you can start planning for it now.”
“Fine.” Lia sighed. “Give me the sales pitch.”
“Glad you asked!” Connie said, beaming. “Our facilities are better than anything you’ll find on your world, and we’re offering them for dirt-cheap!” She waved her hand, and the two of them were suddenly in front of a large open area in the back of of the Dimension of Discounts. “We offer things like smithies, coliseums, farms, and more, all available to you and whomever you bring to this space! Just buy a facility and it will appear here, no muss, no fuss!”
“I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m no smith, and I have no need of a coliseum that only a couple of people can enter.” Lia said. “Why bother with those?”
“Good question!” Connie grinned. “After you purchase the facility, it’s not the end! You can always upgrade your facility to be better and better, and there’s even one that will let you bring your facility to your world! And, of course, things such as lighting, machinery, and plumbing work without any additional input or maintenance, and can be toggled at the press of a button! No more fire magic needed to operate your forge, or tedious replacement of magic stones to power your pumps and lights!”
“And how much is ‘dirt-cheap’?” Lia said guardedly. “How much would a smithy cost?”
“Hmmm…if you take our most basic model, probably fifty thousand, with another hundred thousand required to bring it into your world. Upgrades will run you anywhere from a few thousand to hundreds of thousands of Blood Money, and, of course, if you need ore, tools, or anything else, we just so happen to sell those as well!”
“Of course you do.” Lia said, shaking her head.
“We pride ourselves on having a good grasp on our customers’ needs!” Connie beamed.
“And the couple’s items?”
“A need you didn’t know you had!” Connie winked. “Believe me, that bad boy will blow your mind. And, while I have you here, would you like to hear about the options for the free leisure facility you’ll get once I think Amelia’s rehabilitated? It’s always good to know what your options are, so you don’t have to take more time later!”
“Fine.” Lia sighed. “I might as well.”
“Great!” Connie said. “First off, we have a hot spring! I don’t have to tell you what those are, but I will tell you the features! The water is self-cleaning, and you recover from status ailments and regenerate your resources twice as quickly while soaking! Towels are provided free-of-charge, but those towels vanish when you leave the hot spring, so don’t think about stealing!
“When upgraded, it turns into a full on natural getaway, a small inn nestled in a peaceful mountainside! Enjoy good food, entertainment, and more, all while surrounded by the beauty of nature! Or you could unlock one of several other locales, and always keep your baths fresh!”
“So…if I take this outside of the Dimension of Discounts, the land around it will be transformed too?”
“Not at all! This hot spring resort will take you to a completely separate dimension, much like a dungeon! You can even go out and hike the wilderness, all while secure in the knowledge that no monsters will attack you! And, if you need privacy, you can lock it to all outsiders, save a small list of people you can modify at any time! Heck, if you wanted, we could even put the entrance as a door in your room!”
Lia nodded. “I assume there’s a moving fee if I want to change its location once I bring it to the real world?”
“Ten thousand Blood Money, for labor costs.” Connie said. “I’d be willing to work out a one-time purchase for a tool that could relocate facilities for you, but that one is going to probably cost millions, so it’s a bit of a splurge.”
“I doubt I’ll move stuff around that much, but I’ll think about it.”
“Well, the main benefit to such a tool is the ability to conveniently make your subspaces anywhere at a moment’s notice. Feeling a bit peckish, but you’re out in the middle of nowhere? Zap away and you’ve got yourself a restaurant! Speaking of, that’s what your next option is! It’s a high-class restaurant and bar! Enjoy all kinds of food and drink as you please, in whatever type of atmosphere you please! Upgrades will expand the menu to include more complicated dishes, take-out boxes, live music, more restaurant layouts, and even meals form other worlds, complete with their utensils of choice!”
That honestly didn’t hold much draw for Lia. Functionally speaking, the food dispensers Amelia had made were satisfying their dietary needs for now, so the main benefits would come from being able to eat otherworldly cuisine and the atmosphere, being a place that Lia could take Rose and Amelia to for proper dates.
“Okay, I see you’re not as into that one as you were the hot spring.” Connie said. “But our last one might be a real competitor! We’ll be offering an arcade, a type of entertainment facility popular in other worlds! Games you’ve never seen before, exciting prizes, and more await you in this place of otherworldly delights! With upgrades, you’ll gain access to new and exciting forms of recreation, from laser tag to go-karts to bowling and mini-golf, this place has it all!”
“I don’t know what any of those are.” Lia said. “What if they’re super boring?”
“Oh, they’re not.” Connie said. “The ‘standard’ rules for each game are a little underwhelming when magic exists, but we’ve got all sorts of exciting variants that will help keep things fresh! And, to make one thing clear, your world’s entertainment is far behind this level, so it’ll blow the games you’re used to out of the water. Now, our time is drawing short, your girlfriend and your wife are waiting, and I’m sure you have a lot to to do, so do you have any final questions for me?”
“Amelia’s not our girlfriend yet! And…how much would it cost for you to try and convince the Hero that we’re the good guys and he should join us?”
“Sorry, I’m not allowed to do that.” Connie said. “But if I was, it’d be about a hundred million Blood Money. You’re basically asking for a ticket to world domination, and that doesn’t come cheap.”
“Fair enough.” Lia said. “No more questions.”
“Then I’ll send you back now, thanks for shopping with us, and we hope to see you again soon!” Connie snapped her fingers, and Lia found herself back in the room she had been before, where Amelia was currently sitting on Rose’s lap and having her hair braided.
“I’m back.” Lia said. “Um, how are you feeling, Amelia?”
“A-a bit better.” Amelia said. “Still scared, though. Do you have good news?”
“Sort of.” Lia said. “It’s like this…”
