Surviving marriage in yandere world

The sky was suspiciously blue and the birds sang in perfect harmony. The magical creatures of the Royal Academy's courtyard pranced like extras in a musical and Rei, freshly bandaged from the previous dorm explosion, squinted at it all with justified paranoia.

"…This reeks of foreshadowing."

He trudged toward Spell Theory 101, cradling a still-smoking textbook like it owed him money. His bag had been mysteriously laced with thorns, and a singing flower had tried to propose to him on the stairs.

The System, unhelpfully, had already labeled this a "High Risk" day.

[System Alert: Warning. Emotional Hostility Levels Campus-wide: 98%.]

[Forecast: Heavy yandere pressure with scattered acts of sabotage. Chance of accidental engagement: 76%.]

He groaned. He hadn't even stepped into class yet.

Classroom 2-A – Spell Theory 101

Professor Birchwood was a seasoned mage with a reputation for being both brilliant and terrifyingly strict. Her glasses gleamed with the rage of twenty years of teaching hormonal mages. She wore robes that swirled like a thundercloud and heels that could summon fear in demons.

She was also, by all accounts, entirely uninterested in romance.

So when she entered class and walked directly up to Rei—bypassing forty-two startled students—and said:

"Rei Everhart. I must confess something to you,"

—it was fair that time seemed to stop.

Rei blinked. "Huh?"

Professor Birchwood's cheeks turned an alarming shade of pink.

Her voice trembled. "I… I've watched you… from afar… through the attendance lists…"

[System Panic Mode: ACTIVATED.]

[System Scan: Anomaly Detected – Forbidden Curse Signature Present.]

[Cursed Object Identified: Tampered Love Letter – Class C Binding Affection Enchantment (Delirium Grade).]

[System Theory: Someone cursed a love letter and slipped it into the professor's robes. You are now the unwilling target of temporary, highly illegal faculty obsession.]

[System Suggestion: Run.]

Professor Birchwood leaned closer, her tone breathy.

"You've always scored so high on the written tests. So diligent. So—dominant."

Rei flipped his desk and ran.

"CLASS DISMISSED!" he shrieked.

Behind him, desks shattered, books exploded, and the professor declared her undying love in fluent Elvish, Draconic, and High Romantic Spirit Speech.

Campus – 9 Minutes Later

Rei sprinted through the hallways like a man on fire.

Which was, at the time, accurate. One of the defensive spells had mistaken him for a pervert and lit his trousers on magical flame.

Students screamed. Magical security systems activated. The giant love-sculpture of Professor Birchwood holding a rose emerged from the ground like a nightmare golem.

[System Emergency Quest: Survive for 48 Hours Without Getting Caught or Engaged by Cursed Faculty Member.]

[Reward: Immunity Potion + 1 Free Therapist Visit]

He ducked behind a statue of a saintly archmage.

A magical pigeon looked down at him and shook its head disapprovingly.

"Of course," Rei whispered. "Of course someone cursed a love letter. That's a totally normal way to start the semester."

"Found you~"

He froze.

Professor Birchwood floated above, on a flying desk throne made of floating books and glowing chalk. Her eyes sparkled. Her voice trembled with… forbidden desire.

"You forgot your homework… my sweet boy~"

Rei screamed and dove through a stained glass window.

Day 1 – Survival Timer: 41 Hours Remaining

Rei barricaded himself inside the student kitchen, clutching a ladle and whispering into a stack of bread like it was a phone.

"System. Please. Anything. A disguise, a portal, a coma. I'll take a coma."

[System Denial: You have used all your Emergency Coma Coupons. Try getting exploded again.]

[System Tip: Cursed Love Letters are notoriously contagious. Anyone reading it might be affected. Be advised: Casual handling may cause mass hysteria.]

Rei paled.

"…System. Where's the letter now?"

[System Scan: Cursed Object is currently in transit.]

A pause.

[Destination: Faculty Lounge.]

"Oh no," Rei said.

"Oh YES," cackled Professor Birchwood from behind the microwave.

He yeeted the microwave and fled again.

Meanwhile – In the Shadows

Rosette stood atop a rooftop, watching Rei flee with professional detachment.

"Fascinating," she murmured, eyes narrowed. "A low-tier curse. Childish. Sloppy."

A dark-cloaked first-year approached her with trembling hands.

"M-Miss Rosette, we… we found this in his locker…"

Rosette took the paper. It was another letter written in blood. Sealed with a kiss.

Her eye twitched.

"Velveria," she hissed.

The vampire was escalating.

Elsewhere – Vampire Territory

Velveria sipped blood-tea with elegant satisfaction.

"The first curse was merely a distraction. The true test begins tonight…"

She looked to her undead familiar, a bat named Peebles.

"Deliver the next phase."

The bat saluted and flew out with a tiny top hat.

Back to Rei – Hiding in the School Fountain

He had not bathed. He had not eaten. He had not blinked in twelve minutes.

"System. What's the status now?"

[System Scan: Six faculty members now believe they are in love with you.]

[System Emergency Level: Imminent Engagement Cascade]

[System Snark: You're the most eligible bachelor since that one elf prince got cursed and married a tree.]

"Why does this keep happening to me?" Rei cried.

Behind him, the statue in the fountain blinked.

It was alive.

It whispered, "Love me."

Rei fainted.

Day 2 – Survival Timer: 18 Hours Left

Rei woke up under a tarp, surrounded by magical squirrels.

He was being nursed back to health by the school's illegal underground Nurse Club.

"Take this. It's anti-lust serum mixed with sarcasm extract."

He chugged it.

The nurse blinked. "Side effect: you'll be unable to speak in anything but passive-aggressive poetry for twelve hours."

Rei stood.

"Thanks," he said. "My life is a flaming carriage of chaos."

"...Poetic."

Final Stretch – 3 Hours Left

The school was in chaos. Cursed letters were now everywhere. Professors, students, even the janitor were swooning after Rei.

The sky turned pink.

He was down to his last hope: Hide in the cursed broom closet, which no one dared open since it tried to marry a goat.

He curled up, whispering into the floor.

"If anyone finds me… tell my five wives I blame them equally."

A whisper.

"Oh, we know~"

The door opened.

All five yandere wives stood there, glowing with barely suppressed violence.

Lilia smiled sweetly. "You're cheating on us with teachers, darling?"

Sera sniffled. "Do you like older women now?"

Drakana cracked her knuckles. "I'm going to burn the faculty lounge."

Rosette held up a defused curse bomb. "Took care of the amateur spells. But now it's time for punishment."

Velveria descended upside down from the ceiling.

"I've already filed engagement contracts for the next reincarnation cycle. You're mine."

Rei held up his hands. "I DID NOTHING."

[System Note: Technically correct. But I also placed bets on how fast you'd snap. You lasted longer than I thought. Congrats.]

The girls stepped in and the closet exploded again and also Infirmary (Again)

Rei stared at the ceiling.

Nurse handed him another potion.

He sighed "System…".

[Yes?]

"I hate this school."

[System Notification: You have survived your first sabotage. Expect more soon.]

[Reward: Cursed Love Immunity + 1 Suspicious Cookie]

"Can I eat the cookie?"

[No.]

Rei stared at the "Suspicious Cookie" sitting on the side table. It shimmered faintly, like it knew things. Terrible things. Betrayal-shaped things.

He poked it and that cookie giggled.

"…I'm not eating that," he whispered.

[System Notification: Wise choice. Side effects include: inexplicable infatuation with garden tools, spontaneous singing in Ancient Squirrel, and developing a tragic backstory you didn't ask for.]

"…I'm throwing it away."

[System Objection: You cannot throw away quest items.]

"…I'm flushing it."

[System Warning: Cookie will return.]

"I hate everything."

The nurse returned, this time dragging what appeared to be a full therapy sofa behind her.

"I got you an emotional support counselor," she said cheerfully.

A large, mustached man in a tweed robe stepped into view. "Greetings. I am Professor Snuggleworth. I specialize in trauma caused by magical affections and inexplicable reverse harems."

Rei's eye twitched. "You've… seen cases like mine before?"

"Oh no," Snuggleworth said, adjusting his monocle. "You're a first but I have a very strong clipboard."

Rei stared into the middle distance. "This started with me just transferring to school…"

"Ah," the professor nodded gravely, "Classic mistake."

Meanwhile – In the Halls of Conspiracy

The five wives had gathered again, not to argue, not to threaten, not even to bicker but to plan.

Because something, or someone, was trying to steal their favorite chew toy. And only they were allowed to emotionally damage Rei Everhart.

Lilia summoned her divine parchment. "No more rogue curses. We tighten our grip."

Drakana punched a wall. "We burn everything that isn't Rei-shaped."

Rosette unrolled a scroll of student movement data. "I've placed trackers on every staff member."

Sera prayed dramatically. "Let divine jealousy be our shield."

Velveria just sipped tea made from someone's unresolved feelings. "We'll end this. Together."

They looked at each other.

A five-way, very unhealthy, extremely possessive truce was formed.

Target: Whoever cursed the first letter.

Reward: Rei's continued suffering love.

Back in the infirmary, Rei slowly turned his head.

"System. Please tell me no new missions are pending."

[System Notification: Pending Mission – 'Meet the Parents' – All Five Girls' Families Arrive Tomorrow.]

Rei's soul left his body.

[System Note: It's okay. They only plan to judge you harshly, fight each other, and propose five separate arranged marriages. To you. Simultaneously.]

He stared at the ceiling.

"…I'm going to pretend to be in a coma again."

[System Response: Acceptable. Simulating near-death aura.]

The room dimmed and that cookie winked.

To be continued…