Surviving marriage in yandere world

The Royal Academy of Magic had survived monster invasions, demon incursions, three separate chili cook-offs that ended in small wars, and the occasional apocalypse drill.

But nothing—nothing—prepared it for this.

"—So, let me get this straight," Rei muttered as he leaned against the infirmary's white-pillowed bed, trying to scrub the remnants of trophy dust off his shirt. "Emilia wasn't even in the finals, yet her name appeared on the winner's plaque, she won the wish, and her 'wish' was—"

"To monopolize you for an entire day," Emilia finished sweetly, seated primly beside him with her hands folded over her lap like a saint. "Uninterrupted. Peaceful. Just you and me."

Her smile was bright enough to melt glaciers. Her voice was softer than harp strings. And somehow, to Rei, it sounded like the ticking of a bomb. A nation-level bomb.

[System Notification: "Alert: Catastrophic Romance Event Detected."]

[Side Mission Unlocked: "Keep Emilia Alive For 24 Hours."]

[Reward: Your life. Failure Penalty: Also your life.]

Rei froze. "I'm sorry—what?"

[Explanation: Current affection trajectories indicate Emilia is in mortal peril from external rivals. Survival probability: 3%.]

[Encouragement: May the gods help you. Not Eris though, she's still eating instant noodles and laughing.]

"Rei." Emilia tilted her head innocently. "What are you mumbling about?"

"Nothing!" Rei laughed, far too loudly, then whispered under his breath. "Three percent survival? You couldn't give me at least… five?"

[Negative, Five percent was deemed too optimistic.]

Meanwhile, across campus, word spread faster than free pie in the dining hall.

The Day of Emilia's Date was no longer a personal affair. It had become an international crisis.

The Academy's Grand Council Chamber had been converted overnight into a "Romantic Defense Command Center." Maps of the grounds were plastered with glowing pins, marking potential ambush sites: rose gardens, libraries, broom closets, anywhere a yandere could reasonably stage an interception.

Professors hunched over crystal balls. Knights scribbled evacuation routes. Priests muttered prayers to half a dozen gods, most of whom politely declined involvement.

At the center of it all stood Dean Maribelle, clutching a chalkboard pointer like a general preparing for battle.

"Report."

A nervous mage raised his hand. "Princess Seraphina has ordered the Choir Club to begin surveillance chants at dawn."

"Drakana?"

"She's stationed wyverns along the eastern perimeter. They're wearing flower wreaths, but… they're still fire-breathing wyverns."

"Rosette?"

"Vanished into the shadows. Rumor has it she's been tunneling under the academy courtyard."

Dean Maribelle pinched the bridge of her nose. "And Lilia?"

A silence fell. Then the doors of the chamber slammed open.

"My brother will not be tainted by date filth!" Lilia declared, marching in with a twenty-foot scroll of "Rules of Engagement" trailing behind her. "I demand the institution declare martial law. No date shall proceed without my notarized approval."

The council collectively sighed.

"Unsupervised wife outrage imminent…" Rei read aloud the system bulletin on his window. His eye twitched. "I can't believe the system has an official 'Yandere Alert Bulletin.'"

[Correction: It has seven. This is Bulletin #3, codename 'Murderous Picnic.']

Rei buried his face in his pillow. "Why couldn't her wish have been something normal? Like cake. Or… a plush rabbit."

"Because," Emilia said serenely, sitting on the edge of his bed with a tea set already conjured, "I only wanted you."

Rei peeked over the pillow. "That's… nice. Sweet. Very ominous."

[Warning: Heartbeat detected behind the wall. Trajectory: Knife. Probability of being Seraphina: 78%.]

"WHAT?!" Rei yelped, diving under the bed. A dagger thudded into the pillow where his head had just been.

The wall panel creaked open, revealing Seraphina in a gown so pristine it sparkled like the surface of holy water. Then she smiled, too sweetly.

"Oh, Rei, Emilia. I didn't see you there. I was just… redecorating."

Emilia's smile never wavered. "With knives?"

"Mm-hm." Seraphina twirled the dagger, her eyes narrowing. "Tell me, Emilia. Do you enjoy having a pulse?"

By dawn, the entire student body had assembled. Some carried banners ("TEAM EMILIA" vs. "STOP THE DATE 2025"), others sold novelty "I Survived the Yandere Crisis" T-shirts.

Vendors hawked popcorn. Bookies took bets on Emilia's lifespan but the odds weren't generous.

Rei staggered out of the dorms with Emilia clinging to his arm like a victorious queen. He hadn't slept nor blinked.

"Rei," Emilia cooed, "don't look so nervous. This is just a normal, wholesome day together."

"Normal," Rei repeated. "Right. While half the kingdom is about to reenact the end times behind us."

[Update: Host has entered "Walking Target Mode." Probability of ambush within 10 meters: 99.9%.]

Sure enough, the hedges rustled. Out leapt Drakana, her armor polished to a terrifying gleam.

"Mate!" she roared, brandishing a bouquet that was somehow also on fire. "Before this false maiden steals you away, duel me with passion!"

Rei held up both hands. "I do not duel with passion before breakfast!"

"Stand aside, dragon," Emilia said softly. The ground beneath her shimmered, roses blooming at her feet. "He promised me a day. A peaceful one. Are you trying to ruin it?"

Drakana growled, the flowers igniting instantly.

Rei could already feel the migraine forming.

[Alert: Duel request pending.]

[Optional Choice: Accept duel to prove masculinity.]

[Alternative Choice: Pretend to faint. 60% chance of success.]

Rei jabbed "FAINT."

Then he collapsed into Emilia's arms.

"Oh dear," she said in her calm, sweet voice. "It seems my Rei is too delicate for you brutes." She brushed his hair back, glaring at Drakana with saintly fury. "We'll continue our stroll."

[Achievement Unlocked: Cowardice Saves Lives.]

Later, the two tried to take shelter in the Academy Library. It was quiet, too quiet. The kind of quiet that made Rei's hair stand on end.

"Emilia," he whispered, "either this is a trap or everyone suddenly developed an interest in studying."

A book fell from the top shelf, then another then dozens.

From the shadows, Rosette emerged, every movement fluid and silent. She held up a ledger. "Sign here."

"…For what?" Rei asked warily.

"Permission slip," Rosette replied. "All time spent with the young master must be pre-approved by me."

Emilia smiled serenely. "Rejected."

Rosette's dagger gleamed. "Appeal denied."

By noon, the Academy had gone into full DEFCON-1. Bells tolled. Clerics sprinkled holy water on random passersby. The Headmaster himself locked his office door and slid a sign beneath it: "On sabbatical until date crisis ends."

Students whispered: Would Emilia make it? Would Rei survive?

Meanwhile, Rei sat in the cafeteria with Emilia, who had somehow arranged an entire private banquet table complete with a lace canopy and string quartet.

"This is nice," she said softly, sipping her tea. "Finally, just us."

Rei stared at the three knights foaming at the mouth in the corner, straining against their chains. "Yeah. Just us."

[Side Mission Update: Time Elapsed – 4 hours. Survival probability recalculated: 2.5%.]

"HOW DID IT GO DOWN?!" Rei shouted aloud.

[Answer: Lilia just armed the cleaning golems. With spears.]

Afternoon sunlight filtered across the academy rooftops, where Rei and Emilia thought they could catch a break. Instead, they were met with Princess Seraphina, Lilia, Drakana, and Rosette—all waiting in a semicircle like final bosses.

"Hand over the date," Seraphina commanded.

"Step aside, sister," Lilia hissed. "This is unlawful cohabitation!"

"Fight me!" Drakana roared.

Rosette simply held up a rope. "Ready for transport."

Emilia rose gracefully, holding Rei's arm tighter. "He's mine for one day. That was the wish. Do you intend to defy the will of fate?"

Her eyes glowed faintly with divine fire. The roses around her bloomed brighter and even the system paused.

[System Note: Uh-oh. Looks like Emilia's triggering "Main Girl Buff – Stage Two." Suggestion: RUN.]

"Why is running always your advice?!" Rei yelled.

[Because you're terrible at fighting.]

By some miracle—divine or otherwise—the sun began to set. Rei and Emilia sat beneath a tree outside the academy walls, bathed in golden light. For a moment, it was quiet. Peaceful.

"See?" Emilia whispered, resting her head on his shoulder. "We made it."

Rei's eyes twitched. "We… didn't die, ofcourse not yet."

[Side Mission Complete: Emilia survived 24 hours.]

[Reward: Your life.]

[Bonus Penalty: All other wives are now extremely pissed.]

The ground trembled and the air chilled. A dozen murderous auras converged on their spot like sharks scenting blood.

Rei sighed. "And here it comes…"

Emilia just smiled. "Even if they come now, I got my day."

A hush spread across the field as shadows lengthened. Torchlights flickered in the distance—one, then dozens, then an entire army of jealous wives-in-arms marching as if summoned by pure wrath.

[System Emergency Broadcast: "Host surrounded. Probability of peaceful resolution: 0%. Probability of spicy drama: 200%. Suggest preparing last words."]

Rei groaned, pressing his face into his hands. "Why does it always end like this?"

Emilia, utterly calm, slid her hand into his. "Because, my dear Rei, you are worth fighting for."

"…That's not comforting!"

The storm of wives closed in.

To be continued…

[System Bulletin Concluded: Yandere Crisis Level Maintained at Maximum.]

[Next Warning: "All-Wives Summit."]