Surviving marriage in yandere world

Velvet Manor, Ballroom Ruins. It's morning, but emotionally it was midnight in Rei's soul.

Rei sat hunched in the corner of what used to be a respectable noble ballroom and now looked like a crime scene curated by five wedding-obsessed pyromaniacs. He had bags under his eyes, muffin crumbs in his hair, and the haunted aura of a man who'd been declared "insanity's enemy" by four very determined women.

"Maybe," Rei muttered, "if I fake my death again, they'll finally move on."

The [System] buzzed awake like an alarm clock forged from spite.

[Daily Reminder: You cannot respawn. Fake death attempts result in increased yandere suspicion.]

[Additional Note: Probability of Survival = 11%. Correction: 9%. Wait. Updating again. 3%.]

"…It's dropping while I'm sitting here doing nothing?!" Rei wailed.

[Correct. Your existence is a crime against harem equilibrium.]

Before Rei could respond, a deafening DING-DONG echoed through the entire manor. The chandeliers flickered. The floor shook. For a moment, Rei thought the Demon Queen herself had shown up for brunch.

But no. It was worse.

The [System] had updated.

[!!! SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENT !!!]

[Patch v122.0 successfully installed.]

[New Feature Activated: Affection United Buff.]

[Warning: All Affection Levels Temporarily Synchronized (OVERLOVE).]

[Status Effect: Shared Obsession Lv. MAX.]

[Danger Level: Yandere Singularitarian Threat Detected.]

Rei froze. "…Singulari-what now?"

The ballroom doors slammed open.

One by one, the wives marched in—Seraphina glowing with divine fury, Drakana crackling with dragonfire, Lilia smiling that terrifying sweet smile, Rosette sharpening a knife so shiny it reflected Rei's panicked face, and finally Emilia holding a teapot like it was a divine weapon.

They stopped in perfect synchronization. Their gazes locked on Rei.

Rei shivered. "Oh no. No no no. They're… they're moving in unison."

The [System] chimed smugly:

[Correction: Yes. They are now functioning as a single hive mind of obsessive affection.]

[Affection United Buff Activated: Shared Braincell Protocol.]

[Warning: You are now loved by five yanderes with exactly the same thought at the same time.]

As if on cue, the five wives spoke. Together. In eerie harmony.

"Rei."

Rei squeaked. "Don't do that. Please don't do that."

The wives took a synchronized step forward.

Rosette: "Eliminate distractions."

Drakana: "Burn rivals."

Seraphina: "Sanctify the marriage."

Lilia: "Complete the vows."

Emilia: "…Make tea."

Then all five together: "Unite forever."

Rei backed into the corner, waving the muffin tray like a shield. "Stay back! I—I have carbohydrates!"

The wives tilted their heads in the exact same angle. Their eyes gleamed. Their smiles curled upward at the same rate. It was like watching five cats discover a mouse.

Rei whispered: "Oh gods, they're synced. It's like… like some kind of marriage mecha."

The [System] chimed:

[Warning: "Marriage Mecha" is an accurate metaphor. Danger Level Upgraded: Superboss Encounter.]

[Boss Title: Yandere Collective – The Eternal Unity.]

[Special Ability: Shared Obsession Lv. MAX.]

"MAX?! Why MAX?!" Rei cried. "Wasn't their love already MAX?!"

[Correction: Previously their love was at MAX individually. Now it's MAX multiplied by five.]

[Math: 5 x MAX = Groom Doom.]

Rei: "…That's not even math!!"

The wives began to circle Rei in perfect symmetry, like predators performing a ritual dance. Their dresses swished at the same time. Their footsteps echoed in rhythm.

Drakana flicked her tongue. Seraphina folded her hands in prayer. Rosette adjusted her knife grip. Lilia tilted her head with saintly menace. Emilia poured tea without spilling a drop.

Together, they asked: "Who is your sanity now, Rei?"

Rei broke into tears. "I didn't mean it! I was just tired! It was a joke! Emilia isn't my sanity—none of you are my sanity! I have no sanity left!"

A pause.

Then all five smiled together.

"Then we will be your insanity."

Rei fainted.

The [System] sighed.

[Pathetic Host Detected.]

[Auto-Recovery Protocol Initiated.]

[Admin Note: Wake up, idiot. The worst hasn't even started yet.]

Rei groaned awake moments later, only to find himself tied to a chair in the middle of the ballroom. Each wife had taken one of the five ribbons from the festival decorations and tied him down with it. Together, they stood in a perfect semicircle.

Seraphina: "We shall begin the Unity Ceremony."

Drakana: "Our fire, one flame."

Rosette: "Our knife, one blade."

Lilia: "Our vows, one bond."

Emilia: "…Our tea, one pot."

All five: "Our husband, one Rei."

Rei: "I'M NOT A PIECE OF FURNITURE!"

The [System] chimed again:

[Correction: Technically you are now classified as Household Property, Shared Ownership.]

[Warning: Escape probability = 0%.]

[Encouragement: Resistance is futile. Consider embracing domestic doom.]

Rei banged his head against the chair. "I hate you. I hate you so much."

As the Unity Ceremony proceeded, Rei noticed something terrifying. The wives weren't just speaking alike. They were thinking alike.

Lilia reached for his hand at the exact same time Rosette reached for his other. Drakana leaned in from the side while Seraphina leaned in from the opposite side, creating a mirror image. Emilia poured tea into his lap at the exact moment the others declared him theirs.

Rei yelped. "HOT! HOT!!"

Emilia smiled sweetly. "Balance restored."

"BALANCE?!" Rei screamed.

The [System] chimed:

[New Status Effect: Groom Equilibrium.]

[Description: Every wife now receives equal interaction at all times.]

[Side Effect: If you blink at one, all five feel it.]

Rei blinked.

All five wives gasped. "You blinked at me!!"

Rei wailed: "NO I DIDN'T! IT WAS JUST BLINKING!"

They leaned closer in perfect unison. "Do it again."

The [System] chimed:

[Warning: Yandere Hive Mind has entered Curiosity Mode.]

[Translation: You are doomed, idiot.]

Rei thrashed in his ribbons. "No, no, I can't do this! Five at once? Hive mind? Overlove?! I'm just a guy who wants to eat instant noodles in peace!!"

The wives tilted their heads again in perfect synchronicity.

"Then we shall feed you forever."

Rei: "…That was supposed to be a metaphor!"

The [System] buzzed gleefully:

[System Mission Generated: Survive Affection United Buff for 24 Hours.]

[Reward: Temporary Sanity.]

[Penalty for Failure: Permanent Groom Assimilation.]

Rei screamed into the heavens.

For the next few hours, Rei endured synchronized affection. Five wives feeding him at once. Five wives kissing his cheeks in sequence. Five wives braiding his hair into a unified marital crown.

Every time he resisted, the hive mind adapted. Every time he begged for mercy, they leaned closer in chorus:

"We are one."

By the end, Rei sat slumped in the chair, his hair decorated with ribbons, his lips covered in lipstick, his shirt embroidered with "PROPERTY OF THE WIVES," and his sanity held together by nothing but muffin crumbs.

The [System] chimed one last time.

[Summary of Day: You have survived Affection United Buff (Day 1).]

[Projected Timeline Until Mental Collapse: 48 hours.]

[Projected Timeline Until Groom Assimilation: 72 hours.]

[Encouragement: On the bright side, you are very loved.]

Rei sobbed. "…That's not a bright side."

[Correction: It's the brightest side they'll allow.]

Rei slumped forward in his ribbon chair, drooling slightly. His mind was mush, his soul a wrung-out towel.

Then the ballroom doors creaked again.

It wasn't the wives this time. It was a servant girl carrying a tray of fresh muffins, trembling like she was walking into the lair of five apex predators.

"E-excuse me, mistresses," she stammered, "th-the snacks you ordered have arrived."

The wives all turned in unison. Five heads. Five identical smiles.

The servant almost fainted. She set the tray down, bowed ninety degrees, and bolted out like her life depended on it. (It did.)

Rei whispered hoarsely, "S-save yourself… forget me…"

But the wives ignored the servant entirely. Instead, they all looked at the muffins. Then at Rei. Then back at the muffins.

Together: "Feed him."

Rei's pupils shrank. "No. NO. Not more feeding! I—I can't handle being a human breadbasket anymore!!"

Drakana pinched a muffin. Seraphina blessed it. Lilia cut it into neat quarters. Rosette sharpened the knife while cutting it into neat quarters. Emilia calmly poured more tea beside it.

All together, they lifted their offerings toward Rei's mouth.

Rei screamed: "I DON'T HAVE FIVE MOUTHS!"

The [System] chimed gleefully:

[Update: Groom's Mouth Capacity Increased by Buff.]

[New Skill Acquired: Forced Multi-snacking Lv.1.]

[Warning: Side Effect includes Crumb Trauma.]

Crumb Trauma was real. Rei gagged as muffin bits stuffed his cheeks like a hamster preparing for winter. The wives clapped in perfect sync, delighted.

"Look," they cooed, "he's so cute when he struggles."

Rei tried to reply, but only managed: "Mmphh!! Hrffhh! Mmfhh!!"

The [System] translated helpfully:

[Host Message Decoded: "Kill me."]

But the hive mind heard only:

"He loves us."

And they smiled together. Hours later, the manor maids peeked into the ballroom. They whispered among themselves.

"Did you hear? They're moving as one now."

"It's like… like they share a single braincell."

"Poor Lord Rei. I used to pity him. Now I pray for him."

"I don't. I think he deserves it."

"…Why?"

"He looked at me once."

They all crossed themselves, muttered prayers, and shut the doors quickly, leaving Rei to his domestic doom.

The [System] gave its final cheer for the night:

[Day One Completed.]

[Achievement Unlocked: Groom of the Hive.]

[Bonus Title: The Man Who Blinked Wrong.]

Rei sobbed through his crumbs.

To be continued…