Surviving marriage in yandere world

Rei never intended to commit treason. He just wanted five minutes of peace.

After surviving a full day of yandere recruitment booths, contractual forehead kisses, and being spiritually wed under a blood moon to "all interested parties," his legs moved without thinking.

And they carried him to her.

To Emilia's booth. It was a pocket of pure sanity in a festival powered by emotional blackmail, romantic extremism, and at least one human sacrifice (cancelled last minute due to rain).

Her modest tea stand was constructed from soft birch wood, decorated with vines and painted tea leaves. The sign overhead read:

"Emilia's Calm Corner – Have Tea, Breathe, Escape Madness."

Three things Rei hadn't done all semester.

There were no glowing runes. No ominous background chanting. No poison detection wards. Just a neatly arranged table with mismatched teacups, fresh scones, and a girl with a soft smile that said, "I'm too reasonable to be real."

Rei's legs carried him to a chair like a man possessed.

"Oh, hey Rei!" Emilia smiled. "I saved you a seat."

That alone might've made four different factions declare war if they'd heard it.

Rei collapsed into the wooden chair and exhaled like a soldier returning from the frontlines.

"Tea?" she offered.

He nodded.

She poured chamomile, Steam rose and finally Peace returned. It's suspiciously peaceful, or i say too peaceful

Rei squinted. "There's no blood in this, right?"

"Nope."

"Divine essence?"

"Nope."

"Tracking spell? Sentient leaf? Aphrodisiac flower petals named 'Desire Bloom?'"

Emilia blinked. "...It's literally just chamomile."

Rei took a slow sip. He didn't die. Or fall in love. Or hallucinate a marriage ceremony. It was… just tea.

His eyes watered. "This might be the purest thing I've experienced in this world."

[System Warning: Danger Level – High]

[Location: Emilia's Booth of Normalcy]

[Note: Subject has entered a psychologically stable zone. This is not approved.]

[System Analysis: Threat to Yandere Dominance Detected.]

[Prediction: Incoming Wrath – ETA: 4 Minutes.]

Meanwhile, across the courtyard…

Lilia froze mid-sermon.

"...Rei is where?"

Drakana crushed her tea table with one claw. "HE WENT TO THE BAKED GOODS HERETIC?!"

Rosette already knew. She had a spy ladybug drone in Rei's sock.

"Confirmed. He's seated. Smiling. Drinking her tea. Timestamp: betrayal."

Seraphina's divine halo flickered ominously.

"Very well," she said, eyes glowing. "Then let the heavens bear witness to holy judgment."

A student at her booth whispered, "Uhh… is it safe to be here?"

"No," Seraphina smiled, "but you're in love, so you'll accept that."

Back at the booth, Emilia tilted her head.

"You okay?"

"I'm drinking tea and not being stabbed," Rei said. "It's extremely suspicious."

"Would a scone make you feel better?"

"Absolutely yes."

He bit into one. They were real blueberries. There were no sedatives, no enchantments, nor edible vow circles.

A single tear rolled down Rei's cheek, then chaos arrived.

BOOM!

The festival stage exploded as Lilia descended with twenty cult acolytes, all in matching red veils and armed with incense launchers.

"EMILIA! YOU'VE HARBORING THE HUSBAND OF ETERNITY!"

Before Rei could even stand, the ground behind him erupted. Drakana soared in, her wings splitting the air as she dropped beside the tea table, claws sparking.

"TRAITOR! THOSE SCONES AREN'T EVEN SPICY!"

Rosette appeared behind Rei's chair like a phantom. "Don't worry. I've prepared your extraction route. It involves fake corpses and a convincing mannequin."

Seraphina floated in on a literal beam of light, holding her marriage contract like a holy relic.

"Let him go, sinner," she said to Emilia. "Or be judged by radiant, judgmental, wife-tier wrath."

Emilia blinked at the literal yandere war forming around her table.

"I just made him tea," she said.

"That's exactly the problem!" all four shouted in terrifying harmony.

Rei sat back down.

"I am not emotionally prepared for this."

[System Notification: You Have Triggered a Multilateral Faction Conflict]

[New Title Acquired: "Cursed Teacup of Betrayal"]

[Tea Buff: +3 Calmness. -12 Life Expectancy.]

"You're corrupting him," Lilia declared. "First it's tea. Next it's—respectful emotional boundaries!"

"THE HORROR!" Seraphina gasped.

Rosette pulled out a 300-page file titled Rei's Emotional Vulnerabilities: Abridged Version.

Drakana set fire to a scone. "THIS ONE TASTES LIKE DISHONESTY."

Emilia looked bewildered.

"Guys, I'm literally just a girl who made snacks."

"You don't understand, Emilia," Rei whispered. "To them… snacks are contracts."

She frowned. "Then I'll make more snacks."

Rei blinked. "Wait, no, that's—"

But it's too late. More students gathered. There were scones for everyone and muffins with smiling faces and tea in pastel cups.

It was too wholesome and worst of all… people liked it. Soon, there was a line and most were male.

"Hey," a third-year boy said. "This place is actually peaceful. Is that… legal?"

A younger student added, "She said I didn't have to marry her if I took a cookie. I'm confused… but happy."

Another shouted, "She gave me life advice. Without stabbing me!"

And from somewhere in the crowd…

"She didn't even try to hypnotize me into a blood vow! This is revolutionary!"

[System Panic Alert: "Emilia's Booth" Popularity Surge Detected!]

[Popularity Rating: 76% – Crisis Threshold Passed]

[Yandere Territory Control: Down 12%]

[Threat Level: Cupcake Armageddon]

"This cannot stand," Lilia whispered.

Seraphina gritted her teeth. "They're experiencing… platonic joy."

Drakana smashed the tea table. "NO ONE IS BURNING."

Rosette calmly attached explosives to a muffin display. "Permission to detonate?"

Rei looked between them and Emilia, then at the queue of happy students sipping peppermint tea, then at the enraged harem.

He stood.

"I just wanted to hide from my increasingly cult-like marriage situation," Rei announced. "And I found peace. In scones. Is that really so wrong?!"

"Yes," the four girls answered in perfect sync.

A long silence then, Emilia handed him a fresh cup.

Rei blinked. "What is this?"

"Lavender tea. It helps with impending emotional trauma."

"…Thanks."

BOOM!

The muffin table exploded.

"ROS—!"

Smoke filled the air and students scattered.

Through the chaos, Lilia grabbed Rei's arm. "Sanctuary time."

Drakana grabbed the other. "NO! Mine."

Seraphina wrapped a ribbon of light around his waist. "Repent and come with me!"

Rosette pulled out a knife labeled 'Negotiation Tool'.

And Emilia? She held up a cookie.

"I made this for you."

Rei stared, the cookie was shaped like a smiling sun. He reached for it and all hell broke loose.

[System Emergency!]

[Rei has Accepted a Cookie of Comfort from Non-Yandere Faction Leader!]

[Triggering: Universal Waifu Meltdown.]

In the aftermath, the tea stand was vaporized, the muffin rack turned into a crater, and thirty-seven love contracts fluttered in the wind.

Rei sat in the center of the chaos, sipping lavender tea from a cracked cup, somehow still warm.

"I think… I liked this booth," he said to the clouds.

[System Update:]

[New Trait Acquired: "Taste for Normalcy" – Warning: Hazardous to Current Environment.]

[New Title: "Booth Betrayer."]

[Festival Score: 0/100 Sanity Points Remaining.]

The crater still smoked. Burnt scone crumbs floated through the air like pastry snowflakes.

Students who'd fled the blast peeked around corners, whispering about the mythical booth of peace that had been tragically destroyed in its prime.

"...She gave me tea without binding me to eternal servitude," one girl muttered in awe.

"I… I think I felt safe," another boy said, voice shaking. "Is that allowed?"

"No," a senior grumbled. "That's how revolutions start."

Meanwhile, at ground zero, Rei sat cross-legged with his cracked teacup, surrounded by four murderous wives radiating enough pressure to crater the moon.

Emilia, soot-smeared but calm, brushed ash off her apron. "Well… that escalated quickly."

"You dare act innocent?" Lilia hissed, veil whipping in the wind like a vengeful flag. "You gave him unconditional refreshment!"

"Yeah!" Drakana bellowed. "And those pastries didn't even have fireproofing! He could've enjoyed them without danger! DISGRACEFUL!"

Rosette polished her knife. "I will allow this. For research purposes. Briefly. Before erasure."

Seraphina's halo flickered like a faulty chandelier. "Repent, Emilia, or drown in holy paperwork."

Rei pinched the bridge of his nose. "You guys realize you're threatening a girl for giving me a cookie, right?"

"Yes!" all four answered instantly.

[System Commentary: At least they're self-aware. That's… something?]

Emilia only sighed, hands on her hips. "You're all insane."

A silence heavier than a hundred vows settled over the group. A bystander gasped. Even Rei's system hiccupped.

"…Did she just call us—?" Seraphina started.

"In—?!" Drakana's jaw dropped.

"—SANE?" Lilia's holy aura crackled.

Rosette calmly scribbled "Enemy of Order" into a notebook.

Rei winced. "Oh no. She broke the unspoken rule."

[System Alert: Emilia has Critically Insulted All Yandere Factions Simultaneously.]

[Predicted Outcome: Fire. Knives. Divine Smiting. Possibly interpretive dance violence.]

Before things could erupt again, Emilia bent down and quietly set another plate of cookies on the cracked ground.

"These ones are chocolate chip," she said softly. "Anyone can have one. Even you four."

Everyone froze.

Rei blinked. "Wait. What?"

Drakana's nostrils flared. "…Chocolate chip?"

Seraphina hesitated. "…Blessed morsels of sweetness…?"

Lilia looked at the plate like it was a cursed relic. "Temptation."

Rosette crouched, eyes narrowed. "…Analyzing cookie for traps."

They stared at the innocent plate for a full thirty seconds but nobody moved. Finally, Rei reached out, broke one in half, and popped it in his mouth.

"…Still not poisoned," he said. "Still just a cookie."

And for one insane, fragile heartbeat, the battlefield went quiet.

[System Note: Emilia's Normalcy Aura has successfully induced a ceasefire.]

[Warning: Temporary. Expect betrayal in T-minus 12 minutes.]

Rei sipped the last of his lavender tea, looking at Emilia with weary gratitude.

"…I don't know how you're doing this," he muttered.

She smiled faintly. "I just… like making people feel at ease."

Rei almost choked on his cookie and took it easy in this academy.

He swallowed. "…You're a walking apocalypse, Emilia. And you don't even know it."

[System Correction: She knows. She just weaponized chocolate chip cookies.]

And somewhere, far above, the gods themselves probably facepalmed.

Because for the first time in history… Rei's wives were not fighting each other.

They were united in glaring at Emilia.

To be continued…