Surviving Among the Entities

“You don’t need to worry. After the examination and consultation, it does not appear to be a severe case. His ability to empathize is just slightly lower than others, and this can be corrected to normal through proper education.”
“Really? Teacher, teacher! Please, I implore you!”
“It is not something I should do, but rather the parents. All I can do is recommend relevant books.”

For a while, my father bowed his head to the young doctor.
My mother also grabbed the doctor’s hand and pleaded.

“So.”

The doctor turned and glared at me.
With a mocking smile, he sneered at me.

“How does it feel to have made your parents cry? Now that you have this so-called ‘ability to empathize’ obtained by sacrificing your parents’ lives, don’t you feel anything?”
“Did my parents truly love me?”
“?”

The doctor’s face contorted.

“Is that it?”
“Should we schedule regular health checkups?”
“……”
“Mental health checkups too?”

The world blurred and returned to the original corridor.

‘Just what was I supposed to feel from that scene besides my parents’ love?’

Was there anything else for me to feel besides my parents’ love?

But I must not let my guard down.
According to the information Shin Se-hoon left behind, heartpoison is not mere mental contamination or cognitive distortion, but a powerful attack of reality manipulation that cannot be blocked or avoided, so if I let my guard down, I will become addicted to heartpoison.

‘It’s changing again.’

Even before returning to the office, the corridor transformed.
It seemed the change was faster because I had finished eating the Lee clan’s dishes until the end.

‘This time, it’s our house.’

I headed towards my room, following the nostalgia-filled corridor of the house I had lived in as a child.

“So Marx said this: Capitalists are evil monsters that suck the blood of workers!”

Carefully opening the door, my father was reading a book to my younger self.

“Let’s fight against the cold-blooded monsters of capitalism and reclaim the rights of workers! Let’s all create an equal society!”
“Father, if everyone is equal, who will do the work?”
“Uh, huh?”
“Even if everyone becomes equal, someone will have to do the difficult work. But no one wants to do the difficult work. However, if it’s work that must be done, if problems arise from not doing it, then someone will have to do it in the end. And relatively weaker people will end up doing it, so is that really an equal society?”
“Uh, um, well, I suppose?”

A memory. A happy memory of reading books with my father when I was eight years old.
My father read numerous educational books to me, with a high proportion being philosophy books.

“Alright, that’s enough for today.”
“Father, why do you only read books like these?”
“Because people need philosophy.”
“Doggy philosophy?”
“……Where did you hear that term?”
“The internet.”
“Doggy, well, even doggy philosophy is still philosophy.”

My father patted my head.
Although the warmth has faded from my memory, I smiled as I recalled that warmth from back then.

“A person with a firm set of values, even if it’s called doggy philosophy, is a million times better than someone who cynically mocks others without any philosophy of their own.”
“Why?”
“A person without philosophy relies on others to walk the path of life. They only follow what others tell them to do, what others are doing, and walk the path that others envy. But a person with philosophy can walk the path they want to walk.”
“Is that your doggy philosophy, father?”

My father smiled too.

“Yes. So Seung-hoon, you should have a philosophy too. While philosophy cannot be forced upon you, I want you to have a philosophy of living as a human being.”
“So that’s why you read me these kinds of books.”
“Yes, that’s right, that’s right……”

He smiled and cried.
At the time, I didn’t realize it, but now I understand that he cried upon seeing my unchildlike behavior.

“How do you feel about making your mother cry because of you?”

My father suddenly glared at me.
His tears had turned to bloody tears, and his venom-filled gaze was full of anger and resentment.

“If you had been normal, she wouldn’t have had to cry!”
“Being born is not a choice, and my father embraced me as I was. The only thing to feel from that is not regret, but my father’s love and care, so what are you telling me to regret?”
“……”

The scene vanished again.
If they intend to instill heartpoison, why do they keep showing irrelevant scenes?

‘No, I can’t let my guard down. I must remain vigilant until the end.’

The scenery changed again, transforming faster than before.

“Seung-hoon, what is this?”
“It’s an adult website.”

Following my father, my mother appeared.

“Well, I suppose you can look at it since you’re going through puberty too, Seung-hoon. But what is all this? The search history……”

The day my mother discovered my search history from exploring sexuality.

“I wanted to learn as much about love as possible.”
“Why?”
“Because I could not understand what constitutes human love.”

At the time, I answered candidly without any reservations.

“Someone said they liked stockings. Someone else said they liked tomboys. Someone said they liked glasses, and someone else said they liked nurses. Someone said they liked anal. Someone said they liked blowjobs, and someone else said they liked furries. Someone else said they liked paizuri. Someone liked TS, someone else liked futanari, and someone liked ball busting.”
“……”
“Human fetishes are as numerous as the number of humans. However, most humans only prefer their own fetish and consider other fetishes as abnormal. I thought I would be the same as a human, but at least based on my research so far, I felt sexual arousal from all fetishes.”
“……”
“So I was experimenting to see where my limits lie.”

My mother covered her face.
There are some questions that are difficult to answer even between parents and children.
At the time, I didn’t realize it, but thinking back now, it was a question that made my mother uncomfortable.

“Kukuk.”

My mother laughed differently from my memory.

“Aren’t you regretting the moment you confessed your sexuality to your mother?”
“The questions I asked during puberty were not about sexuality, but about human life, so I am not embarrassed at all.”
“……You confessed your fetishes with your own mouth?”
“Are you embarrassed to show your genitals to a urologist? Consulting your parents about life is no different.”

My mother’s face changed to a disgusted expression.

“You haven’t improved at all! You psychopath!”
“I am fully capable of empathizing with others. Even now, I feel a slight anger towards you for using my mother’s face so casually.”

The scene vanished.
I wonder what they will show me next?

“Son, your mom and I are going out for a bit. Do you need anything?”

Ah.
Yes, why didn’t they show me this?

“I want to read a book. An e-book is fine, but I prefer an actual book.”
“Then I’ll buy you a few newly released books on the way back.”
“Thank you.”

My mother and father left.

“We’ll be back.”
“Have a safe trip.”

This was the last time I saw them.
The scene gradually changed to me sitting dazed on a chair in the hospital morgue.

“It was a black ice accident. They were making a right turn at an intersection when the car skidded and fell under the overpass.”

My high school self spoke with my head lowered.

“It was to go to the bookstore I frequented. They must have realized it late and hastily took the curve. If not for that, they would have returned home safely.”

My high school self raised my head, tears of blood streaming down.

“It’s all my fault they died.”
“It’s possible.”
“Then you regret it?”
“I probably did regret it.”

The face of my friend comes to mind.

“If it were my past self, I would have regretted what happened that day. But after meeting Ho-mun, I realized that life is lived only once. That means, even if I could change the past, the revived parents would not be the real parents I knew.”
“That’s just sophistry.”
“That’s why I don’t regret it. Instead of regretting mistakes that cannot be changed, I will engrave lessons through reflection. And once I’ve reflected, I will reminisce about those times. So even in this moment, I will say:”

Memories of the times with my parents until I became a high school student flashed by.

“Thank you for raising a child like me.”

My parents, who had strived to make me a normal person despite my lack of empathy.
My mother, who never missed a day researching brain plasticity and telling me good stories.
My father, who wanted me to live as a human being through philosophy.

“Thanks to you both, I was able to become a normal human.”

Memories from those times that I could recall even without the notebook effect in my mind.

“I love you, mother, father.”
“Bullshit!”

The world crumbled.
The me with blackened eyes snarled.

“You’re not normal! Your parents failed!”
“I am a normal human.”
“You crazy bastard!”

The world collapsed entirely, leaving only the elevator.
The space moved on its own, thrusting me into the elevator.

“If you don’t want to become a calamity, then stay put in there. Suffer in agony until you die!”

The elevator descended, and the destination was B444.
As the doors opened, the darkness I had seen beyond my left eye greeted me.

[“I! I was the one who did that back then!”]
[“I shouldn’t have learned Yasuo! I shouldn’t have played as Yasuo!”]
[“Ah! Why did I masturbate back then without locking the door…….”]
[“Sob! I shouldn’t have gotten married!”]

I entered and surveyed the arena where all kinds of ghosts were lamenting their own regrets.

[“I! I shouldn’t have eaten that earthworm! I shouldn’t have gone to the interview after eating that! Ah! Why did I have to! Why did I have to fart at that moment!……”]
[“I shouldn’t have waited for that guy! Who would have thought he’d wear his boots on the wrong feet when he went to the military!”]
[“Back then! If I had said that back then, I would have won the argument! Ah! Why couldn’t I speak properly and just mumbled incoherently!”]

It took dozens of minutes to pass through the ghosts regretting countless moments from their many days of life.
Finally, I found the ghost I was searching for.

[“If only I hadn’t answered back then! If only I had said the princess was prettier instead of Sister Sun-a!”]
“Mr. Shin Se-hoon?”

I took out a cigarette and forcibly put it in the ghost’s mouth.

“Why don’t you have a smoke? Isn’t it better to smoke it directly?”
[“Ugh……]

Following my command, Shin Se-hoon obediently smoked the cigarette.

‘Ordinarily, he would have attacked me.’

They have already become calamities as ghosts.
While ghosts of the same kind do not attack each other, since I, a living being, entered, it would be normal for them to attack me.
However, the ghosts did not approach me. Shin Se-hoon was smoking the cigarette, but he kept trying to move away from me.

“It’s the same phenomenon as my left eye.”

Perhaps the ghosts are afraid of me, the Lord of Karma-to-be?
Through my left eye, I could see the negative energy flowing from the ghosts. Following its flow, I raised my head and discovered a massive sphere on the ceiling.

“Ah.”

This time, my right eye activated.
I saw the annihilated human race and finally realized the entire truth.

“So that entity is the one the Lee clan of Dangjin made a deal with?”

The reason they taught the Lee clan how to suppress calamity with calamity and become an exceptional bloodline surpassing others.
The reason the negative energy of the ghosts turned into calamities is gathering separately.
The final hint given by the master detective’s touchpad.

“This was a breeding ground. A breeding ground to add the finishing touch to a completed dish.”

And…….

“Instead of the Lee clan of Dangjin, should I call them the Lee clan of Ubong?”