NOVEL WEB 50%
“What’s up with Z, by the way?” Sage asked Mel. “I haven’t seen them in months.
Mel sighed. “Not gonna lie, they’ve kind of been getting on my nerves lately. They probably spend too much time on Twitter and they have their weird rich family background so sometimes they have really weird bad takes. Like, they were furious that the semester at their private art school might not happen and the tuition their parents are paying might be wasted because the faculty was going on strike for better benefits.”
“Oof,” Sage said.
“They also got a little bit too much into K-pop and Genshin Impact and I guess those things are fine, probably, but I can only listen to so many hours of someone talking about those subjects.”
“Understandable,” Sage said. “I… I was just thinking about how I kind of don’t have any real life friends that I can actually go hang out with. Not that internet friends aren’t real friends, but most of them live nowhere near here.”
“You have me!” Mel said.
“You’re my girlfriend. I’m not sure if that counts,” Sage said.
“It has ‘friend’ right there in the name! Of course it counts!” Mel said.
Sage laughed. “You know what? Flawless logic. I’ve been defeated once again.”
“Destroyed with facts and logic,” Mel said. “No, but I should probably introduce you to some more of my friends around here. Not gonna lie, though, some of these trans girls are lowkey drama magnets. Like, the trans lesbians who have all fucked each other in every possible configuration and half of them hate each other.”
“Hmm, sounds like a lot,” Sage said. “Maybe you can start with lower drama people.”
“I’ll do my best, ma’am,” Mel said. “And I don’t want to make it sound like everyone is like that. Some people are pretty chill. There’s at least one cis guy in my friend group who is one of the most relaxed people I’ve ever met and he’s a fellow Nintendo enjoyer.”
“Ah, yes, a ‘cis guy’,” Sage said with air quotes. “I know how it goes with ‘cis guys’ you meet.”
Mel laughed. “Look, it’s only, like, 50% of them that end up being trans. And it’s not my fault! I just think eggs are more likely to be interested in befriending me, or are more likely to have common interests.”
***
“I thought I was depressed because I was pushing myself too hard and working too much, but lately I’ve been doing nothing all day and I’m still depressed,” Sage said.
“I know I keep saying this but you should maybe look into getting a therapist,” Mel said.
“I know, I know, but… ironically I’m too stressed out and demotivated by mental illness to be willing to put in the effort to look for treatment for said illness.”
Mel gave her a hug. “I can look through trans-positive therapists in the area, if you want. I can even write the email to them although I guess probably we should send it from your account. Might be weird to just email someone and be like, ‘Hey, I’m mostly okay but my girlfriend needs therapy.’”
“I would appreciate that. If it’s not too much! I don’t want to rely on you too much or take advantage of you or anything similar to that,” Sage fretted.
“Really, it’s fine,” Mel reassured her. “I don’t mind, and it’s extremely worth it if it can help my gf be happier. If I forget to do it within the next few days just remind me and I promise I’ll get on it.”
Sage hugged her back. “Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I didn’t happen to meet you through my stream. A lot worse, probably.”
Mel shrugged. “I mean, causality and whatever is weird. There’s probably some tiny change that could have happened a million years ago that would make it so no humans existed. I try to mostly focus on the reality we’re in right now, because who knows if any others even exist? Oh, that reminds me, though, god, have you heard about modal realists?”
“I don’t think so?” Sage said.
Mel sighed exaggeratedly. “Basically, they’re weird philosophy majors who have convinced themselves that all possible realities exist, including ones that don’t follow our laws of physics, and therefore they can, like, meaningfully date their fictional catgirl waifu because she’s real, just in another universe. But, like, there’s academic papers published about this shit. It’s wild.”
“Huh. Interesting,” Sage said. “I think I’ve heard of vaguely similar things online of people convincing themselves that fictional characters are real, but not in that kind of setting. I want to say I watched a YouTube video about something called shifting?”
“But have you heard about otherkin? Or, uh, Snapewives?”
“Otherkin sounds vaguely familiar,” Sage said. “Is that related to furries? I have not heard of Snapewives but I can probably make an educated guess on what those are.”
“There’s some overlap with furries and otherkin, but they’re different things, I think. Remind me to show you some videos later,” Mel said. She then glanced down at her phone. “Bleh. I should probably get back to editing. These stream highlights aren’t gonna make themselves.”
“I’m glad they’re paying you, at least,” Sage said. “I think a lot of Twitch highlights on YouTube are just made by fans for free.”
“Well, maybe I can retire if my OnlyFans blows up,” Mel said.
Sage squinted at her girlfriend. “I genuinely can’t tell if that’s a joke or not.”
Mel shrugged. “I have accounts on a lot of sites and most of them make, uh, approximately no money. I guess I gotta figure out what appeals to, like, techies or whoever it is our age who actually has money to spare.”
Sage gave Mel a quick smooch. “Good luck with that! Honestly, I have trouble maintaining much of a presence on most social media because usually nothing really happens for a while and then I get depressed and demotivated. I’m glad you’re, uh, on that grindset, though.”
“That’s me!” Mel said. “Girlboss girlboss.”
“You can… girlboss me around later?” Sage said.
Mel laughed slightly. “BONK.”