Streamer Accidentally Transes Their Gender

Sage was frustrated. She’d been doing all the things you were supposed to do, but her view and sub counts seemed like they had hit a plateau and just… stopped. If anything, they were going down slightly.

She decided to stop look at her metrics–which she probably shouldn’t be doing so often anyway, if only for her own mental health–and instead messaged her girlfriend.

7thSage: Bleh why did I look at view counts

7thSage: I think it’s actually getting worse over time

7thSage: And I know it would probably help if I streamed more often and put out more content but

7thSage: I guess now that it’s basically my job, it feels like there’s a lot of pressure

7thSage: So even just thinking about streaming has been stressing me out

7thSage: I wish I could just take a break from it for a while but from what I’ve heard that’s basically a guaranteed way to lose all of your subs

melsalvia: o no

melsalvia: i think ur mental health is more important than if ur a Successful Content Creator ™

melsalvia: genuinely, even if you lose subs it’s okay. Your health is way more important than that

7thSage: Is it though

7thSage: I mean I don’t have several people watching me for my mental health

7thSage: Just by the numbers, doesn’t it affect way more people if I stop streaming? If I keep streaming, the only person negatively affected should be myself

melsalvia: i think you can only make yourself do something you really don’t want to every day for only so long

melsalvia: i think there’s gonna inevitably some burnout if you try to do that

melsalvia: also i’m sure your viewers would want you to take care of urself!

melsalvia: the ones who aren’t shitheads, at least

7thSage: but I’m not even streaming very many hours per day compared to a lot of people

7thSage: And they don’t seem to get burned out

7thSage: So obviously the problem is me

melsalvia: well i don’t really agree. the difference i think is that those people don’t mind streaming often. that kinda thing varies a lot by person and i don’t think u can compare people like that in a productive way

melsalvia: idk i just want to see u have an okay time in life and hopefully manage to have fun with streaming

7thSage: god people can probably tell i’m not having fun can’t they

7thSage: I’m probably lower energy or less fun to watch

7thSage: That’s probably why I’m losing viewers

7thSage: Fuck

7thSage: I need to get better at having like a streamer persona divorced from how I actually feel

7thSage: No one wants to see what I’m actually like (a weird, anxious, depressed gay trans girl)

7thSage: They want the fun challenge runs and speedrunning with commentary and et cetera

7thSage: I’m probably just interchangeable to all of them

7thSage: They’d be just as happy to watch any other streamer playing the same stuff

7thSage: None of them actually care about or like me as an individual

7thSage: I’m just mildly entertaining background noise

7thSage: Also, like, why did I want to be a streamer

7thSage: I’m doing nothing to make the world better

7thSage: If anything I’m making it worse by distracting people from things that actually matter

7thSage: Real life instead of video games

melsalvia: i hope you don’t take this in a negative way but to me it seems like you’re depressed and i think you’re projecting a bit onto others

melsalvia: i guess i can’t speak for others but i can definitely say that as a viewer i enjoyed watching you specifically. honestly with streamers i care more about their personality and sense of humor and vibe than i do about what game they’re playing

melsalvia: and i’ve always liked how you come off as relatively genuine. i think the big advantage of online content creation over stuff like TV and movies is that it feels more like people can get a genuine, relatively unfiltered view of another person. at the very least it feels more authentic, even if it probably isn’t in some cases (but i can confirm it is, in your case)

melsalvia: and i think people only have so much energy to think about and deal with real world problems and i actually think you’re making a positive difference in some people’s lives by entertaining them and helping them relax and distracting them from stressful stuff in the world

melsalvia: god knows there’s been lots of awful shit going down lately in politics in the US and i cannot think about that stuff any more than i already have. as an individual i really don’t have the power to stop or change that stuff, as much as i wish i did, and thinking about it impotently really just makes things worse with no upside. i feel like the best i can do is to at least not let the transphobes stop me from sometimes having fun and enjoying life and not thinking about them 

melsalvia: sorry kind of a wall of text but hopefully you get what i’m saying

7thSage: I guess? But if people actually wanted to watch me specifically for my personality etc, I feel like I wouldn’t be hemorrhaging viewers

melsalvia: okay let’s not exaggerate 

melsalvia: your views are basically the same as last week and the week before

melsalvia: really wouldn’t call it hemorrhaging 

7thSage: Okay look Mel sometimes I just want to complain. Sometimes I’m just unhappy. You don’t always have to try and talk me out of it

7thSage: Maybe you could just listen sometimes

melsalvia: ok sorry

melsalvia: :(

melsalvia: is there anything else you wanted to complain about?

7thSage: Not anymore

7thSage: I think I need some time to just go lie face down on my bed and cry

melsalvia: ok

melsalvia: ttyl

melsalvia: <3