Star Wars: Lost and Longing.

Chapter 121: CH-121:)



Shaak Ti observed her friend's behavior and said nothing, deciding not to pry; instead allowing Aayla time to compose her thoughts. She busied herself with the loosening of her heavy robes a bit, which were still quite warm from the journey between the upper canopy and the forest floor.

They now hung loose and open at the front, showing that underneath was thick straps of fabric that ran vertically preserving her modesty but allowing utter freedom of movement if she ditched her robes while it also hinted at expanses of red skin. Her patience was rewarded a few minutes later as Aayla finally broke the silence.

"And then…. and then there are the visions I keep seeing when I've meditated around him," Aayla's voice came softly.

Shaak Ti nodded a little bit "You described your visions to the Council."

Aayla nodded in affirmation, "Yes, that was the first vision I had back when I first tried sought guidance from the Force around Harry while on Nar Shaddaa."

"I was stressed, tired, and had nowhere else to turn when I meditated at that point, so I wonder if the Force made the vision more about motivating me with images that would inspire me to follow him at the time," She paused before she continued her voice very quiet. "But, I held some things back from the vision. Things… which the Council would have frowned upon had they known."

She knew she was confessing to another member of the Jedi High Council, but Shaak Ti had long been a confidant for Aayla. Shaak Ti wasn't much older than her, but always seemed to be far more self-possessed than she was. Aayla knew that Shaak Ti would give her honest feedback even if she was in the wrong, but she wouldn't snap to judgment the way some of the other Jedi Masters would.

"What did you see about him?" asked Shaak Ti with some concern in her voice.

"It wasn't about... him, at least not about him alone," said Aayla, and just how lost she was at the moment was never more apparent with the sudden downturn in her mood. "There were… personal elements in that first vision at the end, keeps flashing in my visions whenever I meditate. Just brief glimpses, an image, or a second or two."

"Aayla you should know from your first lessons at the Temple, that the future is always in motion. What you've seen may not come to pass. They are hints, possibilities, none of which may actually come true," Shaak Ti said calmly and reasonably.

When Aayla remained silent in response, Shaak Ti couldn't help but prod her for more answers. "Can you describe what you saw? You know that I will not judge you based upon a possible future that Force has gifted you with knowledge."

Aayla hesitated, looking up at Shaak Ti for a long moment before she nodded and looked down once more and spoke, quiet enough that Shaak Ti's enhanced hearing was required to pick up all the words.

"In my visions, I keep seeing Harry and I…" Her voice dropped to a whisper, "in very... intimate positions."

Shaak Ti merely raised a delicate brow in response.

Aayla shrugged self consciously and stared at the ground, she definitely did not want to get into specific images. "If it was once I could dismiss them. But, I mediated again last night, and saw the same images. They keep happening, and something about them feels...different. Content? Relieved? I don't know how to describe it."

"But you see no context? Nothing more than an image or two?" Shaak TI asked, her voice calm and without judgment.

Aayla nodded a little bit before stopping herself and then shaking her head. "Well… yes and no. At first, it was just a single image or brief glimpse of a small interaction, almost teasing in the Force as my initial glimpse of the future came to me Now though, It almost dominates my foresight more and more, in equal amounts with the visions of the war."

"It's not the same… 'embrace' every time. I can tell it's different occasions, and not just a solitary incident, but the mood is the same. I feel safe at the time, as well as… well... lust for him." Aayla voice dropped even further at the last part preparing for the inevitable reaction.

"I will reiterate what I said, the future is always in motion, just because you see things doesn't mean they will come to pass. And I will also add this caveat. 'You don't know the circumstances behind what you see.'"

Aayla nodded a bit, it was nothing more than what she had been telling herself for days now. It was hardly reassuring. She looked up suddenly. "You… won't share that with the Council?"

Shaak Ti shook her head firmly. "I will share nothing of what you've told me now with the Council. Even if it were to come to pass."

Shaak Ti placed a hand on her shoulder. "You haven't done anything, Aayla. The Force has shown you a possible path, and one that you haven't taken. You have committed no wrong."

"Despite what some may say," and Aayla snorted at the indirect reference to hardliners within the high council, "It's not against the code to see a possible future in the Force. You are not responsibility for possibilities of things that only might occur, and certainly not without any sort of context."

Aayla looked relieved and then seemed to steel herself. "There is one other thing. The biggest thing."

Shaak Ti tilted her head curiously, wondering what else she might be holding back.

Aayla turned to look at the door where Harry and Ahsoka had headed out a few minutes earlier. "My visions… tell me that the future is still at a crossroads. I'm upholding my part or at least what I understand of it. But… it still hinges on Harry."

Aayla's voice dropped and got soft. "He will have to choose between two paths. And those two paths will make the determination between having a chance for the Order to survive, or for it to be utterly destroyed."

"No matter which choice he makes, he is going to be hurt. One choice he will view as a betrayal on his part. The other… may cause him to lose himself." Aayla let the words hang in the air.

"Unfortunately I have no idea what the choices are or how I can help him," Aayla said as she slumped down.

"He must betray himself or lose himself… and with one of those decisions... the Jedi Order is lost?" mused Shaak Ti aloud.

Aalya shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. I'm not even sure I could tell you why I know that. It's just… what I got when I meditated last night. Getting not just images… but feelings"

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