Chapter 112: ED : Chapter 110: Monsters, Gungans, and Assassins, Oh My! I
(Otoh Gunga, 21.9 BBY, 5 minutes later)
"You want me to do what, Master?" Ahsoka cried. Momentarily neglecting the proprieties, as she stared at me incredulously.
"It's not a matter of want, Apprentice. I need you to pilot a submersible through the labyrinth core of Naboo," I reiterated for my disbelief-stricken apprentice in my most encouraging tone of voice.
I'd already opened the anti-flooding bulkheads, so Padme and Assistant Nuri were already engaged on my behalf with the commander of Boss Lyonie's personal detail of the militiagung. The latter was receiving medical attention for her relatively minor wound, even asi she quite emphatically expressed her displeasure with Rish Loo and, to a lesser extent, Ventress.
While that was going on, Lyonie hoarsely confirmed some of the more difficult to believe portions of recent events for his initially skeptical head of security. This convinced the Gungans to finally stop trying to forcibly deactivate the battle-droid who'd just handily thrashed a few dozen of their best, most heavily armed soldiers, even while tightly constrained by the need to cause his opponents no lasting harm.
IG-1's chassis now sported a few unsightly scuffs from the several dozen plasma discharges he'd been unable to dodge while laying down suppressive fire. Fortunately, the militiagung had been ordered to stand down before the anti-megafauna weaponry could be transferred from the city's outskirts and redeployed to this interior corridor.
My anxious Padawan was about to begin voicing her objections anew, so I chose to preempt them and save her the wasted breath, "Ahsoka, we have less than two hours to stop this war from happening.
That's not nearly enough time to hop from one narrow passage to another following one of the safe routes, so I'm going to be fully occupied pacifying all the dangerous aquatic megafauna we're sure to encounter, crossing the caverns between the larger tunnels.
Whenever I'm not occupied with that, the whole of my attention is going to be given over to divining the most direct survivable route through the core, so you see, there's really no other alternative."
Looking at me with large cyan eyes grown more than a little wild, the willowy young Togruta abandoned any pretense of Jedi calm. Exclaiming in a voice as loud as it was shrill, "No other alternative? NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE? HOW ABOUT I CAN'T POSSIBLY DO THAT? HOW'S THAT FOR AN ALTERNATIVE, MASTER?"
Padme, Nuri, Lyonie, plus all of the many other Gungans presently crammed into the Boss's private chamber; they all stopped what they were saying or doing, to stare in our direction at this outburst. Smiling benignly back at them, I reassured everyone it was nothing but a simple misunderstanding.
Taking my stricken apprentice by the elbow, I led her out into the corridor where we could speak more privately. The two guards standing watch outside Lyonie's door took one look at me, then they both fell in. Continuing their vigil to either side of the door's interior.
Once the door had hissed closed behind the two guards, I gave my apprentice a few moments to calm down, then began again in a calmer, more reasonable manner, "Ahsoka, I've seen your piloting scores.
Not only are you one of the twenty highest-scoring Initiates overall since Master Tiin was an Initiate in Clan Thranta, there was also next to no fall-off in your simulator marks, when you were suddenly required to transition from the Delta-7 to the Eta-2. Factually, there is nothing stopping you from being part of saving the Force alone knows how many lives here. Nothing but your fear of failure."
Looking her directly in the eye, I finished very softly, "Fear isn't actually real, Padawan. It exists only in your thoughts of the future, and only so long as you're willing to feed it with your self-doubt.
I tell you this as someone who can remember quite clearly just how insane these words sounded, when my Master first said them to me. Fear isn't the Great Enemy that many a Jedi would have you believe it is. It's nothing more, and nothing less, than the lie we tell ourselves to justify the times we failed to bring our full resources to bear because of our doubts."
Still maintaining eye contact, I finished by asking, "Now, with all that in mind, are you willing to confront your fear of failing with everything you have? If you can drive your fear back into unbeing here, it very well could mean saving a great many innocent people from dying senselessly."
Dropping her eyes to avoid meeting mine any longer, the scared young woman murmured bleakly, "What if I do my best, and it's just not good enough?"
Laying a hand on her shoulder, I replied with gentle conviction, "Then you fail, deal with the consequences of failure as best you can, then make the memory of your failure into fuel to improve.
You'll find yourself repeating that cycle throughout your life, until you won't fail again under a given set of circumstances. We call the cycle in question courage, for short. Fear will never stop trying to convince you to give it life, but not only can you learn to deny it, every denial will make you stronger and your self-doubt weaker, this I promise you."
Ahsoka remained silent for several moments, then, just as it began to seem like I was going to need to prompt her about the running clock, she gave a single sharp nod and said, "OK, show me this submersible. Sooner begun, sooner done, right Master?"
Smiling as I nodded my agreement with one of Master Koon's favorite sayings, I was about to turn and reenter the room to retrieve Padme, when the Force sang out to me concerning a number of intense spikes of fear and concern that continued their chiming discordance. All of them alive somewhere inside my new apprentice.
Already buried quite deeply within the teen's emotional and psychological landscape by a determined effort of will, it was only the abrupt shift in her feelings as this ongoing process of smothering certain emotions continued which had allowed me to snag a strong hint as to their existence. Her shields, basic as they are in their construction, were proving themselves surprisingly effective.
Shifting my attention back to Ahsoka for a moment, I quietly observed, "If something, anything, is bothering you, Ahsoka, I hope you know that you can always talk to me about it. Time may be short at the moment, but there will never be a time I won't be willing to help you. Even if the only thing I can do is make sure you feel heard, I'll do that, OK?"
I keep my eyes on her, despite the press of time I can feel slipping away from us, but a sudden frown and muttered.
"I, I don't think I'm ready to talk about that. Not just yet, anyways, Master," is all I get from her just then.
All the positivity of a moment ago has bled away. In its place, there's a purposeful resolve coming from my Padawan. It's a rather somber refrain in the Force, with transitory overtones I dislike immediately, for all that I can make nothing of them at the moment.
Unable to simply stand there and try to wait this inexplicable hesitance out, I offer, "When you're ready, then," before turning away to depress the appropriate pad to open the Boss's door and collect our charge.
Finding Padme standing there as the door hisses open is a bit more of a surprise than I had imagined it would be, but then it shouldn't come as a shocker that one of the most capable women in the history of the galaxy is finding her way around the nuances of a Force Bond a bit faster than I am.
I do have a lot on my mind, after all. Savior of the galaxy, what did I ever do to deserve that mindfuck?
For the first time in a great many years, I find myself asking that question again. Only for the closest thing I have to an answer to come rushing back to me, until it feels like I'm going to throw up for a second.
Padme's smile upon seeing me dimmed, as my suddenly tumultuous emotions washed over her, so I forced the most genuine smile I could muster back onto my face, and ask in a teasing tone, "Ready to be put in peril of being devoured by the horrors of the deep, so we can go on protecting you from the nefarious Dark Side assassins, Senator?"
Bobbing her head slightly, the lovely brunette gives me a look equal parts amusement and determination, before replying, "I have every confidence in you and Ahsoka, so why should I worry, Knight Skywalker? Assistant Nuri seems to have everything in hand here, while Boss Lyonie recovers, so I'm ready whenever you are."
A young male Otolla Gungan, who could best be described as a floppy-eared scarecrow, chose that moment to skip up to our small group. His uniform appears to have been taken in more than once, but it looks like it could have borne at least one more iteration of the process. Tossing us all an enthusiastic salute, he announced in a high, oddly breathy tone.
"Mesa bein Soldier Rin Rin. I'sa bein ordered tosa taking yousa to there main pooling, so yousa bein taking one of the scouting bongos. It'sa bein boom-bad timing for yousa to be setting out, but you'sa is Jedi Knighting Skywalker, so you'sa should bein all-right-y."
Thanking the young soldier graciously, I made an "After you" gesture. Said gesture netted me an extremely abrupt about-face, which had me ducking flying ears. As soon as Padme, Ahsoka, and IG-1 began to move, I started off after our excitable guide.
Taking a moment for a final word with a more senior member of the militiagung as I pass by, during which I advised them in the most strenuous terms to keep Ventress drugged into insensibility, until the Shadows could arrive to retrieve her.
Privately, I only gave the Gungans even odds of holding Ventress long enough for my fellow Jedi to arrive, but short of maiming or killing her in cold blood, the current circumstances didn't offer me any better alternatives.
At least not any that complied with the Code. Deciding it did me no good to dwell on things that were now beyond my power to affect, I dismissed the question of Ventress for the time being. Focusing instead on the trial ahead of us.
Taking a Gungan sub into deep water, just as the onset of evening announced the beginning of the nocturnal feeding cycle. The very idea was enough to have me checking in with the song of creation, as I sought to discern any discordant notes indicative of my having diverged at some point from the will of the Living Force.
Nothing. The Force seemed neither for nor against my plan to serve us up as sea monster-bait while in search of a shortcut. Its song simply continued without pause. Offering me no more insight than my actions, as always, still somehow remain in accord with my "destiny."
Taking a deep breath, as we jogged along behind Rin Rin, I released my doubts into the Force with one long exhalation. Consciously bringing to mind other "crazy" plans I'd implemented in the past.
"You carried each of those off, and they were all riskier than this. It's just Ahsoka and Padme being along for this one that's trying to throw you," I found myself thinking.
At least until I returned to considering my various successes. Remembering the trust both of them had placed in me recently, during the run on the Malevolence, I forcibly shake off the doubts trying to cling to me.
Wordlessly pointing out to my inner critic just how much circumstances had changed, now that I was no longer Dim.
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