Stalking Diary

Chapter 13

“What have you been up to? Come to think of it, we don’t have any overlapping classes this semester, do we?”

Joo Kwon-oh, who had been indifferent all along, raised the corners of his mouth in a friendly manner.

“You jerk. Don’t pretend you don’t know. Didn’t you turn me down when I asked you to join our competition team last week?”

“Ah, I’m not interested in competitions.”

“Start preparing your self-introduction early, kid. Anyway, enjoy your meal and see you later.”

“Oh, go on. Call me for basketball, not competitions. …Have you ordered?”

As soon as the conversation with his friend ended, Joo Kwon-oh asked me. I nodded.

The conversation stopped there. He didn’t seem interested in what I had ordered. It looked like he didn’t care what we ate.

From the moment his friend left, his face returned to its expressionless state. He didn’t look particularly happy. But it wasn’t bad either, just strangely uncomfortable.

Maybe it was too much to sit down and eat with just the two of us after all.

“It’s really crowded.”

“Yeah.”

Joo Kwon-oh answered indifferently. And then the conversation stopped again.

If he was going to be this awkward, why did he ask to eat together in the first place?

I felt a little depressed. Maybe I shouldn’t have come out. Whatever curiosity had motivated him to challenge himself to have a meal with me, if I had refused the invitation yesterday, I wouldn’t be feeling this heartache now.

Soon the food arrived, and in the meantime, another of Joo Kwon-oh’s friends appeared and greeted us.

It felt less like eating with Joo Kwon-oh and more like sharing a table with a bunch of Hanguk University students.

Joo Kwon-oh, who had looked displeased from the moment we entered, didn’t say a word throughout eating the pizza.

“……”

“……”

I too felt self-conscious and kept my mouth shut, mechanically putting food in my mouth and swallowing.

Suddenly feeling choked, I took a sip of cola and then bit my lower lip out of habit.

As I focused solely on eating for a while, I inadvertently looked up and met Joo Kwon-oh’s eyes. He was sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed, looking at me. However, he didn’t particularly say anything. He hadn’t touched the pizza since eating the first slice.

“……”

I moved my lips, then gathered the courage to speak again.

“Do you dislike pizza?”

“No.”

“…I heard this place was the best.”

“Is that so.”

When I tried to talk, I got dismissive short answers, and he wasn’t eating either, so I didn’t know what I should do here.

I finished the remaining piece of pizza in my hand and wiped my hands with a napkin. Joo Kwon-oh, who had been watching this without missing a detail, soon took out his phone from his pocket. He then shifted his attention, bowing his head and killing time by looking at his phone.

I glanced at him bitterly from the corner of my eye. If my personality had been lively and extroverted, at least it wouldn’t have been such a bleak atmosphere with not a single word exchanged.

We finally got to eat together, but I felt pathetic that I couldn’t do anything other than awkwardly swallow pizza.

As my mood was sinking lower and lower, I felt my phone vibrate. Since I had nothing else to do anyway, I slowly took out my phone to check the notification.

But unexpectedly, there was a KakaoTalk message from an unexpected person.

[Joo Kwon-oh: Didn’t you save my KakaoTalk?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: ?]

I looked at Joo Kwon-oh with surprised eyes. He pointed at his phone as if telling me to reply quickly.

Even though we’re right in front of each other, using KakaoTalk?

[Me: Yeah]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Why]

[Me: I thought you wouldn’t like it..]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Save it. It took me a while to find you]

[Me: How did you know my ID?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Added you from the general education group chat]

[Me: Oh, I see]

“But why not just talk…”

As soon as I opened my mouth, another KakaoTalk message came in.

[Joo Kwon-oh: Use KakaoTalk]

[Me: Why are you sending messages instead of talking?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: There are too many people from our school here]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Can’t talk out loud–]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Why are we eating in front of the school]

I wonder what he wants to say that makes him do this. I briefly scanned the bustling restaurant and then quietly waited for Joo Kwon-oh’s next chat to appear on my phone.

It must be about the notes, right? But didn’t he mention that without hesitation in the lecture room yesterday?

[Joo Kwon-oh: I have something I want to ask]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Have you ever kissed a guy?]

As soon as the chat appeared, I thought my eyes were deceiving me.

My eyes widened as if they were about to pop out. When I looked at Joo Kwon-oh again, he nodded his chin as if telling me to write a reply quickly.

[Me: Why do you ask that?]

My hands trembled slightly as I typed.

[Joo Kwon-oh: Because I want to try it.]

The following KakaoTalk message was even more shocking.

[Joo Kwon-oh: It might seem a bit crazy, but thinking about it, it’s not a loss for you, right?]

He wants to kiss a guy? And with me?

I forgot that I needed to reply and read the sentence Joo Kwon-oh had sent over and over again.

When I didn’t move for several seconds, Joo Kwon-oh’s patience seemed to run out, and he tapped the table as if knocking. It meant for me to reply quickly.

I swallowed dryly and rolled my eyes. I looked at Joo Kwon-oh once, then scanned the restaurant.

It was certainly an impossible topic to bring up in a place like this, overflowing with Hanguk University students.

[Joo Kwon-oh: Hey, are you ignoring me?]

[Me: Why so suddenly?]

I composed myself and wrote a reply.

[Joo Kwon-oh: Do I need a reason when I’m horny?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: You’re a guy, you should understand]

[Me: I don’t really…]

Normally, you don’t ask to kiss the person who’s been stalking you just because you want to kiss a guy.

[Joo Kwon-oh: Playing hard to get lol]

[Joo Kwon-oh: You like guys anyway so it shouldn’t matter]

[Joo Kwon-oh: It’s just touching lips once]

“……”

Because I like guys, touching lips with a guy shouldn’t matter? This was an extremely heterosexual perspective.

But ridiculously, it wasn’t wrong for me.

I was thinking that, as Joo Kwon-oh said, I didn’t mind touching lips with him, and that I could do it several times.

But there’s a difference between having the desire to kiss and suddenly actually proposing to kiss.

“Do it or not.”

“…Huh?”

“Hurry up and say it.”

Frustrated, Joo Kwon-oh urged me this time with words, not KakaoTalk.

While I was hesitating on how to reply, an unfamiliar woman approached our table.

“Oh? It really is Kwon-oh. Are you eating here too?”

As expected, she was there to greet Joo Kwon-oh.

“Ah, In-young. Did you get home safely yesterday?”

“Yeah. If it wasn’t for the taxi you caught for me, I might not have made it home.”

“If we couldn’t catch a taxi, I would have had to take you home myself.”

“Hey, what’s that. Maybe I should have pretended we couldn’t catch one. Hehe.”

Words that might have seemed cheesy if someone else said them sounded like movie lines when Joo Kwon-oh said them. As expected, even his voice changes when dealing with women.

The woman tilted her head and giggled, playfully hitting Joo Kwon-oh’s shoulder, finding something so amusing about his gentle attitude.

Well, I suppose just looking at Joo Kwon-oh’s face is funny enough.

Now that I look closely, she was the woman sitting next to Joo Kwon-oh in the photo tagged on Instagram yesterday.

Joo Kwon-oh, laughing and talking about what happened yesterday with the woman, looked like a heterosexual to anyone watching.

So why does he want to kiss me? Why?

Moreover, my lower lip had a faint scab for days due to my habit of pressing it with my upper teeth whenever I was conscious of Joo Kwon-oh. He wouldn’t like something like this…

Is he the type with curiosity several times stronger than others?

“Hey, aren’t you going to answer? How long do I have to wait?”

Joo Kwon-oh nudged the toe of my shoe under the table, urging me.

While I was lost in thought, the woman must have left, as only Joo Kwon-oh and I were at the table.

Again, that stiff and indifferent voice he uses when dealing with men. For some reason, I felt a surge of emotion.

Honestly, isn’t it a win-win situation? I don’t know what changes in mood he went through to reach the conclusion of wanting to kiss me, but although it’s surprising, it’s not a loss for me.

In the end, I nodded.

“Is that a yes?”

“…Yeah.”

Only then did Joo Kwon-oh, who had been watching me askance with his chin resting on his hand, smile with satisfaction.

“Are you done with the pizza?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I’m leaving first.”

Stretching, Joo Kwon-oh got up from his seat. His attitude was as if he had no more business with me.

*

A few hours after parting ways at the pizza place, I got a KakaoTalk message from Joo Kwon-oh.

[Joo Kwon-oh: When do you want to do it]

[Joo Kwon-oh: ?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: I meant to ask earlier but forgot]

I fell into thought while holding my phone. Come to think of it, the location is an issue.

First of all, a studio apartment came to mind. From what I heard, Joo Kwon-oh lives alone. I also live alone near the school, so it would be cleanest to do the deed in one of our rooms.

But coming to a studio apartment to kiss between guys seemed like something that would only happen between very close friends.

According to my analysis, trying to approach this as rationally as possible, Joo Kwon-oh must have suddenly felt curious about me due to some stimulus. That stimulus must have led to the thought of wanting to try kissing.