Spreading Gospel as the God of Bishoujo

Page Thirteen Misfortunes Never Come Alone

The golden rimless glasses were perched on Sīmǎ’s expressionless face. The meticulously styled three-to-seven part with abundant hair gel and oil accentuated an elite aura. The red armband inscribed with “Discipline” symbolized his noble status as a student council member.

This person stood at the entrance of the men’s bathroom in an awkward stance, arms crossed, as if a stand-in would pop out from behind him any second.

“Oh, good afternoon, Yán Liúzhuǎn,” Tán Lǐn Huā, who was in the same class as him, greeted first.

But I was quite troubled. My large-framed glasses were still in my hand, not yet put on. It was already too careless of me to be seen in my true form by two people in one day. Although there weren’t many people specifically going up to the fifth floor for the restroom, it was normal for student council members to use the facilities near the student council office.

I couldn’t help but think that this cold, ascetic, or perhaps puritanical Discipline Committee Chair had some level of composure. He didn’t seem surprised by my dazzling face and kept his poker face, as if everyone owed him money.

Is this guy the modern-day Liu Xiahui?

“Oh, Yán Liúzhuǎn seems stunned.”

Tán Lǐn Huā waved her hand in front of Yán Liúzhuǎn’s eyes, only to find him motionless like a wax figure, not even blinking. I immediately understood; he wasn’t unresponsive, but rather his reaction was so intense that it caused a system crash.

I knew this situation all too well; it was just like how my father reacted when approached by women.

I quickly put on my large-framed glasses, pulling down my bangs to cover most of my face. This face, inherited from my mother, had such impact that even an ascetic couldn’t remain unaffected.

“This is your responsibility. Don’t tell him who I am… I, I’ll sneak off first…”

I thought about it; since I wasn’t familiar with him, Yán Liúzhuǎn probably couldn’t connect me without glasses to Cháng Kǎi. Before he could reboot his brain, I fled into the bathroom, leaving Tán Lǐn Huā at a loss.

“Huh? Kǎi-Chan, I can’t carry this!”

Sorry, Lǐn Huā, about considering making you my “girlfriend”… Let’s leave that for next time.

Although I don’t know why Yán Liúzhuǎn crashed, I really don’t want to deal with someone with such peculiar settings…

“Hey, you’re slow!”

Zhào Zhào was already sitting on the stairs waiting for me at the staircase leading to the rooftop. He held a fried noodle sandwich in one hand and a can of coffee milk in the other, chewing while complaining.

What’s the difference between coffee-flavored milk and café au lait?

“Sorry, something unexpected happened.”

“Here, ham and egg sandwich.”

As soon as I sat down, Zhào Zhào put down his can and pulled out a sandwich from a white plastic bag beside him.

The soft toast bread, thick ham slices, and half-cooked yolky eggs looked appetizing…

But Zhào Zhào’s fried noodle sandwich seemed more tempting! The red soy sauce-stained noodles and meat strips topped with sweet egg yolk sauce made for an irresistible combination, making me want to eat it!

“I’d rather have the fried noodle sandwich…”

“Really? Want to try mine?”

He even held out the half-eaten bread to my mouth.

I quickly turned my head away in horror: “Who’d want to eat bread that a gorilla has eaten!”

“Wow? You’re that disgusted? If it were Zhaò Lěi, you’d eat it?”

If it were Zhaò Lěi? I closed my eyes and imagined her feeding me bread: her fresh smile like a cool breeze carrying the scent of grass, offering the bitten piece to my lips. Her wild red-dyed hair highlighted her rebellious personality, contrasting sharply with her obedient gesture—though perfect if she were blushing…

Then I opened my eyes to see Zhào Zhào, the gorilla, shaking his head.

All day, Zhào Zhào hinted at using the beautiful girl’s notebook. He still remembered the gender-swap obsession… It’s understandable; teenage boys wouldn’t be immune. If not for the fear of exposure or serious consequences, I would’ve taken the school register and started the “Boys’ School Rescue Plan.”

I also wish Zhào Zhào could become Zhaò Lěi. After all, he promised me a reward? But the beautiful girl’s notebook isn’t here, so I can’t start the protagonist’s exclusive plotline of eating lunch with a beautiful girl.

“Sorry, I didn’t bring the notebook with me; it’s in my backpack.”

Hearing I didn’t have it, Zhào Zhào seemed more anxious than me: “If this precious thing gets lost or stolen, what will happen to my infiltration plan into the girls’ school?”

“That notebook is sixteen pages long. Where do I keep this thing on me? Besides, carrying a Death Note around would get me labeled as a delusional teenager.”

I don’t want to participate in Zhào Zhào’s girls’ school infiltration plan anyway… Since I can’t transform and don’t want to wear women’s clothes, getting caught would have severe consequences.

“Damn! Chairman, you don’t understand the value of that artifact. Let me handle it…”

“No, it’s bound to me alone.”

“So unfair!”

Due to oversleeping and the incident in the bathroom, we didn’t have much time. I quickly finished my sandwich and went downstairs with Zhào Zhào.

We coincidentally met Yán Liúzhuǎn and Tán Lǐn Huā coming out of the student council office, presumably heading back to their classroom.

Our Discipline Committee Chair looked like a ghost, eyes open but unfocused, not even looking at us, mumbling, “Where is my Aphrodite?” Having seen my true face before, none reacted like him, which was somewhat frightening. If a big man obsessed over me every day, I’d shiver.

Fortunately, the “campus beauty” didn’t reveal the truth about “Aphrodite” to him.

Thinking this, I gave Tán Lǐn Huā a grateful look. This truly helped a lot—even though I wore large-framed glasses, I wasn’t sure if she received my gratitude.

Zhào Zhào, however, looked intrigued, watching me and Yán Liúzhuǎn with keen interest. Despite his low intelligence, he was sensitive to this matter… Was this the “gorilla sense”?

We barely made it into the classroom just before the bell rang—actually, it was still self-study in the afternoon, and the homeroom teacher took attendance and left.

After school, as agreed, I met Orange and Xiǎo Hǎi Táng at the girls’ school main gate with Zhào Zhào.

But no one was there. Orange, who was supposed to pick up Xiǎo Hǎi Táng, was nowhere to be seen either.

I wonder what Xiǎo Hǎi Táng is up to. She should have arrived earlier than us.

So we stood nervously by the wall, far from the gate—why did we need to be nervous?

Because the security guards were trying to intimidate us with their gazes, especially Zhào Zhào. As a notorious male student who repeatedly breached their defenses, he was a prime target, and additional security was posted at the gate, treating us like enemies.

Facing this, Zhào Zhào broke into a cold sweat.

“Tsk, I’m not here to cause trouble. What’s with this level of security?”

Why haven’t they fired you yet?

“Yo, Chairman, Gorilla, sorry for the wait!”

“Who’s calling me gorilla!”

Unable to look at the main gate due to the security guards, we faced the wall, reflecting. After waiting for over twenty minutes, Xiǎo Hǎi Táng’s voice came from behind us.

“Orange arrived early, so I brought her inside to tour the school and got her a uniform.”

Bìyáng Girls’ School’s summer uniform consists of a short-sleeved white shirt with a black ribbon and a khaki checkered pleated skirt, exuding a strong British style. The length of the skirt is modified according to personal preference and leg length. Xiǎo Hǎi Táng’s skirt was very short, showcasing her long legs in knee-high socks.

“Brother, does this look good on me?” (Imagine: “Brother, do I look pretty today?”)

However, today, not only Xiǎo Hǎi Táng but also Orange, standing behind her, was wearing the same uniform. Unlike Xiǎo Hǎi Táng, whose attributes were skewed, Orange was perfectly proportioned, with standard height, chest, and legs, a textbook example of a beautiful girl. Unfortunately, Orange’s skirt was long, dragging to her calves, likely to hide her cat tail.

“You look great, Orange, you look good in anything!”

I really want to hug Orange! This child has the talent to be a pillow!

“The gorilla over there, you can bring your cousin to eat together. I quite like that girl.”

Xiǎo Hǎi Táng suddenly attacked, catching Zhào Zhào off guard, causing him to respond hastily, even contradicting himself.

“My cousin… she went home, our families don’t interact much…”

“What a pity, bring her next time to play together.”

“Okay, no problem.”

Thankfully, Xiǎo Hǎi Táng didn’t press further on Zhaò Lěi. I quickly changed the topic.

“Since everyone’s here, let’s go eat at Old Fēng’s place.”

“It’s not urgent, Old Fēng’s stall doesn’t get busy. No matter when we go, there’s always a seat.”

Zhào Zhào’s blunt words sounded hurtful, but he meant no harm.

Old Fēng’s food stall wasn’t doing well, not because of shoddy work or bad cooking, but because running a business isn’t just about skill.

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