23. Edibles
Alfredo continued holding his fist in the air.
“Doin’ what?” Alfredo asked.
“Fisting.”
“Fisting?”
Ebony laughed.
“Holding your fist in the air.”
He bought his hand down, “Didn’t you hear the announcement?”
“I wasn’t listening. My leg hurts and I was hungry.”
Alfredo rubbed his right cheek, “For tuh love of it.”
Azoria clapped slowly, “Okay, you can relax now. You don’t have to keep kneeling if you don’t want to. All this reverence makes me uncomfortable. Look at how hard I’m blushing.”
Azoria stood up from her throne and walked back to her podium. The vast cave covered in chains spread before her. It looked a bit less crowded than it had before.
A flying rainbow-colored roach smacked dead center against her face and clung in front of her nose. There were a few gasps from the audience. She poked it patiently on the abdomen so that it crawled up to her forehead, a little to the left. Its legs clutched against her hair to keep her bangs apart. It made a colorful accessory.
She waited far too long to say anything. The cave remained an earie silent except for the occasional rattle of a chain or the clack of a skull from the empty throne.
“Those of you who had the wisdom to kneel, you are now hereby granted the status of honorary Demonians. The more intelligent denizens of this dungeon will know to look the other way so long as you don’t pick a fight. They may even obey your orders if you gain enough power. Don’t count on the same treatment from the less sapient inhabitants though. You’ll have a mark that you can make appear on the back of your right hand whenever you desire a little power boost.”
Mark, among others, checked the back of his hand. He saw the swirl of a black line that ended at a sharp looking spade at the center.
“You can consider this dungeon your home, and myself your benevolent queen. Now clap for me.”
Silence.
Azoria clapped her hands to send a thunderous shock through the reception cave. As the shockwave crashed against the back walls a disintegration of portions of the structure occurred. The granite crumbled away to reveal the half oval shapes of ten imposing doorways. Each doorway stood nearly a story high and multiple meters wide. A line separated the two sections. Large iron rings served as knockers. Square patterns cut into the iron doors glistened sharply without a hint of rust. In the center of each square there were etchings of various creatures.
Azoria clapped her hands again and sent another thunderous shockwave through the cave. This time nothing new appeared.
“I said CLAP for me!”
Uproarious applause. There was a long period of clapping until Azoria finally decided to let her minions rest.
“And since you are now privileged honorary members of Demonian society, you may now choose one of the ten doors that have been opened by the sacrificial pawns.”
The ten doors stood ominously. Each remained shut and each gave off a purplish black aura visible to anyone who had the slightest spiritual sensitivity. Flanking each door were Azoria doppelgangers. They stood like professional airline stewardesses, even wearing a proper blue uniform with gold buttons and a neatly trimmed knee length dress. The spades of their tails decorated the matching caps they wore.
A creak and rumbling shuffle accompanied the opening of the doors all at once. The faint purple black glow became a deeply bright purple mingling with a black smog that looked poisonous. As some of the vapor dissipated, the glowing purple teleportation rings could be seen by anyone close enough to peer inside.
As smoking chains spread the slickly sweet strong odor of burnt flesh and stains of bodily fluids and feces were scattered about the floor with the occasional stale corpse, anyone who could still walk approached the exits. All the Azoria doppelgangers spoke in unison to the gathering crowd.
“Only the honorary Demonians may pass for the next twelve hours,” they said in cute high-pitched voices that could be heard clearly and evenly throughout the entire cave, “A group of up to five may enter a given portal once every fifteen minutes to avoid overcrowding. Thank you for staying in Azoria's lair. We hope you enjoyed your stay. Please help yourself to the complimentary mint before you continue on your journey. We wish you happy travels and great times.”
With that explanation they gave a little tilt to invite whoever would choose a door to go inside and be transported. Azoria walked back to her throne but turned around before she sat as if she forgot something.
“Ah, I forgot that you humans have bodily needs, please forgive my lack of hospitality. The bite-bite-mites will clean your messes, but you do need food.”
Azoria snapped her fingers. A crate fell in the middle of the cave between two burning chains. It smashed over the granite. A cascade of tan boxes labeled Nutrition Bar slid over the floor. A tension developed as teams now approached the crate rather than the open doors. Though the sound of whooshing could be heard as a few people and parties choose to exit and left without bothering to check the food.
Mike, the knight, glanced back once "Do you want one too?" He asked in a hushed whisper, "Don't worry, if you're tired I'll get it for you. You can eat it later, when you're feeling peckish." He grabbed two complimentary mints from a bowl before adjusting his dried bride over his back and exiting through door number seven.
Azoria waved a hand about, “There’s more than enough delicious Nutrition Bar for everybody. No fighting.”
Fedor knelt before Azoria and seemingly had no intention of going anywhere as long as he was in her presence.
Alfredo checked with his team.
“Do yuh think one of us could go and grab some of that grub? Even if it’s a trap, we still gotta eat. No food or water for over a day is killin’ me.”
Circe looked away in another direction, as she had finished the entire bar. Ebony’s stomach grumbled as well. Lots of stomachs were suddenly grumbling throughout the cave.
“She didn’t even drop any water,” Ebony said, “That’s a far more dire emergency. Everyone in this cave must be dehydrated by now.”
Circe realized her throat and mouth felt quite dry, so did Alfredo. She put her hands on the floor and yelled at the top of her voice toward the stage.
“Hey, Demon Lady! What about water!? We’re going to die of thirst before we die of hunger!”
Azoria yawned, “Non-honorary Demonian says what?”
Fedor, who was especially dehydrated, stood, “My lady, short one is speaking true. We need the water bad.”
“Aww, dumpling, you’re so cute when you’re thirsty! But you’ll need to figure this out on your own. I’m here to train you, not hold your hand.”
No water? Did that mean he’d have to find it on his own? The slices along his thighs and gut, barely held together by self-sealing fat, made it difficult to stay standing. His healing came with pain, every motion, every jiggle, felt like a slice with that terrible jagged katana. A deep breath pulled into his lungs as he looked at the pitiful woman and her party. The demon man could not risk leaving his party unattended, as the dead meat could not move. Who would get them the food they need to survive if he did not assert himself?
He watched as the officer and his team had another conference; this time they were leaving him out of it. It didn’t much matter. Fedor pushed himself to his feet, slowly he walked to the smashed crate where people were already helping themselves to as much as they could carry. The officer and his crew followed him, though they were faster and got to the crate first.
“Alright, alright, stop hoarding the food!” Mark’s baton slammed the granite to make his point clearer, “We’re taking charge of the distribution of these items. Looters get a beating. Are we clear!?”
“And who put you in charge?” asked the baseball player.
Fedor caught up with the group, but remained behind them. His fierce visage backed them up.
"We’re the strongest team here," Mark said, "We commanded the front of the stage throughout the entire chaos. We didn’t lose anybody to the chains. And we defeated the berserker without help. I think that puts us firmly in the top of the running. Wouldn’t you agree bat man?”
The baseball player stood up as the end of his bat slapped down into his left palm.
“Who are you calling bat man like it's funny or something? I can show you some bat, man.”
“Can you people just chill for one moment!” Nickey said, “I refushe to deal with unnecceshary fighting! We should be working together.”
“Look at him though,” Banko said, “He doesn’t even have Azoria’s mark. He’s a nobody. He’s an athlete yet he’s the opposite of a team player. He’s only in it for himself.”
A glossy dress shoe stomped onto the granite as Banko leaned forward, “I expected an athlete of a team sport to know better how social dynamics work.”
Skill Up: Sanity Drain Novice 03 Attained
The baseball player growled slightly in protest, but backed away from the lecture before it went any further. He didn’t like the way it made him feel and he didn’t want to continue listening. He did feel an odd sort of motivating boost, but the anger and confusion that came with it wasn't worth it.
“Fine, fine, team player, I’m with you guys so long as everything is distributed fairly.”
Banko stood firmly, looking quite victorious. Mark took it from there.
“You heard the man, everyone line up into your team and we’ll get this distributed nice and fairly. Carson, Banko, let’s get this crate out of the way so we can stack and count the boxes.”
“Whatever,” but he and Banko started fumbling with the broken crate top to try and lift it from the smashed bottom while the baseball player and Nickey stood guard.
“Almost makes me have faith in humanity,” Mark said, “Almost.”
The top of the box finally ripped off. Something popped like a plastic seal had broken. Banko and Carson screamed as a cascade of roaches poured from the crate to swarm towards the queuing teams. The jagged wood supports of the broken crate top fell over some Nutrient Bar boxes, crushing some while tearing open the boxes and the sealed packs. A few roaches crunched into a mushy mess.
Azoria laughed from her throne, “What? Everyone looks grossed out. Are they not edible?”