Solo For Two

This incident occurred because no one expected Sasha to be bold enough to flip the table. Initially, many thought Sasha had lost his mind and nearly harmed an innocent person, including Levin.That was before everyone learned Clarkson’s true identity.“He was a rapist.”Julian pointed to an article in an old local newspaper.“It says here that he sexually assaulted countless young men, but there was no evidence or witnesses, so it was dismissed as rumors. He claimed he only shared a bed with them and didn’t engage in any sexual activity. It seems he was scared of being accused of sodomy… He served time for crimes against women. What a piece of trash.”Julian continued, frowning.“I don’t believe in rehabilitation. Once someone’s life is ruined by serving time, they’re even less hesitant to commit crimes again. People like him should be kept in prison longer.”“Agreed,” Sasha suddenly chimed in, finding common ground.After waking up, Sasha remembered that he had attacked a stranger rather than the Duke. At first, he was overwhelmed with guilt, but learning that the man was a rapist who had repeatedly committed assaults seemed to ease his conscience.Frowning slightly, Sasha added, “I thought he looked familiar…”“It was a notorious case, so it was probably in the papers everywhere.”“Yes. When the stage lights came on, and I saw him in the front row, I knew I’d seen him somewhere before.”“So that’s what triggered it.”Julian, having identified the cause of Sasha’s delusion, sat down with a sense of relief.Karel also felt relieved after learning the reason. Although Sasha’s hallucinations hadn’t completely disappeared, they had been happy ones for the past three years. The fact that this recent hallucination had triggered memories of the past had made Karel a bit nervous, but knowing the cause now put his mind at ease.In any case, the chapter on the past was finally closed.As Karel let out a light sigh, Sasha leaned in closer, sitting beside him, and whispered in his ear.“Karel, so… since that guy was a molester, wouldn’t cutting off his wrist have been self-defense…?”“No, Sasha, it wouldn’t.”“Really…?”Karel, finding it difficult to answer, kissed his brutal lover on the cheek.＊ ＊ ＊After enjoying two days of leisure in Boston, Karel and Sasha returned to New York. On the way back, Georg, who had come up to Boston, helped carry their luggage. Sasha, feeling a bit embarrassed about having Karel, Georg, and two porters handle the luggage, boarded the train.On the way back, Georg suddenly spoke up.“It feels strange.”“What does?”“Levin. He usually accompanied us on the way back.”Sasha nodded.“Charles still doesn’t understand why we left Levin behind.”As a result, Charles, exhausted from crying, had swollen, red eyes.More than just a nanny to Charles, Levin was already like family to Sasha. While Levin’s life had improved significantly, it still felt a bit lonely.“Are you going to hire a new nanny?” Georg asked, to which Karel shook his head.“Not for now.”“And I’m free now that the tour is over…” Georg shrugged.“It’ll be hard to find someone as good as her.”“I agree.”“Then let’s take our time looking,” Georg added, saying he would start searching slowly once they returned to New York. Karel hugged Sasha’s shoulder, who was feeling a bit down.“But thanks to that, Levin has truly become part of our family.”“You’re right.”“Levin has so much potential. She’ll be able to find it.”Karel’s words seemed almost prophetic.Indeed, before the year was out, Sasha received a letter from Levin saying she had been accepted into a university. In the letter, she mentioned her deep interest in the human mind and brain, and how she was now keenly aware of the importance of “clinical work,” enjoying her experiments with Julian.Sasha was genuinely happy about Levin’s changed future. He hoped that living with someone like him, who had struggled with mental illness, had been worth it for her and that it would help her in her research on the effectiveness of clinical work.＊ ＊ ＊3 weeks later.“You’re hiring a nanny…? Already?”Georg was bewildered by Karel’s sudden change of mind. He didn’t understand why the two men who had previously insisted on raising Charles themselves for the next six months had suddenly changed their minds.“Yes, that’s how it is. Um… there are a few conditions, though.”“Conditions?”Karel’s pale face showed a mix of confusion and embarrassment. Georg, suspicious of what might have happened in the household, focused on what Karel had to say.“She must be very discreet. It would be good if she’s the kind of person who can calmly overlook any strange behavior… And it would be ideal if she has experience caring for a pregnant woman.”“…Pregnant woman?”Georg asked sharply, his face tense.“Did you have an affair?”“Of course not.”Karel replied, his expression just as sharp. Ignoring him, Georg continued to press.“Are you living a double life…? Oh my God, you’ve finally done it. Who is the woman? Does Sasha know? Poor Sasha Sedrin…”In that brief moment, Georg unleashed a barrage of accusations at Karel. Already struggling to find the right words, Karel felt his frustration growing as Georg’s lack of cooperation only made things worse.He took a deep breath and calmly replied, “The pregnant woman is Sasha.”Georg’s face showed utter confusion as he asked, “So, who’s the crazy one here?”“It’s not me.”Karel responded firmly, then rubbed his temples as he added, “As soon as we deal with one thing, another comes up. Sasha thinks he’s pregnant with my child.”“…Another delusion?”Karel nodded.It had started a week ago.Charles had come running up to Karel, wrapping his small arms around Karel’s leg, and looked up at him with eyes full of trust.“Dad, how was I born?”Karel stumbled over his words.“You… you were a gift from God.”“No, I wasn’t!”Just three or four months ago, Charles would have accepted that answer, but he had grown in the meantime, and now he strongly denied it.“A stork brought you.”“That’s not true either!”“From a cabbage patch…”“No!”“Seems like you already know the answer?”Charles nodded his head vigorously.“I came from Sasha’s tummy!”“Really?”“Yes, it’s true. I remember it clearly.”Looking down at Charles, who was insisting on this impossible story, Karel smiled, thinking it was just the wild imagination of a child.“Sasha told me that when a baby is made, it has to stay in the mommy’s tummy for ten months, like a baby kangaroo in its mommy’s pouch. Dad, do you know what a kangaroo is?”“Of course.”“Have you seen one?”At that moment, Karel felt a twinge of unease, realizing that this strange idea had not come from Charles but from Sasha.To make matters worse, Charles started running around the house shouting, “I came from Sasha’s tummy!”He was so excited that he began racing around the living room, spinning in circles. Karel picked him up, trying to calm him down.“Dad, do you think my baby brother or sister is safe in Sasha’s tummy? What if they want to come out and play?”“Huh?”Thinking Karel didn’t understand him, Charles spoke in frustration.“No, I mean the baby in Sasha’s tummy.”“What on earth are you talking about, kiddo?”“Dad, why are you being so dense?”Only then did Karel start sweating as he realized that this might not just be a child’s wild imagination but rather another of Sasha’s delusions. He rushed to Sasha, his heart pounding.“Karel…”Sasha, lying in bed, looked up at him with eyes full of love.Even when Karel awkwardly kissed Sasha on the forehead, Sasha remained quietly reclining in bed. It was unusual, considering that Sasha would typically be wandering around the house at this time.Just then, Sasha carefully turned over, holding his stomach, and Karel felt a pang of dread.“Sasha, uh… is your stomach okay?”Karel asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer.“It feels fine today.”“Right… So, how far along are you again?”Karel asked, hoping Sasha would snap back to reality.“How could you forget? It’s four months.”“Oh, right…”He really thinks he’s pregnant.But no matter how Karel looked at Sasha’s flat, muscular stomach, it remained perfectly toned and firm. Yet, in his delusion, Sasha seemed to believe his belly was growing.Karel, bewildered, continued to care for Sasha.Sasha, who was completely convinced that he was pregnant, got out of bed, clutching his back as if his stomach was heavy. During meals, he even experienced morning sickness, and that evening, before going to bed, he asked Karel to help him into the bathtub.As Karel went through the day, he decided to take this situation positively, finding Sasha’s belief that he was pregnant quite endearing.However, that night, an unexpected problem arose.“No, Karel….”Sasha refused Karel, who was deeply kissing him and sliding his hand under Sasha’s clothes.“The baby might get startled.”Karel groaned, sensing something ominous.“Sasha….”“Let’s just sleep, Karel.”“…But you’re aroused too.”Karel tried to persuade him a little, but Sasha was genuinely serious about refusing to be intimate.From Karel’s perspective, it was like a bolt from the blue.“Sasha? So you’re planning not to do it with me anymore?”“I can’t help it.”“So for the next five months…? Continuously? Really?”“Yeah….”Sasha added apologetically, “I could help you with my hand?”This was driving him crazy.Enduring two months on tour was already torturous, but now he’d have to wait half a year?‘Sasha, you’re a man. You can’t get pregnant!’Even though he knew saying that wouldn’t help break the delusion, Karel felt like he was losing his mind. Feeling sharp, Karel calmly pressed Sasha, hoping he might realize the flaw in his logic and snap out of it.“But when exactly did you get pregnant?”“I think it was then… on the last day of the tour, in the dressing room….”“In the dressing room? But that was less than two months ago! You said earlier that you were four months along….”“Anyway, you… you came inside me back then.”Sasha, unwilling to hear anything that didn’t fit his narrative, blamed Karel for the pregnancy. But in this situation, Karel couldn’t retort, “Weren’t you the one who told me to come inside?” Just thinking about saying that made him feel like the epitome of a pathetic, petty man.Karel swallowed his words with effort. At one time, it had been his wish to have a child with Sasha, but now they had already adopted Charles. Besides, Karel, who lived as a confident homosexual, had never once imagined he’d end up in such a situation.Feeling wronged, Karel asked, “Most people try for two or three months to get pregnant, but Sasha, why did it happen to you in just one night?”“That’s because of you. You came a lot… and did it a lot….”“Then what about the tour that starts this summer? You can’t perform with a pregnant body.”Sasha had a strong attachment to performing on stage. Karel, hoping Sasha would snap out of his delusion, brought up the tour.But Sasha hesitated before replying, “Well, I can’t help it….”“This is driving me insane.”At Karel’s words, Sasha’s eyes briefly showed a hurt expression.“Karel, what’s wrong with you?”Before Karel could think, “I’ve made a mistake,” Sasha began to sob.“I didn’t know you’d hate it. I thought you’d be happy if I had your child….”“Sasha….”“You’re the one who asked me to have a baby.”As Sasha’s tears began to fall, Karel felt like tearing his hair out.I’m the one who caused this delusion.‘I don’t hate the idea of having a baby; I’m just shocked that your delusion started again. If I were genuinely happy about a man being pregnant, I’d be the crazy one.’But Karel couldn’t say that. Instead, he quickly moved closer to Sasha, who was crying, and gently held him, comforting him.“I’m sorry, Sasha. I’m trash. I didn’t consider how you might feel. It’s not that I dislike or am annoyed by this.”He then showered Sasha with kisses on his forehead, wet eyes, and tear-streaked cheeks.“I’m truly happy that you’re carrying my child… and it makes me love you even more.”“Really?”“Of course….”Sasha’s doubt didn’t entirely fade. Karel continued to stroke Sasha’s flat belly.“Anyway, the important thing is that our baby is in here, right?”“Yeah.”Sasha’s face lit up with a faintly proud expression. As Karel gazed at that face, he slowly leaned down, gently resting his cheek against Sasha’s belly.“It feels so good. We’re having a baby.”“Right?”Sasha’s face brightened with joy.That night, Karel gently held Sasha close, whispering constantly in his ear that he was his dream and miracle, and that he couldn’t ask for anything more. Sasha, reassured, fell asleep. Karel spent the entire night tenderly stroking Sasha’s sleeping face. He felt both pity and affection for Sasha, who had fallen into a delusion because of a playful comment about having a baby.Does Sasha really want to have my child?What kind of desires and anxieties is he struggling with?Karel sighed deeply, wondering helplessly when this delusion would finally end.＊ ＊ ＊Soon, Georg found three experienced nannies that met the conditions Karel had specified. All three had calm personalities and were not easily shocked by unusual behavior. They were especially skilled at handling the emotional changes of pregnant women.After meeting all three candidates, Sasha selected the nanny based on his own strict criteria.“Karel, this one has the same last name as Levin.”Laurent. It was Levin’s maiden name.“Then let’s go with her.”Karel agreed without question to Sasha’s choice. Laurent started working that very week, always treating Sasha seriously, even though he mistakenly believed himself to be pregnant. She didn’t mind that Karel and Sasha were pretending to be a married couple.Charles quickly grew fond of Laurent, which made Karel wonder if Sasha had an unspoken, deep insight he wasn’t aware of.In any case, Karel thought Sasha was remarkably consistent in his choices, considering he selected the nanny based on a name.‘Sasha hasn’t changed at all.’Levin had once expressed concern, worried that Sasha hadn’t moved on from the shadows of the past.Karel decided he should write a letter to Levin. She would be pleased to know how Sasha had chosen the new nanny and might find it amusing to learn about the “lovely” delusion Sasha was currently experiencing.Levin would likely say once again, ‘Sasha really hasn’t changed at all.’Karel chuckled to himself as he began typing. He recorded everything, even the process of Sasha naturally coming out of the delusion two months later, bewildered and saying, “I don’t know why I acted that way.” The report Karel sent to Levin contributed significantly to her new research.Sasha was genuinely happy, saying he was glad if he could be of help.‘Somehow, this feels a little lonely.’And when Sasha finally snapped out of the delusion, Karel found himself feeling a bit regretful.The baby Sasha had cherished so dearly in his delusion was gone from the world. Though it was undoubtedly a good thing, Karel found himself feeling lonely at times, and he would often pull Charles and Sasha into his arms, holding them close for no particular reason.The fact that he secretly begged Sasha to get pregnant again while stroking his slender belly is a secret only the two of them share.