Skyrim: The story of a Nightingale

-Come in, why are you standing there?

The voice of the woman who had been chanting suddenly woke me up from the nightmare I was experiencing. The bruised shoulder was hurting me badly now and in the shadows of the dusk, strange luminaries seemed to shimmer around me. I tried my best to regain my senses and mumbled:

-I don't want to!

-Why? Are you shy? Do I have to lie down on the couch and fall asleep for you to have the nerve to come in? said the woman softly.

I looked at her and a new shudder trembled my being. It was that old lady who had bought me goodies on the first day of my freedom. I felt like I tasted the hot pies and the chestnuts, I felt the sweet tea warming my insides again.

I tried to get up and I did so with difficulty, clinging desperately to the window ledge through which I was peering in. My legs were trembling and my whole body seemed to be gripped by a devouring fever. I looked again at the woman who was watching me curiously. I repeated in my mind that I had no reason to fear her and that she was the only being who could help me now.

But that wasn't enough to completely dispel the terror that had taken hold of me the moment I looked into her eyes. Deep and without expression now, they commanded me to move, to come close to her. But the pain that made me wince was too intense so I murmured feebly:

-I can't walk! It hurts...

-Well, then crawl! Don't just stand there staring at me...

She said in a flat voice.

I did so and after a time that seemed like an eternity, I managed to reach the room where the woman was. I stopped and looked up at her. Her eyes had lost their strange look and were again the eyes of a kindly old woman who was looking at me gently. Only her long, shiny, flowing hair, was in dissonance with the general image...

She gently grabbed me by the armpits and sat me on a stool next to the table. She then unbuttoned my blouse, carefully undressed me and then sighed:

-A dislocated shoulder and maybe a broken rib. But, if you're lucky, maybe it's only the shoulder. Let's see...

She rummaged in her bag and pulled out a clay jar from which she took out a bright green ointment with a strong minty odor. Carefully, she smeared it on my shoulder and the pain suddenly, miraculously, diminished. She sat down on a chair and looked at me quietly. I felt my brain clearing up and after a few moments the chills of fever stopped. By then the fear had completely left me and I looked curiously at the old lady.

-Are we done? Can I go now?

She chuckled and said:

-No! The most painful thing is only now to come! But I'm going to ask you to be a good girl and not to start yelling! It won't take long... Here, hold this between your teeth!

And she pulled out a short and rather thick stick from her bag. I think it was made of wood, but a strange wood, maybe brought from the South Seas, supple and rather soft but very resilient.

With smooth, precise maneuvers, she put my shoulder back into place in a single movement. The pain was excruciating, so intense that my whole body was drenched in sweat, as if I had just come out of the water after bathing. I bit down hard on the stick but I couldn't pierce it with my teeth. I stood there, stunned and looking at the woman with tears in my eyes. I was sure I was going to die, the pain was so intense... And then my coffin was waiting on the table, right there, next to us...

But the pain suddenly ceased and on the table... Well, on the table was only a vase with exotic flowers, the candlestick in which the candle was burning and a plate full of fruit! I smiled shyly and tried to move. I felt numerous stings in my bruised shoulder, as if it were a pin cushion in which hundreds of needles had been stuck, but compared to the pains before, it all seemed like nothing.

-Who are you? What's your name?

She burst out laughing and patted me gently on the head.

-Maria!

-Maria?! What kind of a name is that? I've never heard it before! Are you an Elf? Can I see your ears? I've never seen Elvish ears but I've heard they're very cute!

She stopped laughing and looked at me harshly. However, I felt that she was holding her laughter with difficulty and that under the severity so well simulated was actually kindness and relief. Relief; that's strange, I thought then.

-You are incorrigible, aren't you, Elsie? Perhaps in a few moments you will begin to like me and forget what you felt towards your fellow mortals only a short time before!

She remained silent for a few moments and then added quietly:

-Though, perhaps it's better this way... No, I'm not an Elf and I don't have such ears...

She lifted her hair and showed me an ordinary human ear.

-But...

I said, eager to ask her hundreds of questions that came into my mind with lightning speed.

-But now you will close your mouth and listen! You will listen carefully, and maybe you could use some ears like the ones you were talking about, Elsie!

-How do you know my name is Elsie?

I couldn't help but ask and I looked at her with big, curious eyes. This time she became angry, I felt her anger invading my soul and I looked guiltily at her. And I kept my mouse closed. With big difficulty though...

-You are very cute indeed when you adopt this innocent look! But we don't have time, and for a long while from now on we won't meet again. So, from this moment on, you will do well and make no more mistakes. Sleep during the day and haunt by night; the darkness, as your so-called fellow mortals perceive it, is your best ally! Go down into the sewers of the City and explore a little of the countless corridors and vaults that make it up. Find a place that you can consider as your haven. But beware! There in the sewers are some unfathomable depths... Every time you'll feel a strange cold coming from some vault, just run, don't go farther! Get new and clean clothes, several sets, and store them in your new home. Don't throw away the rags you're wearing now because you'll need them too. Never ever should you leave your shelter dressed alike. Observe and study carefully the places and people you want to steal or buy from. Don't just steal food, try to get as much money as you can. And learn to spend it. In all your daytime outings be careful and never stay in the same place for longer. It is good to study during the night the places that interest you and only then to visit them during the day. Do not be timid and do not avoid fights that seem to you balanced or in your favor. You are much stronger than you think... But not in the usual way! Think less and try to act on instinct when you are in danger. Learn to cry seemingly real tears when you need to. And, at least for the next year, try not to attach yourself to anyone, be they animal or human. You have no friends at present in the City. She finally stopped and looked at me carefully. I wanted to ask her questions again but she ordered me to be quiet. Maria took then out a small pitcher from her bag and poured a stinging smelling substance on a piece of cloth. She carefully wiped my sick shoulder. Then she told me to stand up.

-So I will be going now. Eat the fruit on the table if you like them. Get dressed and then get out of here. Don't you dare to take anything from this house and leave it as soon as possible!

The old lady left then but she stopped in the doorway and, without looking at me, she said:

-Maria? Maria is a name from another story... maybe you will find it out someday!If you live...

Then she left, carefully and quietly closing the door behind her. I stood for a moment and then took a peach from the plate on the table. I bit greedily but the fruit was overripe and much, much too sweet. I put it back and took an apple instead. A large apple and as yellow as the ancient gold. But it was also much too sweet and somewhat dry. The apricots on the plate were the same: extremely sweet and overripe, and the cherries, the cherries were like honey but not so fragrant and aromatic. All the fruits from the big plate were like those of the extremely old trees that are sometimes found in old, long-forgotten cemeteries, where even the imposing marble monuments of the rich are totally overgrown by vegetation in the summers. I gave up trying to eat and looked around curiously. Everything in the room was arranged the same as it had been a year ago, the painting depicting Red Mountain erupting hung on the wall above the soft and low couch that beckoned to rest and the glass cabinet containing all manner of delicate trinkets glowed dimly in the soft light spread by the candle on the table. I approached the cabinet and saw inside it the black crystal horse with two very small rubies as its eyes, masterfully embedded in the material, which had been given as a gift by my mother Kiersten to my hosts. And next to it were miniature ivory figurines of various exotic animals. And many other beautiful and delicate things... But I wanted to take the little horse, to keep it as a heirloom from my mother Kiersten... I vividly remembered that when I asked her about it, my mother Kiersten told me that it was a very good reproduction of a legendary horse. I couldn't remember its name at the time, but now I know it was Shadowmere, the mare that, as I write this, is angrily neighing in the garden beneath my open window. But as I tried to open the panel, a malevolent, snake-like hiss came from behind me. I looked horrified and saw that the candle on the table was smoking and making that unpleasant sound. But candles like that don't smoke—they never do. I remembered Maria's words and hurried to get dressed and get out of the house.

I went out into the deep, silky, warm summer night. None of the Nirn's moons were in the sky, so I decided to take Maria's advice and make a night incursion into the Elven Garden District and study the surroundings. There were people in the wide, dark streets, many of them strolling leisurely and taking advantage of the relative cool of the night. I stepped confidently among them knowing that the darkness enveloped me in its silky rich brocade. I followed some of the pairs closely and listened to what they talked, I climbed fences but only the low ones because my shoulder reacted painfully to any particular effort, and I peered intently and curiously through the lighted windows. And even through the dark ones because my gaze easily pierced the deepest darkness. Of course, I couldn't see objects and beings as they were during the day, and colors were almost completely absent, with black and white prevailing, but shapes and surfaces were clearly and undistorted visible to me. And I could distinctly sense odors... Smells of food, of subtle perfumes, of human sweat; smells emanating from the various candles and candelabras burning in some of the rooms; aromas of wine or expensive sweets, of flowers of all kinds and of fruits; the smell of the latrines discreetly hidden in lilac bushes which in turn gave off a heavy and perfumed scent but which failed to cover the other, more earthy smell. And many others... I saw people and their deeds, some of which were incomprehensible to me at the time. I carefully gathered fruit from the trees of the gardens through which I was wandering and ate them with pleasure, I drank cold water from the very deep fountain of a rich man's garden. I spent all the night that followed in this way, and when dawn was approaching I set out for the Talos Plaza District, intending to find that entrance to the city sewer of which Prioress Sescia had told me. I found it easily.

The district is surrounded by an uncovered collecting canal and on its south side is an opening, an oval aperture closed with bars. The gate was locked with a big, old and rusty padlock which I broke using a stone. I opened the grate with difficulty; its hinges were very rusted and made a terrible rattling noise in the quiet of the early morning. I looked around carefully and stepped into the narrow corridor that descended with a slight slope. At its sides, along the silt-covered walls, was a narrow border made of stone slabs. As I moved away from the entrance, the darkness deepened and I had to stop for a short while. I leaned my right hand against the damp, slightly sticky wall and after a while I began to distinguish the gray outlines and the narrow road ahead of me. To my left, in the water of the passage, things glimmered now and then in the water of the gallery, borrowing the dim dawn light that diffused inland through the manholes that were quite numerous in this densely populated quarter. I continued my journey until I came to a branch that corresponded in a tunnel much wider than the corridor through which I had come. The heavy, damp, cold smell was now stronger and I wondered if anyone could live here... But both ladies, both Sescia and Maria, two women who had done me good, had recommended the city sewer as a place of refuge, so I decided to continue my exploration. To my right, the wide gallery ascended with a relatively steep slope so I decided that this was the direction I should follow. I continued to walk carefully along the main gallery in which, from place to place, on my right, the openings to other narrower corridors appeared. In these places, thin stone arches crossed the secondary drains, which discharged their waters into the collector sewer; I walked along them slowly and carefully, but as I went on, I began to distinguish better and better the details of the surroundings. There was more and more light coming through the manholes into the city's sewers and I could notice that most of them were equipped with ladders made of metal steps that were embedded in the wall. I tried to climb one of the staircases but my injured shoulder would not allow me to do this so I continued my journey. The gallery I was traveling through seemed to be getting wider and the side corridors that opened into it were getting thicker and thicker and at one point I entered a large room. It was darker here than in the gallery from which I had just exited and I tried to guide my way, always feeling with my hand the wall to my right. I began to feel tired and hungry and I wondered if it would not be more appropriate to go back along the rather long way I had traveled. But I decided to continue my exploration, unsure if I would soon have the courage to go again into the darkness. From time to time, as in the case of the gallery I entered through, branches, wider or narrower, opened in the wall on my right. I began to explore the room and under the overwhelming impression of darkness and eager to cover as much as possible in this journey, I made the mistake of not counting the openings I was leaving behind... From place to place, they didn't contain a canal and I initially thought they were probably dead ends where there couldn't be anything interesting. I wandered quite a long time, and it didn't even occur to me that I was probably repeating over and over again the path I had started from the entrance to the great room. As I had finally found out, the chamber was situated right under the White Gold Tower and was perfectly round. The entire sewer system that I had traversed so far was ancient, having been built by the Ayleids themselves, and, like all those built by this great nation, it was a pinnacle of perfection. And, in addition, it contained the magical elements that are inherent in any Ayleid structure. In a way incomprehensible to those of us living in our present times, even to their distant Aldmer kin, the stone and marble of which their edifices are built contains an ancient magic, strange and powerful, equal to the great and cruel practitioners of it.

None of these was known to me when I was exploring the Imperial City sewers for the first time.Tired and hungry, beginning to fear that I was lost in the underground maze, I stopped and tried to come up with a plan to get me back to the place where I had entered the sewers. But nothing crossed my mind; the fear began to take hold of me. But I didn't give up and tried to think of the two remarkable women who have guided my life lately. Prioress Sescia... Ah, Prioress Sescia would not be overwhelmed by fear and weakness! I was sure of that! And Maria... I was certain that Maria would come up with a very elegant workaround to get out of a deadlock like this... And then I realized that in the place where I was, the unpleasant odor from the sewer had weakened a lot, it was almost non-existent. And the air was a little warmer and not humid at all. I sniffed around, trying to follow the warm air, and ended up next to an opening in the wall, one that didn't correspond to a drain. I stepped cautiously into the secondary gallery which, curiously, went up rather than down as did all the corridors that had channels. The trend of the slope gave me courage and I continued on my way despite the fact that the darkness seemed to be deepening. And I didn't have much farther to go because the narrow gallery suddenly stopped in a wall. I touched the wall and felt that there were steps cut into it. They were roughly carved, rough-edged and irregularly shaped, but deep enough for a man to climb up or down. I ignored the pain in my injured shoulder and started climbing the ladder but very quickly, I reached the ceiling of the gallery. I probed its surface but I couldn't feel anything special. I went down the same way I had come up and went back the way I had come, checking to see if there were any other galleries opening from the tunnel, to the left or to the right. But no, the sole use of the corridor was to access that ladder.

Now I could distinguish things better around me so I ventured towards the center of the room. I was intrigued because in front of me seemed to be a massive structure that stood like a thick and probably tall pillar. But how high could the things be here in this subterranean realm? I wasn't to find out too soon though, because I quickly reached a relatively high ledge of stone, shiny and seemingly warm to the touch. It appeared like a whitish shape in front of me and I stretched out my hands to the right and left... Yes, the structure continued on both sides and I didn't dare venture along it because I didn't want to lose my direction to the short and seemingly dead-ended corridor I had just explored. I sat down on the floor with my back pressed against the stony wall which seemed to radiate warmth and, very calm despite my situation which did not seem to be very good, I took from my apron pocket a large loaf of bread and one of the apples I had stolen from the poor old woman. I began to eat, quiet and tactical as if I were at a jolly picnic in a glade in a sunny wood. I was comfortable there, in that room where no unpleasant odors existed and where the cold dampness from the galleries that converged into it seemed not to reach. The bread tasted extraordinarily good, it had a flavor I had never felt before, and it seemed to melt in my mouth. And the apple... Ah, the small, wrinkled apple, it was sweet and fresh, just like honey squeezed from a honeycomb fresh from the hive! Occasionally I could hear sounds similar to the wind that sometimes sings as it creeps through ancient, ruined, ivy-covered walls. And the darkness around me now seemed to hold within itself a kind of strange light, extremely faint and probably imperceptible to a normal sight. But for me it was absolutely sufficient to be able to distinguish from where I was standing the edges of the corridor that interested me so much. I finished eating and then my thoughts began to wander.

As in The White-Gold Tower, lush landscapes, unspoiled jungles and sun-drenched swamps full of flowers of a strange and wild beauty formed in my mind. All green... All so wildly green in the harsh light of a sun shining high in a sky of pure blue and untainted by a cloud... I could hear the birds singing and the deafening squawking of a big tribe of monkeys scurrying through the branches of the tall, thick trees... I saw a magnificent creature which, in spite of its impressive size, was gracefully sneaking to the shore of a pond where a few gazelles were drinking water... The leopard, I know now that it was a leopard, a beautiful and young exemplar, stopped in a thick bush... I clearly distinguished the muscles that played beneath its glossy fur, I saw its yellow eyes, so attentive, searching for the most suitable prey... It crouched and jumped like a highly strung spring! The leap was long and wildly graceful and the magnificent animal secured its daily food... The sun was falling swiftly towards the sunset and I felt a sweet torpor fell over me and my eyes were closing... And sleep seemed to me like a smooth, cozy water, yet so deceptive in that young and wild world... But I longed to sleep, I longed to sink in the sweet waters of oblivion and dreaming, I longed for a dream in a dream...

And I dreamed... I dreamed of a dark crypt, illuminated here and there by vivid flames erupting from the ground or from the walls of strange structures that dotted the cavern. Somewhere, in the midst of the darkness, there was a well... I knew it was there, and I longed to drink from it! The lights that slashed through the darkness were wicked, burning my eyes and skin, and I wished to lie down, rest, and wait for a while... But in places like that, you are not allowed to linger, for things can change swiftly, and the darkness or shadows can become flame at any moment! I began to run frantically among the flames that breathed around me, and in the distance ahead, wrapped in a blue mist, I saw the well's edge! With my last bit of strength, I crawled toward it and finally stood up with difficulty. I tried to drink directly from the well, but the deceitful waters turned into a starry sky arched above me. I was lying somewhere in the grass and it was soft and silky and I was watching the celestial spectacle above me. Unknown constellations floated in the depths, with no sign of Nirn's moons, only a large, yellow, and spotted disk hanging above this world. I stared at it in awe for a while until a deep, echoing sound disturbed me. Then, in the unknown sky a red star lit up, its light flickering, and it seemed to be crashing down upon me...

I woke up suddenly and saw a man with a torch emerging from the corridor I was watching. My mind was clear and rested, my senses alert, and I rolled gently out of the path of the light coming toward me. I remained in the protective shadow of the wall and looked around. Both the walls and floor of the central hall were clad in marble, and in the center stood a thick column. The column was in the middle of a wide pit, bordered by marble edges that had stopped my progress earlier. As for the ceiling, it was indistinguishable in the dim torchlight. The man carrying the torch was very tall and thin, dressed in dark clothes, and was dragging a big sack behind him. I was tempted to follow him from the shadows to see where he was going and what he was planning to do, but caution urged me to investigate the corridor from which he had come and see if I could find the entrance. I found it easily enough; above the stairs I had unsuccessfully climbed earlier was an opening through which I exited into one of the mausoleums that dotted the cemetery in the Palace District.

I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly distanced myself from the secret access to the city's sewers. It was already night, and I had begun my new life, just as Maria had advised.I wandered through the city every night and rested during the day in the parks or cemeteries of the Imperial City. I never suffered from hunger that summer and learned many interesting things about people and their homes. I discovered that there are often other ways to enter someone's house; sometimes, while the doors were securely locked, some merchants' or wealthy people's cellars were completely unprotected for someone willing to wait patiently and with a keen sense of observation. I learned to climb, first in trees and then onto the roofs of houses, where there was usually a hatch leading into the attics. Most of them weren't locked or blocked from the inside, and even those that were secured in one way or another were easy to open for a skilled hand. And I also learned to procure food in other ways because breaking into homes was extremely dangerous; more than once, I found myself nearly caught as the owners woke up, worriedly inspecting their homes due to the noises and mistakes I sometimes made. I stole food from city markets, where piles of produce were carelessly guarded at night; I also visited the nests of domestic or wild birds, stealing their eggs; often, especially with the wild ones in the trees of the city parks, I would catch the birds themselves during my nightly visits. Dawn raids on freshly opened shops, especially bakeries, were another rich source of food for me.

For a time, I had no more trouble from the refugee children who once flooded the city. On one hand, I roamed while they slept in dilapidated warehouses or in the temporary lodgings from Arena District, and on the other, their numbers had significantly dwindled that summer. The Order had managed to capture many of them, and others had moved together with their families outside the city, to the large refugee camp set up southeast of the capital. But I found out that there was another class of urchins; they were locals, much more skilled and dangerous than their counterparts from the Empire's war-torn regions. Most of them were under the care and control of the Thieves Guild of the Imperial City, and these posed no threat for me. But there were also independent groups whose members I occasionally encountered at night. Though we generally didn't operate in the same hunting grounds, these dangerous predators began to hunt me once they became aware of my presence. But my nocturnal life and frequent forays into the city's sewer system had sharpened my senses; I had grown more comfortable in the twilight, even in darkness, and where my sight failed me, my sense of smell compensated for the deficiency. Moreover, in the stillness of the nights or caverns, my hearing was sharp enough to detect even the faintest sounds made by moving creatures. Thus, it was relatively easy for me to avoid these beings who, despite their brilliant street-fighting or survival skills, were clumsy, noisy, and frightened by the shadows.

As Maria had advised, I set up a small hideout for myself somewhere in the sewers of the Merchant District. Here, the system of galleries and channels initially built by the Ayleids had been expanded by humans during the Empire's reign. The newer corridors and drainage shafts were much more superficially constructed, and the materials used could not compare to those the Elves had used millennia ago. So, the system was quite unstable, and in some places, the gallery ceilings occasionally collapsed. Such collapses were usually caused by the massive infiltration of water into the thick layer of sand beneath this district and were usually signaled by cracks in the street pavement. But sometimes, long before these cracks emerged, the floors of the galleries would sink into the quicksand beneath them, turning those places into deadly traps. There were at least two such areas in the sewers of the Merchant District during the time I roamed the quarter like a creature of the dark. I discovered one of them on an autumn day when the morning cold reminded me that I needed a shelter for the winter. It almost claimed my life, and I survived only thanks to my instincts and the fact that I was so small and light. Initially, the trap had caught me in its merciless, wet, and filthy embrace, quickly engulfing me up to my knees. I felt the monster absorbing me, swallowing me alive, felt myself sinking hopelessly into the filth around me. Ah, such a death is terrible, my friends, and perhaps no fate more dreadful can be imagined... I understood perfectly what was happening to me, knew what the outcome would be, but I didn't panic and didn't try to struggle against the filthy mire around me. On the contrary, guided by instinct—or perhaps by something more—I embraced the trap, which stank horribly and was filled with all the city's filth, such as one might find under an overpopulated city like the Imperial City. I lay flat on the surface of the quagmire, stretching my arms toward the nearest wall, in the direction I had come from. I grasped a corner of stone and held on tightly but without wasting my strength. With infinite patience, moving as little as possible, I pulled myself free from the boiling mire that surrounded me. After what felt like an eternity to me, I escaped the terrible death that awaited and reached the damp but solid floor of the gallery. Despite my exhaustion, I forced myself to crawl as far away from the dangerous spot as I could, then lay still for a long time, breathless, my mind drifting away, dreaming of the sunlit jungle that often appeared in my visions... And in time, Maria's stern face appeared, and I heard her firm voice urging me to be mindful of the unfathomable depths sometimes found in the sewers... When I began to recover from the torpor that had gripped me after I had escaped, I sniffed the air around and indeed detected a distinct smell amid the wide array of scents surrounding me. It was a cold smell, just as Maria had warned me, but not like the scent of fresh snow, for instance. Or that of a clear winter's night, with high skies and frost. Those are clean and pure smells, but the one emanating from the death trap was more earthy and, at the same time, more subtle... Among the many messages it sent to my brain, there was both the warning of imminent danger and, curiously, an attraction, a desire to explore the infinite.

I didn't understand much of this at the time; I only learned a very important lesson for survival in the shadows. But now I know that on that autumn day, deep in the bowels of the Imperial City, I perceived the Void for the first time in my life. In a raw, unrefined form, it is true, but perhaps much closer to reality than the elevated forms in which I can sense it now. Ah, I've mentioned the word "reality"... I may make this mistake again throughout my confession, and for this, I apologize in advance. I have the excuse that language, even the subtle and rich Ta'agra, does not contain the proper terms to describe how we perceive the world around us...

From then on, I became much more cautious, and in poor visibility conditions, I became accustomed to using my sense of smell, which, in my case, is far more developed than that of most mortals. Except for the cat people, of course. Even the most young and inexperienced among them far surpasses me in this regard! I then emerged from the sewers through a manhole in the Elven Garden District and washed myself thoroughly in the cold waters of a fountain. However, the pestilential stench I had borrowed from death's passionate embrace clung to me for several days after that event, forcing me to remain in the city's underground until it fully left my body. These days, however, proved to be quite useful and productive, as during them I managed to explore a large portion of the Merchant District's sewer system. I discovered a new collapse, more recent and less extensive than the first. Here, the corridor's floor wasn't completely submerged in the deadly sludge across the entire width of the gallery, and the tunnel ended in a dead-end beneath the district's market hall. It was the perfect place for a hideout worthy of that name. Or at least that's what I believed at the time, and as it turned out, I wasn't far from the truth. I blocked the two access points from the inside, ensuring that no one could enter the dead-end, and I established my winter residence there. More importantly, it became the place where I would store my small fortune. Following Maria's advice, I stole children's clothes of all kinds... And not just clothes; I even acquired a mattress and two wonderful, fluffy, warm quilts. During my usual nightly strolls, wherever I saw clothes left to dry or air out by poor housewives preparing their homes for winter, I'd take what I needed or fancied and carry them back to my lair. Ah, I smile now with tenderness as I recall those little domestic urges that drove me to lovingly and carefully arrange my small den!

But it was neither the time nor the place for such tenderness, nor for those small, human joys that were denied to me so early in life... Winter had come, a dreadful winter, far colder than anything the elders could remember, and across the Empire, war was raging fiercely.