Shadows of Valderia: An Urban Fantasy Detective Noir

10

“I sent you to find me a damned Diamond and so far you’ve come back with a dead Goblin, another one so badly concussed he doesn’t know what day of the week it is, oh and a brutalised Minotaur that smells like a kebab! Not only that, but my Sergeant looks like she’s been run over and thrown off a bridge!” The Captain had been ranting for almost twenty minutes now which was impressive, even for him.

“Don’t worry I’ll include it all as a part of my original fee," Ridley replied sarcastically as he held a chunk of ice to his freshly stitched forehead.

“Fee… fee! The only thing you’ll be taking away from this investigation is my left boot jammed up your…”

“Captain!” Nairo groaned, her head was splitting already without the sonorous barks of the Cap’n to add to it.

This has been the tone of their conversation since returning to the station. After sending a distress call via the comm scroll, the city’s finest were unavailable, so the PD descended instead. They found Nairo and Ridley tussling with the Goblin, who had woken up and was rather upset. Once the Goblin was in custody, the pair of them had been frog marched to the Captain’s office where his tirade had begun before the door shut.

“Captain, it was all a part of the ongoing investigation…” Nairo said, only to be cut off by the irate Captain.

“And now you’ve brought me a whole new wave of crap!” he cried, his stubby arms waving around in outrage. “I’ve got the Mayor and those damned Elves breathing down my neck, and my most trustworthy officer running around the city digging up shit and splattering it across my lap! You’re like a dog that brought home a dead pigeon expecting me to be happy!” He finally slumped back in his chair, exhausted by his own rage.

“Sir…”

“What the hell were you even doing in the RatHoles alone Nairo?” His voice was more even now, tinged with concern. “You could have been killed… or worse.”

“She wasn’t alone,” Ridley muttered petulantly.

“You’re about as useful as flavoured toilet paper!” he barked and pointed his thick granite finger at Ridley, who sank back into his seat and muttered under his breath.

“Our investigation led us there, sir.”

“Oh right… yes…” Mallory shuffled through Nairo’s notes, they looked badly crumbled as if reading them had sent him into such a rage he twisted and tore at them like he was wringing a neck. “Notorious two bit criminal Benny Two Coats, who doesn’t have enough brain cells to rub together, broke into the most state of the art bank vault in the city and then made off clean with a chunk of priceless rock he had no way of knowing was even there.” Sarcasm dripped from every word he read.

“We had an eyewitness who placed Benny at the scene.”

“Yes, one Oz the f’n Trash Demon, who the only thing we know about is that he pilfers fish heads on a Tuesday. No fixed abode and no way of contacting him let alone verifying his statement. He would be a star in front of a jury. Wonderfully thorough Police work there Sergeant. What next? We gonna get a pigeon to finger Benny’s killer in a line up?”

“Well it would be more like winging the perp,” Ridley chimed in.

The Captain shot him a look so withering Nairo was sure she would lose a couple years off her life just sitting next to Ridley.

“It was an… unorthodox lead, but I believe it was a solid one sir and it did lead us to Benny…”

The Captain ran a thick palm across his face and looked to the heavens.

“And what did you find, Sargeant? Did you find the Diamond?”

“No sir.”

“Do you know who nicked it?”

“Not quite, but…”

“Do you have any idea where it is?”

“No.”

“So you've got nothing!”

“Well…” Ridley said.

“Sorry, correction, you found a body and a whole different Goblin!”

“That killed Benny.”

“Who cares!” The Captain almost howled in his fury. Then he caught himself and muttered. “Of course, murder is a capital crime and I do… very much… care. But, in general, the wider hierarchy of the bloody city couldn’t give two tosses about a lowlife scum getting what was coming to him! And, even more importantly, did he have the damned Diamond?”

“No sir. We searched him very thoroughly.”

“So no Diamond. No clues as to its whereabouts?”

“No sir,” Nairo said.

“Whoever sent that Goblin to kill Benny must have something to do with the Diamond,” Ridley interjected.

“Whoever sent him? Whoever sent him! Who the bloody hell do you think would send a Goblin to commit murder in this city? I’ll give you a hint… it’s the same damned Goblin that Benny worked for!”

“Then let us get back out there and rattle some chains!”

“It’s a wild goose chase! I’ll bet you every hair in my beard that Benny didn’t rob that damn bank!”

“Bit of a coincidence then, ain't it? Benny’s seen casing the place, Diamond goes missing, Benny winds up with his head almost sawn off hours later.”

“No, what’s a coincidence is my most reliable officer becomes a walking protocol violation the second she starts working with you!” The Captain spat hotly as he jabbed his finger in Ridley’s direction like a dagger.

“I don’t think you know what a coincidence is, Cap’n.”

Even as the Captain burst into a fresh tirade of curses, Nairo couldn’t help but crack a smile at that. Once the Captain had run out of things to curse Ridley’s mother about, he sighed and looked at Nairo.

“Sergeant, I put you on this case because you’re a by the book investigator. You do good police work and this case needs to be done by the book. There are way too many important eyes on this for you to be going cowboy. The Mayor will have your badge and my ass on a plate if that Diamond isn’t found.”

“Sir, whatever your doubts about Benny as our main suspect, we have to at least question the Goblin we found at his flat, even if it's just to rule Benny out of our investigation.”

“Eliminating leads, questioning suspects and possible… probable murderers. Protocol stuff Cap,” Ridley added.

Captain Mallory grumbled into his beard while glowering at the pair of them.

“I’ll do the questioning,” he said.

“But Cap…”

“Sergeant, you look like you’ve been half beat to hell twice already!” Mallory barked, and then more softly he added. “You’re in no fit state to be questioning a dangerous suspect.”

“I’ll do it then,” Ridley said.

“You look like warmed up shit! And you’re not a copper! You won’t be questioning anyone!”

“Don’t need to be a copper to ask a question,” Ridley muttered under his breath.

“I’ll question the suspect… whoever he is.”

“We don’t have a name?” Nairo asked, wincing as her jaw cracked.

“He’s a nobody. Some grunt, too low down on the food chain to have his own file.”

“And he killed Benny?” Ridley said, sceptically.

“Just another reason your little theory doesn’t hold water. I mean, why would Green kill Green? And the method… it’s just not Uncle Sam’s style.” Mallory scratched at his beard.

“Yeah, bodies don’t drop in the city, least not like that,” Ridley said.

“Maybe Benny stepped out of line?” Nairo said. “Did something that got him clipped?”

“Clipped? Hung out in the back alley one day and you already got the street in you,” Ridley said with a mocking grin.

“I’ve worked this city long enough to know that if Chaw’drak wants you gone, you disappear, without a trace,” Mallory said. “It’s how he’s stayed on the streets for so long.”

“I heard he feeds creatures to the giant man eating wyrms deep in the woods,” Ridley said.

“That’s just a rumour,” Nairo scoffed. “Isn’t it?”

“The wyrms exist,” Mallory replied. “Whether Sam’sun Chaw’drak feeds them his enemies is up for debate. More likely he tosses them in the thousands of acres of marshland and tar pits out east. Either way, they disappear.”

“Could have been something between Benny and this grunt? Something not to do with Politics?” Nairo suggested.

“Could have been,” Mallory mused. “Only way we’re gonna find out is by asking the bastard.”

The Captain nodded and hopped off his chair, his chin barely above his desk. Ridley stood up and then held out a hand to Nairo, who was struggling to get to her feet. Her hip was so swollen and bruised that she could barely move.

“Thanks,” Nairo said, surprised at the almost human gesture of kindness from Ridley.

Ridley shrugged without looking at her.

“You handled yourself well back there. Plus, you saved me from getting skewered like a worm on a hook.”

“Only after you put your own face between me and a knifing,” Nairo said, pointing at the stitches on Ridley’s forehead. “Guess we’re even.”

“Naa, I saved you from the Minotaur, remember.”

“You saved me? I saved you! That Minotaur was gonna bounce your brains from your head on that brick wall!”

Ridley chuckled as if it was some fond memory.

“Fancy sharing a cold stone while we watch the Cap’n do his thing?”

“Why not… but you’re gonna have to help me a bit.”

Nairo lent on Ridley’s shoulder and they hobbled after the diminutive Cap’n.

*

Sat before the Captain was the Goblin and his lawyer. The lawyer was a dry crispy HobGoblin. He was ancient to the point that his face had more wrinkles and creases than features. He had the dried out, colourlessness that all good lawyers needed. Beneath the thick jut of his forehead he had dark beady eyes, magnified by his thick spectacles. His skin was the mottled orange green of most HobGoblins, with a few wisps of white hair on his head and thicker bunching of hair on the tips of his ears. He was fastidiously dressed, his dull grey tweed jacket sharp and well ironed as was his crisp white shirt. The Captain loathed him as soon as she saw him. But then, the Captain, like any red blooded copper, loathed all lawyers. He cast a withering eye across the Goblin and somehow felt he would trust the low life thug more than his atavistic attorney.

“Why’d you clip Benny?” The Captain grunted bluntly at the Goblin.

“Please Captain, while I admire the desire to dispense with formalities and such, let us not put the proverbial cart before its equally imagined horse, lest we blunder in our duty of preserving and upholding the laws and values of the society both you and I have chosen to represent.” The HobGoblin was one of those ponderous creatures that felt the need to go the long way around any verbal exchange. “Can we please acknowledge the rituals of the laws before we begin.”

Mallory’s jaw clenched and he glared at the lawyer.

“Of course… Mister…”

“Harmun Haddro.”

“Mister Haddro.” Mallory snorted the name through his name like noxious gas being expelled. “Your client, Ja’brak Boklo’munn, is charged with the murder of Be’nin Pakkzo. Do you understand the charges?” Mallory said to the Goblin.

“I didn’t murder noone!” Ja’brak growled before his lawyer shushed him.

“My client understands the nature of his charges. You may proceed with presenting your evidence, Captain.”

“Evidence? My officer caught your man red handed after he fled the scene of the crime! Do you deny that?”

Again Haddro raised his scaly hand to silence his client.

“My client freely admits to being present at the flat of the deceased. But again, I ask you, what evidence do you have that my client carried out this heinous act?”

“He was there. Benny was dead. He fled when my officer came through the door.”

“Of course he did, he was startled.”

“Ha!” Mallory gave a snort of derision.

“She was in plain clothes was she not?”

“Yes.”

“My client was in an area of high crime, had just discovered the gruesomely murdered body of a dear friend, and then a person burst through the door. I think it is completely understandable if my client was startled, alarmed even, and concerned for his safety. I’m sure you would agree Captain that if our old bones allowed us we would have been out that window like a shot.” Haddro gave a dry, wheezy chuckle.

“So what were you doing there?” Mallory growled. “I wanna hear it from him, not you!”

“I am here to represent my client…”

“Short of shoving yer hand up his backside and flapping his mouth for him, I think it’s his turn to do some explaining. What were you doing at Benny’s?”

Ja’brak looked at his lawyer, who gave him a small nod.

“I was just there… seeing him.”

“I think you did a little more than just see him.”

“Why would I kill Ben? We’re kith.”

“Since when does a Goblin need an excuse to murder another Goblin? Your lot have built a whole culture around that.”

“Now Captain, I must object, that is a ugly stereotype…”

“Don’t make it untrue,” Mallory growled. “If you didn’t kill Benny, who did?”

“I dunno. He was already dead when I got there.”

“What time did you get there?”

“Really Captain, my client has already given a statement. All of this information can be found…”

“I wanna hear it from him.”

Again the two Goblins exchanged looks.

“I dunno. Like five minutes before that bitc… lady copper,” he corrected after seeing the flames erupt in Mallory’s eyes. “Like five minutes before she smashed through the door and chased me and beat me up!”

“Oh give over, a little lady cop hurt you did she?” Mallor scoffed.

“Not just Sergeant Nairo, I believe there was another figure involved in the brutal assault of my client.”

“What?” Mallory said innocently.

“A civilian it seems.”

“Must have been a heroic bystander.”

“No it weren’t! He was with the bitc… lady copper! They chased me together and they gave me a proper good kicking.”

“Was that before or after you tried to stab my Sergeant?” Mallory growled.

“Do not respond to that!” Haddro raised an imperious hand to silence his client. “Whatever allegedly took place, Captain, is a matter for the courts to decide. My client denies all accusations of carrying or wielding a weapon and any actions he took were purely in self defence after your office failed to identify herself as police.”

“She did so.”

“No she didn’t! She come flying through that door and come at me. I had no idea she was a pig… I mean copper.” Ja’brak crossed his arms defensively with a smug look on his face.

“Is that true?” Ridley hissed at Nairo from behind the two way glass.

Nairo chewed her lip and tried to remember what had happened. She remembered flying through the door but had she announced herself as a police officer?

“I don’t know.”

“Check your officer’s statement. Nowhere does it say she identified herself as police. In fact my client did not realise she was a police officer until he woke up to find the entire station crowded around him.”

“Getting kicks in,” Ja’brak added.

“That's besides the point,” Mallor snapped.

“No. That is the point,” Haddro said smugly. “If your Sergeant had followed protocol and announced herself as police my client would have of course complied, without issue.”

“Your client was found standing next to the deceased. His compliance in the matter isn’t the issue!”

“And as we have explained…”

“Shove yer explanation. I’ve seen people hang for less.”

Ja’brak flicked an uneasy eye at his lawyer who was still icily calm.

“The body was cold, Captain.”

“What?”

Haddro sighed and pulled off his spectacles to wipe them.

“By your own officers’ statements. When they apprehended my client the body was already cold. I’m sure I do not need to elucidate to a Dwarf of your experience that it takes hours for a body to cool.”

“So?”

“Well unless you're suggesting my client murdered Mr. Pakkzo and then hung around for several hours waiting to get caught…”

“No one ever accused common criminals of being an intelligent bunch.”

“Nor was there a speck of blood on him, well that is until your officers beat him bloody…”

Mallory slammed his cement block fists down on the table, making Ja’brak jump. Haddro didn't even flinch, he just gave the Cap’n that same self satisfied smirk.

“Listen scumbag, I’ve got you in the same room with a body. I’ve got you running from police and I’ve got you pulling a weapon on a sworn officer of the law. Your lawyer here can play all the silly semantic games he wants but I will make sure you hang for this.”

Ja’brak looked at Haddro and it was clear he was scared.

“The Captain can’t…”

“Wanna see what I can and can’t do?” Mallory growled at him. “Give me something.”

“I don’t know who clipped Benny!”

“What about the Diamond?”

“What? What Diamond?”

“The one Benny had.”

“Why would Benny have a Diamond?”

“Coz he nicked it?”

“He did?”

“Last night.”

“Is that why he was celebrating…”

Haddro cut him off with a dry cough and stern look.

“Who told you to go to Benny’s”

Again the lawyer began to cut him off until Mallory slammed his thick fist down on the table.

“Give me a name!” Mallory barked. “Or I’ll see you swinging from a rope before the week’s out.”

“Captain you cannot…”

“Oh trust me, short ears, I’ve got the full weight of the entire Government behind me on this case. I can do what I want and no one’s gonna shed a tear over a small time thug like this taking the long drop.”

“I didn’t do anything!”

“Quiet you fool!”

“Who sent you to Benny? Why did they want him dead?”

“I didn’t kill Benny!”

“Then what were you doing there!”

“I don’t know!” Ja’brak howled, sweat beading down his scaly brow. “Rufi said to…”

Haddro launched into a vicious torrent of Kittei: the Goblin tongue.

The Cap’n sat back with his arms crossed and a victorious smirk on his face.

“This interview is over, Captain. My client will be exercising his right to remain silent.” Haddra hissed this last work at Ja’brak who looked down into his lap like an admonished child. “Now, if that is all…”

“No it bloody well is not,” Mallory growled. “Your client can cool his heels in the lock up for a few days.”

“But we will be posting bail.”

“Shame, seems like all the judges will be busy for the next couple of days and the duty officer is out with the flu. I’m afraid there’s no one to process him.”

“But…”

“Cartwell!” Mallory barked. .

“Yessir?” Cartwell, a portly officer with a homely face, poked his head through the door.

“Take this scumbag to lock up and show his lawyer out.”

“This will not stand Captain! I shall be writing…”

“Do what you like but get out of my police station.”

Haddra rose imperiously to his feet as his client was manacled. Both Goblins were ushered out under Mallory’s frosty gaze.

“Well at least we know Sarita was telling the truth; Benny was celebrating something big.” Nairo said. “And who’s Rufi?”

Ridley tossed the cold stone he had pressed to his forehead away and grabbed his coat.

“Ruf’Gar Chaw’drak, prince and heir apparent to Uncle Sam’s empire,” Ridley answered, chewing the inside of his cheek as he thought. “How the hell are the Chaw’draks wrapped up in this? It’s too… amatuerish. Too messy to be Uncle Sam.”

“We need to get him in a room,” Nairo said. “We could…”

“You don’t get in a room with a Goblin like that unless he’s invited you to the room.”

“Then we need to find his nephew or at least someone high ranking in his organisation. Someone who can give us some answers!”

“Don’t look at me,” Ridley said with a shrug.

“I thought you were supposed to be the streetwise PI with your ear to the ground?”

“Yeah, and I know enough to know you’ll get that ear cut off listening to Kith business.”

Cap’n Mallory burst into the room looking his usually disgruntled self.

“You hear all that?” he growled at Nairo.

“Yes.”

“How the hell are the Chaw’draks involved?” Mallory grumbled as he kneaded his thick brow with an equally thick knuckle.

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” Ridley said.

“None of this is right,” Mallory said. “This is Sam’s style. It’s all too…”

“Amatuerish?” Ridley offered.

“Obvious,” Mallory grunted at him.

“We need more information,” Nairo said. “At least about who within the Goblin organisation might rank high enough to know why Benny was killed or what he was doing scoping out the bank.”

“You need Conway.”

“Who?”

“Lieutenant Conway down in missing property. He knows more about the criminals in the city than just about anyone else.”

“The missing property clerk?” Ridley snorted. “Bet he’s a real mover and shaker.”

“Rod Conway is a thirty year vet,” Mallory spat. “One of the best damn vice detectives we ever had. But he was a wild man who saw too many shades of grey where there should have been the black and white letter of law. He pulled a case about seven years ago that went… bad. He’d gotten too used to getting results by playing outside the lines. Someone ended up dying. With his disciplinary record the brass were gunning for him and it wasn’t hard to bust him down to desk duty. He’s been riding a desk down in the basement ever since playing out the game until he can pension out. But he knew every villain and face in town, even went after Sam himself.”

“And he’ll be able to give us the information we need?” Nairo asked.

Mallory shrugged.

“If he’s still sober enough. What time is it?”

“Three.”

“Worth trying your luck. He’s down in the basement. Tell him I sent you.”