Shadows Heart

The walls of the apartment feel like they're pressing in on me, shrinking with every passing second. The vintage stove, the cream-colored cabinets, the intricate molding—all of it feels wrong now, like pieces of a dream turned nightmare.

I sit on the bed, my knees pulled to my chest, clutching the crumpled crane in my hands. Janus's words on the note are barely legible through my tears, but I don't need to read them.

"I'm sorry I missed you. I'll be back again soon. Don't give up on me."

He was here. He was here, and I didn't get to see him.

Because of Oriel.

The memory of his voice, cold and threatening, echoes in my head.

"If you don't move in, I'll make sure you never see Janus again. Not now, not ever."

I don't recognize him anymore. The boy who used to sit with me on the rooftop, who used to make me laugh when the hospital days felt endless—he's gone.

And in his place is someone I don't know how to fight.

I don't know how long I sit there, staring at the crane, but eventually, the sound of footsteps pulls me from my thoughts. Oriel appears in the doorway, his expression unreadable.

"Sao," he says, his voice softer now. "You need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry," I reply, my voice flat.

"You haven't eaten all day," he says, stepping into the room.

"I don't care," I snap, glaring at him. "I'm not hungry, and I'm not staying here, Oriel. You can't make me."

His jaw tightens, and for a moment, I think he's going to argue. But instead, he sighs, running a hand through his dark hair. "You're upset. I get it. But you'll calm down, and you'll see that this is what's best for you."

"Best for me?" I laugh bitterly, standing up and facing him. "Do you even hear yourself? This isn't about what's best for me. This is about you. About you being scared of being alone."

"That's not true," he says quickly, but I can see the flicker of guilt in his eyes.

"Yes, it is," I say, my voice rising. "You're so afraid of me leaving, of me having a life outside of you, that you'll do anything to keep me here—even if it means threatening me. Even if it means hurting me."

"I'm not hurting you," he says, his tone defensive.

"Yes, you are!" I shout, my hands trembling. "You don't even see it, do you? You think you're protecting me, but all you're doing is trapping me."

Oriel flinches, his face twisting with something that looks like pain. But he quickly masks it, his expression hardening.

"You're staying," he says firmly. "This is your home now, Sao. You'll see that eventually."

He leaves the room before I can respond, and the sound of the door closing feels like the slam of a prison gate.

I collapse onto the bed, my breath hitching as the tears come again. I hate him. I hate what he's become, what he's doing to me. But more than anything, I hate how powerless I feel.

I think about Janus, about his promise to come back, about the way he always believed in me. He would never have let this happen. He would never have tried to control me like this.

But he's not here.

And I'm alone.

---

The next day, I wake up to the smell of something cooking. My stomach growls despite my anger, and I sit up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

When I step into the kitchen, Oriel is standing at the stove, stirring something in a pan. He looks up when he hears me, his face softening slightly.

"Good morning," he says, his tone cautious.

I don't respond. I just sit at the table, my arms crossed, watching him.

He sets a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of me, then sits across from me, his eyes searching mine.

"Sao," he says quietly. "I know you're angry. But I'm trying to make this work. For both of us."

I glare at him, my appetite vanishing. "You can't force me to stay here, Oriel. This isn't how you make something work."

"I'm not forcing you," he says, his voice defensive.

"Yes, you are," I snap. "You threatened me, Oriel. You said you'd make sure I'd never see Janus again. How is that not forcing me?"

He looks away, his jaw tightening. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" I ask, my voice shaking.

Oriel doesn't answer.

---

The rest of the day passes in a blur of silence and tension. I stay in the bedroom, staring out the window at the city below, wondering if Janus is looking at a similar view wherever he is.

I think about writing him a letter, about telling him everything, but what would I say? That Oriel is suffocating me? That I feel like I'm losing myself in this apartment he's built for me?

The thought makes my chest ache, and I set the pen down, tears spilling over again.

---

That night, Oriel knocks softly on the door before stepping inside.

"Sao," he says, his voice hesitant.

"What do you want?" I ask, my tone flat.

He hesitates, then sits on the edge of the bed, keeping his distance. "I'm sorry," he says quietly.

I look at him, my heart clenching at the pain in his eyes.

"I'm scared," he admits, his voice trembling. "I'm scared of losing you, Sao. You're the only thing I have left."

I want to yell at him, to tell him that this isn't the way to keep someone close. But the words catch in my throat, and all I can do is stare at him, my emotions a tangled mess.

"You're not losing me," I say finally, my voice barely above a whisper. "But you will if you keep trying to control me like this."

Oriel doesn't respond. He just nods slowly, his shoulders sagging under the weight of his own fear.

And for the first time, I see him not as the person who's been hurting me, but as someone who's hurting just as much.

But that doesn't mean I can stay.