SACRAMENTIS: Astral Incarnation

"The horizon born from an ending carries the past life forward, transforming it into a light that leads to a new journey through an untouched universe—until it reaches an unexpected destination.

Earth, January 24, 2024. 

Semarang, Indonesia.

This is very suffocating, damn it.

I can't breathe.

The cold water presses against my body from all directions, draining the last remnants of air from my lungs. I try to move my arms, but my body feels heavy, sinking deeper into the darkness. Them… I just wanted to save them. I hope they made it to the surface. I hope they can breathe the air that now feels so far out of my reach.

Am I going to die here?

I don't want to die.

At least, not before I get to stand on the podium at my Master's degree graduation two months from now.

I was finally going to make my parents proud again. After two years of being a failure, I thought this time, I could make them look at me with pride once more—not with disappointment. I worked so hard and sacrificed so much just to get to this point again. And yet, look at me now—not standing tall with a cap on my head, but trapped in the icy depths of the water, alone, dying before I could change anything.

Since that day, I have never truly lived. I was nothing more than a coward who chose to hide from the world. I let fear shackle me, let regret creep in and swallow me whole. Instead of fighting, I ran, shutting myself away from anything that reminded me of the trauma of my past. I pretended to be busy and fine, but deep down, I was just a loser who never even tried to fix anything.

And now, I'm here—dying in the water, on the verge of death, without having done anything meaningful.

But then, in the midst of the darkness swallowing me whole, that image appears—those blue eyes gazing at me, deep and gentle.

That strange girl.

Her sky-blue eyes looked at me—not with disgust, hatred, or distrust like I was used to seeing in others. Those people… always looked at me as if I were filth, a failure, or even a criminal just because of a mistake I never made. As if my very existence was a sin that needed to be judged.

But she… she was different.

In her eyes, I wasn't just a mistake or someone to be cast aside. She saw me as if I still had worth. As if I was still someone worth saving.

I have to face this. I have to survive.

If I die now, I'll only be the same coward all over again.

I struggled to move my body, kicked with all my strength, trying to swim upward even as my limbs felt as heavy as iron. My lungs burned, my brain screamed for oxygen, and darkness clawed at my vision. No… I can't give up. I reached upward as if my fingers could grasp the sliver of light above, but the water kept dragging me down, laughing at my futile efforts.

Damn it… I can't. I won't make it.

My thoughts blurred, yet strangely, the most ridiculous things surfaced in my mind. The action figure I hadn't placed on my shelf. The unopened novel waiting for a quiet weekend. The brand-new game I had saved up for—I hadn't even finished its prologue.

Damn. At least let me finish that game first.

But it was pointless. The harder I struggled, the deeper the darkness pulled me under. My strength was gone, my lungs felt like they would burst, and the world around me began to fade.

And then… silence.

The pain slowly disappeared, replaced by a strange emptiness. I no longer felt cold. I no longer felt afraid. I was just… drifting, like a fallen leaf carried away by the current.

Is this the end?

My body sank further, far from the light, falling into an abyss with no bottom. I tried to lift my hand, but there was nothing left to move. My lungs no longer begged for air. My heart no longer beat.

I was dead.

Just like that.

No struggle. No goodbyes. No second chances.

In the last fading echoes of my mind, I could still see them—those blue eyes, my parents, the action figure left untouched, the novel never opened, the game never completed.

But now, none of it mattered anymore.

It was all over.

The darkness swallowed me whole.