Ryan Hawkins- A man with 3million egos

Fifty minutes after escaping the junkyard with nothing but mud in my shoes and judgment in my soul…

I sat on my bed, soaked and slightly traumatized.

My phone? 10% battery.

My pride? 3%.

So I did what any determined delulu would do.

I grabbed my phone…

Opened my browser…

And decided to search again.

(Despite the pop-ups offering me "a wife in 10 minutes.")

After hours of Googling, digging through cursed forums, and avoiding pop-up viruses that tried to marry me online, I finally discovered something unbelievable:

An actual government agency that fights scammers.

> "Philippine Anti-Scammer Department."

No joke. That was the name.

It sounded like a superhero team—except they probably used spreadsheets instead of capes.

So what did I do?

I wore my best hoodie, sprayed myself with cheap cologne that smelled like ambition and baby powder, and marched to their building like I owned it.

> Boom. Chuckle. Confidence level: over 9,000.

---

Scene: Anti-Scammer Department — Main Hall

I stepped through the glass doors with my most confident self.

> "Hi po!"

"Hello po!"

"Wow ang lamig dito… parang aircon ng mayaman."

I smiled at every employee I passed like I was running for mayor.

Most of them stared back like:

> "Sino 'tong baliw na 'to?"

And then I saw her.

The girl.

Long black hair.

ID badge swinging.

Eyes sharper than tuition fees.

Aura glowing like a K-drama plot twist.

I froze mid-step.

Eyes wide.

Brain? Lagging.

> "She's... beautiful."

"Is this what love at first glitch feels like?"

She walked straight toward me.

Waved.

Tilted her head and squinted—like she was scanning me for viruses.

> Rachel: "Oi. Baliw ka ba? Sinapian ka ba?"

I blinked. Panicked.

> Me (scrambling): "H-ha? Sorry… by the way, I'm Ryan. Ryan Hawkins. Haha…"

(internally screaming)

"Smooth like expired peanut butter."

> Rachel (deadpan): "Rachel. Rachel Muta."

> Me (choking on air): "Wha—what? Are you a… hmm? Muta-aah? I mean… nice to meet you."

She just stared.

I waved goodbye awkwardly, muttered:

> "Weird name… but I like it."

---

Scene: Director's Office

The door slid open like a villain's lair in a B-movie.

Inside was a man spinning slowly on a rotating chair.

Classic final boss entrance.

> Director (gruff): "Hmm. Good morning, kiddo. What are you doing here? Baka hinahanap ka na ng nanay mo?"

I stepped forward with pride.

> Me: "Wala po si Mama. Nasa abroad siya… nagbibilang ng stars."

> Director: "What?"

> Me (serious): "She's at a mental facility, sir."

(smiles like it's normal)

Awkward silence.

> Director: "...Okay. So bakit ka nandito?"

> Me: "I want to join your agency."

> Director: "You sure? Do you even have a degree?"

I smirked.

> Me: "Yes, sir. Sinukat ko 'yung temperature kagabi."

> Director: "…I meant college degree, not thermometer."

Another awkward pause.

> Director (sighing): "You need a degree, boy."

And just like that—

I stood frozen like a low-poly statue in Luneta Park.

> "So… that's how rejection feels."

---

Scene: My Room, That Night

I sat on my bed, ceiling-gazing again.

> Me: "Okay. Time to study."

I opened a book I didn't even remember owning.

Title?

> "How to Not Be a Disappointment Vol. 1"

Chapter One: Don't flirt with girls named Rachel Muta like an idiot.

Then, immediately fell asleep like a potato with dreams

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[Thank you, for reading, God bless]

> "I may not have a plan… or a computer… or dignity—but I have WiFi and questionable confidence. And that's a start."

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