Ryan Hawkins- A man with 3million egos

POV: Ryan Hawkins

Disclaimer: This story is told entirely from my mildly delusional perspective. Expect dramatic monologues, overconfidence, and questionable life choices. Reader discretion is advised.

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My apartment smells like expired dreams and microwave noodles.

Oh right—name's Ryan Hawkins.

Welcome to my tragic comedy of a life.

My life?

Simple.

School. Home. School again.

Then boom—existential dread.

On most days, I feel like a background character in my own movie.

Nothing too dramatic. Nothing too exciting.

Just… looping routines, microwave meals, and internal screaming.

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So yeah—

Whenever I get bored, I do what every sane person does:

I count my hair.

"One, two, three… uh, is that a white hair?"

Pause.

Panic.

"Never mind. I don't understand my life."

I stared at the ceiling like it owed me answers.

Was I aging… or just emotionally decaying?

Either way—

I needed a distraction.

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When I get hungry?

I sprint to the refrigerator like it owes me rent.

I fling the door open—ready to conquer.

Boom.

Sauce. Ketchup. Mustard.

One lonely slice of cucumber in the corner, judging me silently like:

"This is all you have?"

And I whisper back,

"Oh my god—pttttt!"

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Sigh.

Cue dramatic music.

Time to go to the market.

I enter the supermarket like I'm in a movie.

That's when I see it.

A crab.

Crawling near the seafood section like it knew it was next.

I crouch down, pick it up, and whisper,

"Oh baby, why are you running? You're too pretty to be scared."

The seafood guy just stares at me like I need holy water.

Our eyes meet.

"Oh! Sorry. Hehe…"

And I walk away like I didn't just flirt with a crab in public.

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I swear I'm normal.

Probably.

Maybe.

Okay—no.

But honestly, I don't think anyone's normal these days.

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Anyway, things were fine…

Until one message ruined my life.

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It was a lazy afternoon.

I was sipping 3-in-1 coffee that tasted like betrayal,

Scrolling through social media like a WiFi-powered zombie—

watching sexy girls dance on TikTok.

For research purposes, of course.

(You know, psychological analysis... of body movements. Yeah, that.)

Then—

> A photo arrived.

I jumped—nearly spilled my coffee.

I thought it was a girl.

Sexy, maybe. A model. A muse.

But no.

It was a pig.

Literally.

Rolling in mud like it was having a spa day.

And that's when I realized—

Destiny just roasted me with pork.

Delicious betrayal.

My brain lagged.

My stomach howled.

My hope crumbled.

Still, I kept scrolling.

Watched cat videos.

Laughed at memes like:

"POV: You have no money and no one loves you."

Cringed.

Cried.

Drank more betrayal-flavored coffee.

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Then it came.

The message.

"Hey baby. I'm your Sugar Mommy. Willing to give you twenty-five thousand pesos monthly. Message me on KG."

My soul paused.

I blinked three times.

Whispered to myself,

"No way. Is this real life? Is this… destiny?"

I read it again.

Imagined myself rich.

Wearing designer clothes.

Eating Jollibee with my pinky finger raised.

Then she said,

"But before I send the money, send one thousand five hundred pesos first to activate the conversion fee."

My brain said,

"Wait… this feels scammy."

My wallet said,

"Twenty-five thousand. Do it."

So I did it.

I sent the money.

She blocked me.

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I stared at my phone.

My coffee was cold.

My dreams shattered like a plate in a teleserye.

No more allowance.

No more chicken.

No more gravy.

---

I cried.

Ugly cry.

The kind with thunder and dramatic lightning.

"Why?!"

My stomach rumbled.

My pride evaporated.

Everything hurt.

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That night, I had a dream.

I wore a black suit.

Dark shades.

Carried a suitcase full of fake IDs and burner SIM cards.

I walked into a glowing, top-secret building.

PHILIPPINE ANTI-SCAMMER HQ.

A general approached and declared:

"Recruit. Welcome to the High-Ranking Scammer Division.

Your mission: Scam the scammers.

Motto: For the scammed, we strike back."

I saluted.

Everyone clapped.

Even the crab guy from the market was there, wiping a tear.

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Then I woke up.

Eyes wide open.

Fan spinning. World—quiet.

I closed the curtain.

Laid back on my bed.

"Tomorrow… I'll start fixing my life."

But life had other plans.

Tomorrow would hit harder than reality ever did.

> It wasn't a villain origin story.

More like a clueless boy's wake-up call.

And from there… the real story began.

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[Thank you for reading, God bless]

Hey you, yes you—reader.

Just smile.

Life's weird, this story's weirder,

but at least we're surviving both together.

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