Royal Gold Magistrate

Fang Zheng looked at Bai Rui with disgust: “You’re fucking disgusting! Is there no food left in Taoyuan County? You’ve come all the way here to eat slop!”

Bai Rui looked ashamed: “I’m sorry, Master… I was craving it and couldn’t resist.”

Then he complained, “Master, you don’t know! That bastard Xie Xian is afraid of spending too much silver. He keeps talking about controlling costs, being so stingy!”

“We really haven’t eaten anything good! He’s fine, going out every day to socialize with rich merchants, only bringing us leftovers.”

“There are more than twenty of us! How can that be enough to eat?”

Bai Rui looked indignant as he said this. This job was really fucking miserable!

In the past, when they were out doing business, everyone ate meat and fish.

Now they’ve taken on the biggest job, but they’re eating thin gruel.

“Mm, Xie Xian has done well. I’ll reward him when we get back,” Fang Zheng said with a look of admiration.

Those who have studied are indeed different! Much more professional than you lot of thieves and bandits.

Seeing Bai Rui’s resentful face, Fang Zheng smiled and said, “Alright! This trip hasn’t been easy for you all. I’ll have rewards for everyone when we return.”

“Before long, I’ll be able to let you all live the good life in Jianjiang, filled with wine and women!”

“Keep your mouth shut, don’t tell anyone else!”

Bai Rui immediately beamed with joy. When the Master said they’d play, they really would play! And Master Wu was still with them!

“Does Master have any other instructions?”

Fang Zheng rubbed his chin, thinking carefully: “Hmm… go find Old Qi and have him make me a phonograph, preferably small. Also, have Zhang Biao make some more silver foil, make it very fine.”

“What’s a phonograph?” Bai Rui asked, full of curiosity.

Although the phonograph wasn’t particularly high-tech, it had always been a top-secret project in Taoyuan County.

Only a handful of people knew about it. When it was first made, Fang Zheng had to recall what he’d seen online to guide Old Qi in its manufacture.

Old Qi, originally a carpenter, was experienced and skilled. He caught on quickly.

He had always held a high position in Taoyuan County.

“You don’t need to ask too much. Just pass the message to Old Qi, he’ll understand. When it’s done, bring it to me.”

“Yes, sir!”

With that, Bai Rui did a backflip and disappeared.

After giving his instructions, Fang Zheng walked back to the Revenue Office with his hands behind his back.

It was now mealtime, and all the clerks had gone out to eat.

Fang Zheng sat in the room reviewing other accounts. He hadn’t been sitting for long when Wei Shan suddenly entered, carrying a food box.

With a smile, he said to Fang Zheng, “Lord Fang, it’s mealtime. You must be hungry.”

Fang Zheng looked at the food box and smiled slightly.

They’re bringing me good food so quickly?

Fang Zheng lowered his head and continued looking at the various accounts: “Little Shan, why didn’t you let a servant bring this? You didn’t need to come yourself. You’re too kind.”

“However… in the future, don’t bother sending me that porridge or those vegetables. This official isn’t used to them. Aren’t there restaurants outside?”

Wei Shan stepped forward and said, “Sir, Lord Liu personally ordered me to bring this. Lord Liu has always been considerate of his subordinates.”

“He knows you’ve come a long way from the capital and aren’t used to those things, so he specially ordered some good food to be prepared.”

As he spoke, he opened the food box. Inside was a plate of braised beef and a bowl of white rice.

“Sir! This is beef. It’s not easy to come by! Even the Prefect can’t eat this!”

“Don’t worry, this cow died of exhaustion. We have a butcher’s permit!”

Heh, bullshit. Taoyuan County has had countless cows die of exhaustion. As if I’d believe you! Fang Zheng thought disdainfully.

He glanced indifferently at the braised beef and sighed, “Tsk, Lord Liu’s care truly moves this official.”

“However… please take this beef back for others to enjoy.”

Wei Shan was stunned: “What? Is this food not to your liking, sir?”

“Indeed,” Fang Zheng smacked his lips.

“This cow that died of exhaustion must have been an adult cow. This official doesn’t like eating adult cows.”

“When I was in the capital, I only ate three-month-old heifers, Australian A5 Wagyu beef. I’d take the most tender tenderloin and grill it slowly on a thousand-year-old Himalayan rose rock salt plate.”

“While grilling, I’d add rosemary and purple bamboo salt before it could be eaten. That’s what I call eating beef.”

Wei Shan was dumbfounded, staring blankly at Fang Zheng.

Fang Zheng continued chattering: “Beef noodles are also good. Again, take the shank meat from a three-month-old Angus heifer, cut it into chunks and braise it in century-old brine for four hours.”

“Pour the meat and soup over the noodles, but the noodles can’t be ordinary either.”

“Choose the best chicks, drain their blood and wax them, apply over a dozen spices, then grind them into powder and knead it with top-grade white flour.”

“Finally, add sauerkraut stomped by the jade feet of unmarried maidens to the soup noodles. Tsk, that’s what I call flavorful.”

After saying this, Fang Zheng looked at the plate of braised beef on the table with slight regret.

Wei Shan was so shocked he couldn’t speak!

Incredible! Too incredible! Who knew the nobles in the capital lived like this! It’s beyond imagination!

And Himalayan rose salt, Australian A5 Wagyu beef, my goodness! These must be tributes from foreign lands!

Compared to this, what Lord Liu ate last night was like shit!

No wonder he doesn’t want to eat this braised beef! I wouldn’t eat it either if I were him.

But Lord Liu’s task hasn’t been completed.

Wei Shan reluctantly said, “Lord Fang, this lowly one has never even heard of the things you mentioned. Is there anything else you’d like to eat? I’ll try to arrange it for you. Otherwise, if we fail to take good care of you, Lord Liu will be punished, and this lowly one can’t bear that responsibility.”

Fang Zheng laughed inwardly.

I haven’t eaten any of that either! It’s all bullshit I learned from watching food bloggers on TikTok. I can’t remember the useful stuff, but I remember this nonsense crystal clear!

“Sigh, if there’s no meat to eat, let’s have some vegetarian food. This official would like to eat eggplant.”

Wei Shan blinked, delighted: “Eggplant we have! Eggplant we have! How would you like it prepared? Stir-fried or steamed?”

Fang Zheng pursed his lips and wagged a finger.

“The preparation of eggplant is simple. Take freshly picked eggplants, peel them, keep only the flesh, and dice it finely. Fry it in chicken fat, then add diced chicken breast, mushrooms, bamboo shoots, five-spice dried tofu, and various dried fruits, all diced. Simmer in chicken broth until dry, finish with sesame oil and a touch of wine lees. Pack it tightly in a porcelain jar. When you want to eat it, take it out and mix it with stir-fried chicken and cucumber.”

After listening, Wei Shan shook his head and stuck out his tongue: “My Buddha! It takes more than ten chickens to go with it. What a flavor that must be!”

Fang Zheng smiled: “Surely this can be made?”

Wei Shan swallowed: “We really don’t have this!”

“Alas~, you may go. This official has only two great loves in life: good food and good money. Now that I’ve left the capital, I fear I’ll have to spend the rest of my days in Jianjiang. How bitter…” With that, Fang Zheng’s eyes lost focus, and he slumped in his chair.

Tears were about to fall from Wei Shan’s eyes.

You can’t live without eating braised beef? What does that make me? A maggot in a latrine?

The more he thought about it, the more miserable he felt.

Wei Shan lowered his head, cleared the food from the table, and silently left the Revenue Office.

Seeing him leave, Fang Zheng licked his lips.

Damn it, I’m hungry!