Chapter 76: The Captain and the Anti-Porn Campaign
The bustling market was crowded with people coming and going, with vendors shouting loudly to promote their goods. This was indeed the heart of the capital city of the Re-Estize, and even at noon, the vendors and pedestrians were still bustling about, filled with vibrant energy.
EeDeChi and Barrett made their way through the market, ignoring the loud voices of vendors who seemed eager to shout directly into their customers' ears.
This was a rare large market; buying just ordinary food and drink seemed too mundane. Barrett wanted to find something special, but he hadn't decided what yet.
After squeezing through a crowd gathered around a fish fry and barbecue stand, Barrett arrived in the area of traveling merchants.
In this world where transportation is difficult, traveling merchants weave delicate threads between countries, tribes, and towns, allowing gold coins and goods to flow slowly along these threads like tiny droplets of water, connecting one closed world to another.
Compared to the noisy small vendors nearby, the traveling merchants were quieter, perhaps due to the hardships of their journeys sapping their strength to shout, or maybe the trials of their worldly travels had given them an air of quiet pride.
Interestingly, traveling merchants and adventurers had some similarities. Both lived for gold, wandered without a fixed home, and considered the world their playground. However, traveling merchants battled with goods and long, arduous journeys, while adventurers fought with swords, magic, and monsters.
In the lively market, EeDeChi craned her neck, looking around, seemingly searching for something.
Barrett occasionally shared tips on shopping and identifying counterfeit items, but she merely responded with noncommittal "mm-hmm"s, leading Barrett to suspect she wasn't really paying attention.
"What are you looking for?" Barrett couldn't help but ask.
"Do you know where there's a brothel?" EeDeChi's question stunned Barrett.
"What do you want with a brothel?" Barrett asked, amused and baffled. Suddenly, he realized, "Wait a minute, you want to go… go crackdown on prostitution again!"
Bad memories from his time in the Baharuth suddenly surged to the forefront of his mind. EeDeChi had stormed into a brothel, swinging her giant sword and attacking everyone in sight. She had beaten the guards, killed the nobles, and chased the naked prostitutes and clients out into the cold, making them line up shivering. In the end, she set the place on fire, burning it to the ground, which landed both her and Barrett on a wanted list.
That wasn't the end of it. She had also rescued two twin girls from the brothel, which added two extra burdens to their adventurer party. It wasn't until recently that they had finally managed to get rid of the girls.
"Do you know where there's a brothel? You're so well-traveled; you must know!" EeDeChi's eyes widened with a pleading look, as if she was a little girl wanting her father to buy her ice cream.
Barrett's heart skipped a beat, nearly softening, but he quickly shook his head. "I don't know! I don't know anything! I've never been to such a place in the capital of the Re-Estize."
"Really?" EeDeChi's gaze turned skeptical, her eyes narrowing.
"Of course it's true," Barrett said, crossing his arms and avoiding eye contact.
Of course, it was a lie. Barrett was quite familiar with the local sex industry. When gold jingled in his pockets, he patronized a high-class brothel with aristocratic background and fucked a 19-year-old beauty while being licked ass by a 25-year-old woman.
When he had only a few silver coins, he'd end up in dark alleys, picking out heavily made-up middle-aged women, flipping the hourglass on the table, and having sex on a straw-filled mattress. Often, he was asked for extra money because he hadn't cum before the sand ran out.
"Hey, are you two looking for a place to have some fun? I know quite a few good spots," a cheeky yet enthusiastic voice interrupted.
Barrett glanced sideways to see a man with a long leaf sticking out of his mouth, grinning as he approached them.
He immediately recognized the man as a pimp, someone who specialized in bringing clients to brothels.
From the accents of him and EeDeChi, it was clear they were outsiders, and his outfit was a typical adventurer's gear.
Due to his recent spike in income, he looked well-groomed, with new clothes and equipment, and his weathered face indicated he was an experienced player in this shady area. He was clearly a prime target for high-spending clients with a strong desire and ability to spend.
Adventurers lived dangerous lives, fighting monsters and gambling with death. When they made big money, they were eager to indulge. There's that saying, "The worst thing in life is to die with money left unspent!"
And EeDeChi? For starters, she wasn't a man, and anyone with eyes could see from her attire that she definitely wasn't a brothel client.
The pimp gave Barrett a knowing look and said, "Come on, friend, I'll lead the way. I guarantee top quality, prettier than elves! And the price is fair, cheaper than indulgences!"
"What do you take me for? I never go to brothels!" Barrett said, his face stern and righteous.
EeDeChi grabbed Barrett's wrist and shook his arm, saying, "Come on, Barrett, let's go to the brothel!"
"NO WAY! I've turned over a new leaf! I've reformed!" Barrett tried to free himself from EeDeChi's grasp.
"Wow, what a sight," the pimp marveled. "Your female companion is urging you to go to a brothel, and you refuse?!"
He squinted, as if having a sudden realization. "Oh, I get it, you must be… having issues down there, right? I've heard some adventurers lose that ability after getting poisoned or bitten by monsters."
He bent over and peered at Barrett's crotch with a regretful look. "It wouldn't be true, would it?"
"Hmph, you can't provoke me that way. My sexual skill is top-notch, guaranteed to make your mother feel over the moon," Barrett snorted, unfazed.
"Don't insult other people's mothers!" EeDeChi shot him a stern look.
The pimp wasn't offended at all and continued to smile. "Well, you're a bit late. If you'd come five years ago, my mom would have still been working."
"Hey, Barrett!" Another voice rang out amid the bustling market.
Uh-oh! Barrett recognized the voice immediately—it was old Tony.
Old Tony quickly used a simple teleportation spell and appeared beside Barrett and EeDeChi.
"What are you two looking to buy? I know some local shops that offer extra discounts if you mention my name," old Tony said cheerfully.
"I want Barrett to take me to a brothel," EeDeChi said.
"Wow~~~" old Tony's mouth formed an O shape as he elongated his tone in a drawn-out gasp. "Barrett, you really hit the jackpot! What a considerate companion you have! Such an understanding partner!"
He pounded his thigh in frustration. "If only my wife were half as good as your team leader, I'd at least live another ten years! Why can't I have such luck?!"
I really wish I could give you that "luck"… Barrett sighed, covering his face.
"But this gentleman doesn't want to go to a brothel," the troublemaker pimp interjected.
"Huh?" old Tony looked Barrett up and down, frowning. "The 'something big' you showed me last time, is it just for show and not actually useful?"
Barrett was alarmed. While he didn't mind rejecting the pimp's advances, he was worried that if old Tony got the wrong idea, rumors about his "dysfunction" would soon spread in the adventurer circles and become a well-known topic in the taverns.
He had just managed to shake off the nicknames of "Empire's Chief Eunuch" and "Strong Eunuch," only to have them stick to him like dog poop all over again.
"This is what you pushed me to!" Barrett said. "I just thought the brothel he recommended was too low-class for me, so I didn't plan to go."
"Hey! I haven't even told you which brothel it is! We have half-elves at our place!" the pimp protested.
"Never mind, I've changed my mind," Barrett clenched his fists and glared at the pimp. "Take me to a brothel."
"Now that's the spirit," the pimp grinned, signaling a passing open carriage.
"If you don't use a spear for a while, it rusts. Enjoy yourself in the capital," old Tony winked at Barrett before leaving.
The three of them got into the carriage and traveled along the cobblestone streets to a place called "Dream of True Love."
Along the way, the pimp boasted about the perks of visiting brothels:
"I have a friend, a knight's squire, who dreams of becoming a knight one day. He always binds himself with some code, never visiting brothels, never drinking, never gambling. He was infatuated with a merchant's daughter, pursuing her madly, only to be played like a fool by that nasty bitch.
"Later, I took him to a brothel, and he realized that the money he spent on gifts for that bitch could get him fuck two women more beautiful than her at the same time. After that, he stopped wasting money on her. Understand? It's all about disillusioning him about women!
"Slane Theocracy used to ban prostitution too. Do you know the real reason behind it? The root cause was that the Church wanted to monopolize sexual resources so that it was easier to rule by keeping all the men in the family. Those bishops seem so serious, teaching everyone not to indulge in vice, but secretly they rape little boys and even female elves.
"Do you know why those bishops and priests, who aren't even gay, like to rape little boys? It's because they're so sexually repressed. If they could have normal sexual relationships with women, they wouldn't prey on innocent little boys."
Barrett stayed silent throughout, while EeDeChi sat with her arms crossed, eyes closed in contemplation. They were finally approaching the "Dream of True Love" brothel, located on the outskirts of the city in a rather remote area.
"Just ahead," the pimp said, pointing to a courtyard with a colorful sign. "Driver, park by that sycamore tree over there."
EeDeChi, who had been pretending to doze off, suddenly opened her eyes wide, her gaze blazing with excitement.
Without hesitation, she jumped from the moving carriage and stormed toward the brothel, her excitement palpable like a cat catching the scent of fish, laughing wildly, said,
"HAHAHAHAHA! A BROTHEL! HERE I COME!"
The pimp, still in the carriage, looked on in shock. "Does she like women?"
"No!" Barrett covered his face. "She just likes to crackdown on prostitution."
Next, they heard the sounds of metal clashing, shouting, door kicking, screaming, scolding, and roaring, all one after another.
A heavily armored guard flew from the ground and landed on the third-floor balcony, hanging from the railing.
A naked, overweight man flew out of the second-floor window, shattering the glass and crashing down to the first floor with a loud thud.
One after another, naked men and women fled in terror from their rooms, running down the hallway like headless chickens.
"Face the wall, cover your heads, and squat down! Line up! Don't move! Anyone who moves gets beaten!" EeDeChi's shouting could be heard clearly outside the brothel.
The pimp and the driver were stunned.
"THIS IS A DAMN ROBBERY! I need to report this to the sheriff right away!" The pimp tried to jump out of the carriage.
Barrett grabbed his arm, pulled him back, and covered his mouth to muffle his screams, then dragged him out of the carriage.
Barrett tossed ten or twelve gold coins onto the carriage, looked at the still-shocked driver, and said, "This has nothing to do with you. You didn't see anything, got it?!"
The driver, now coming to his senses and seeing the glittering gold coins, grinned and said, "Yes, sir, I didn't see anything!" He then drove off.
Barrett dragged the pimp to a nearby grassy area, tied him up with rope, and stuffed a rag into his mouth.
Given the situation, he had no choice but to play the part of a robber. Barrett took off his multiple-pocketed adventurer's coat, pulled a black cloth from his space ring to cover the lower half of his face, then drew his longsword and charged toward the brothel's front door.
"Don't move! Pay up or die!"