Side Fangs #89: “Lonely New Students”
Caeda Firae’s first days at Rising Shards weren’t supposed to feel like this. When she imagined it, she pictured bursting through the doors, getting glances from everyone curious about this exciting new girl. And then she’d find Clover, and they’d hug, and everyone would know the dynamics had shifted in the school with a new power duo about to take control.
She took the train ride as more of a symbolic gesture. She lived in Sky Clay already, but you had to take the train to your new school, right? And yes, that meant annoying her family because she had to take the train which meant they had to drive her further to the station when they could have just dropped her off. The aesthetic was worth it. She felt like precious cargo being delivered to a needy and desperate populace. She knew in her heart when she arrived at Rising Shards, she’d be able to provide what was sorely missing among the students. What they were missing, she didn’t know yet. But she would find out, and give it to them in plentiful amounts, and they would love her for it. It snowed more and more as the train grew closer. She stood most of the way, it felt more important.
Stepping into Rising Shards as an official student didn’t feel as exciting as she’d hoped. While she got some curious glances, it was more for her lilac squirrel-like tail than for her natural radiance. Caeda had already visited the school plenty, so this wasn’t technically a first, but finally being part of a Cani school was something she’d held a deep longing for since she was young. Since Clover got her fangs young. Clover went to a branch of a famous Cani elementary school system, but the two were together in junior high. Then separated for a bit when Clover transferred to Rising Shards.
But now they’d be together again.
They were still in regular contact, still hung out all the time, still were best friends, but Caeda imagined finally being together with Clover at the same school to go much differently than it did. When she searched for her in the girls’ dorm, she spotted Clover talking to a dark-skinned blonde girl with cat ears. From the description, that was Naomi. The conversation didn’t seem to be going well, and Naomi left abruptly. This was good in a way; she didn’t look over to Caeda. I don’t know if she knows that I’m…yeah. It was for the best if Naomi never found out about Caeda’s role in the little mistake that ended up coming between Naomi and Clover. Caeda knew Naomi knew someone was involved in that little mistake with Clover, but she didn’t know if she knew any farther. Caeda had rehearsed a big speech that she’d give to Clover, so it was disheartening when she approached her and Clover sighed immediately.
“Hey, sorry,” Clover said. “Not…right now.” She winced.
“Oh, yeah…” Caeda said.
“I’ll talk to you later.” Clover walked off.
So Caeda’s first day at Rising Shards consisted mostly of wandering around hoping someone would ask to talk to her. She still had another goal that she hoped to accomplish in class if she couldn’t with her wanderings. With Clover on her own path, Caeda decided it was time for a dream of hers to finally come true. At Rising Shards, she hoped she would finally experience that true, peak romantic moment of love at first sight with one of her fellow students. This one had a higher probability of working out, she didn’t need anyone to talk to her to get that first sight.
Clover wasn’t in the mood for breakfast with her, so Caeda ate by herself and started looking around the cafeteria. Nobody in her immediate vicinity gave her tummy butterflies. As she continued eating in silence, her first love goal seemed farther away. All of her goals did, from being together with Clover more, to finding someone cute to get a crush on and maybe date, and being someone important at Rising Shards that people would look up to and care about. She wanted to rise up in the ranks, but it felt like she was starting from the basement.
Marmalade couldn’t remember the last time she felt this panicked. It was her first ‘real’ day at Rising Shards, and she suddenly felt a lot more eyes on her than before when she was just the tall girl standing in the background of the big guest room with all the other new Cani. Nobody really talked to her there, which was fine, she came down with a bout of sudden shy loser syndrome, something that affected her pretty regularly.
The new kids would have to meet in front of class, and Marmalade had been mentally rehearsing what she was going to say as she sat by herself in the cafeteria. She was plenty used to sitting alone in cafeterias, so if that stayed the same at Rising Shards, it’d be nothing new for her.
When they see my awkward ass stumble up to the front of class, they’re probably gonna be like, ‘Oh, she’s transgender. Like this very tall girl is big transgender. She's so awkward, look at her. She's trans, too, definitely.’ So should I just start with that and let them know? Would that be weird? It’d probably be weird.
She sighed, not very pleased with her imagined speeches in front of class, especially when she pictured everyone immediately booing her and forcing her into a permanent shame corner where no one talked about the tall and smelly trans girl after she flopped at the initial speech giving. Marmalade knew this probably wouldn’t happen, but she was prone to expecting the worst. When she got over her doom-filled predictions, she could be very polite and charming, at least according to her parents.
One of the other new students sat at a table next to Marmalade. They had big round glasses, braided hair, and they quickly got to work on a big notepad in front of them. They had a charcoal pencil they used to sketch something. The two had beds kind of close to each other in the temporary guest room, so Marmalade casually walked by and tried to not look too needy but also kind of put that energy out there that she wanted to sit down at the artist’s table.
“Nrngh.” The artist growled as Marmalade got close, which wasn’t the best indication that this was off to a good start.
“Oh, sorry!” Marmalade said. “I’ll, um. Go.”
The artist looked up at her and her expression softened.
“No, I’m sorry,” they said. “You can sit, just, don’t talk a lot while I’m in the middle of this.”
“OK!” Marmalade said. “I’m good at not talking.”
Marmalade was true to her word as she sat across from the artist. Not wanting to just stare while they drew, Marmalade got out her eGame and fiddled around on the menus, not really in the mood to play anything.
“I’m Marmalade.” She said.
“Michi.” The artist said.
After a long stretch of silence, Michi let out a little sigh and set their pencil down. Marmalade took a peek at their drawing. It looked very blobby, but something looked familiar about it.
“Ha, are you drawing me?” Marmalade said, immediately regretting saying that out loud. She saw herself in the art, at least. Michi’s eyes darted back and forth between the sketch and Marmalade.
“I’m not drawing you,” Michi said. “Do you…think you look like this?”
“I er…yeah?”
“I’m drawing an abstract amorphous space that I feel like represents loneliness.” Michi said. “Or some kind of longing feeling. It’s hard to say.”
“…mood?” Marmalade said.
“Hmm,” Michi said. “I don’t want to just over explain my art either, so I’m not sure why I just said that.”
“What’s wrong with explaining it?” Marmalade asked.
“It’s better if you interpret it your own way without me saying anything.” Michi said.
“So isn’t it fine that I saw myself in this?” Marmalade asked.
Michi mulled that over for a bit. “I have to go wash my hands before we’re forced to introduce ourselves via the cruel torture of public speaking.”
“Right.” Marmalade said. “Talk to you…later, then?”
“Hm.” Michi said.
After Michi left, Marmalade wasn’t sure if she should stay or go. Michi left their sketchpad, so she decided to guard it.
Right, so that was kind of a…that wasn’t a bad talk, right? Marmalade was able to have a conversation that didn’t go off the rails, so maybe all the doom-filled predictions in her mind weren’t necessarily how things would go.