Rising Shards

I clicked my trusty pen a few times as I flipped my notebook to a blank page, ready to get a huge list of candidates who’d want to room with Kalei and I. Kalei prepared a little paper that had “ROOMMATE TRYOUTS: WANNA BE OUR ROOMMATE?” written on it in block letters (until it reached the side of the page where she ran out of space so she had to write regularly to fit all the letters in). We for some reason decided to go to first period class early to try and entice potential new roommates. I suggested we try the cafeteria or the dorms, but Kalei insisted that the classroom was the right place for this.

“It’s just us here,” I said.

“And?” Kalei asked, adding some last-minute stars to her sign.

“It’s just kind of eerie,” I said. “And cold. Not even Diast is here yet, it’s weird.”

“When is Diast ever on time?” Kalei asked. “So who are your preliminaries? When they draft beam chasers, they do panels where they predict who goes where.”

"Are we just picking from the newbies, or...?" I asked.

"Just think of the whole class so we have more to talk about." Kalei said.

“Well,” I said, thinking of our class. “I’m guessing we’re not gonna get any splits. Like Iris and Maia. Groups that are pretty tightly knit. Especially after the ones that left.”

“Oh, but imagine the juicy drama if it were,” Kalei said. “Because like wait! That’d be juicy drama for two potential reasons!”

“Like drama if they’re splitting up…” I said, following a bit.

“Or drama if they’re dating like you and Oka,” Kalei said. “Oooh, we could hold all the cards here. The drama cards.”

Kalei thought to herself for a second. “Man, you should’ve kept it secret…”

I softly gasped, not loud enough for her to notice. I imagined her saying “Kept it secret that you’re trans,” and the weird squirmy feeling from earlier returned, a little stronger. I barely registered that Kalei finished by saying “…from everyone else that you were dating Oka.”

“I thought about it, but we had to tell you right away,” I said. “And Oka and Lillia talk enough that there’s no way it would have stayed secret long.”

“No like with still telling me, cuz then I’d know something everyone else doesn’t. I’d hold some of the cards here.” Kalei said.

“Well, we got caught by Caya so we wouldn’t have been able to keep it secret long.” I said.

“I’m sad I wasn’t there for that, but I also feel so bad for you for that.” Kalei said.

“There you are,” Oka said. She and Lillia arrived to class next.

“I texted you!” I said.

“Did you?” Oka asked. She checked her phone. “Got my monthly meds thing…then…roommate tryouts…in class. Huh. Well, we’re in on this.”

“Why? You can’t be our roommates.” Kalei said. “I mean, I guess Lils could, but you guys have a good thing going, I think.”

“That and if Lillia left then who would my roommate be? I don’t wanna be alone here! Or get stuck with some jerk or something.” Oka said. She sat down by me. “I declare that I will be the ‘make sure new roommate would be good to Zeta’ judge, and Lillia will be the harsh judge.” Lillia nodded slightly.

As the rest of our classmates slowly trickled in, Kalei and I got ready to make a pitch for being great roommates. I forgot Iris got suspended, so Maia came alone, making it very clear she was not in the mood for communication when she sat in a far corner by herself. The others mostly just sleepily made their way to their chairs, so I kind of forgot about the roommate thing immediately.

“I just think I’d do really well in a play that allows for some ad libbing,” Oka said. “Scripts are constricting sometimes, to me at least.”

One of favorite feelings to get hit by a big wave of was when I got the real mushy, gooey feelings for Oka, and hearing her talk about acting had me very mushy and gooey as I basically floated watching her bright smile and sparkling eyes.

“One performance I really am inspired by is from Understanding Ches Burnek, the first, um. Sorry, this is very me focused.”

“No, no!” I said. “I wanna hear you talk about this. Keep going.”

“Hehehe.” Oka giggled. “Alright, alright, but if I get boring about this…”

“You won’t,” I said.

After a bit class was closer to starting, and Diast finally arrived and started setting up.

“Don’t boo me, I’m still here before the bell.” Diast said to Kalei, who was in the middle of some over the top heckling.

Diast’s class was fairly chill, which was nice. After a lecture, we had some group work to do. Which meant we could chat a bit as Diast had very rarely split us up any other way than just “OK go be with your friends” style.

“Alright, I do think this Echela Cani differences thing isn’t going to be as simple as they’re saying here, because—whoops,” Oka said as she accidentally knocked her pencil off her table. She leaned over to get it, and my eyes darted to her legs for a second.

“Staring again.” Lillia said. Oka’s head whipped in my direction.

“Lillia!” I said.

“Sorry, I asked Lillia to point out when you’re staring.” Oka said.

“Why? Do you not like me staring now?” I asked.

“The opposite,” Oka said. “Lillia catches it more quickly, so that gives me a better chance to catch you checking me out.”

“O-oh,” I said, my tummy fluttering a bit.

“Sometimes I worry that like all my friends are really weird,” Kalei said.

“Shush,” Oka said. “Zeta gets self-conscious about staring at me and I miss when she stares at me, so I asked Lillia to tell me when Zeta’s staring so I can see her staring and then also reassure her that staring at her girlfriend is perfectly fine.”

“OK…” Kalei said. “My statement still stands.”

“I do appreciate it,” I said. “Because I do get that real guilty feeling when I stare at you, because you’re cute.”

“You’re cute,” Oka laughed.

We pressed our foreheads together. “Cutie.” I said quietly.

“You two. Are adorable.”

I broke out of my little forehead press with Oka, remembering I was still in class. Marmalade was sitting a row in front of us and had turned around, seeing our mushy girlfriend display.

“Oh, heh, sorry that was…” I said. I wasn’t sure why I kept apologizing to her.

“Yeah, these two are a bit in love and junk.” Kalei said.

“I was only half listening before,” Marmalade said. “Not on purpose, I’m not trying to be intrusive to you all day. But are you guys like for real a couple?”

“Yep!” I said, which made Oka let out some excited little yelps.

“Rock on,” Marmalade said. “So in addition to the war story sharing, you gotta give me some happy stories too, yeah?”

“For sure!” I said.

Oka gave me an inquisitive look, like a precious puppy wanting to go outside.

“Oh, I met her this morning in the nurses’ office.” I said. “For my, er, you know.” I looked at Marmalade, not wanting to out her instantly, but she just grinned and nodded.

“Yeah, me and Zeta here met at our regularly scheduled trans business.”

“Ohhhhh,” Oka said. “You’re trans too?”

“Uh huh.” Marmalade said.

“Just like Zeta!” Oka said. “Which I guess, duh, you met her when she was getting her pill. And you just said—I’m…smart, sometimes.”

“You’re fine, don’t worry.” Marmalade said.

“Sometimes I forget Zates is one of them tgirls, honestly.” Kalei said.

“Don’t…phrase it like that.” Oka said.

“Why? What’s remotely wrong with what I said?” Kalei asked.

“I dunno! It sounded weird!” Oka said.

We all got back to our work, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit shaken. Marmalade introduced herself as trans so easily to Oka and Kalei. It hit me that it took me way longer to tell even Oka and Kalei about myself when I first met them. And I didn’t talk about it much after to the point that Kalei said she forgot that I was even trans. That squirming uncomfortableness in my gut I felt earlier came back a little stronger.