Reincarnated as the Villainess’s Unlucky Bodyguard

New Year's Eve in a demon castle was exactly as chaotic as you'd expect.

Let me paint the scene for you: firework spells going off prematurely, enchanted streamers attacking guests, and a possessed punch bowl that had tried to drown a butler. I stood in the corner of the grand hall, clutching a glass of something that smelled vaguely like fermented dragon fruit, trying not to look like I wanted to bolt.

"You know," I muttered to my system, keeping my thoughts private as always, because I'm not insane enough to talk out loud to myself in a room full of demons, "when you said this would be a 'fun cultural experience,' I didn't think you meant this."

The system's voice chimed in my head, annoyingly cheerful.

[Cultural immersion builds character, Host! Look at you, mingling!]

I wasn't mingling. I was hiding in the corner while chaos unfolded. Across the room, Enara was perched regally at the head table, glaring daggers at her cousin Milara, who had apparently decided to wear the same shade of purple as her. Honestly, I didn't even know demons had fashion rivalries, but here we were.

Meanwhile, Daena my demon grandmother was doing her best to keep the peace between two bickering nobles, one of whom had somehow set their own horns on fire. Verida and Nyssara? Nowhere to be found, probably hiding somewhere sensible. I envied them.

"Hey, watch it!" someone yelped, and I turned just in time to see Ananara, my talking pineapple familiar, rolling across the floor and taking out a tray of appetizers like some kind of vegetable bowling ball.

"That's what you get for trying to put me on a plate!" Ananara screeched, her voice high-pitched and furious. "I am not garnish, you cretins!"

A demon servant scrambled to pick up the ruined tray, muttering apologies while Ananara rolled away triumphantly. I pinched the bridge of my nose. "This can't be my life," I whispered.

[It absolutely is, Host,]the system chirped. [And look, you've made a splash! People are noticing you.]

"Noticing me because my familiar is committing food crimes doesn't count."

I downed the rest of my drink in one go, wincing as it burned its way down my throat. Whatever demons drank to celebrate, it was stronger than anything I'd ever had before. My vision swam slightly, and I decided it was time for a tactical retreat.

Unfortunately, the universe had other plans.

"Liria!" Milara's voice rang out, sweet and syrupy in a way that made me want to run for the hills. "You look stunning tonight!"

I glanced down at my outfit some elaborate gown that looked like it had been stitched together by magical spiders and forced a smile. "Thanks. You too."

Milara sidled up to me, her golden chains jingling as she moved. "It's such a shame Enara's being such a grump tonight, don't you think? Honestly, she should take a page out of your book and learn to relax."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "I think she's fine," I said diplomatically.

"Oh, you're too kind," Milara cooed, leaning in closer. "But don't worry, darling. Once I win her little game, she'll have to acknowledge me as her equal."

I blinked at her. "What game?"

Milara's eyes sparkled with mischief. "Why, the annual New Year's Spell-Off, of course! Didn't you know?"

"Of course I didn't know," I muttered under my breath. "Why would anyone tell me anything useful?"

Before I could escape, Milara grabbed my arm and started dragging me toward the center of the room, where a large magical circle had been drawn on the floor. Enara was already standing there, looking furious.

"Let me guess," I said dryly as Milara deposited me in the circle. "I'm in this now, aren't I?"

"Oh, absolutely," Milara said with a dazzling smile.

Enara shot me a withering look. "Don't embarrass me."

"I wasn't planning to," I snapped back.

"Good," she said, turning to face Milara. "Because you're going to watch me wipe the floor with her."

"Big talk for someone who tripped over her own dress last year," Milara retorted.

I glanced at the crowd gathering around us, all of them eager to watch whatever this was about to be. "Okay, someone explain the rules before I make a fool of myself."

"It's simple," Enara said, her tone bored. "You cast the most impressive spell you can without breaking the circle. Whoever gets the loudest applause wins."

"Great," I muttered. "No pressure."

Milara went first, summoning a cascade of shimmering fire that danced above her head in intricate patterns. The crowd oohed and aahed, and she shot me a smug look as she stepped back.

Enara was next, conjuring a glowing ice sculpture that twisted into the shape of a dragon before shattering into a thousand glittering pieces. The applause was deafening, and she gave me a superior smirk as she stepped aside.

I took a deep breath, stepping into the circle. "All right, system," I muttered under my breath. "Any ideas?"

[Try not to die?]

"Helpful."

Closing my eyes, I focused on the magic inside me, trying to channel something anything that wouldn't make me look like a complete idiot. A rush of energy surged through me, and I threw my hands up, releasing it into the air.

The result? A massive, glowing pineapple that hovered above the circle, spinning slowly.
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The crowd fell silent.

Ananara, from somewhere in the audience, let out a triumphant yell. "Finally! Some respect!"

I groaned internally as the pineapple exploded into a shower of golden sparks, raining down harmlessly on the spectators. To my surprise, they started clapping hesitantly at first, then louder.

"Well," Enara said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "That was… unique."

Milara looked like she was about to choke on her own indignation. "This isn't fair!"

"It's a tie!" someone shouted from the crowd.

Before anyone could argue, the possessed punch bowl chose that moment to come barreling through the room, sending demons scattering in every direction. I took the opportunity to slip away, leaving Enara and Milara to argue over their non-victory.

As I headed for the nearest exit, the system's voice piped up again.

[See? I told you this would be fun!]

I sighed. "Next time you say something's going to be fun, remind me to stay in bed."

I made my way through the demon crowd, carefully avoiding flying streamers and the occasional misfired spell. The grand hall was devolving into complete bedlam, which was about par for the course in this castle.

[Look at them, Host. They're having the time of their lives. You could learn something from this.]

"Yeah, I'll make sure to take notes on how to avoid a concussion when someone inevitably sets off a magical explosion," I muttered under my breath.

The system continued, relentless. [Oh, come on. It's a celebration! Aren't you even a little curious about what it's like to let loose?]

"Sure," I said, grabbing another glass of that suspiciously potent demon punch from a passing tray. "I'll let loose when I'm dead. Wait, no, scratch that especially not then. I'll probably be stuck running errands for you in the afterlife."

[Don't be dramatic. It's not errands. It's character development.]

I ignored the system and took a sip of the punch. Bad idea. It hit like a lightning bolt to the throat, and I nearly choked. "What is this stuff made of? Liquid regret?"

[It's a demon delicacy, actually. Aged fruit from the infernal orchards mixed with a splash of distilled chaos essence. High-quality stuff.]

"No wonder it feels like drinking molten lava."

Before I could contemplate throwing the rest of it out the nearest window, a loud crash reverberated through the hall. I turned to see the possessed punch bowl had finally met its match Daena, who had picked it up and thrown it straight through a stained glass window. The crowd erupted in cheers.

"Problem solved," Daena muttered, brushing her hands off and glaring at the shattered window like it had personally offended her.

"Nice work," I said, wandering over to her. "What's next on the agenda? Wrestling the enchanted chandelier?"

She raised an eyebrow at me. "I wouldn't joke about that. Last New Year's, it took three people to get that thing under control."

Of course it did.

Across the room, Enara was still locked in a heated argument with Milara over who had technically "won" the spell-off. Both of them looked ready to throw hands or spells at any moment.

"Should we intervene?" I asked.

Daena snorted. "And ruin the fun? Let them sort it out."

I was about to agree when Verida's voice boomed from the entrance of the hall. "What in the nine hells is going on here?"

Every demon in the room froze. Even the enchanted streamers wilted slightly, like they were afraid of her. Verida strode into the hall, radiating authority, her golden eyes sweeping over the chaos. Nyssara followed behind her, looking far too amused for someone who was supposed to be co-ruling this madhouse.

"Celebration," I said weakly, holding up my glass as if that explained everything.

Verida shot me a look. "I wasn't talking to you, Liria."

Nyssara chuckled, patting Verida's arm. "Relax, darling. It's New Year's. Let them have their fun."

Verida's glare could have melted steel. "Fun doesn't include breaking centuries-old windows or turning the castle into a circus."

"It does now," Daena said, smirking.

Verida pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't have time for this. Liria, Enara, you're both excused. Go somewhere quieter before this turns into an outright brawl."

I wasn't about to argue with her. "You don't have to tell me twice."

As I slipped out of the hall, I heard Nyssara say, "Oh, come on, Verida. Loosen up! You can't go into the new year scowling like that."

"Watch me," Verida growled.

[You know, Host, they're not so different from you. Always grumpy, always ready to yell at someone.]

"Great," I muttered as I headed down the corridor. "I'm being compared to the demon queen. That's exactly what I needed to hear."

[Happy New Year, Liria.]

"Yeah, yeah. Happy New Year to you too, you irritating bucket of code."