Reincarnated as a Spider (Draft/Writing practice)

Housing Quality standards inspection list.

Living room

-/+

Comments

Living room is present

+

True about half the time. Most live in their bedrooms.

Electricity/Illumination

+

Permanently installed sconces and candles.  Fuelled by wax from animals and plants.

Light Globes

+

Most illumination sources are protected by cloudy glass. Lanterns.

Electrical hazards

(Is the room free of electrical hazards?)

+

Most ‘hazardous’ electricity here is static electricity from bedding. And maybe thunderstorms.

Electrical cover plates

=

Non applicable.

Security
(Are all windows and doors accessible from the outside lockable?)

-

Most residential housing rooms have simple latch locks. Only food and storage rooms have multiple locks from the outside. Most windows can’t be opened by design.

Door condition

+

Doesn’t squeak like hell. Works as a door should.

Window condition

(Is there at least one window? Do they open and close normally? Are they free of any damage?)

+

Hole covered by installed cloudy glass. Can’t open some of them due to lack of hinges. Ones that does open work normally. No visible damage. Thrown rock itself might be damaged by the windows.

Window screens

-

They don’t even know the concept of it.

Ceiling conditions

+

Made of hardwood. No visible damage.

Lead paint

(Are all surfaces free of deteriorated paint)

+

They need to have paint first.

Kitchen

Electricity/Illumination

+

More sconces and candles.

Light globes

+

Same deal.

Electrical hazards

+

Ditto.

Security

+

You can’t access most of the kitchens from outside on account of lack of doors leading in from outside.

Door condition

=

Mostly an open arch. Doors are rare. No visible damage to the support or structure.

Window condition

+

Uses slightly clearer glass. Still rough. No cracks. Some frames need to be replaced.

Ceiling condition

-

Masonry well supported by wood. Some minor cracks. Covered in soot.

Wall condition

(Are walls painted, sound and free from hazardous defects including large holes and cracks)

=

Varnished. No large holes and cracks. Needs better furnishing.

Floor condition

+

Most objects around the oven are made mostly of stone. Including the floor. Dirty, covered in ash. But not damaged.

Oven and Stove or range.

(Is there a working oven and a stove with top burners that work?)

+

Masonry oven made of clay and bricks. Some can be opened from the top to place cooking pots and pans directly on fire. Mostly wood fire. Bakes ““bread”” (harder than the bricks used to make the damn stove, no yeast, uses wood ash for leavening) are often ground into cereal.

Refrigerator

+

Some houses have stone basements, which are cool enough to refrigerate. Not a conventional refrigerator, is powered by nature.

Sink (Is there a kitchen sink with cold and hot running water?)

-

Technically yes. Wooden buckets are filled with cold running water from the nearby river. Heat provided by the sun if left alone for long enough. Dishes are washed in these, water is then disposed into foliage nearby.

Space for food storage and  preparation.

(Is there enough space to store, prepare and serve food?)

=

Communal storage not located on site. Climb a tree to reach it. Personal storage per house limited. Some space for preparation. Serving someone is rare. Beds are good enough for sitting and eating. Seating limited.

Bathroom

Bathroom present

-

Most houses don’t have bathrooms. Owing to elves themselves not needing dedicated rooms for it. Their ‘excrement’ looks like rabbit droppings, hard tiny globes deep dark green in color that can just be sweeped out. Their bedrooms are good enough for this. Has odd scent only if meat was consumed recently otherwise faintly ‘grassy’. ‘Pellets’ ‘excreted’ usually after 2-3 days after feeding. (Alma’s theory suggests that elves are more effective at absorbing food than normally observed. It is not clear if this trait is shared with other species of this world. It needs more information…)

Fixed washbasin or lavatory room in unit

(Is there a working permanently installed wash basin with hot and cold running water?)

-

More buckets and water is apparently enough for them. I’m surprised how they aren’t catching any disease. Questioning resulted in insufficient answers. Diseases in general seem to be rare amongst them.

Tub or shower

+

Large wooden wash tub resembling enlarged bucket. Cold water from the river, heat provided by the sun. (These guys are more resilient than I thought.)

Ventilation (Are there opening windows or working vent system)

=

Indoor tubs don’t sport any opening windows, but I doubt they need one with the frigid water. Outdoor tubs… You have all the ventilation nature has to offer.

Other rooms used for living (Bedrooms)

Bedroom (Is the bedroom at least 7m2 (70sq ft) for one person 11m2(120sq ft) for two people?)

+

Rooms are small but cosy. I would be more concerned how much head clearance the houses offer. They are low. This is likely due to petite stature of the race. Higher head clearances are waste of materials.

Bedrooms in Basement and Attic. (Does the ceiling have a height of at least 2.1m (7ft) and if the bedroom is in a basement does it have an egress window in compliance to International standards?)

+

Basements are cold. No bedrooms there. Attic spaces are often secured with trusses, not enough space for a ‘bedroom’.

Electricity/Illumination

+

Candles.

Security

+

Inaccessible from doors and windows. Internal doors have simple latch lock

Condition

+

Somewhat insulated. Bit cramped but not claustrophobic. Could give someone a cabin fever. Minimal wear on walls, floors and ceilings.

Egress

-

Small window usually doesn’t open but I wouldn’t be surprised if the elves could contortionist out of it if it did.

Exterior

Condition of the Foundation

+

Mix of stone and wood. Good weight distribution. Soil damage within acceptable margin.

Condition of stairs, rails and porches

=

I question the reliability of the rope and wooden ladders they use for vertical mobility if they’re not climbing up like a monkey. Not every handicap accessible.

Electrical hazard

=

Only if god decides to smite you. No lightning rod in sight.

Condition of roof and gutters

+

Tiled gable roof most popular. Some cracks. Existence of gutters not confirmed.

Condition of exterior surfaces

+

Needs painting and a good wash. Acceptable.

Condition of chimney

+

Bricks black with soot but not blocked. Cleaned semi regularly. 

Heating and Plumbing

Adequacy of heating units

(Is the heating equipment adequately warming all rooms used for living?)

+

Hot charcoal in the fireplace under the oven and you’ll feel the heat, add in some water and you can make a sauna. Might need more ventilation for that.

Safety of heating units (Is the heating equipment free from unvented fuel or any other types of unsafe heating?)

=

Fireplace chimneys work well enough. Window opening is not guaranteed, recommend breaking it in an emergency.

Ventilation and adequacy of cooling (Does the unit have adequate ventilation and cooling by means of windows and/or cooling systems)

=

Windows may not always open. You can always open the front door.

Water heater (Is the water heater installed safely with a pressure relief valve meeting the plumbing standards?)

=

A tub of water heated by the sun. The planet is safely orbiting the sun to evolve advanced life on it. Unsure if the sun has pressure relief valves.

Water supply (Is the unit served by approvable public or private sanitary water supply?)

+

Approved by mother nature and the water spirit.

Plumbing (Is the plumbing free of major leaks or corrosion that causes serious and persistent levels of rust or contamination of potable water?)

=

Have plumbing first. Ask again later.

Sewer Connection (Is plumbing connected to an approvable public or private waste disposal system and is free of sewer back up?)

-

Waste disposal facilitated by nature.