NOVEL WEB Chapter 58: To the Diner!
In the midst of my feelings of "it's so over" I found within myself, an invincible feeling of "we're so back!" Break week is over, call your friends, call your mom, call your dad, let's fucking GO!!!!!
Oh yeah, for everyone that wants me to write smut, I haven't been able to say it before, but I think I know how to say it now. I don't write smut because whenever I write, I have a specific purpose for every scene and I haven't gotten to the point where smut would be used to communicate the themes or character development in the story yet.
If it makes you feel better, there will be a sex scene with everyone but 4's probably gonna be the max tbh. I'll even include a sort of headcanon about Vaggie for all you horny fucks at the end.
Now enough with the talk guys, say it with me:
It's
TV
TIME!!!!!!
(James POV)
I've been thinking about it for a few days and the more I think about it, the more I do, the more I feel like I haven't even scratched the surface of my cursed techniques. Sukuna used shrine like a caveman without ever using his brain. 'Ooga booga, I cut this. Ooga booga I cut that. Ooga booga I like putting my fingers in minors' he really wasted this technique.
I've wracked my head about it for the past few days and I have a theory: I could possibly use shrine like a ranged version of Shigaraki's decay. By layering thousands upon thousands of tiny little dismantles on a small surface area, I can effectively rend a part of a person's body and take it away completely.
"James."
I haven't even mentioned the ten shadows yet, I think this version is much more esoteric than I originally thought. I recently tried out my divine dogs and found that the black one was marginally stronger and bigger than the white one, so I did some more experimenting and found that if I feel more negatively, the shadow comes out stronger.
"James."
Not to mention Mahoraga, that's the real big cookie. I've tried to use a binding vow to use his adaptation independently of him, and unlike the rest of my shadows who I just had to give up their physical form and some cursed energy, Mahoraga requires so much more.
Even after offering 99% of my cursed energy, shrine and all of my other shadows I could only gain his adaptation for about 6 minutes… 6 minutes! I'm lucky I can break self-imposed binding vows or else I would've wasted a shit ton of all my potential and ended up a worse version of Megumi. I wouldn't wish that fate on my worst enemies… Except for Alastor, fuck him.
But the reason I'd say this is esoteric is because of a small hunch that I have off of very limited evidence: Mahoraga's full chant does include him being a "divine general" so it's a non-zero chance that he's technically divine here and it makes it so that I'm essentially trying to channel a God's essence into my body.
"JAMES!"
A loud feminine voice erupted in my ear. I quickly got out of my thoughts and looked around, I didn't even notice we were out so far, the scenery had changed from the decrepit red colored building of hell that I'm used to into a vibrant purple scenery.
The buildings seemed much more aesthetically pleasing, though I'm not sure if it's because it's a reprieve from the red, the fact that the buildings weren't somehow worse than section 8 housing, or both.
Even still, there were a bunch more businesses around, I see like 3 supermarkets, a lemonade stand run by a little person that's very obviously disguised as a kid and a church… I don't know why there's a church in hell of all places, but I guess god appreciates the sentiment. There was also a noticeable lack of people, I don't really know what's up with that to be honest.
I actually started to look at my companions, Vaggie and Angel Dust seemed annoyed in front of me, Amery was walking straight ahead with perfect posture, almost like she was a robot… Anyways. Charlie was looking around in the front with the same spark in her eyes that accompanied her throughout hell for whatever reason and Nifty looked unfocused at my side, what's up with her?
Before I could ask about Nifty, Vaggie already grabbed my attention. "James, what the fuck, are you deaf or something?"
"Only on Wednesdays."
"It's Saturday dickhead."
"Irrelvant." I wave my hand in the air. "Whaddya want anyway?"
"Show him, Vaggie." Angel elbowed Vaggie a little as she sighed and started to turn her head to the side… And she kept turning… And kept turning until her head looped back around to look at me after a 360 degree spin.
"... What the fuck?"
"That's what I said!" Angel said in exasperation while Vaggie spun her head back to the side.
"I know it looks weird, but angels are way different from humans and sinners, we technically aren't even physical."
"What the hell does that mean?" I asked while Vaggie began to walk backwards while staring at me.
"Basically, all angels are holy light first of all, then we get shaped into human shapes, since I am an exorcist angel, I was given a little bit of Schrodinger's law in my making."
"What the hell does Schrodinger do to you?"
"Basically, since the inside of my body is always unobserved, I can do basically anything with a tad bit of stretching the rules."
"That doesn't make sense though, why don't you just think of yourself as God or something?"
"That's because everyone observing me sees me as human, but with the biology of a human angel, your mind fills in the gaps when I do something not humanely possible with the excuse of 'she's an angel' but you wouldn't think that I'm an angel if I started erasing stuff like god or pulling weird abilities out of my ass so I'm, stuck doing superhuman shit.
"Man that power sounds great… Definitely wasted on you though."
"Shut up, you dick!"
Charlie eventually noticed our little conversation and got the stars out of her eyes, turning around to us with an infectious smile. "C'mon guys, we don't gotta argue, just look at how nice everything is!"
Almost immediately an old woman with red skin and a scantily clad pink dress crosses us. "BLOW-JOBS FOR 3 SOULS! BLOW-JOBS FOR 3 SOULS!"
…
I put my hand on Charlie's shoulder. "I'm not gonna lie Charlie, this place sucks."
She almost instantly deflates and gets a small frown on her face. "I know… But even though it may be bad right now, I truly believe that no matter how many ghouls that are down here or little gremlins–"
She stands upright again, a determined expression marking her face. "I truly believe that every sinner goes to heaven♫"
Is…Is she gonna start singing?
To my surprise, Charlie takes a step and brings her arms up.
"No matter the damage, the evil destruction♫
I know that everyone could rise above them♫"
She skips ahead, spinning around and stretching her arms out, almost as if she was embracing the world around herself.
"I know that their nature isn't cruel
And I know that they aren't fools
I've seen their kindness, I can dewool them of their sins,
dewool them of their evil
I can dewool them, yes, I said it♫" Charlie's voice reaches a crescendo of high pitch as she reaches up before dramatically bringing her hand down to her chest with a small smile.
"What I'm saying may sound outlandish, I wouldn't believe myself had I heard myself say it even if I thought I meant it." She continued in a soft tone before cupping her hands over her heart and looking up.
"But, even if I am called delusional, I truly believe every. Single. Sinner… Goes to heaven♫♫"
That… That was actually kinda beautiful, I don't think I've ever heard someone speak, let alone sing with as much conviction as Charlie no matter how softly she said it. We all stood in silence until I heard a soft clapping sound.
I looked around and saw Amery actually clapping, not emotionally of course, but with a small smile on her face and… I could be seeing things but it looks like there's a small tear in her eye. "Impressive performance, Hellflake, I really liked it.. Oh look, there's a diner right here."
She points to her left and like she said, a small diner with Antonio labeled on the top of the white building. How convenient is that?
Anyway, I didn't think anybody actually sang here, I thought Hazbin Hotel musical numbers were non-diagetic and were just there to be cool songs, who knew? I really thought that–
!!!!!
Something deep inside of me urged me to snap my head back and look at the buildings behind me. There was nothing there, but I could swear that there was a hint of white there… I might need to keep my guard up, I feel like some dumb shit is gonna happen.
(POV change: Third Person)
(Cups Casino)
The devil sat in his chair, the mahogany walls shining with their new wax reflection. His table, meanwhile, was entirely replaced with wood from a mighty oak tree. He leaned back in his chair, a cigar burning in his mouth while flapping through 10,000 dollar soul bills before the door to his office slammed open.
"Boss!" King dice said worriedly, slamming down a stack of paper onto The devil's desk. "Boss, you gotta see this."
"...This better be good if you're interrupting my money counting time, dice." The devil scoffed and put the bills down, putting out his cigar on his own chest fur and picking up the first paper off the stack.
"Boss, our intelligence department says we got sightings of angels in Eastern Sin City stalking somebody."
"Hmm…" The devil hummed out before putting the paper down and folding his hands on his desk. "So who's the poor sack of shit that's getting stalked by them?"
King dice laughs nervously. "Y-you're not gonna believe this, but…" The devil narrowed his eyes at Dice's hesitancy before King dice hurriedly spilled the beans. "It's that James kid you were ranting about…"
The devil took a second to process Dice's words.
Then 3…
Then 5…
And after a full 10 seconds of King dice enduring his boss's silence, he suddenly erupted in laughter, kicking his feet up onto his table while lighting another cigar. "That's what you came to me about? Don't worry about it, dice, throw the report in the trash and tell our intelligence to not worry about anything, you hear?"
King dice's eyes shifted from side to side at his boss's sudden relaxedness. "B-but boss, shouldn't we report this to Lucifer?"
The devil only gives a bigger laugh, coughing out smoke. "That duck-fucker doesn't need to know everything going on in Pride, dice."
But in almost an instant, The devil's relaxed aura turned into a heavy oppressive one, King dice only being able to stand up due to his familiarity with it.
"Besides, not only did that little shit scam me, blow up my damn room that I had to borrow money from Mammon to get fixed, but he also took so much money from the casino, we'll need at the very least 2 years to get back in the green.
So as far as I'm concerned, he can figure it the fuck out himself."
(THE END!)
How was the chapter? Love it? Hate it? Comment and tell me what I'm doing right and wrong!
Also the NSFW headcannon is that Vaggie is very much into overstimulation, her being an angel she doesn't experience much physically as a normal human so overwhelming her senses would bring her pleasure.