Chapter 11: Despair
How many weeks has it been I wonder? Since I got out of bed for anything other than pissing or shitting?
I stopped crying a while ago, now I’m simply a walking dead man. I have been depressed at many points in my life. When I was rejected, when I was humiliated, when I was abandoned, when I lost my home. I was put on medication, but I am such a fuck up I couldn’t even take it properly.
But this… this goes beyond anything I ever felt before. I promised myself, I remember promising myself not to get attached to the kid. I remember that clearly.
I couldn’t help it though; his smile was contagious. He worked so hard. He was so kind. He could do anything he put his mind to. With that power, he wanted to help people. He was everything I wasn’t. He was someone who… someone who deserved to live. Someone who deserved to be happy.
How could I not fall in love with the kid? He was a son to me. When he was happy, I was happy.
Now he is gone.
Why? Why did this happen?
“Oh, you’re up Cassius.” I looked to my right, this time not just Octavia or a servant was there. Livius is too.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“It was a tough battle, but I petitioned the court. I will be the one officially looking after you and your territory until you grow up.”
“Oh, I see.” Boring shit again. Whenever someone new comes, it’s boring shit.
“Why don’t you get out of bed son? We can go loo-“
“Don’t talk like you’re my father shitty old man,” I respond instinctively. This body only has one father, and he’s been killed.
“You’re right, I apologize. That wording was insensitive.”
“So… do you know?” There was only one thing that interested me at this point.
“Yes… are you sure you want to hear?”
“Spit it out already old man.”
“That man was from the spider unit of the Republic of Amidonia. According to the description we obtained from Brennos, it must be them.”
“Spider unit?”
“They are the most elite unit from the Republic of Amidonia. Our neighbors to the north who we fought in the last war. The motive… the motive was to eliminate the most powerful warriors of the kingdom before the war started. It’s called the spider unit because it managed to kill the spider king Arachnia, one of the most powerful monsters on the continent.”
“I… I see…” he was after Marcus and Claudia? I guess that makes sense.
“Come on Cassius, let’s g-“
“You can leave now… just leave.”
I kicked him out because frankly, I wanted to be alone. The only person I don’t kick out is Octavia… I couldn’t face Cassius if I were wrong to her. And she knows how to stay around without causing problems.
…
I think it’s been two months since Cassius died. When I dream, when I’m awake, when I eat, whenever I do anything, I always think of that day.
The day I lost everything once again.
I long stopped questioning why. Finding out why it happened changed nothing. Now, I just continue to despair. Today, I remembered out of nowhere the old homeless man in the city. I decided to meet him. I left the estate before dawn so that Octavia wouldn’t see me go.
I just put on the nearest tunic and pants and left, not bothering about shoes, daggers, or my appearance. Then I wandered, I forgot where he was since the last time I saw him. The people awake at that time noticed me, but none bothered to interact with me.
Eventually, I found him, he was in a back alley in the poorest district of the city. He was awake and gave me his full attention when he saw me.
“You are wise, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” He responded.
“What should I do? I died, then came back to life. I was reborn, but I have nothing.”
“What did you wish to do when you were alive?”
“I… I don’t know…”
“Discover that… and know, few have the privilege to be reborn,”
The old man got up and started walking for the gate. I still know nothing about him.
What did I wish for? I wanted a hot girlfriend, I wanted to be popular, I wanted to be rich, I wanted… to be loved.
Those are impossible. What… what did Cassius want?
In his final moments. What was he telling me?
I remember.
He said, “Don’t let him…”
That man. He… he killed Cassius’ entire family. What did he want to say about him…
Ah, I get it.
He was saying…
Don’t let him…
Don’t let him get away with this.
Don’t let him get away with destroying everything he held dear. I see now.
Once again, I was making an error. How could I not realize this? Thank you, old man. You helped me realize why I was brought into this world, why I watched Cassius grow up, and why I was made to fall in love with that kid. Why everything happened. Why I awoke in the body of a fledgling master magician and swordsman.
I was brought to this world for one simple reason. One purpose. Everything leading up to this was so that I could do it.
The purpose for everything up till now was so I could kill him.
Kill that man who took everything from me.
I will do it.
I swear I will. I will find that man even if I must travel to hell itself.
I will kill him.
No matter what.
I will end that fuckers life.
With my own hands.
I will avenge Cassius. Even if it kills me.
I have died once before; I don’t fear dying again.
Nothing else matters.
Nothing except killing him.