Chapter 65 – Purpose. Tempering Willpower Through Pain.
On the lake bank...
I sat alone on the wooden bench, crafted to enjoy the fantastic view.
Next to me, an armored 4m tall giant hulk-like monster sat on a fallen tree trunk, using it as a makeshift bench.
"You wished to talk to me, Ruler Arnerd?" I asked.
"Drop the Ruler." Arnerd scoffed. "It is an empty title for a clown, a king of nothing." He bitterly said.
I felt his complex emotions, confusion, and a hint of regret.
"... Arnerd," I spoke again. "What did you want to talk about?"
"... It is ironic, isn't it?" Arnerd said. "I strived to become a Kin Ruler, to reach the top of the hierarchy. And yet, now that I got it, all I feel is emptiness." He said while looking at his hands.
"Do you know how it feels, Iver? To become more intelligent, to learn your role as a stepping stone, eventually discarded away." Arnerd melancholically said. "It is a curse, Iver. I wish I remained an ignorant Kin Lord. No... I wish I were a Kin Leader or even an Evolved Kin. I had a purpose then. But now?" Arnerd clenched his fists. "Now it is all gone, replaced by this bitter feeling."
Arnerd then turned to me.
"Iver, in a short few weeks, you have achieved what we tried to do for years, reaching above and beyond that; for that, I am grateful," Arnerd genuinely said. "However, what you did also ended my purpose to live. With the rise of millions of Ascended and even creating this Royalty with an authority above mine, my role is over. I am but an antique of the past, a burden." Arnerd sadly said.
"And that is why I offer you to change your race and become an Ascended Dreamer, to become my honor guard. You can gain new status and purpose." I replied.
"Iver, I am not blind or stupid enough to not understand the reasoning behind your decision. You pity us or perhaps feel misplaced guilt over the sins of another. Nevertheless, I am grateful for this opportunity and desire to accept it." Arnerd calmly said.
"Then why call me here?" I curiously asked.
"It is to ask you a question. What is your purpose in life? What is your goal? You, a living incarnation of a god, surely have a higher and noble purpose, right? As your future guard, I wish to know who I will protect and what I serve." Arnerd said.
At his words, I couldn't help but reflect on them as I looked at the calm lake. My life flashed like a film as I thought about things.
"... Primrose, you are not to listen to what I am about to say. Nobody is to listen except Arnerd." I suddenly ordered.
Although I didn't hear a reply, I knew that Primrose had everyone retract their crystal network and step away from the lake. Only after a minute did I speak.
"... Believe it or not, my initial goal was never noble or grand, perhaps mediocre and lame," I admitted. "I was not always a god's incarnation. I was a man, like any other. I wanted a stable and regular life, find a wife, have kids, grow old, and die."
I crouched down and picked a stone covered by creep.
"And then, one day, I got an opportunity to get rich, to change my fate. Thoughtlessly and foolishly, I took the chance, like a fly to dung. In a twist of fate, I am now what I am, an incarnation of a god." I said and activated sanitization on the rock.
As I saw the creep slowly burning away, I continued.
"Even when I gained my powers, I still adamantly chased my foolish mortal goal to become rich and powerful. As time went by, the objective unknowingly changed to conquering the world... And I did. I even conquered two with little effort and will conquer a third planet soon." I said as the creep on the rock burned completely, leaving a slightly rough stone.
I then transmuted the rock using my rule-bending powers, changing its form into a flat stone suitable for rock skipping.
"And now I wonder myself, what is my purpose? To grow stronger? To inherit the power of the god I embody? To make the Ascended Empire rule this galaxy or even the universe? To gain knowledge untold?" I asked myself and threw the stone.
The stone bounced on the lake water several dozen times before sinking.
"... Perhaps these are my current goals, likely for a long time, or perhaps these are just things I delude myself to fill in the gaps." I melancholically said.
"They are noble and grand goals, in my opinion. What more could you seek?" Arnerd asked, confused.
"I wonder the same thing," I said while looking at the calming ripples on the lake.
"Then don't," Arnerd said.
"Hm?" I tilted my head, looking at Arnerd in confusion.
"You said it yourself. You only became a god's incarnation lately, so what is the point of thinking about such deep things? Unlike me, you can be anything you want and are above mortal worries, so why bother thinking about such lofty or grand ideal?" Arnerd asked and turned to the lake again.
"I believe you have plenty of time to find purpose, perhaps eternity, so, in the meantime, just work hard to accomplish the goals you told me, or even not that. Perhaps you only need to experience life more and be yourself, and purpose will find you." Arnerd said.
My eyes widened as realization dawned on me. I have been so overwhelmed by my power and ease of achieving my goals that I forgot the obvious. Arly and Trod tried to tell me something similar, but it didn't connect with me.
And yet, the words of a literal 4m giant monster connected to me, perhaps from our shared lack of purpose. More than Trod, Tess, Zhu Li, Primrose, Arly, my past friends, or even my sister... I connected the most with Arnerd, at least in this regard, the irony.
Turning my head to the lake again, a significant burden lifting off my chest, I only said one thing.
"Thanks, Arnerd."
Arnerd only nodded as we watched the calm lake.
Several minutes later, Arnerd stood up, his full stature over twice mine upright.
"I shall head to Empress Primrose to receive instructions. It has been a pleasure speaking with you, Iver." Arnerd bowed.
"No, I think I benefited more from this conversation." I smiled, feeling unprecedentedly serene.
"I am glad you have found peace of mind. I shall take my leave." Arnerd calmly said.
Although unable to make a smile, I swear he did at that moment.
After he left, I stayed around the lake for half an hour before returning to Primrose.
"Iver, you are back," Primrose said.
"Yes, I am." I gently replied.
"... You seem different somehow." Primrose blinked her eyes.
"I guess." I lightly smiled, not elaborating further.
"I see... I sent Arnerd and the other Kin Rulers to sterile areas to devolve. I also granted them level 4 Energy Affinity and Body Manipulation." She added.
"That's good. I am going to evolve now." I said.
Before coming, I told Tess and Zhu Li I would be away for several weeks. While I am gone, they will manage my affairs.
"Yes, Iver. I will have your quarters tightly guarded." Primrose said.
"Thanks," I replied and went to my room inside the dome.
My new room was the mini dome at the back of the Spore Spreader's colossal sphere, which, by far, is the safest and most well-guarded place on the planet. If I didn't feel safe there, I might as well feel unsafe everywhere.
After entering my frugally furnished residence, I lay on the surprisingly comfy bed. As I already gathered the necessary energy to evolve, I just needed to do it.
"Trod, strengthen my body to peak condition," I ordered. "Disable my ability to move, but keep me conscious. I want to train my willpower."
{Understood. However, I suggest I lower the energy input before gradually raising it. This will prevent you from being overwhelmed.} Trod said.
"Okay, do it," I replied.
The next moment, I was covered in black flames and couldn't move. However, I felt an inhuman amount of pain at the moment.
"Kugh!!!"
I felt the pain as my body was being disassembled and reassembled, strengthening it. The pain was not something a man should experience. Of course, the pain is less profound than the one I felt when I increased my compatibility with the shard, so it was still bearable.
{This is nothing. You are only feeling 1/2048 of the pain you would feel.}
"Only 1/2048?! The pain is relative to how fast I absorb energy?!" I mentally exclaimed.
{Correct.} Trod affirmed.
I now understand how lucky I am that Trod shuts down my pain reception during strengthening and evolution.
{For now, get used to the pain. When you are ready, I will gradually increase it.} Trod said.
"... Start raising it," I ordered.
{Very well. Every 10 seconds, I will multiply the energy absorption by 1.01 times until it reaches the maximum.}
After his words fell, I felt the pain slightly increase. It was relatively insignificant, but I knew it was just the beginning. Ten seconds gradually turned to a dozen minutes as the hurt eventually doubled.
"URGHHh...." I groaned.
However, I also felt that my ability to endure the pain increased.
{You have reached the 1/1000 threshold. Would you like to continue?} Trod asked.
"... Continue." I determinedly said.
{Very well.} Trod replied.
The next moment, I felt the pain increase again. Since the pain multiplied by 1.01 every time, the additive pain increase was now twice as before. After a dozen minutes more, the pain doubled again. And after another dozen minutes, it doubled once more.
I never got used to the pain, as it gradually and multiplicative increased every 10 seconds. Every dozen minutes, Trod would ask if I would like to stop, but I only gave one answer.
"Continue."
Time slowly passed, and eventually, the pain stopped.
{Congratulations, Iver. You endured 1/91.67 of the pain. You now have a peak body.} Trod said.
"I barely endured over 1% of the pain, hah?" I muttered.
Honestly, the pain was indescribable. At some point, it surpassed the pain I felt from increasing compatibility.
At the same time, I felt that my pain tolerance increased many-fold. Pain that should have been debilitating before would probably only make me frown. And yet, I only endured a measly 1% of the total pain.
"By how much did my willpower increase?" I asked.
{If your willpower before was around 83 years worth, it is now 107 years worth. You would need 160 years worth for Increase Compatibility 4 and 320 for Increase Compatibility 5.}
"... So, for Increase Compatibility 10, I need 10,240 years of willpower?" I asked.
{That is correct.}
"And Increase Compatibility 11 is 20,480 years, right?" I asked.
{Negative. It is 2,048,000 years. The demand for willpower is a hundred times higher for a lesser god.}
My mouth couldn't help but feel dry.
"... Are the demands for all lesser gods so high?" I warily asked.
{Of course not. Inheritances below the Overgod, several hundred to several thousand years would suffice to apotheosize. In the Overgod rank, you would need a minimum of 10,000 years, and for a creationist god, it can reach hundreds of thousands. You have the inheritance of a god who touched upon the all-existence, and the demand for willpower is thus magnified many-fold. For most legacies, the will of a peak Pseudo-God would not exceed a few hundred years, with some rare few unable to apotheosize tens of thousands of years.}
"... Do others do the training I do?" I asked.
{Most never train their True Pain Resistance, at least not intentionally. Many gods are born without experiencing hardship, only relying on the accumulation of time. Ic'thotl'itrod was also like that until he almost died to another creationist god specializing in inflicting pain. By the time Ic'thotl'itrod regained control, over 73% of his body was carved away. It was then that Ic'thotl'itrod realized how powerful sensation is as a weapon. From then on, he trained himself to endure every sense imaginably, and instead of passively training his willpower, he began actively training it. From then on, gods using sensation methods found their powers ineffective, and their fate was to be consumed.}
"I guess I better continue training it, then," I muttered.
After making that decision, I spoke.
"Evolve me into an Ascended Intersect. And keep me conscious."
{Very well. I will reset the counter back to 1/2048. You will find that this pain would be somewhat more profound.} Trod said ominously.
The next moment, I went up in black flames again. And with it, the pain in my body returned.
However, this time, not only was the pain in my body greater, but the pain was not limited to the body alone. My very soul ached.
"FUCKK!!!!!! How is this more painful than before?!" I cursed.
{You are now experiencing reconstruction on the genetic level, and your soul is gradually expanding to endure your increased existence. This time, I will multiply it by 1.01 every 100 seconds. The next multiplication is in 87 seconds.}
"Ugh... Fuckshit..." I cursed in my mind as I tried to endure the pain.
The seconds went slowly, feeling more like minutes or hours. And eventually, the time arrived for the first tick...
{Increasing output.} Trod said.
And then I felt the pain slightly increase.
"KU...!!!"
If I could spasm or faint at the moment, I probably would. However, I didn't have the leisure for that. My mind was half-paralyzed from the unbelievable pain. And a hundred seconds later, Trod spoke again.
{Increasing output.}
"Gugh!"
And again...
{Increasing output.}
"AHHH!!!"
And again...
{Increasing output.}
"GYAAAA!!!!"
And again...
.
.
.
Two hours later...
{Congratulations, Iver. You have reached 1/1,000 output.} Trod said.
"Ah... Ah..." I could barely register what he was saying.
{Hm... It appears you can't understand me. Was it the pain on the genetic level? Or is it the pain in the soul? Should I lower the absorption rate? But then it would slow down his training... How troubling.}
"Gh... Ah..."
{... Hah... Very well. Let us start from the beginning.} Trod resignedly said.
The next moment, the pain halved as I slowly regained my mental faculties.
"W-Wha?" I mentally muttered.
{I lowered the absorption rate back to 1/2,048 because you couldn't endure it.} Trod said.
"Ugh... Fuck... It still hurts, but I can think more normally now." I said.
{Naturally. You became more accustomed to the pain. We will start over again, but I will increase every 200 seconds.}
"...Okay." I agreed.
And so, the cycle started once again...
.
.
.
Over half a day later...
{Congratulations, Iver. You reached the 1/100 threshold.}
"...Great...Ugh..."
{Would you like to pause on this level for now? Or would you like to slow down the increase?}
"... Give me... An hour... And lower it to every... 300..." I muttered.
{Understood. We will resume in an hour.}
And so, time slowly passed...
.
Well, for me it isn't! I just had to REPORT some anus copy-pasting my novel on Kindle.
Yeah, if you read it under paywall, you, my friend, were HAD. Hopefully, this message doesn't get deleted.
Anyways, look up Reality Smuggler on Scribblehub, and you will find the REAL novel... And be so kind as to report that novel you read, and also tell me, okay? Since the asshole is just asking to get staked through the ass, all the way to the mouth.
Cheers.
.
Almost a day later...
{Congratulations, Iver. You reached the 1/10 threshold.}
"...Yay..."
{Would you like to continue? Take a break? Or lower the increment rate?}
"... Continue, but lower it to every 600 seconds..."
{I understand.}
And so, time continued slowly passing by...
.
.
.
{Congratulations, Iver. You reached the maximum speed.}
"... Happy me..." I sarcastically said amidst unbearable pain.
{This is quite the achievement, you know? You are enduring a pain that could kill an unprepared pseudo-God from shock. By passing this hurdle, your willpower is already at 231 years.}
"... I thought it would be more..." I muttered in disappointment.
{Unfortunately, willpower accumulation does not work like that. A new experience can significantly raise your willpower, but repeating the same method gradually decreases results. This is especially so when you are only passively accepting the pain. From here on out, to increase your willpower, you need to use your rule-bending to absorb more energy, making your pain greater while maintaining focus. Only through that can you increase your True Pain Resistance and willpower.}
"I... I think I will stay like this for now..." I painfully replied.
{As you wish. It is your decision in the end.}
.
.
.
Several hours of getting used to the pain later...
"I think I adapted to the pain," I said.
{Then, from here, your true training begins. You will use rule-bending to increase your energy absorption. I trust you know the fundamentals and what it means.}
"Yes," I replied.
Since I evolved into a dreamer, I tried training with it. Although I am far from being a master, I do know how to augment my body or (Temporarily) transmute materials. At least absorbing energy (Including mental energy) faster isn't too hard. Of course, this power cannot be used constantly, as it requires me to focus. The higher the absorption, the more I need to focus. So, it is more of a meditation technique.
And the situation I am in now is suitable. However, the pain would inevitably reduce my focus and, therefore, reduce my energy absorption. I had to use my willpower to endure the pain while gradually gaining resistance.
Resisting my instincts, I used my rule-bending power to start absorbing energy. At first, the amount was insignificant, and therefore, I felt nothing, but soon, it reached a level I could perceive the difference.
"Gugh..." I groaned while maintaining my focus.
{You are now additively increasing your absorption by about 1% of your maximum absorption rate. The higher you raise your absorption rate without your resistance catching up, the higher your willpower will reach by the end.}
I didn't have the leisure to answer, as I was figuratively rubbing salt to injury. It was painfully, excruciatingly so. And despite my instincts crying for the pain to stop, I resisted it and continued increasing my absorption rate.
Sometimes, my focus would falter, dropping me back to the relatively comfortable full-power absorption. However, every time that happened, I gritted my teeth and tried again. What was initially 2-3% gradually became 10%, 50%, 100%, and more...
And so, time slowly passed in a painful blur of growth.
.
.
.
Days later...
{Congratulations, Iver, you have evolved into an Ascended Intersect. You reached a stable 336% of your maximum absorption speed through your willpower, and your True Pain Resistance is 6,547 times higher than when you started. Your willpower reached the 368 years standard, and now you can increase your compatibility to level 5.}