RE: Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse

Hentai Shinobi Rule 14: Beware of Kunoichi. They might have blades down there.

***

Icha entered the classroom with a heavy heart. His expression did not betray his complicated emotions. Any shinobi worth their salt could control their impulses at Icha's age. He looked at everyone in the classroom. Icha also went through the same curriculum at their age. He recalled how disgusted he felt by all the revelations.

If anything, those 'classes' significantly lowered most of the student's bratty perversion.

'Still,' Icha sighed. 'Our teacher was a fucking asshole. I'm glad these kids will get better teachers on that subject.'

Icha-Sensei wondered how the white-haired hermit pervert, the hospital's rising star, and Konoha's resident researcher would handle the kids.

"Listen up!" Icha announced. "There are a few additions to your lessons. These lectures will also tie into your graduation ceremony. So, I suggest you take these classes seriously."

"Psst," Mikoto elbowed Kai's arm as Icha continued. "I heard they are separating boys and girls for new classes."

"What?" Kushina tilted her head. "How did you know that?"

"Dad told me," Mikoto whispered. "But he refused to tell me about these classes." The Uchiha Princess' smile brightened. "He also told me that Tsunade-sama will take our classes!"

Kushina and Kai perked up.

"Really?" Kai grew curious.

Mikoto looked smug. "Yep. She will teach the girls. Dad said it won't be like those boring flower arrangement classes."

"Jealous, Kai-chan?" Kushina elbowed him from the other side. "Now you can't perv on granny\s granddaughter."

"Whatever," Kai rolled his eyes. "I'll get to sit with Minato while you two are gone. I'm happy either way."

Mikoto and Kushina looked at each other with vexed looks.

"Minato isn't better than us," retorted the Uchiha.

"Yeah," Kushina scoffed. "You should focus on your real friends."

Kai would argue with them. However, he was more intelligent than that. The class would separate if Mikoto were correct. So, there was no point in fighting over the issue. He will sit with his buddy!

"Stupid Kai-chan!" Kushina puffed her cheeks, seeing nothing worked on her Guardian.

"Hmph," Mikoto snorted. 'Just what is striking about Minato. It's not like Kai's training will get better with Minato. Kushina and I counter him in Taijutsu several times.'

Others also chatted as Icha soon asked the girls to enter the nurse's office.

"Yo!" Kai grinned as he was next to Minato moments after Mikoto and Kushina left the classroom.

"Hi!" Minato returned the greeting with a grin of his own. "Do you know what these classes are about?"

"Nope," Kai shrugged. "But it sounds critical to our studies. Icha-Sensei could have handled it if it were fundamental theories. Maybe a cool jutsu?"

Their chat drifted to a discussion about their training as other boys began to look increasingly annoyed until a dark-skinned boy with a buzz cut—Dekai, snapped.

"Can you two talk about anything but chakra this and that?" the boy scoffed. He had been Minato's sparring partner for the better half of the curriculum and looked peeved at the blonde being so intrigued by their classroom's well-known asshole—Kai.

"Ah, sorry," Minato chuckled sheepishly. "Kai-san and I don't get to talk a lot."

Kai couldn't help but almost let out an emotional tear after hearing the suffix 'San.'

"Just call me Kai," the boy snickered. "It'll be boring if two of the best students in the class can't be friends. Do you orphans and daddy-suckers hear that?" Kai looked at the rest of the classroom. Icha-Sensei wasn't here. Who's gonna stop Kai from speaking his mind?

"What did you call me?!" A boy shouted.

"Do you have a dad?" Kai questioned.

"I do!"

"Ah, so you're a daddy sucker."

The classroom bristled as Kai tilted his head to look at Minato. "Of course, I don't mean to insult you by calling you an orphan. I'm an orphan, too."

"Yeah…" Minato's lips twitched as he wondered why Kai was always keen on verbally abusing other students. Only Kushina and Mikoto seemed to have some semblance of control over Kai.

And they were gone…

"I'll fight you!"

*Poof*

Plumes of smoke burst on the raised platform in front of the class as a manly voice announced. "Hold it right there, students! Anger doesn't solve anything. I have a better suggestion on how to channel your frustrations."

The smoke cleared, revealing two tall figures. However, the image on the blackboard instantly attracted the rest of the classroom.

There were two big circles and two small circles within.

The voice laughed loudly.

"Oppai!"

"Sigh… why did Sensei bother me?" Another quiet voice filled the speechless classroom.

Kai, Minato, and the others observed the duo.

Both of them looked prominent in an ordinary setting.

On the class' left stood a rather sizeable man with a long, white mane loosely tied into a single pony as his spiky hair reached beyond his waist. His lips tugged into a bright grin as the flesh near his studded left nostril contorted. Another prominent feature of the man was the red face paint fashioned into lines from his lower eyelids to the start of his cheekbones.

Meanwhile, Kai had to observe how effeminate the other man was—respectably. The second man's silky, smooth black hair contrasted his partner's spiky white mane. The pale man did not possess his partner's boisterous charm as the yellow-eyed 'creature' looked mysterious with purple face paint around his eyes. No… Kai observed something else. The purple marks around the eye did not 'feel' like face paint.

Of course, the class knew who these two were.

It would be a shame for budding Konoha Shinobi not to know about their supposed role models.

Jiraiya and Orochimaru.

In Kai's words… these two were extreme results of success for a culture supported by orphans. And wouldn't you know it? These two were also orphans. Damn… Konoha had too many orphans.

Did they have a supply chain to get orphans or something?

Kai pushed these thoughts to the back of his head as Jiraiya and Orochimaru calmly waited for something.

"Uh… no applause?" Jiraiya blinked and looked at the blackboard. "Do you kids not like boobs or something?"

"I do," a voice rose from the back seats. Minato gaped as he looked at Kai.

Kai shot the boy a weird look. "What? You don't like tits?"

"W-well," the blonde stammered as Jiraiya laughed. "You must be Kai, right?"

'Conversely, I could be your father had you seen him.' Kai almost let loose those words instinctively. Ah, instincts were dangerous. He wouldn't openly mock a man that could kick his ass. He will wait for years to practice before doing so. Besides… Jiraiya seemed cool. His introduction was fabulous.

Oppai…

How elegant!

"I am," Kai grinned.

Jiraiya and Orochimaru glanced at each other before looking over other students.

"Well, let's just begin the class. You wouldn't have gotten applause even if you drew something more scandalous." Orochimaru hummed.

That hurt Jiraiya more than his enemies ever did.

***

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

A thunderous applause echoed through the hallway as Tsunade smirked at the girls gathered in the nurse's office.

"Well, thank you." Tsunade giggled as she offered Kushina a kind smile before looking at Mikoto and a few others.

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

The excited girls barely heard Tsunade as they kept hyping her with resounding applause.

Instantly peeved, Tsunade barked, "I said enough!" she snapped the nearby skeleton with a backhanded slap.

The class instantly grew deathly silent.

Satisfaction flickered in Tsunade's amber hues. "Good. Now, does anyone have any idea about the subject of this class?"

The girls looked at each other until Mikoto meekly raised her hands.

"Um… sex education, Tsunade-Sama?"

Tsunade smiled.

"Well, it's part of the lesson." The woman sighed as she summoned a scroll on the table and a whiteboard behind her. "From today, we will have weekly lessons about case studies till the end of your year. These classes will be two hours long and include no practical demonstration. I'm sorry, girls. It's going to be a tough pill to swallow. It's a bitter topic, but I know you all are tougher than you look."

Mikoto and others blinked.

What was that last line supposed to make them feel?

Tsunade sighed and summoned another thing as the girls yelped before profusely blushing.

Tsunade looked at the pair of silicone puppets demonstrating a naked man and a woman.

"Don't be so squeamish now. Do you think your parents and elders don't know what you girls are up to a few days before graduation?"

A few of the girls lowered their heads as Kushina tilted her head.

"What are you talking about, Tsunade-san?"

"Sush," Mikoto hurriedly stopped Kushina. "Don't ask—"

"Eh? I'm talking 'bout sex," Tsunade drawled. "Don't worry. I'm here to teach you all about safe practices."

Kushina frowned further.

"I know what sex is dattebane!" She surprised Tsunade. "But… why are you teaching us about safe sex? Granny said you didn't even have any?"

The classroom grew more than quiet.

It was void of any silence.

Others were scared to breathe out loud as Tsunade's frozen expression suddenly twisted into a malicious smirk.

"Oh, did she?" Tsunade scoffed before looking at the class. "All of you. Prepare for a quiz. The result of this quiz will affect your finals."

"What?"

"That's unfair!"

"But why…"

"Why are we being punished, dattebane?!"

"Because of you," Mikoto groaned.

"You girls are disrespectful," Tsunade snorted. "What? Do you think growing up is all about being slutty kunoichi? Hehe. We hadn't had these lessons for a few years, so you girls grew more outrageous. Don't worry. Your Tsunade-Sensei is here to correct your faults."

Tsunade looked more than proud of fucking over children by creating a quiz. Of course, she lied about the results affecting their finals in theory. She wouldn't stoop that low.

"Ah," Tsunade exclaimed. "Also, be sure to keep an eye on the boys in your class. Lord Third expressly instructed us not to have any practical demonstrations. Tell me if those boys are acting perverted or something, and I'll straighten their extra-curricular Senseis."

The girls looked at each other before nodding with vicious expressions.

<<<>>>

"Hehe~!" Jiraiya's nostrils flared as he waved a magazine. "See this? This book is your first lesson. I'll ease into the case studies with fiction. It's a story about a boy who entered a woman-only village and how he survived their 'tortures!'"

The boys looked at each other before grinning.

"It's a harem?" Kai brightened.

"Yes, my boy!" Jiraiya gushed. "The best kind, too! All these women are mature and comely! Do you understand what I'm saying? A proper man always appreciates some curves!"

Kai recalled the young Mito he'd been 'conjuring' before he nodded.

"Hot moms!"

"Single, Hot Moms!" Jiraiya corrected the boy.

"That's it," Orochimaru sighed, snatching the magazine from Jiraiya's hand.

"Hey!" Jiraiya pouted. "You said we won't use my way if others were awkward. Look at Kai. He gets me."

"Of course," Kai nodded. He didn't bother hiding his whims and dreams. "I wanna have the best harem. I need that knowledge to achieve my dreams."

The class grew quiet as Orochimaru and Jiraiya looked at the boy.

"A harem?" Jiraiya gulped.

"Yep," Kai nodded. "And not a normal one. I want a harem of kunoichi!"

"What happened to boys dreaming about being the Hokage?" Orochimaru frowned.

"We have had three Hokages, and none had any harem," Kai shrugged. "Kushina wants to be the Hokage. I say we let her. I'm more than happy kicking back and relaxing with… well…" The boy worked his jaw.

Others looked more than curious as Kai grinned. He hadn't admitted it out loud. But isn't it better to keep his intentions known than hidden?

It's only fair for his 'targets' to know about him lest they settle for inferior men.

"Someone like Tsunade," Kai coughed.

"I'll fight you!" Jiraiya snapped.

"No," Orochimaru shook his head. "You won't. Although Tsunade will fight you once she finds out you brought porn to the classroom instead of the reading materials that Sensei gave us."

Jiraiya shivered as he looked at the boy.

"Well… if you wanna build a harem… find me after classes. I'll give you all the reading materials you need."

Kai visibly brightened as Minato felt terrible. Now, the boy felt how Kushina and Mikoto did.

Kai…

He was for the streets.

"Kai, Sensei told us about your talents and progress," Orochimaru offered a soft smile. His eyes seemed to linger on Kai the 'wrong' way. "I caution you against following the words of the man who's never maintained any romantic relationship and gets beaten by Tsunade regularly. If anything, you should do the opposite of whatever Jiraiya does if you're hoping to achieve your dreams."

Jiraiya gaped at his best friend.

Et tu, Orochi?

"Wait… are you serious?" Kai blinked. "You won't laugh at my dreams and call them stupid or something?"

Orochimaru responded with a sincere look.

"I have no right to laugh at anyone's ambitions and dreams."

The classroom grew silent at that.

"Everyone," Orochimaru began. "I hope you pay attention to our weekly lectures if you want to attain your dreams. These classes are directly linked to what you may face outside Konoha. And I also suggest everyone stop looking down on their peers for their ambitions or status when said students have achieved more academic growth in a few months than you did in years."

Hiruna and a few other students lowered their heads.

Orochimaru was about to say something else when his expression stiffened. He gave Jiraiya a look before calmly walking out of the classroom.

Jiraiya eyed Orochimaru's back before looking at the classroom.

"We'll conclude the introductions with that. Sigh, I planned to share my wisdom before teaching you the academy crap. Anyway, the topic won't be pleasant. However, I believe everyone here is a tough son of a gun."

"I mean… most of us don't know our parents," Kai snickered as Jiraiya's expression stiffened.

Meanwhile, Orochimaru closed the classroom door before taking out a bottle of pills. His expression momentarily contorted until he swallowed a creamy, purple pill. His expression soon grew normal, and he calmly returned to the classroom.

<<<>>>

"What do you mean—a harem—dattebane?!" Kushina punched Kai as they sparred. Mikoto and Tsume watched from the sidelines, itching to have a go.

"Harem is a polyamorous setting with one man and multiple consenting females—"

"I know what it is!" Kushina seethed as Kai ducked from an absolute unit of a kick headed for his face.

"Then what are you asking? You either know what's a harem or you don't," Kai smirked and grabbed Kushina's ankle before yanking her. The redhead's balance stumbled as she fell on her back.

Indignant, Kushina snarled. "That's wrong!"

"Says who?" Kai blinked.

"Well…" Kushina floundered. "Uh, me, dattebane!"

"Pfft," Kai giggled. "You ain't a hokage yet. Try creating these rules once you become one."

"You shouldn't think about girls… and Tsunade-sama!" Mikoto snapped at the boy. "It will affect your growth."

Tsume surprisingly took a stance against her alpha.

"Yep, Alpha! Girls are trouble—especially the ones with cow tits. My mom says any man will be lucky to have an Inuzuka!"

"Really?" Kai blinked. "Your mom's single, right?"

Tsume shuddered. "Not my mom!"

"Then why'd you offer your mom?" Kai blinked.

"Nobody offered anything!" The three girls snapped at the boy.

"Okay? Well, this was weird. Anyway, I'm off to massage Mito-sama's legs."

Kushina brightened.

"I'll tell Granny about what you said, Kai-chan! She won't allow you to have a harem."

Kai shredded her hopes.

"Mito-sama already knew." He continued and lied as effortlessly as he breathed. "Mito-sama also said I'd keep my women happy. Heh. She even promised me her granddaughter's hand in marriage."

Undoubtedly, the lie won't bite him in the ass.

Kushina and the remaining duo grew alarmed.

<<<>>>

"I did what?" Mito raised an eyebrow at the calmly massaging Kai as Kushina hugged Mito with wide, expressive eyes.

"I don't know what she's talking about, Mito-sama," Kai smiled. He knew the woman could catch lies, but it wasn't like he embellished clan funds or something. "I just said you knew about my goals."

"Ah, your admirable goal of a life of debauchery," Mito shook her head. For once, Mito's words stung. He recalled Orochimaru's sincere expression and couldn't help but frown.

"What's wrong with that?" Kai began while massaging her soles. "I train, and I work hard. I can say I work the hardest in the classroom. I understand I cannot change other's minds. However, I hoped Kushina had my back. After all, I never doubted her becoming Hokage."

Kushina looked up from Mito's embrace. He locked his tired gaze with her surprised hues.

"It's not like I bully you, Kushina. I cook for you, help you get clean, and we also play around. Why can't you believe in my goals if I can accept yours?"

Kai knew the reasons. From a rational outlook, having a harem is beyond others' capacity. So, others enjoy deriding anyone with potential and talents to bring the talents down to their levels. However, he thought better of Kushina and Mikoto. He didn't expect his friends, of all people, to scoff at his sincere dreams.

Of course, Kai, with his emotional density of a black hole, missed social cues like the orphans missed their parents.

"I…" Kushina floundered and looked away with guilt in her gaze.

"It's not like that," she mustered. "I believe you, dattebane… that's why…"

"Doesn't make sense. Are you stupid?" Kai crinkled his eyes.

"Are you?!" Kushina snapped, running out of the room.

"She may have a point, Kai-kun," Mito smiled kindly. "Are you stupid?"

Kai blanked out before rolling his eyes.

Mito stopped him before he could leave after his chores.

"Another thing, dear," Mito smiled at him. "Kushina's action could be excused due to her age. But I was wrong. Nobody believed in Hashirama's dream until he achieved the impossible… I'm sure you can, too."

Kai's mood visibly grew better as he grinned.

"It's nothing as serious as creating a village, Mito-sama. Jiraiya-Sensei said it the best. I just wanna feel some—" He choked on his words as Mito raised an eyebrow.

"You want to feel some—what?" She questioned.

"Nothing!" he escaped the room.

"Eughk! Smells like a bitch in here! Does he want to feel some milkers? I have an idea. Traumatize the boy with your saggy—"

'Just shove it.' Mito sighed as she looked at her hands. There were barely any wrinkles on her skin.

'Hmm. So, it works.'

Her gaze flickered.

'Also, I should have been better than scoffing at the boy. He's right. He works harder than most and has better results than Hashi's boy-toy Uchiha.'

Mito would compare Kai to Hashirama. However, she instinctively felt everyone around her lacked the first Hokage's flair. It wasn't even remotely sexual. If she had to put it in words, Mito felt Hashirama was only born to achieve a few fundamental things. He was born to outshine others.

'There was something unique about his chakra,' Mito leaned back. 'I emulated his results, but I still cannot come close to his chakra's density and 'feel.' Yes. It was his chakra that felt… 'transcendent.'

<<<>>>

Kai wasn't worried about many things after saying he wanted a harem. He didn't even care if Tsunade heard about his dreams. Fuck it. Kai wanted Tsunade to hear about it. For all his childish glee, Kai hid twisted desires. He wanted Tsunade just as much as Mito in her prime.

Yes, he was a little sick in the head. But he wasn't an asshole that would try to fuck over Mito's emotions for her husband.

Emotions were new for Kai. However, he knew that as much as he would like a young, peppy Mito, he would forego those desires for Mito to be as peaceful as she wanted. Tsk. If only he were born in the warring era to snatch Mito. Then again, it was mighty arrogant for a virgin to think he was tough shit.

"Yo," Hiruna grinned at Kai as he entered the classroom. "How's your harem, Kai-chan?" The Uchiha teased as Mikoto frowned. However, Kushina pounced at the boy befitting a chakra beast before hammering her fist into his face.

Even Icha was shocked at Kushina's audacity as she stood on the table with her arms crossed.

"All of you better shut up about Kai-chan! He'll have the best babes in his harem, dattebane! Speak stupid at your own expense 'cause I'll send all your wives to his room once he grows up! That will be my first act as the future Hokage!"

Mikoto looked… shaken.

'What happened, Kushina? You were on my side yesterday! How could you just jump in with Kai about being perverted?!'

Meanwhile, Kai forgot the suffix 'chan' and grinned. "Yeah! You all heard her. You sons of bitches better hide your wives once I grow up! Even your mothers, if you have any!"

"Kai, Mikoto, and Kushina," Icha scowled. "Out of the classroom. Now."

"But I didn't do anything," Mikoto protested. Her perfect academy record had been blemished for some time now.

"Now."

"Hmph!" Kushina snorted. "Let's go, Mikoto!" Kushina held Kai's and Mikoto's hands. The redhead ignored the duo's dazed look as she loudly declared. "We need to stick together. Kai-chan's harem's not gonna build itself."

Kai and Mikoto glanced at each other as the latter glared.

'It's your fault!'

Kai smirked.

'Sorry?'

How would he know what went on in Kushina's head? Kai was just as surprised about Kushina, of all people, becoming his wingman. Then again, they are supposed to have each other's back. So, a pleasant emotion bloomed in Kai's chest. For once, he felt secure for some reason.

Of course, that did nothing for the pervert's density.

'Oi, oi, Kushina,' Mikoto suddenly recalled. 'What did you mean we must stay together to build a harem? I don't like the sound of that!'

Mikoto was three years older than the menacing duo. However, like Kai, she was often passive against Kushina.

It wasn't the threat of physical violence. Mikoto had been tutoring Kushina for a while now, and she could read Kushina with her eyes closed. Still, it was a mystery how Kushina did this.

'Maybe it's her face,' Mikoto mused. 'You just don't have the heart to say no to her.'

Soon, Mikoto felt alarmed.

'No! Focus! I don't want to anger Tsunade-sama. What will she do once she hears of Kai's stupid dream…'

Mikoto's eyes widened as she looked at Kai.

The trio stood outside while holding filled buckets.

"Were you serious yesterday?"

Kai blinked before nodding with a grin.

"Yep."

Kushina stood between them as she glared at Mikoto.

"I won't let you call Kai-chan's dream stupid, too."

Mikoto scoffed.

"Then I apologize for my behavior yesterday."

"Eh, don't mind it," Kai shrugged. "I don't care what others say. But it's nice to have my friends not dismissing it."

Mikoto blinked and looked at Kushina.

"Friends?"

Kushina huffed as Kai nodded.

"What's so surprising? We're friends."

"Well, we are," Mikoto muttered as she looked at the opposite wall.

"What now?" Kai questioned.

"Nothing!" Mikoto and Kushina snapped at him.

'I guess Mikoto is reaching her puberty and may have some issues. But what's gotten Kushina's panties twisted?' Kai tilted his head before frowning. 'Could it be like my condition? Maybe chakra caused some issues for them, too. Nah. I bathe with Kushina. That's not the case.'

Still, he shrugged.

He's just happy about how supportive the duo were.

It was a good morning for him.

<<<>>>

"Today's going to be your worst day!"

Students crowded the school grounds as they watched a brown-haired boy pointing at Kai. The blue forehead protector on the boy's head indicated his status as a genin.

"How dare you insult my sister?!"

"Dude," Kai blinked. "Who are you? Ah, did I snatch your sister's toy? Or pop her balloon? Maybe take her candy?" The boy shook his head as he retrieved some ryo bills from his pocket. "Here. It wasn't personal. Buy your sister something nice."

The unnamed boy and the spectating students gaped.

"Don't you know him," Mikoto felt vexed as she brought a hand to Kai's ear and whispered. "He is Nawaki Senju, Tsunade-sama's brother."

Kai's eyes widened as he pocketed his ryo. A distinct scowl marked Kai's feature as he looked at Nawaki.

"You're Nawaki?" Kai questioned as he stepped out. Sure, the boy was likely stronger than Kai. However, power be damned! "You're the asshole who's ego couldn't handle a few of Mito-sama's hits. Bitch! She's your grandma, and you won't even visit her?"

Nawaki blinked. How did he suddenly become the villain?

"Don't change the topic!" The boy snorted. "I won't let a kid speak stupid things about my sister!"

"The only thing stupid about Tsunade was not fucking you up for being a jerk to Mito-sama," Kai scoffed. He couldn't care less about his wet dreams regarding his caretaker. "Square up, fool. I'm going to teach you in Tsunade's stead."

Everyone, including Kushina, took a step back. Somehow, they did not want to be part of the conversation where Kai threw Tsunade's name around recklessly, even insulting her efforts to care for Nawaki.

"What?"

Nawaki blinked. Did he see things wrong? An academy student wasn't afraid of a genin? Was Kai approaching him?

Nawaki looked incredulous as Kai sneered.

"I said square up!"

Kai rushed at Nawaki.

Kai's shamelessness only knew little bounds as he formed a familiar seal while running before a plume of smoke covered him. Nawaki's expression changed when five kunai with red explosive tags flew in his direction.

"Are you crazy?!" Nawaki screamed as he rushed back.

"For your sis? Damn right." Kai snarked as the boy barely dodged before realizing something.

The tags did not explode. Instead, they burst into plumes of smoke.

"Was that sand?" Mikoto squeaked. Did Kai just transform sand, of all things, into Kunai?

'Ah. So even the transformation is unstable if the mass is too little and in swift motion.' Kai noted. He hadn't mastered Transformation Jutsu yet. So, he still had a long way to go before understanding all its intricacies.

Blushing red, Nawaki stared at Kai—

He blinked.

Nawaki could not find the—

A solid kick in the face promptly took Nawaki out as Kai appeared with a plume of smoke.

Kai stood over the boy before jeering.

"It probably hurt more than Mito-sama's stick, right? So? Are you going to bug off with your tails tucked in your ass, or are you going to man up? Besides, she only hit you when during her lectures. I reckon Mito-sama was the sweetest thing outside her lectures."

Nawaki continued to lie on his back. He still couldn't understand what happened.

Kai then pulled the Nawaki's collar before punching his face again.

"And this was for thinking I was an insult to someone like Tsunade. Geez. What is with others just thinking I'm being insulting to everyone."

Kai scoffed and dusted his hands.

'Well. One thing's for sure. I'm doing swimmingly well in partial transformation. All I had to do was transform my skin into that of a chakra chameleon's.'

Unlike others who could not study every creature for something as mundane as a transformation jutsu, Kai's trait filled his head with the biology of every beast for perfect transformations.

Kai looked around before smiling at the exhilarated Tsume.

Then, Kai's gaze suddenly shifted to the upper offices, where he found a smiling old man and a furious blonde looking at him and the fallen Nawaki.

'Huh. That's Tsunade… well, I can kiss my chance goodbye now. The thought was fun while it lasted.'

"Psst, are you still up, Nawaki?" Kai looked at the boy. "Your sister's looking at you."

Nawaki jolted to attention as the genin looked at the Hokage's office.

Kai whispered.

"I've heard some unsettling rumors about your sis. She gets crazy when she's angry. Look at her. Does she look happy?"

Nawaki's face rapidly swelled as he glared at Kai.

"She is angry at you. What was that Jutsu?"

"No, she is angry at you. Think about it. I'm Mito-sama's helper. Will your sister hurt me if it meant her grandmother would be sad? Meanwhile, she'll break you because she knows Mito-sama won't care. It's not like you've been the grandson of the decade."

Nawaki paled.

"W-what do you want?"

"How about you calmly leave the school with me and enter the Uzumaki residence? Tsunade doesn't have a temper around Mito-sama."

"But…" Nawaki hesitated.

"Are you still on about the bamboo stick?" Kai scoffed as he pointed at Kushina, making the distant redhead tilt her head.

"Look at Kushina. She gets hit almost every day. You don't see her crying. Kushina simply continues the cycle by beating others in the class."

Nawaki scowled. "Just because you like getting hit doesn't mean I do!"

"Woah, hold on. Mito-sama never hit me. I've been perfect in my studies."

Nawaki's eyes widened.

"Never?"

"Never."

Nawaki gritted his teeth. "Great. She got what she wanted. You're a better grandson. It's not like she wanted me. I was never good with seals."

"Is this what it's all about?" Kai turned to look at the boy. "Man, sorry for being so harsh." He patted the youth, surprising the genin. "Mito-sama misses you. She wouldn't be on Tsunade's case every time your sister visited if she didn't. Come with me. I'm just Kai, a maid in her life. Do you think I can replace someone she dearly loved?"

Nawaki stared at the boy, feeling guilty. After all, Nawaki only noticed the unconcealed envy in Kai's eyes.

"Are you sure?" Nawaki lowered his head.

"Yep," Kai snickered. "And it'll give me some credits with your sis."

Nawaki snarled.

"You're done!"

"Or I can knock you out and drag you to Mito-sama. Your choice."

Nawaki stopped.

Kai… learned a lot from the Uzumaki members in his life.

***

Alternate Title: The Start of Case Studies; The Three Teachers; The Pervert Sage, Creepy Pasta, and Virgin Slug; Kushina Annihilates Tsunade; Kushina: L-ratio, Don't Care, Virgin, Cow Tits, Opinions Rejected; The Uzumaki Line is the Best; The Physical Demonstration?; Tsunade Always Rolls With Silicone Blow Dolls; Tsunade: Hey, Look At That. It's Time To Traumatize You All About Sex; Everyone's Child Knows About Sex Education; Boys' Class Be Like: Harem, Porn, and Dreams; Girls' Class Be Like: How To Squeeze Your Crush, How To Dominate Your Crush, How To Take Your Crush; Tsunade: Sometimes It Takes a Virgin To Make The Best Slut; Kai: Tsunade's Mine *Jiraiya: I'll Send You To Ninja Jesus*; Orochimaru is… Best?; Orochimaru: It Takes a Good Man To Be The Best Girl; Kai and Minato Are Couple Made In Academy; The Chattering Duo; Too Many Orphan Jokes; Kai Has No Chill; Guess Who Wants All The Smoke? Me—Kai; The Transformation Jutsu; Kai's One Piece Moment; Kushina Shares More Than Red Hair With Shanks; Kushina *Looks at Mikoto*: Lock On. Harem Candidate Detected; Kushina Really Called Kai a Stupid Bitch; Emotions Are Hard; Mikoto's Records Are Down The Drain; Kai Effortlessly Friendzoning All The Harem; Peppy Tsume; Kai: If Harem Is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right; Nawaki Appears; Insecurities; The Scared Boy. Kai? Or Nawaki? *Answer: Yes*; Kai's Playing 4D Chess With Nawaki On a 3D Board For Tsunade's 2Ds; Kai Wants Some Mommy Milkers; Kai: I'll Never Laugh At Your Dream *Years Later Kushina as a Hokage: Kay~! Now All The Bitches Go In Kai-Chan's Room*; Kai and Kushina: Better Hide Your Wife, Fool; Angry Tsunade?; Sad Mito?; Orochi and Pills? Sus

***

A/N: As you can read, even Kai has some insecurities he doesn't even understand. He might never resolve them. But it adds more to Kai as a character who's never dealt with any emotion. For him, insecurities are illogical, so he doesn't even realize he may have any.

***

Jiraiya

Orochimaru

***

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