PTSD Military Chaplain of the Academy

In the office of the Chancellor of the Caldera Imperial Academy.

“…It’s spacious.”

Looking back, it was undeniably unusually wide.

Chancellor Damian couldn’t help but smile as he thought of the next chancellor who would sit in this place.

A brightly colored ladybug was crawling through the space between the cleaned window panes. Could it be one that lived in the flowerpot he had removed a week ago?

If so, it would indeed be a bit regrettable. Even if that pot belonged to Chancellor Damian, it’s essentially a matter of having destroyed the home in which the creature had been living.

Chancellor Damian paused for a moment to watch the ladybug crawling along the window frame before picking up a slightly faded leaf that had fallen atop it.

As he brought the leaf before the ladybug, it buzzed onto the leaf as if it were a lifeboat amidst stormy waves.

Delicate sunlight, soft like silk curtains, beamed through the window. The breeze gently swept through his hair, and a fragrant floral aroma drifted up.

Chancellor Damian enjoyed this time of the year. The transition from spring to summer marked the end of the most mild and lively season.

Some call it late spring, while others refer to it as the end of May.

It was simply the natural cycle of one season coming to an end and another that had hidden last year beginning to rise again.

There were those who hadn’t had the chance to appreciate the cherry blossoms, and among the students studying at the academy, there were those feeling anxious at the thought of the final exams just a little over a month away while looking forward to the academy life as vibrant as warm spring weather.

To the students always busy and to those who regretted the end of the season, Chancellor Damian always wanted to say this.

We are merely passing through a corner of the season.

When we turn that corner, the passionate summer with its blazing sun will come, and when we turn yet another corner, the bountiful and rich fragrance of colorful autumn will approach, and when we make yet another turn, winter, which is harsh but teaches us the preciousness of warmth, will reveal its face.

And after turning the corner of winter, spring will return again.

These varied four seasons are something one cannot easily shake off, no matter how much one tries. However, in the end, all four seasons are necessary, and people even feel a sense of regret at the thought of passing that corner.

To Chancellor Damian, life was the same.

Life is always about turning corners or climbing uphill, or occasionally descending down a pleasant slope.

When climbing uphill, it’s difficult during the ascent but rewarding with a great view at the top, and one can feel a sense of pride in the process.

Conversely, descending a slope may feel refreshing and easy for a moment, but if one keeps going down without end, the uphill path returning to where one originally was becomes longer.

However, briefly rounding a corner…

Neither ascending an uphill nor descending a slope is permitted.

None of this is allowed, or that. By necessity, one must navigate the corner with a secondary option.

No one knows what landscape awaits at the end of that corner. No one knows what may lurk there or how treacherous the road may be.

It’s something no one can know, but for now, one can simply break free from the immediate path and choose a new one.

To turn the corner of life, of existence, means something like that.

Turning the corner of the seasons is likely no different.

Merchants in a city that hugs a seaside getaway will busy themselves preparing for the influx of summer travelers, while those who enjoyed the blooming flowers of spring will welcome summer with the expectation of another spring to return next year.

The important thing is returning.

It’s not a consumer product passing by for but a moment as a transient season, but something that will come back again as long as the world doesn’t perish.

Life is much like that.

“The important thing is returning.”

For now, it may be time to step back and take responsibility, but it is only a momentary pain.

One day, I will return to this place, and I will be able to see the smiles of the students I want to protect more than anyone else once again, and one day, I will return to see the faces of those who trust and follow me…

“…the important thing is returning, little ladybug.”

…It will be.

The ladybug that had been quietly sitting on the leaf twitched its body as if responding to Chancellor Damian’s words.

“Does that mean no?”

The ladybug continued to twist its body here and there. To the left, and then to the right.

It felt like it mirrored Chancellor Damian himself from a few months ago.

In a state of confusion, not knowing which path to take.

Chancellor Damian hesitated to speak. He merely stared blankly at the ladybug, his lips slightly moving.

“…Will I not be able to return?”

The ladybug was silent.

“When I do return, and at the very moment that I come back to the Academy… do you think anyone will greet me?”

Still, there was no response from the ladybug.

Only, at Chancellor Damian’s poking finger that tapped on its shell, it seemed to respond defiantly, releasing drops of yellow liquid between its tail and hind legs.

The pungent, thick smell wafted up. Chancellor Damian instinctively pulled his hand back.

The ladybug, the source of that smell, proudly moved its legs and spun around atop the leaf as if to assert that it had won.

In that indifferent yet instinctual behavior, Chancellor Damian may have given up at some point.

As he stared blankly at the ladybug’s instinct-driven antics, suddenly, a knock came at the door of the chancellor’s office.

“Um… Chancellor?”

Upon hearing the call, Chancellor Damian turned around to find a familiar secretary standing awkwardly at the door.

She gazed at Chancellor Damian, who was communicating with the ladybug for a moment, then furrowed her brows and continued speaking.

“I’ve been looking for you since earlier; I was wondering what you were doing here… Were you talking to a ladybug?”

“What’s wrong with a ladybug? To my eyes, it’s simply cute.”

“Ah, yes.”

Though she sounded a bit annoyed, she also seemed somewhat naive; she was one of the few who could speak comfortably with Chancellor Damian.

When they first met, she would tremble at even a mere encounter, but it felt annoyingly fleeting how a few years had passed, enough for her to grow accustomed to him.

Chancellor Damian nodded with a bittersweet smile. As he set down the leaf that the ladybug had climbed on the window sill, the ladybug, which had been curled up resting on the leaf, spread its bright red spotted wings and flew away.

Far away, among the classic yet dense buildings of the city.

Chancellor Damian watched the ladybug’s silhouette disappear, then turned back to the secretary still standing at the door.

“So, what brings you here?”

“…Are you serious?”

The secretary asked back with a bewildered expression. Since he hadn’t forgotten his request made just thirty minutes ago, Chancellor Damian merely shrugged playfully.

“I’m sorry for being childish for my age.”

“No, it’s fine. I should understand. Hah…”

“By the way, is everything ready?”

“Yes. The meeting you mentioned has been prepared, so I came to inform you.”

The secretary returned with a stoic expression, slightly bowing her head. Chancellor Damian looked at her for a long moment, then sighed softly and spoke.

“I’ll be there shortly. Just a moment, please.”

“Is there still something you need to gather?”

“Things to gather….”

Chancellor Damian’s hand brushed over the smooth window frame. His fingers were clean, without a speck of dust.

“…Indeed, there are quite a few remaining, but I’ll gather them quickly and come down.”

“Understood. I’ll wait in the meeting room.”

Once the secretary bowed her head and left, Chancellor Damian slowly turned to look out the window and murmured.

“Things to gather… Yes, there are indeed.”

With a bit of solitary muttering, the pleasant breeze blowing in, and the warm sunlight shining in the cozy chancellor’s office, Chancellor Damian began to collect the priceless things he had forgotten.

Knowing full well he couldn’t take everything, he stood quietly, looking around the office and cradling those memories that slipped through his fingers.

Memories spill out no matter how much one tries to collect them.

* * * * *

“What are we gathered here for?”

“I’m not sure either…”

One afternoon in late spring, the sudden scheduling of an urgent faculty meeting was indeed a perplexing event.

The faces of several professors seated around the meeting room reflected a wave of confusion.

Disconcerted or flabbergasted.

One could thoroughly understand the sentiments of the professors who had rushed in, abandoning their busy tasks, even with just a slight one-letter difference in meaning.

“What could it be?”

Sub-priest Sofia, sitting to my right, tilted her head and asked. In contrast, Professor Esther, seated to my left, appeared to be somewhat aware of the agenda of the meeting.

“Perhaps it’s about the Grade-by-Grade Duel?”

“…Ah.”

Thinking back, it wasn’t long before the Grade-by-Grade Duel was to take place.

It’s nearly the end of May, and with it scheduled for the end of June, roughly a month is left.

“Then again, it wouldn’t be bad to hold the meeting in advance.”

Sub-priest Sofia nodded agreeably. However, there were several aspects of which I felt somewhat skeptical.

“But… isn’t it too early to worry about the Grade-by-Grade Duel already? It could rain or be bright sunshine in a month or, like last year, be excessively hot.”

Planning ahead is good, but ultimately, that should be something coordinated by the Academic Affairs Department and Administrative Office, well organized, and conveyed to the professors.

They are the ones who understand the academy’s circumstances best, and for us, our bodies are already struggling with preparing for tomorrow’s classes and the upcoming tests.

The crux is that it’s premature to discuss the Grade-by-Grade Duel.

As I explained this, this time Professor Esther tilted her head, seemingly in agreement.

“Then, why do you think they called for a meeting? Suddenly switching afternoon classes to self-study…”

“That would be…”

At that moment, the door to the meeting room was cautiously opened.

Since all the professors who needed to attend had already gathered, the last person expected to enter through the meeting room door was obvious.

Despite arriving later than planned, the person who confidently entered through the front door and slowly made his way to the podium was, naturally, the host of this emergency meeting.

“Greetings, everyone.”

It was none other than the current chancellor of the academy, Chancellor Damian.

He scanned the professors who were wearing slightly dissatisfied expressions, then made an awkward face before speaking with his usual kind smile.

“I am very grateful that you all gathered in the meeting room at my insistence, despite your busy schedules. I thought it was acceptable if a few of you were absent…”

After taking a moment to breathe, Chancellor Damian’s expression looked somewhat stiff.

“…Anyway, to get back to the main point… the Grade-by-Grade Duel is scheduled for next month, and following that, summer vacation will soon begin. It will be quite a busy time.”

Several professors nodded in agreement. Just as Chancellor Damian had said, the official school events lined up before summer vacation would be enough to keep anyone busy.

As the head professor of the second year, I felt as if having ten bodies might not be enough to keep up with it all.

“And so, to everyone who brings glory to our Caldera Imperial Academy…”

Chancellor Damian trailed off. It seemed he wanted to say something, but it wouldn’t come out, ultimately spilling out as a mumble.

Confused expressions appeared on the faces of myself and the other professors. Chancellor Damian had never exhibited such behavior up to this point.

“…Everyone.”

Finally, Chancellor Damian opened his mouth.

“I am sorry.”

Abruptly, he apologized and lowered his head.

The expressions of the other professors, including myself and Professor Esther, especially Professor Underwood, who had served as acting chancellor before, and Armstrong, the current head professor of the first year, were the most bewildered.

And then Chancellor Damian continued his statement.

And that statement was.

“I hereby resign as Chancellor of the Caldera Imperial Academy.”

That declaration struck the meeting room like a large bomb.

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