NOVEL WEB 4. Couches, Flashing Lights and Warmth, Surprisingly Seductive, Despite
His... No, hers, it's been only 4 minutes, the pronoun has to be switched within this time frame of twenty minutes, that is the contract she had agreed with herself. Of course, for no other reason than Lilly's comfort.
She is shocked back to reality by the buzzing of the implement in her hand, an electric beard shaver. She must've hit the button accidentally.
She presses the machine slowly to her face, saying goodbye to the short hairs that just "existed" on her face. She justified this with many words, after all, words are the weapon of choice against an anxious psyche, so focusing on these justifications for now made sense. She could not particularly Pretend to Be A Girl for twenty minutes if she did not make her appearance match enough to her Idea of what would be Abigail, and for that to work, that beard just had to go.
And, faster than she expected, it was done. Just enough to leave a... Shadow. Shadow of beard. Beard shadow. No, this won't do. If she was going to be a girl for 20 minutes, then she was going to do it well. Not like this. This was ugly.
Crap! Remember therapy, Abigail, no, Chris, Okay, Abigail for now, you are not ugly, despite the amount of justifications you can give to it, stop focusing on your appearance, focusing on your appearance has been the gateway to many unwelcome spirals, and this is not the time for one, you promised your therapist to not focus too hard on your appearance.
Out of the drawers comes a classic style blade shaver, and that was at this moment her weapon of choice against this beard shadow.
***
The delusions had faded, Vince knew this. Looking at his hands, they now felt intensely Raw, Naked, not covered by the hallucination's girlishness.
This was a scary thought, however, that the hallucinations were becoming more Real to him than actual reality. When did this happen? Did his soul manage to squeeze through a gap in his perception into the other reality, the one where he was female? He giggled now, Abigail would never let him go off on these poetic tangents, always claiming some amount of impossibility in Souls and Realities. He loved that part of her.
It sucks to be in psychology, he always loved the poetic analysis of things a lot more than the factual and medical.
The giggle faded to sadness.
Wait! Oh no, Abigail was in the bathroom, and he knew what this meant. It meant the moment Abigail leaves the bathroom, he'll have to say it, he'll have to explain that the delusions had faded, that his brain was somewhat recovered from the shock of the Hallway Experience, and then there would be no cuddles, there would be no being called Lilly, there would be no more... No more this.
He pressed against his head, massaging his temples. Stop being like this! Why are you so attached to this fantasy! Are you really thinking of lying to your best friend? Or tell her that your completely Medical, impossible delusions are something you want to continue even outside of the treats she has so selflessly given to you? Wait, you want this? Vincent, do you Want this? When did you begin Wanting this?-
The bathroom door opens slowly, breaking his train of thought, as Abigail leaves the bathroom. Wait... No. Are his delusions still present? Is he still seeing things?
"Sorry for making you wait, Lilly." Her words come out effortlessly, however a deeper tone, betraying the reality of the situation.
No, they weren't delusions currently. Abigail, where did the beard go? Was that... Eyeliner? Oh my god. She looks so pretty. A far cry from the Abigail from before, but still- Wow. Was this allowed? She had never stopped to think, but behind what the short beard hid, her face was so pretty, she wished she had that, whatever that is, the prettiness.
"Aba-ba- No, sorry me, me sorry, I'm sorry." She pointed at herself, trying to make any words come out, failing dramatically. It was one thing when they were delusions, but now, now it's real. Her face glistens in the light and the light refracts off of it.
A giggle, was this woman trying to win her heart right now? "Silly girl." S- Silly girl? Oh yes, oh god. There was no choice anymore, she would have to pretend the delusions hadn't faded. It was not her choice, she justified, it was just the only possible solution currently.
Abigail slowly walked over to Lilly, on the couch, and sat right besides her. Two pats on her lap, signifying exactly what Lilly knew, oh god, she wants me to lay my head on her lap. Oh my god.
And so Lilly did, too fast, way too fast. Oh no, did she make it seem too obvious that she was enjoying this? Be careful, you're going to break the illusion, she's gonna figure out you actually aren't hallucinating anymore and she's going to hate you for it and never ever want to see you again, never to see Lilly again, because she'll know you're a disgusting man and a liar-
"So... Lilly, look at me, I have an idea, but I'm gonna need you to stay perfectly still, okay?" As she said, she pulled out a tube of lipstick, it looked quite used - Maybe from a past girlfriend that forgot it with her?
"O-Okay, I'm okay with this", another giggle from Abigail, as Lilly turned herself to face Abigail.
It was long, too long a time, or was it those ancient chemicals bubbling in her blood right now making time seem to pass slower? However much time had passed, it was bliss, pure bliss. Warmth from all sides, as Abigail held her face and slowly passed the lipstick over Lilly's lips, yes, those were Lilly's lips now, there was no contest, something was inherently missing here, Vincent wouldn't wear lipstick, wouldn't allow this to happen, much more so outside of a delusion, Vincent was missing, but who even was Vincent? If she was not Vincent, then who was she?
"You look so pretty!" Abigail exclaimed, as she finished her job.
Pretty, was that a thing men could even be? Was that a thing she was supposed to be currently craving to be? The warmth from being called that, was it immoral to feel it? Questions weighed tons more than answers, and she needed answers. But more, she needed to come clean, this was wrong, she needed to explain that the delusions were gone.
"I'm pretty?"
"Lilly. Look at me." Abigail looked deep into Lilly's eyes, "You are a lot more pretty than you think."
Those words. Those words shocked her to reality. Lilly was already planning to come clean with the reality, that she was lying to Abigail for the past few minutes, but.. Abigail, she knew? She knew? And.. Was it okay for Lilly to be pretty?
"You.. You know? That they're gone?"
"I'm sorry. This is selfish of me, I... Wanted to keep this going, just a bit more."
The mirror reverses, the audience becomes the actors, the director falls over into non-existence, revealed to be algorithmic noise. Why was she apologizing? It was Lilly that had lied, there was no reason for Abigail to apologize, Lilly was the disgusting one here, No, not that name, Lilly couldn't be disgusting, it was Vincent. Vincent was a disgusting liar.
"No! Don't apologize, please. I was the one that lied. I'm the liar here, I'm not Lilly. I'm ugly. I'm disgusting, and I'm Vincent." Tears piled up now in her eyes.
A wide-eyed stare from her, visible through Vincent's, scowl intended, blurry vision. Something clicked in Abigail's mind, but what? What could it be?
"Lilly... You're not disgusting, you're not any of this. You're pretty, you're amazing, and you're here with me. I don't care if the delusions are gone, i think i get it now... I mean, i think i get who you are. I did some reading these past few days, for you."
"You... You did?" This was terrifying to hear, how did Abigail know more about her than herself?
"I think so, I'm not completely sure. But... Bear with me, okay? I'll tell you more about it once we calm ourselves down." Abigail stroked Lilly's hair, in a move that made everything feel just right.
"Okay, thank you... It's probably for the best.. I don't think i can handle much of anything right now." A sigh, "Abby... Thanks for.. For calling me that. Calling me pretty."
"You're welcome, silly!" She giggled, and Lilly giggled back, this all felt so effortless. "It's just the truth, observably so."
"You feel it, you mean? With your heart." Lilly joked back, prompting a response from Abby.
"A heart does not feel anything, Lilly." she giggled, landing a short kiss on Lilly's forehead. "I'll agree that it can seem like that's where emotions come from."
Lilly fakes a gasp, "Nuance!? From you!?"
"Okay, you got me, silly." Abigail pretends disappointment.
"Oh, i totally did." Lilly jokes, her mood entirely better at this point. "I'm so never gonna forget this-"
Interrupted by a kiss, one she did not dare to leave one-sided, as she joined in. Paused only by giggles and unfunny quips, it seemed to last an eternity, an eternity that felt like forever, as the minutes passed, and the broken clock on the wall ticked, in a rhythmic pace, just as their kisses.
Lilly's carefully applied lipstick was ruined, but she did not mind, as it felt a lot more pretty smudged all over Abigail's face.
Everything was okay, she was Lilly, she was Abigail, and for now, they were in love. With no Pete's or Diagnosis' to disturb it.