Chapter 43: Memories
I don’t know how long I sit there, watching through old memories like reruns of my favourite tv shows. All I know is that it doesn’t seem like enough. Wetness on my cheek alerts me to the fact that I’ve been crying. I hadn’t even noticed when the tears started to fall.
Wiping at them, I start to reach a hand down to start the next memory, when a throat clearing from besides me stops me in my tracks. My head snaps up to meet worried blue eyes. They flicker over my face before he makes to sit beside me, a hand going up to my face.
“Darling, what’s wrong?” His voice is just as gentle as his touch as he brushes away the remnants of my tears. That only makes the tears flow faster, a sob escaping my mouth as I look up at him with watery eyes.
Immediately, I feel his thumbs brush away the tears, a soft cooing sound leaving his mouth as he leans down and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. I don’t give him more than a few seconds to pull away before throwing myself into his arms. It seems to stun him, hands remaining in the air while mine wrap around his back.
Slowly, almost hesitantly, his arms wrap around me as well, encasing me in a cocoon of comfort. We stay there for a few minutes, the tears silently falling on to his shirt as I work through them. Somewhere along the way he starts massaging soothing circles on my back.
“I just…” I sniffle, pulling back, “I just feel like…”
I can’t finish the sentence, instead pointing at the memory fountain. He blinks at me but turns his head towards it at my insistence. His gaze softens when he sees what it is. The memory of the first time he met them plays in its waters.
Some of the sorrow fades as I recall how nervous he was even though he insisted he was no such thing. It was cute how hard he’d tried to bring them gifts, so they’d like him. Not that he needed to. My parents had taken one look at him and decided they loved him. A small smile perks up my lips as I watch my parents tease me about him and the laughter that followed.
“I just feel like I abandoned them.” I manage to blurt out the words before the ball in my throat can stop me.
His head snaps towards me. Blue eyes boring into the side of my face as I brush my fingers over the fountain again. The water starts to ripple and smooth, another memory starting to play. One of them alone and grieving.
“And I know…I know it wasn’t really my fault and there was nothing I could do to change what has already happened, but it still feels like it is. Like somehow if I were better none of this would have happened.” I have to pause to muster up the next words. “That if I were stronger they wouldn’t have to suffer so much.”
Emphasising the words by pointing at the brokenness of the room in the memory and the hollowness of the one we’re in, I scrunch my face to fight the tears once again starting to fall.
“Love-”
“And it’s not just them!” I throw my arms in the air, whirling around to meet his eyes again. I point a finger at his chest. “I saw everything! I saw all of you suffer and there was nothing I could do about it! I feel like I abandoned you too!” I inhale, a shadow of the helplessness I remember feeling starting to bloom over my senses.
“Astri-”
“I saw them die!” The memories flash through my mind. “I saw them dying and couldn’t do anything to stop it! The most I could do was keep the shades away before they could be infected!” A sob. “I couldn’t stop the swords.” Another sob. “I couldn’t save them.”
“Celeste.” He says sternly, walking forward to cradle my head in his hands. “You did all you could. It wasn’t your fault. It isn’t your fault.” Each sentence is accompanied by a soothing kiss on my face. “You know that as well as I, so please…” He gives me a small lop-sided smile. “Please don’t say it was your fault.”
“But you-”
“I let my feelings of loss overtake my common sense and do things I know you wouldn’t approve off. It was stupid and I’m sorry,” he tells me gently. “But none of that is on you. In the words of someone wise I know; other people’s choices are in no way our own fault.”
Is he really using my own words against me right now? “But I-”
“Did nothing wrong.” He emphasises the words sharply, a contrast to the gentleness of his thumbs as they brush the tears away. “Besides,” a small smile turns his lips, “even if in some other world it were, I know you would undoubtedly find a way to rectify it.”
“They don’t even remember me.”
“But they will. And when they do, I know nothing in this world or any other would keep you from getting to them.” Another smile. “You have time.”
The building tornado of grief and helplessness that had been building from the torrents of longing dies down from his persistent warm onslaught. Stopping it in its tracks before it can wreak havoc on my emotions. It’s presence now more a background thought than the sledgehammer it had been.
“That I do.” I return the smile. If there’s anything we will have it is time. “All we need to do is find that diadem.”
Rippling underneath my fingers alerts me to the fact that we’ve somehow managed to move to the edge of the fountain. I’m about to move them away from the water’s edge, but the faint blue light around them gives me pause. In the next moment a memory I know doesn’t belong to me starts to play.
Strange. I don’t remember it doing that before. From what I know from our family’s history books, itshouldonly be able to show the memories of the person touching it. I’ve never heard of it being able to do this.
But then again. It is magic, and magic is known to be unpredictable and fluid. So, I suppose it isn’t too much outside the realm of possibility for it to have these features. Still, I exchange a glance with Theo before we both take a seat around its edge to take a closer look at what it’s showing us.
When the water clears, two men come into the picture. Western guards if their uniform is any indication. They’re arguing, one of them cradling a box in his arms. My eyes zero in on it. The engravings around it match the ceremonial diadem. Small roses around a thorny vine.
I can’t quite make out what the argument is about, or even what is being said. But that’s not important. Not when the movement of their hands give away the tone of it. As we watch, the man not holding the box throws his hands in the air before stomping out of the corridor.
Alone in the corridor, his companion gives an exaggerated sigh, rubbing his brows briefly before slowly creeping down the corridor to an intricately engraved oak door. He hesitates a little before sliding it onto a shelf on the back of the room. Turning away slowly, he walks back out of the room, glancing briefly behind him before stepping out.
Strangely, although none of the other sounds were transmitted through the memory, the loud bang of the door closing is clearer than water. My eyes narrow on the room. Where have I seen it before? All of the corridors in this manor look the same. It’s an architectural element meant to confuse.
Engraved door. Full of boxes. Where…Oh! My eyes widen, a grin spreading over my face as I turn to stare at Theo again.
“I’ve got it! I know where it is.” My mouth aches from the width of my grin. “Let’s go tell the others.”
The first time they met it was on a night ravaged by lightning storms. He’d stayed out too long and had needed a place to stay. Even worse, he’d managed to stay out that long in the middle of gods be damned forest. As thunder rumbled in the background, causing jolts of fright to go through him, he frantically looked around for a hiding place.
As if some god had heard his prayers, a light went on in the horizon. It was like a glimmer of salvation in the midst of a waves ravaging a boat in the ocean. He sped up his pace until he could finally see the source clearer. It was a quaint cottage. But more importantly, someone was home.
When the door swung open to reveal her, he was struck by the colour of her eyes. A soothing silver. And then he was struck by how he’d appear to her. Drenched from the storm, clothes sticking to him like a second skin. An embarrassed flush threatened to overtake him. He must look like a drowned rat.
He fought it back, coughing into a fist. “Please don’t shut the door.” He wanted to curse at those being his first words to her. Coughing again, he attempted to compose himself. When she didn’t immediately shut it on his face, he thought it safe to continue, “Apologies for intruding. May I please find shelter from this storm in your home?”
For a long moment, he was afraid she’d refuse. But thankfully, her lips instead twitched up into a smile and she stepped out of the doorway and gestured for him to come in.
“You may,” she said. Her lips perked up at a corner. “I wouldn’t mind some company in this storm.”
“Thank you,” he breathed in relief, shooting her a smile before stepping in.
And when he left in the morning, he promised himself he’d one day return the favour. He was nearly at the edge of the forest before he came to a sudden stop. He’d forgotten to get her name. Then he really did curse.
The second time they met, she was in trouble. A rolling wheelbarrow was heading straight towards her at lightning speed and the hem of her clothes was stuck in the cracks of the concrete road. She pulled and tugged, but it wouldn’t give way.
Her eyes were wide with fright as she frantically tried to dislodge her dress. But it was futile. She scrunched her eyes closed and surrendered to her fate. However, the collision never came. Her eyes popped open when she heard a grunt instead, along with a muttered curse.
They blinked in surprise to see a familiar man standing in front of her, his arms spread in front of him with a long wooden stick, holding the wagon back. She couldn’t find her voice as she watched him talk to the owners briefly, but a sense of relief went through her at not being squished.
“Are you alright?” He turned around to face her, green eyes wandering over her in concern.
“I’m fine,” she breathed, “are you alright?”
She doubted that curse she’s heard was for nothing and it didn’t seem feasible that he’d be able to stop the collision with no injuries. Could he?
He shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “I’m fine. I’m used to this sort of stuff.” He grinned, holding up his hands. “Don’t be fooled by the redness, it’ll be good as new shortly enough.”
“Alright, I won’t,” she said with a laugh. She shook her head before shooting him a grin in response, “Thank you for saving me.”
He was so stunned by the smile that he once again forgot to ask for her name. It was only when she was already on her way home that he remembered to ask. He ran a hand down his face before wincing at the subtle ache. Gods. What had come over him?
Their third meeting was lot less eventful, but he still didn’t find out her name. They were walking on opposite sides of the street, going in opposite directions and he didn’t have time to ask. He had to get medicine for his sister.
The fourth and fifth times, they were once again unable to speak. He saw her from his periphery talking to some friends. He was going to play a game with his friends and couldn’t break away. They’d been bugging him to do so for days, and he wouldn’t be able to escape their grasps for long enough.
Even if he could have, he didn’t want to disturb her. He made a mental note to go up to her when he wasn’t surrounded by such annoying friends. Or to simply do so the next time they met.
On the sixth meeting, she was crying. He was on his way to a party, but decided they could wait. Very few words were spoken between them at first, he was determined to simply let her cry it out. Sitting down beside her, he offered his shoulder.
“If you want to talk about whatever is upsetting you, I’d be happy to offer an ear.” He said when it looked as if she was feeling a little better. He’d learnt the hard way with his sister that it was sometimes better to let the emotions out than keep them in.
For a few beats, he was afraid he’d said the wrong thing and had only upset her. And then he had had to ask himself why that bothered him so much. For some reason he felt drawn to her despite not knowing her much at all. If he had to describe it, he’d say it felt strangely like he was missing a piece of himself he hadn’t even known was missing.
Which was just odd.
Still, a rush of relief went through him when she started speaking instead of moving away as he had feared. When the words registered, he was left blinking in shock. A curse that took away memories? Not that he didn’t believe her.
In fact, it was what he had been suspecting anyway. He’d seen the way his family had suddenly changed overnight. He believed her and could sympathise with her sorrow. But still…
“Why tell me this?”
She looked up with slightly teary eyes. “I just feel like you would believe me.” Her face scrunched up, likely finding the thought strange and looked like she was expecting him to call her crazy.
“I do,” he told her firmly, wanting to get it across that he didn’t think she was crazy. “I believe you.”
The smile that got him stayed with long after she had left. She had needed to finish up some shopping and had thanked him before leaving. It made him feel like he was walking on clouds as he made his way to his destination. He’d ask for her name next time.
As it turned out, he didn’t need to ask. For on their seventh meeting, the woman he would someday be madly in love with walked up to him and told him before demanding to know his. It was a little cute. At least he finally knew her name.
“My name is…”
“Cylen!” Mira calls out as she walks out of the room. “Get over here! We know where the diadem is.”
I shake my head, wincing a little at the volume. I really should have trusted my gut and waited until we were all together before telling her, but the excitement fried my brain. Glancing back, I see Theo covering his ears with a smile.
“We do?” He’s clearly used to this by now. So am I, but I suppose I’d forgotten. “Where?”
“It’s in the treasury,” I tell them.
He tilts his head questioningly, “Isn’t the heir the only one allowed to go in there?”
“It isn’t magically enforced,” Gem tells him, “And since the people who would usually enforce it are currently…Out of commission…It doesn’t really matter.”
“So, what are we waiting for?”
“Well,” Mira starts, “I was thinking and…” I see her glance towards Theo. “We still need to word the spell for the ritual. And not all of us need to go. So maybe you can go and help Rose find it and Theo can stay here and help me word it?”
“Of course.” Theo smiles, putting his hands in his pockets.
“As if I’m going to let her go anywhere alone,” Cylen says at the same time.
“I resent that.” Rolling my eyes, I give them a pointed look. “Besides what trouble could I get into in my own home?”
“With you anything is possible.” I throw Theo a betrayed look which he dutifully ignores.
“I agree.” Now I’m glaring at both boys. Not that it has much effect. They just laugh. Assholes.
“Fine,” I sigh. “Let’s go find the diadem.”
Getting to room is easy, actually finding the tiara is a lot harder. Turns out a thousand years causes a lot of dust build up. And the storage of a lot of junk with it. Where once it would have been a few minutes job at most, now it’s a matter of digging through a mountain to find it.
Looking at the job awaiting us makes it seem overwhelming. I can see a similar sentiment mirrored on Cylen’s face. My teeth burrow into my bottom lip as my eyes roam. It would be so much easier if the room wasn’t lined with magic restrictors. I’m grateful for the safety precaution but it does make things difficult for me.
Settling on a course of action, I step forward. My hands go up to pick up one of many trinkets in our way to move it. I don’t make it more than a few inches away before a rumbling noise goes through the room. Oh no.
Sure enough, when I look up the tower of trinkets is starting to topple over like a house of cards. My eyes widen when I see them trigger the avalanche of other towers as well. I have to move. IknowI need to move. But my legs stay stuck in place like an idiot.
A hand wraps around my waist and pulls me back before it can land on me, leaving it to crash and spread across the room. I wince at the noise, reaching my hands up to cover my ears. But at least it’s better than being buried in all of it.
“What was that about not getting in trouble in your own home?” He raises and eyebrow at me, shaking his head slightly, “You really can get in trouble almost anywhere.”
“It’s easier this way,” I tell him with an exaggerated smile, “much easier to find it,”
He gives me an accusing look but doesn’t comment. “What are we even looking for?”
“A box.” I smile when he gives me a deadpan stare. “A box with our sigil engraved on it. It’ll be royal blue with silver engravings. Although…The colour might be faded…” I try to think back to what I know about this room. The memories are a little blurry. “Or maybe not…I do think there’s magic preventing it but I can’t quite remember what the lasting time was.”
Cylen hums, looking over the mess consideringly. “I do vaguely remember that being the case, but I’ve never actually been in one of these rooms.” He shrugs with a smile. “Well, I suppose there’s nothing else to it than to search.”
I know I said having it all on the ground would make looking for a box easier, but that isn’t quite the case. For one, the avalanche of towers left a pile of dust that made it hard to breath so I had to open the windows to let it out. Pulling back the curtains also allowed me to see the state of the room.
Centuries of disrepair have caused the shelves that once lined the walls to fall apart and fall to the ground. It makes the room look less like a royal treasury and more like a dragon’s hoard. A smile pulls my lips at the thought, my mind going immediately to Blaze. He’d probably love it here.
I’ll have to disable the magic restrictors and clean it one of these days. Some day. Not today. For one that would be a lot of work and for another the key for it is in the castle. With my parents. So, it’ll have to wait.
I do end up making two distinct piles to track the things I’ve already searched through though. It feels like we’ve been here for more than an hour and my arms are beginning to ache. Hundreds of things itemised, and the box is nowhere to be seen. Although that may be in part due to me getting distracted by some of them.
Oh! I haven’t seen this necklace in decades. I put it on and look at the silver mirror. The silver deer head rests comfortably against my head, the matching flowered headdress laying atop my head. I smile at the mirror before shaking my head. No. Stop getting distracted. Focus.
Sighing I go back to the pile, careful not to dislodge the headdress. I don’t know why Mira thought it was a good idea to have me look for it. It’s going to take forever if I keep getting distracted. She probably forgot.
“I’ve found it!”
Ah. It seems that Cylen’s had much more success. I grin and walk towards the source of his exclamation. He tries to give me an unimpressed look when he sees me, but I can see his lips twitching so it’s useless.
“Are you trying to judge me Captain Spears?” My tilt my head up in faux haughtiness, which just makes him laugh. I smile, the façade breaking as he shakes his head in mirth.
“This is it? Right?”
I take a closer look at the box. It is a little faded, the edges more lavender than royal blue, but the silver remains unchanged. The blue around the rose is unchanged, but a touch of lavender is blended in with the silver of its engravings. It’s unmistakably the right box.
Grinning, I nod. “Yes, it is.”
“Thank the gods,” he exclaims. “Let’s get out of this dusty dragon’s hoard.”
Ah ha. So I’m not the only one who thought it looked like one. “Maybe I should get a dragon to guard it.”
“Don’t even joke,” he gives me a pointed look as we make our way out, “It’s not out of the realm of possibility with you.”
“I might just do it.”
“I know,” he says in a resigned tone.
“You’d be bored without me.”
He smiles, “I know.”
I snort, which quickly turns into a stream of laughter when he nearly trips on a chair on the way out. As we make our way back, a sense of triumph goes through me as well. We’re one step closer to breaking this curse. All we need to do is wait.