potato6

This was love.

Something I never could say, since the beginning.

And that's because, in truth, I had known for a long time... that this is the

person I love, I knew that…

Ah, I'm glad…

●

"Let's break up."

Yes.

Our feelings had been the same.

As long as we both knew that we cared for each other, it would be ok.

I was thinking about everything properly, Kiyotaka.

About everything until yesterday, about today, about tomorrow, and about

next year.

I was thinking that there would be no such breakup.

That it wouldn't come to that...

'I' had always believed in that.

But... all those desires were just delusions.

They were merely wishes of how I wanted things to be.

Lifeless eyes were looking at me.

The slow movement of the lips saying, 'Let's break up.'

I don't know what he's thinking... no, I don't want to know.

"...That's the only option, right?"

Such words came out of my throat surprisingly calmly.

The karaoke room remained quiet, while someone in the next room was

passionately singing an anime song.

"Yeah. Whether it's better this way or not, I'm not looking for such a

discussion. Let's end everything here and now."

With an unfaltering expression, Kiyotaka spoke those cruel words.

"So, I see..."

My throat was dry.

I wanted to drink water.

However, my body wouldn't move properly.

All I could manage was a forced smile as if everything was fine.

"Seems like you aren't surprised."

When did I start liking him?

I can't remember a specific time anymore.

"Kind of... I understand... I can tell that your feelings have drifted away."

No, that's not it.

Maybe Kiyotaka never had feelings for me from the start.

Cherishing and loving each other—that feeling has always been one-sided.

I realized it recently, but I probably knew it a bit earlier.Kiyotaka never fell in love with me.

I kept pretending not to notice.

So, why did he date me?

I wouldn't ask that question.

Because I understood what Kiyotaka was thinking.

It was half for me.

And half for Kiyotaka himself.

But it wasn't about choosing right or left; Kiyotaka always considered his

own thoughts as absolute.

So this was probably decided from the beginning.

It was when the clock struck midnight, like Cinderella's magic inevitably

breaking.

The end of my relationship with Kiyotaka was predetermined from the

start.

It was simply time for that moment to come.

I really wanted to cry, cling, and say I'd do anything.

I wanted to plead, 'I'll do anything for you.'

Maybe... a little while ago, I would've done that.

But I won't.

I can't.

Because resisting would only betray Kiyotaka's expectations.

"Do you need an explanation for the reason?"

Saying that, Kiyotaka took out his cell phone for some reason.

But, unable to think clearly, I shook my head from side to side and

maintained a smile.

"No, it's okay."

I answered, trying hard to appear calm, and Kiyotaka put his phone away,

saying he understood.

"Sorry I couldn't meet your expectations."

"It's okay. I also felt... that the atmosphere was kind of heavy, actually."

I pretended to be cheerful.

No, my heart was always close to Kiyotaka.

Even today, I was trying my best to enjoy myself without recalling my

anxieties.

At that moment, I wanted to be told that it was a lie and be embraced.

But there was a reason I acted tough like this.

"That might be true."

Kiyotaka answered in a tone as if he was talking to someone else, and I

kept responding with a forced smile."We both, kind of... feel like our romantic feelings have cooled down. Oh,

it's not that I dislike you, you know? I just thought maybe it'd be better if we

went back to being friends."

Can you imagine how much courage I mustered up to say that?

No matter how cold Kiyotaka's emotions felt up close, I pretended not to

notice.

"That's right. Going back to being friends is the most natural thing."

"Yeah, right? I had a feeling we should do that…"

I nodded repeatedly.

No... if it keeps going like this...

"...Thank you for everything until now."

It will all be over.

With a forced smile that I myself couldn't understand.

The final moments were about to wrap up.

"When asked why we broke up, you can say that you dumped me. I don't

mind."

"Eh? Really? Wouldn't that be a bit embarrassing?"

"It's okay. You can give any reason you like. If someone asks me, I'll say I

was dumped too."

Then don't say we should break up.

Stay with me forever and ever...

Stay by my side—

"See you… Karuizawa."

I was startled for a moment when he called me by my last name.

From friends to lovers. From lovers back to friends.

To go backward meant that everything up until now must be rewound.

Is that what it meant?

Holding the payment bill, Kiyotaka stood up and left the room.

Without looking back.

Without showing any hesitation.

Without stopping.

The door that opened soon closed, and I was left alone.

"See you..."

I swallowed my saliva.

Unconsciously.

Words I didn't want to spit out.

However…

These were words that must be continued.

"See you... see you again... Ayanokōji... kun..."

I smiled and waved at the presence whose figure had disappeared.

This is fine.After all, Kiyotaka wanted 'that,' right?

For me, who couldn't live without relying on someone.

To be able to live on my own.

I'm not a very significant person.

But, there were things only I could do.

Like understanding your emotions, which no one else could comprehend,

right?

Right?

Hey—

Even if I wished for a miracle, the shut door wouldn't open.

Alone in the silent space, I collapsed.

I wonder if I managed to do well in front of you until the end?

Was I able to show that I could stand on my own?

…Kiyotaka…

Help me…