Poor Unfortunate Soul

“So the thing about narrative magic,” Killian said, “including hexes… Is that it always works best in threes.”

Celia nodded intently, jotting down some notes.

Two months had passed since Celia’s transformation, and to Killian’s surprise—and delight—the newly minted mermaid had stuck around the Swamp of Solitude. Ostensibly, it was for witch lessons, which Killian didn’t feel qualified to give, but then again, Celia had proven to be completely inept at basically all magic regardless, despite her best efforts. She was still a delight to be around, though. For one, she made sure that Killian didn’t stay up to the middle of the night reading alchemistry textbooks without eating. She had completely reorganized the library, too, and Killian could finally find books when he needed them. Plus, Flotsam and Jetsam had quickly taken to her, and it was not uncommon for Killian to be woken up in the morning by a cheerful, “Killy! I’ve made pancakes!”

Now Celia was frowning at him, though. “But why?” she asked.

Killian shrugged. “It’s just the way it is. Think of a story, right? Three is ideal. The repetition works to develop the story but stops before it gets old. Like in fairy tales: It’s always three wishes. Or Goldifish and the three sharks.”

“I suppose,” Celia said, but doubt lingered in her voice. “I just feel like… sometimes that’s not enough?”

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t that be enough?” Killian crossed his arms. “Think about you, right? You used magic three times, and everything worked out perfectly.”

Celia twiddled her fingers, looking momentarily uncertain.

“Oh,” Killian said. “Oh no. Not again.”

Celia threw her hands up. “No, I mean, I’m really happy! I love everything about being a girl, and that’s totally perfect. You’re right about that. But sometimes, I wonder…”

Killian raised a hand to his forehead, feeling a headache coming on. “What,” he said flatly.

“Well, do you… do you remember why I wanted to go up on land and in the sky to begin with? Aside from the bodily discomfort stuff, that is.”

“You… Oh no,”  Killian repeated, a lead weight settling in his stomach. “Celia. Please don’t tell me you have a ridiculous crush again. I will not turn you into a mole just because you’ve got a thing for a hot magma monster at the planet’s core.”

Celia looked bashful. “Not that. I just…” She let out a sigh. “Okay. I do like someone. Maybe.”

Killian swallowed, feeling awful. He immediately began trying to figure out how to handle this: how could he be supportive? Celia deserved to be happy. But she deserved to be with someone good, too. What if she had a crush on someone awful, who would treat her badly? She had a clear history of falling in love with the first vaguely attractive people she came across, after all.

As if she could hear his thoughts, Celia spoke up. “It’s someone I’ve known for a while now,” she said. “I just… Um…” She sighed. “I’m scared. What if they don’t like me back?”

“Aren’t you the girl who immediately landed both a human and a harpy with no problems?”

“Yes, but this time, I’m a lot more serious! It’s someone I really really like, and I’m worried that maybe I’m just going to mess everything up. And that’s why I was thinking… It’s not like I need any big transformations or anything. Don’t you have some kind of magic that would just help me be brave for a moment? So I can tell them I like them?”

Killian was already shaking his head. “No. No no no.”

“Pleeeease,” she said, deploying a positively lethal pout.

Killian remained unswayed. “Like I just told you, magic works in threes. Any more than that and you’re tempting fate, positively begging for everything to go wrong and to wind up even worse than before.” His voice rose as he got more and more upset. “You don’t understand the dangers here!”

Celia bit her lip. “Surely, it can’t be that bad. Oooone little hex…”

The Hextionary started glowing, but Killian darted over, slamming his tail against it to keep it shut. “Absolutely not. And what about the price?”

“So far, all of the prices have wound up being benefits in disguise,” Celia said, rolling her eyes. “Why are you so upset?”

“Because I care about you, you idiot!”

A silence fell, Celia looking a bit stunned.

Killian squeezed his eyes shut, cursing his out-of-control emotions. He had to dial it back. He had to fix this. “I— I’m just worried about you, okay? What if whatever hex you’re looking for really does hurt? What if it asks for something serious, like your tail, or your soul, or your heart?”

“Oh, Killy,” Celia said softly. “You already have my heart.”

As Killian stared at her in complete shock, Celia tried to hide her bright red face behind her hands.

“I— I’m sorry,” she said. “I should go. Um. Bye.”

She took off swimming towards the exit. Thinking quickly, Killian whistled sharply and Flotsam and Jetsam bounded out of a nook in the rocks to happily swim over and tangle up Celia, slowing her down enough for him to catch up. As soon as he rested one hand on her shoulder, she went limp, not even trying to flee anymore.

“Celia?” Killian said quietly.

“Mmhmm?” she squeaked out.

“This person you have a crush on… Is it me?”

Celia’s face was still flushed, her eyes screwed shut. She nodded, and Killian realized that she was so nervous that she was shaking.

“Celia,” Killian said. He reached out to brush her hair out of her face, cupping her cheek in his hands. She looked so beautiful, but so fragile in that moment, too. The feelings in his heart seemed to be swelling so much that there was no hope that he’d be able to contain them anymore. But now, finally, that was okay, wasn’t it? Killian swallowed. “Celia, I like you too.”

Her eyes shot open again, and she stared up at him, uncomprehending. “Y-you do?”

“Yes,” he said. “I have for a long time.”

“Then…”

Killian bit his lip, thinking. Should... Should he kiss her? He should probably ask first, right? He— 

He didn’t wind up making much of a decision at all, because Celia launched herself at him, and the next thing he felt was her lips smushing against his own. It was awkward, and clumsy, and perfect. Celia apparently seemed inclined to make up for lost time with a vengeance, because as soon as Killian  pulled back for a breath, she just followed up, trailing kisses down his neck and just about anywhere she could reach. So, of course, Killian had to respond in kind, and— 

“Ahem,” someone said loudly.

Killian and Celia looked up dazedly, to see a squidperson floating in the cavern’s entryway. She raised her oversized novelty sunglasses and sat down a suitcase, narrowing her eyes at them.

“I swear,” the witch said. “I guess this is what I get for leaving the house to teenagers.”

“I’m twenty-two,” Killian said. “And she’s…” He looked to Celia, who was doing her best to hide behind him, still clinging to him closely.

“Twenty-three,” she whispered.

“Wait, really? You’re older than me?”

The witch waved a hand, cutting them both off as she frowned. “I don't particularly care. If you haven't—” At that, the eels bounded back into the room, and started making a racket of delighted loud clicking sounds. “Oh, my boys!” the witch said, her stern tone immediately brightening. “Mama's home!”

When she looked up again at Killian, Celia still trembling behind him, the witch's suspicious expression softened. “It looks like you've done your job after all. How about I take the eels out for a walk around the block, and then when I get back we can start over again. Maybe discuss what you've learned and where to pick up on your training?”

Killian nodded, looking the slightest bit sheepfish, and the witch twirled in place, snapping her fingers. Flotsam and Jetsam happily hissed as they bounced along after their mistress out into the swamp.

Left alone once more, Killian and Celia shared a look.

“A-anyways,” Celia said, straightening up after one last longing look at Killian’s collar bone. “I suppose we should stop for now.” She hesitated, and then smirked. “But so you know, just because I like you doesn’t mean you’re not wrong about narrative and threes and stuff.”

Oddly, Killian felt a little bit of relief of knowing that Celia was as obstinate as always. He couldn’t help but grin. “Oh yeah? And why, precisely, do you think that?”

“Because there’s one really important part that comes after the third thing in a good story.”

Killian blinked, trying to figure out what she might mean. He was just drawing a blank, though. “And what’s that?” he asked.

Celia smiled.

“And they lived happily ever after.”