PROLOGUE: ICE COLD
When he really thought about it, Lucas wasn't so bad off.
It was always strange for him...he had his mother, of course...but it always felt like something was missing.
Was that part of why he did it? Why he joined him?
He'd often make dumb choices–jumping into the town pond in the middle of the night because an older kid dared him, when he was 10 and he got caught trying to steal the delivery man's package just for the thrill of "living in the morment"–stupid things.
But this time, he'd done something really stupid.
Lucas had done something really stupid.
For what felt like hundreds of nights he sat in his cold, stale concrete cell thinking of just how absurd everything about this situation was.
The words echoed through the painfully vacant space in his head with his tyrannical master now gone: 'Maybe in another timeline, this world isn't infested by the writhing parasites called emotions.'
Each time it would loop around his shattered psyche, he could feel his veins about to burst with steaming blood.
"Maybe in another timeline, you didn't exist. Maybe in another timeline, you died before you were born. Maybe in another timeline!"
Lucas's voice looped around the room like the time he did something stupid.
When he thought about it, Lucas Gray wasn't so well off. He didn't have his mother anymore, of course...and something was missing.
Why did he do it? Why did he do everything he told him to? Why didn't he think like he taught him to?
He'd often make dumb choices. He'd often make dumb choices. He'd often make dumb choices.
But this time, he'd done something really stupid. Lucas Gray had done something really stupid.
When he really thought about it, when he really thought about it, when he thought about what he couldn't think about, when he thought about who he couldn't think about–something was missing.
He joined because something was missing.
He puffed frigid fog as he sat on his cold bed, gripping his rugged bush of black hair.
Other kids jolted awake to the sound of the crazy one screaming "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" So loud it shook the whole compound.
"I hate you so much, I wish you'd died earlier–I wish you'd died before you were born, I wish you'd never been born!" Lucas Gray's verbal vomit poisoned the air with its toxicity.
When he really thought about it, Lucas Gray was horrible. What wasn't missing?
He did it. He joined him.
He'd often make dumb choices, like most people.
But that time, he'd done something really stupid.
Lucas Gray had done something really stupid.