Please Don’t Die, My Lady

Chapter 43

I began walking down the empty corridor.

There was no particular sense of urgency.

Was it because I didn’t want to leave Ariana behind? Or because I didn’t want to meet the professor?

I wasn’t sure, but I decided to take my time, observing my surroundings as I went.

Seeing the familiar path after a month away stirred a strange sense of nostalgia.

Perhaps it was just the lack of people.

The academy I remembered had always been bustling, and the sight of it so empty felt strangely alien.

If someone asked which I preferred, I’d have to say the empty version.

But familiarity and preference are two entirely different things.

In that sense, I thought the academy wasn’t so bad after all.

What I despised about it wasn’t the place itself—it was the people.

Maybe, with just the two of us, life here could have been bearable.

“That would’ve been nice.”

As I murmured to myself, I spotted a student running toward me from the opposite side.

It was a male student whose face had become hazy in my memory.

Was his name Jean?

I considered greeting him, but he froze as if he’d seen a ghost, so I simply smiled faintly and walked past him.

Even as I turned the corner, I could feel his gaze on me, but I didn’t bother reacting.

In moments like these, I realized how much I’d changed.

In the past, I wouldn’t have been able to pass by so indifferently.

I’d needed time to grow numb to it all.

If I kept reacting to every little change around me like it was life or death, I’d have burned out emotionally long before my body gave out.

For me, that process had probably been the repeated dosing of strange substances and the two periods of confinement I’d endured.

I hated every moment of it while it was happening.

Yet looking back, I always thought it hadn’t been as bad as I remembered. It was ironic.

Maybe I regretted some of it.

I forced myself to ignore that feeling, knowing that acknowledging it would make it unbearable. But the vague emotion tugging at me now was undeniably close to regret.

Of course, I had no intention of dwelling on it.

Regret wouldn’t change anything.

Even if I could feel sorry, she wouldn’t hear it.

And I couldn’t undo the past.

In that case, I decided, it was better to be shameless.

That was all I had left to protect myself.

Not resisting the current but going along with it.

Killing my will and obeying.

Abandoning hope and expectations, always assuming the worst.

Curling inward to shield myself from emotional scars—that was all I could do.

So, I told myself, it couldn’t be helped.

It wasn’t because I wanted to.

Please don’t hate me too much.

I didn’t know who I was pleading with, but the strange request kept circling in my mind.

At some point, my legs stopped moving.

Before me stood a familiar door.

It felt like I’d returned here after an eternity.

In reality, it had been just as long.

After taking a deep breath, I clenched my trembling hands and knocked on the door a couple of times.

“…I’m coming in.”

There was no reply, but I couldn’t just stand there forever. So, I turned the knob.

The unlocked door swung open soundlessly, smoothly.

Inside, the room seemed cleaner than when I had last been here.

Looking up, I saw the Magic Studies professor sitting on the bed, gazing at me silently.

“You came sooner than I expected.

Ariana didn’t catch you, did she?”

The professor smiled warmly, much like the mouse from the night before.

It was a smile that simultaneously reassured me and left me feeling oddly uneasy.

“No. There weren’t any traps or anything, either.

I wonder how much she was letting her guard down.”

“Ahaha, Ariana can be a little careless sometimes.”

The professor rose from his seat and gestured for me to sit on the bed.

Then he opened a cabinet, pulling out a teapot and some tea leaves.

Those things hadn’t been here before. Had the professor stocked them himself?

Come to think of it, how had the professor known to wait here for me?

The room, which should have been empty, bore signs of someone’s life.

“What kind of tea do you like?”

“…Um, green tea.”

“Ah, I’ve got something good for that.

Just a moment.”

Drops of water coalesced mid-air, pouring into the teapot. The water began to boil without any heat source.

After letting it steep briefly, the professor poured the tea into a cup and handed it to me.

He pulled up a chair and sat across from me.

“Thank you.”

“Be careful; it’s hot.”

As I sipped, I heard the sound of metal clinking.

It was unmistakable—I’d heard it hundreds of times over the past few weeks.

He’d locked the door.

I was sure I’d closed it when I came in, but why had he gone to the trouble of locking it with magic, in a way meant to avoid my notice?

A sense of unease began to creep over me.

“Well, now that it’s just the two of us, I have a few questions for you.”

The professor’s next words were enough to shatter any hope I’d managed to cling to.

“Why didn’t you come to find me as soon as you arrived at the academy?

Surely the orders Ariana received were to contact the professor and obtain the medication.”

“…What?”

The professor was smiling.

Not a sinister grin, but an ordinary, gentle smile.

His tone was so soft that it took me a moment to process his words.

When I finally understood, it felt as though my mind was collapsing under the weight of realization.

I’d only been told to make contact and given a location—never the professor’s identity.

Even so, I’d kept tabs on all the likely candidates in my mind. Why hadn’t I suspected him?

It wasn’t even a question worth pondering.

It was because I had trusted him.

Believed him when he said he’d save me.

So, that’s how it was.

I’d been deceived.

The hand holding the teacup trembled.

Noticing my reaction, the professor’s smile deepened.

It was still warm, but now the malice beneath it was glaringly clear.

“Don’t be so tense.

Frankly, we fully expected you to betray us.

The orders were full of holes, almost as if begging you to escape.”

Looking back, that was true.

The conditions had been so lenient that it felt like an opportunity handed to me on a silver platter.

They’d never even tried to overpower me.

From the start, everything had been in their hands.

I’d suspected as much, but hearing it confirmed left me drained.

More than fear, I felt helpless.

“You were quite the valuable hostage, so we needed to handle you carefully.

But you managed to endure life in the organization, contrary to all our expectations.

According to our research, the Remia Adelian we knew shouldn’t have been capable of that.

It’s as if you’ve become someone else entirely.”

Ah.

So, this is because of me.

A small doubt was resolved.

If the Lady had been alone, she would’ve surely gone mad long ago.

If she had simply lost her mind, she wouldn’t have suffered more than she could bear.

The reason she ended up drifting to the academy and enduring all of this—it was entirely because of me.

Being betrayed repeatedly, enduring both physical and mental anguish—it was entirely because of me.

Coming to the brink of the end, realizing the truth, and finding herself pushed to the edge—it was entirely because of me.

I wanted to cry.

Why is everything bad always my fault?

Why, why?

It was as if the world kept shoving the idea into my face that I was the root of all evil.

I lowered my head, trembling violently, and the professor’s words only encouraged my despair, continuing endlessly.

“So, to protect you, we implemented the academy’s training program.

Who would’ve guessed the core torture technician would betray us?

She was the one I trusted the most, and yet she even deceived me.”

“Ah…”

The moment I heard those words, my head shot up reflexively.

A sigh escaped my lips.

Ariana, you fool.

If you weren’t imprisoning me but protecting me, you could’ve at least said so.

There was no reason to hide it—why didn’t you explain, letting me misunderstand instead?

Was it because you thought I hated you?

Or because you thought I wouldn’t believe you?

I didn’t hate you that much.

If you’d spoken earnestly, I would’ve believed you.

It wasn’t me who didn’t trust you; it was you who didn’t trust me.

Ah, is this my fault too?

If I’d seemed more stable, acted more dependable, maybe you would’ve seen me as an equal human being.

In the end, I was the one who rejected her.

…What is this?

Is this all my fault again?

“Why… again, why is it always…”

“Hmm, are you crying?

Well, she was quite devoted, wasn’t she?

It seems she told you nothing, though.

Without explanation, it’s just imprisonment, isn’t it?”

I wanted to cry.

No, I was already crying.

My vision blurred, and tears welled up in my eyes, streaming down to drip from my chin onto my skirt.

I bit down hard on my lip to suppress the sobs threatening to escape, ensuring not even a whimper was audible.

To an outsider, it must have looked like I was quietly crying in a graceful, pretty way.

There was no comfort in that.

“Anyway, thank you for coming.

Things got tangled, but thanks to you, we can clean this up.

From now on, let’s handle this just between us.

I won’t be holding back like Ariana did, so it’ll be a bit harsher.”

Clink. The sound of the professor setting down the teacup was followed by an outstretched hand approaching me.

If Ariana had held back, I couldn’t even imagine what might come next.

It would be terrible, I was certain.

I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing they must be red and swollen from the unstoppable tears.

Resistance hadn’t even crossed my mind.

I had already abandoned the one person who might’ve helped me, and this body couldn’t even struggle properly.

What good would futile resistance do?

All that remained were regrets over the past—how I had been fooled by a seemingly obvious choice and thrown away the only thing I had left.

Come to think of it, this was the second time.

First Hans, and now the professor.

I really am a consistent person.

Change? What change?

The only thing that had changed was my surroundings. I had always been the same.

Even if I survived a few more years, I would still be like this until my last breath.

So maybe this was right.

Returning to where I belonged—shouldn’t I feel no sadness in that?

Even living here had been too much for me.

Enough.

I let go of regret, of hope.

It was time to stop.

Time to go back.

And so, I isolated myself in the darkness, bracing for the violence about to fall.

“…You didn’t send me off empty-handed. That’s one point for you.”

But instead of a blow, I heard the professor’s voice, tinged with a hint of exasperation.

A warmth spread from my neck, where Ariana had bitten insistently during our nights together.

A faint breeze brushed against me, lifting my hair.

Then, I felt soft, warm arms wrap around my neck from behind.

It wasn’t a forceful grip meant to strangle me—it was more like an embrace.

“Just a moment.”

It was the familiar voice of a girl, one I had grown used to.

The sound made me open my eyes in the very next moment.