Play Test: Stuck in Another World as a Reality TV Contestant

Interlude 7: A Bard's Life​

Wednesday Night

Susy's ADHD was in peak form tonight. High-energy remixes of K and J-Pop songs played at a respectful volume from her laptop speakers while she danced at her standing desk. Big things were happening in Susy Land. There was a pen in her hand (with another behind her ear that she'd forgotten about) and no less than five notebooks to keep track of all her ideas and exciting new projects. Look at her, she thought proudly, actually organizing her notes and not just scribbling them on whichever papers were closest! Next time, as soon as she filled these, she'd even limit each notebook to a single topic or project! Then she'd be, like, basically a professional note taker.

Currently, thirty percent of Susy's mind was occupied with her music theory homework, another thirty was spent selecting tracks and clips for her next James fancam, and the final thirty was passively directing spiritual energy towards the jade egg nestled inside her, which she had decided to awaken as her next tsukumogami. The remaining ten percent flitted unhelpfully from topic to topic and her phone, but hey, what were you going to do? Getting that part of her brain down to only ten percent was a victory as far as Susy was concerned.

She had, of course, gotten her grandmother's approval before deciding to awaken the Ben Wa egg, as awkward as that had been. Unlike her cousin, Maki, who liked to play fast and loose with her family's techniques, Susy was nothing if not committed to the Sunada ways. Not that she blamed Maki for experimenting; the Ishida could be rigid and formal at the best of times due to their duties and specialty. For the same reasons, the Sunada were significantly less so. Plus, Maki was super smart, and organized, and hardworking, so she could actually do things like invent new methods and things, whereas Susy, she knew, was not any of those. If Susy had tried to experiment with her family techniques, she'd probably have exploded, or worse, turned into a horrible monster! She shuddered - how awful!

Susy wagged a mental finger at her brain. Happy thoughts only, please!

What would the little jade egg inside her be like when enough spirit energy and intent combined to form a new consciousness with a personality and opinions? What abilities would it have? Tsukumogami tended to have powers related to the nature and purpose of the item they inhabited and, when cultivated by her family, to the desires of their user. The egg helped develop her internal muscles and pleasured her as she moved around, something it was, sometimes uncomfortably, good at. She'd been directing the feelings it stimulated wholly towards the man who'd given it to her - In a roundabout way, if you thought about it, he would be like its father, and she, in a much more literal sense, its mother. Hopefully, it could one day lend her some ability to help catch James's attention. She'd be thrilled to have the stamina and strength to follow along to the kata he posted without feeling like a clumsy, out-of-shape amateur. Susy needed some way to differentiate herself from her genius cousin, and while Maki was smarter, prettier, more confident than her, had much more spiritual power than her, and was, in general, vastly more capable, she couldn't see the woman developing an interest in martial arts.

Holy crap! One of James's parkour friends had a video of them climbing onto the roof of Emtek Pharma Arena and sneaking into a Gorillaz concert – that was way too good to not use as the start of a fancam! There was even a clip of him dancing dangerously on top of an I-beam with the stage in the background! But did she want to start all over again with a Gorillaz song or split her attention between two projects? She wasn't very familiar with the band, and with her personality, she knew it would mean she'd be listening to their entire discography tonight if she did.

Hmm…how much homework did she have left? Music theory was the only class she cared about; she would either succeed and become a professional singer or devote herself to the Shrine. College didn't interest her at all. If she could knock out what she was working on with a few hours to spare, then it was game on. Getting two edits out in one night would definitely show the rest of the burgeoning fandom why she deserved to be the official unofficial James Li fan account.

Speak of the devil, she thought, checking her phone. It looked like there was some annoying news on that front. Aditi, her bestie, had texted her,

'OMG that psycho bitch you kicked out of the discord started her own channel on another server!'

'She invited me. I think she thought my meme response was legit or she's just desperate'

'These people are seriously mentally ill'

'Sick stuff in here!!!'

There were already two James Li fan Discords? It hadn't even been a full day since she started the first one! She immediately texted Aditi for more information and received a link in return. The psycho in question, Sillymander, hadn't bothered to keep the server private, clearly trying to usurp hers as the official unofficial fan Discord.

Kami-sama, never mind. Upon joining the server with an older account Sillymander wouldn't recognize, it became immediately clear that this was not a fan Discord at all. This was an entire server for the naïve narcissists that flocked to WitchJin and to the darker Wicca channels on MeTV.

"Idiots! Ugh." Susy might have been a bit ditzy, but this just was plain stupid. Were they trying to get possessed?

She'd banned Sillymander earlier today when she'd come into the Discord and asked if anyone was interested in doing a shared dreaming ritual with her to 'visit' James's sleeping mind that night. Susy wasn't trying to be a tyrant on the server and may have let it happen if it had been nothing but roleplay, but Sillymander had posted real-deal instructions for inducing a hypnogogic state with a tea recipe for a mildly toxic spiritual aid that she recognized, and a personal sigil to find her in the Collective Unconscious. She'd tersely explained to the witch and the rest of the server that non-consensually 'visiting' someone's sleeping mind was better described as 'invading' or 'assaulting' them, kicked her out, and delivered a stern warning that any further activity of that type wouldn't be tolerated.

What she should have done was delete all evidence of the interaction whatsoever because there were more than a few of these names she recognized here. Taking it so seriously had probably primed some of the uninitiated into wanting to learn more.

"Is no one allowed to be normal on the internet?"

This place was messed up. There were hundreds of channels devoted to different celebrities, common desires like vengeance or envy, three separate channels for love potions, multiple introductions to different schools of magic, and more. Scanning through it, she could safely say that, overwhelmingly, most of the people here were just roleplaying or enacting some wishful thinking, but there were so many of them. If any real witches, like Sillymander for example, were to get their claws in these dummies, they could do real harm – and probably already were, somewhere amidst all of the noise, memes, and creative writing exercises.

Susy started pacing around her room, quietly freaking out to herself. She had to do something. She had to do something. James was in danger!

She paused. Actually…was he? Someone was definitely in danger, but it may not have been James Li. They'd taken a few selfies together at his place, and Susy had felt his power when he'd wrapped his arms around her – volcanic was the only word she could think of to describe the energy inside him; explosive didn't do it justice. There was a significant possibility that any mortal trying to enter his mind without permission would find themselves burning from the inside out.

Her teachers in the Shrine had drilled into them time and time again that high-level martial artists were a class unto themselves and best left alone if you could help it. Unless interfered with, they would tend to consume themselves with whatever drama was afoot in their own Martial World, much like the Kami did with the Divine World. Every lesson on charms, wards, and rituals for mortals would end with or include an "unless they are martial artists, of course." As a child, she was led to believe that they were somewhat silly and strange, the real-world equivalent of anime characters. It wasn't until recently that she realized the real lesson had been to treat them like dangerous wild animals rather than people. Still, James was her cousin by adoption now, and the fans lured from her server were innocents, very dumb, sure, but undeserving of whatever consequences they were walking into.

Yes, she decided, she did have to do something. Luckily, Susy had been exposed to a horror movie much too young and was thus uniquely well-suited to handle a dream witch. She honestly couldn't have hoped for a more ideal first real mission; was this Fate? She gasped. Was this one of the special episodes where Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon rescued Tuxedo Mask? Were the stars aligning for a Susy X James ship!?

Susy struck a pose in her full-length bedroom mirror, giving herself two peace signs. "Operation Sleep Well, James: Go! First step," she did a few dance moves before settling into a different pose, one hand on her hip, the other in a big thumbs up. "Ask for help!"

The Sunada Clan owned three rowhomes that stood next to each other across the street from the Ishida's, their long-term allies, turn-of-the-century, renovated apartment building. These represented unthinkable wealth by today's standards, but the Clans had come to America back when Little Tokyo was considered a racial ghetto. After the Internment Camps, many Japanese had scattered, afraid to be so easily identified again; the Sunada had taken the opportunity to buy the rowhomes next to theirs and had helped the Ishida to buy out the lower floors of their building so that they owned it outright. Susy loved the living arrangements. She had social interaction whenever she wanted just by walking out her bedroom door, and she felt like a princess in a castle here.

She ran down to the combined backyards where she knew her grandfather and granduncle would be having their nightly shogi session and drinking their nightly sake in defiance of their respective wives' wishes. The patriarchs of the Sunada and Ishida were where she expected them to be, her grandfather in his Meiji period formal kimono he insisted on wearing daily and her granduncle in a Western business suit. They sat kneeling under faux paper lanterns on a simple wooden deck they had built together decades prior.

"Ojiichan, can I borrow Sasumata-sama?"

Her grandfather nodded and waved her away, not looking up from the shogi board. "Sure, sure. Give him a polish before you put him back, yeah?"

Oh wow, she hadn't been expecting him to say yes. "Thank you! I will!"

Her granduncle expelled an exasperated breath. "You're kidding, you old fool. At least ask her why she wants a polearm. She's a teen girl."

"Mind your business, idiot. I'm sure Susy-chan has a good reason. Now stop distracting me, I'm almost ready to make my move."

"Hah. Unbelievable. Susy-chan, please, for my curiosity, tell me why you want your grandfather's legendary staff."

She nodded enthusiastically; her great-uncle could help her too! "James is in trouble from a mean dream witch who is obsessed with him and is tricking innocent people into helping her break into his mind so I'm going to ride Baku-san into the Dream World to teach her a lesson!"

"See," said her grandfather, "I told you she had a good reason! Wouldn't you have rather heard about that after the fact, when she had the time to put it into a good story with a beginning, middle, and end?"

"By James, do you mean my newest grandson?"

"Yes! We have to protect him!"

The Ishida patriarch scratched under his chin. "I felt his soul rage from my bed last night. Unless that dream witch is extremely experienced, I'm not sure it's him we'd be protecting. He is Funikugami's Champion, too; that boy could inflict such horrors upon her that her mortal mind would stop her heart to make them cease. But I like your attitude. Come along then," he said, rising to his feet with a groan.

"Oi, where are you going? This match is barely started."

Her granduncle simply rolled his eyes and sighed. "How your Clan survived for the four hundred years before we joined is ever a mystery to me, Daigo. I'm equipping your granddaughter before her mission into the Dream World so she can better help my new grandson."

"Yare yare, you're such a worrier, Hiroaki, like an old hen. You should change your name to Minori!" said her grandfather with a sharp laugh, making an obscure joke based on the Kanji spelling of her granduncle's name. Or she assumed at least; most of her grandfather's jokes sailed over her head. "Well, if you're going, I'm going too."

"Yay!" She said, jumping and kicking her feet back in the air. "I'll definitely win now."

The old men led her in and out of their homes, knocking on doors and explaining her mission. It was somewhat overwhelming, but for James's sake, she held out and remained patient. From the Ishida, she received so many charms and wards that she couldn't possibly carry them all, but that was fine, because one of the tsukumogami her family gave her was a bag that would faithfully belch out whichever item was most needed at the time.

Susy did have to considerably limit how many tsukumogami she was taking into battle compared to how many were offered, but thankfully, Ojiichan was there to help her with the selection. While the Sunada awakened item-anima were unusually docile and loyal, they were Kami all the same. She simply didn't have the spiritual capacity to go in fully equipped like one of her aunts or her mother could; there was too great a chance that she'd end up possessed by a curious tsukumogami as it took her body for a spin for a few days or years.

Finally, with Sasumata-sama, the famed man catcher staff in hand, they led her to one of the basement shrines where a bell was rung, an offering of bread was given, and the dread Lower Guardian of the Shrine, Funikugami, was summoned. It was the first time Suzy had interacted with him directly; during festivals, he could occasionally be seen standing in a corner ominously as a tall black mass hidden by shadowy robes, but this was the first time she would hear him speak. He was…

He was cute! One moment, there was nothing there, and the next, a little crow-headed child was sitting on the offering table, kicking his legs and examining them curiously.

"You have need of me, humans?" he asked in an otherwise normal, boyish voice. Crows were able to mimic sounds – was that why he took this form for their meeting?

Susy stayed completely quiet, allowing her granduncle to speak. The Ishida's specialty was in entreating, binding, and, when necessary, fighting Kami. It was part of why the union between their clans was so successful. On the occasions where one of the Sunada's menagerie of tsukumogami did run wild, the Ishida were on hand to wrangle it back. And when a threat was too great for humans alone, the Sunada could call on one of their heavy hitters for them.

"My niece has uncovered a plot to attack your Champion's mind, oh great one," said the Ishida patriarch.

Funikugami sounded amused. "Only the one? If you had seen his hordes of enemies as I did last night, you would find this to be expected, or even disappointing."

Her granduncle bowed his head amiably. "I'm not surprised to learn of that. My grandson made himself known to the city in a spectacular fashion. Are you keeping watch over his mind then?"

"I am not. He has dismissed me."

"And why is that?"

"He wishes to find his own means of protecting himself."

"And why is that?"

"My Champion enjoys challenges. They make him stronger."

"For what other reasons has he dismissed you, great one? Please name all that you can think of."

The crow-headed child threw his head back and let out a harsh cackle. "You were always so perceptive, human. He has dismissed me because he finds my nature distasteful, because I have tricked him in the past, and because he can in his strange, alien way monitor the effect that I and my blade are having upon his soul. Your grandson is a curious entity, of a kind I have not seen in all my existence. Isn't that interesting?"

It was! She was dying to know more.

But Ishida Hiroaki dismissed the bait. "How lucky for the both of us, great one, that we may still encounter such novelties in our age. Before James Li dismissed your protection, you desired to protect his mind from intrusion. Does this desire remain?"

The Kami quirked its bird head and scrutinized the old priest with a black, glassy eye. "Somewhat."

"Will you give my niece some protection or aid during her venture, then? We offer nothing but your own satisfaction in return."

There was a long silence in which Susy began to worry that the old man had offended the death god. Finally, he spoke, turning his head to her. "Which of the plots have you uncovered, young Sunada?"

Her uncle nodded to her, so she answered as best she could. "A dream witch, great one. Um, I believe from the way she writes that she's around my age. She's also roped in unsuspecting, uninitiated people into helping her."

"Ah, the girl, yes, I remember her. Her power could turn you to dust, child. She is a wicked star set down upon this world by the cruel Fates. Even mighty Sasumata-sama could break under her grasp if she learned to properly bring her gifts to bear. Only in her inexperience do you stand a meager chance of success."

Susy felt the slumbering Sasumata-sama in her hand raise his head in annoyance at those words. She hesitated to speak, unsure what to say to such a warning. Did he want her to ask for alternatives? Her teachers had told her to watch out for such things when conversing with Kami; that was how you ended up in their debt. Thankfully, her granduncle spoke for her.

"You forget, Susy-chan has her Baku-san as well, great one. How does the dream-eater influence your estimation?"

He hummed in a throaty bird-sound. "Then yes, she can beat the witch handedly."

"I sense hesitation in your words. What else do you know of this girl's nature or abilities that might cause Susy to fail?"

Funikugami crowed once more. "Ah, yes, forgive me. You know how I yearn for the funerals of the spiritually gifted, human. I mean no malice in the desire, but it remains nonetheless. The witch is one part of three. But do not fear, I will answer your next unspoken question. I will shadow her mind and keep her from calling for aid from her mother and sister, but in exchange, do me this service. Wait until the witch girl arrives at the gates to my Champion's mind and place there a talisman that I will give you upon the threshold. It will summon me should an intruder approach, and in this way, I will be able to honor my promise to my Champion while still protecting him from both outside threats and the hubris that led him to dismiss me. It will not work on his mind or soul in any other way – most generous, no? Should you fail to place the talisman and earn my service, and the girl summons her family, then you will surely be doomed."

Susy looked to her elders, but they watched her expectantly, leaving the decision up to her. She didn't see much of an alternative if what the Kami said was true, and she knew it was bound by ancient tradition to never lie to them. "I just have to wait until she's almost there? I think I can do that. But will the innocents she's using be harmed?"

Her grandfather laughed in approval and patted her on the shoulder.

Funikugami leaned forward. "If they join in an assault on my Champion's sleeping self, then what is it that they are innocent of in this context?"

"Um, I don't know, but most of them probably don't even believe magic is real. I don't think it's fair to condemn them for being curious and, admittedly, a little creepy. It's not like the witch framed it as an attack. They probably think that they're going to end up sharing a dream with James and get to see what he dreams about."

"Hmm, I understand not this argument. But know this, they will only die should they open the gates into my Champion's mind, for on the edges there lurks my bound blade, forever hungry for more death and unwilling to share its home with other outsiders. Beyond that is the ineffable eldritch mind hiding in his psyche, and the caldera of power that is his Qi. Prevent them from opening the gate, and you will have saved their lives. Now, will you accept my aid and agree to my terms?"

Susy really wanted to know more about this weird eldritch mind and the general alien references, but judging from her uncle's reaction earlier, it felt like a trap laid by the death god. And considering it had admitted to yearning for her funeral earlier in the conversation, she was much more reticent about the crow-headed child than she had been. So, after one last glance at the patriarchs, she nodded and gave the Kami a thumbs up. "Okay!"

Once the god had been respectfully dismissed, her grandfather clapped her on the shoulder. "Well done, Susy-chan! You managed to finagle some crucial information out all on your own. You see that, Hiroaki?"

"Indeed, very well done. And you avoided its trick as well. Listen closely, dear niece. Any time a Kami—any Kami—is exceptionally eager for you to ask about something, always ignore them."

Susy blushed a bright pink and hid her smile by looking down. "Hehe, thanks."

All that remained was to drink a tea prepared by her mother and to fall asleep, which, with all of the excitement of her task, was difficult. She ended up having to get back up, grab her textbook, and return to her homework while in bed, dressed in her miko robes with her family's staff at her side and fully adorned in charms and wards. A good thirty minutes of solely focusing on her homework later, she hugged Baku-san tight to her and finally yielded to the tea induced semi-sleep.

A Baku was a supernatural creature that ate nightmares, with the appearance of a furrier Malaysian Tapir with a longer snout and claws. Her Baku-san, on the other hand, was a large stuffed animal in the shape of a Baku that she'd slept with every night for as long as she could remember. After sneaking down past her bedtime when she was five years old and catching the latter half of Ju-On: The Grudge, she had been wracked with nightmares. A few sleepless weeks later, Susy had managed, in her fear, to awaken her first tsukumogami at a much, much younger age than most of her family. As a result, the dream spirit which inhabited her stuffed animal was one of the strongest if highly specialized guardians in the Sunada clan, and, she suspected, the reason she was made miko despite her otherwise lackluster abilities.

In physical reality, the only indication that Baku-san was special was that her stitching remained perfect and her fur clean even after years of nightly use. In the Dream World, however, Baku-san really put the Kami in tsukumogami.

Susy glomped onto her beloved guardian's thick purple and green fur in a hug. "Baku-saaaaaan, mmmmm, I missed you!"

A motherly laugh filled the space. There was nothing but shifting, technicolor landscape around them, moving from grass to carpet, to forest and beach the longer one looked at it. They were certainly not in any of Susy's dreams, that was for sure. She had been on a K-Pop kick lately, setting herself as an additional member of her favorite Idol groups, with Baku-san as her manager/producer.

The dream god's long, elephantine snout wrapped around her waist delicately and placed her atop her massive, mammoth-like back. "Hello, my little one. I missed you too, though it has not been very long at all. Nor has it been very long since she's fallen asleep in you, has it, MiMi-chan?"

Susy's miko robes, the only other tsukumogami she had personally awakened, were as shy as ever, muttering a barely audible greeting and waving a sleeve at the greater spirit.

"And my formal greetings to you, Lord Sasumata. We often monitor your rest, but no nightmares would dare trespass upon you, hm?"

The man catcher leaped from her grasp and flew down to the 'ground' in front of them. The staff itself was a polearm with a U-shaped end made from two black horns of some unnamed Yokai, with spikes at the far end of the shaft to prevent an enemy from wrenching it out of your hands. The tsukumogami manifested, however, into a hulking samurai in full armor who must have stood over three feet taller than her, his polearm like a walking stick in his hand. Not an inch of his skin was exposed, with a white cloth hanging over his helmet obscuring even his eyes; it boldly proclaimed in Kanji, 'Deliverer of Justice' in bright red ink. This was the great Lord Sasumata, who had guarded their bloodline for three centuries, only ever appearing like this for those in her Clan that he deemed worthy, being famously stingy with his blessings. He spent most of his time asleep in her grandfather's closet these days.

"Thou art a beauty divine, Baku-dono. We are honored to enter battle at Thy side." He slammed his staff down on the ground for emphasis, speaking in hyper-formal, archaic Japanese. His head tilted towards her, and she could feel the weight of his attention upon her. "Girl, thou art to be judged tonight by Lord Sasumata. Thine infatuation with the Carrion King's samurai is burdensome, but fight well, and we may deign to appear again."

She nodded, eyes wide. "Tha—"

Before she could finish a word, Sasumata disappeared into his staff and snapped back towards her. Susy almost failed to catch him, but Mimi-chan conjured a wind to slow his movement. The man catcher felt heavier in her grasp than he had.

"Are you ready, little one? Hold tight to me as we travel. There are dangers in this place, and some may be fool enough to test us."

Baku-san needed only a glance at the sigil that Susy had printed out and placed into her Auntie's bag to lead them to the dream witch. The bag, like the slippers on her feet and her beaded wooden necklace, were not fully conscious tsukumogami, still in that early phase of awakening before their personalities had developed. While lacking in power, they were, in a way, at their most useful in this state, before they had prides that needed to be appeased.

How long they traveled was impossible to determine, as were the sights they encountered. Susy found the memories of this place to pass from her thoughts faster the more she tried to grasp at them. She could vaguely recall Baku-san sucking up the darkness around them as they moved, leaving only gentle shifting pastels behind, but beyond that, there was nothing. Eventually though, the landscape grew more concrete and, strangely, into one she recognized.

Of all places, they had arrived in the suburbs of Black Harbor, its skyline visible against the night sky in the distance. The stars above, brighter than was possible and dancing in an imperceptible pattern, gave away that they were still in the Dream World, but other than that, the only tell that they hadn't stepped out onto a suburban neighborhood in the Greenbelt was that the letters on the signs were nonsensical and shifted as she tried to read them. A shame, she thought, if this was the real neighborhood of Sillymander, then Susy might have been able to confront her in waking life, but she hadn't spent enough time out this way to recognize which of the small towns they were in.

A crow perched atop the roof of a house flitted down to her with a wooden charm in its beak, dropping it onto her lap before returning. Susy could sense the man catcher in her hand bristle at its presence.

Baku-san crept them around the side of the house, her footsteps completely silent and her fur shifting around them in a wispy cloud. Once they were close enough to the edge of the building, the dream eater stretched her snout out and pulled the corner of the home away as though it were a curtain so that they could see what was happening in the backyard without exposing their heads. Such was the nature of dream logic here.

"Oh my, she can enthrall so many at so young an age. She is capable for a human."

Arranged in a circle were six women and one man, kneeling naked in the grass, holding their hands and sobbing in pain. From their eyes were streaming mist-like tears coalescing in the center as they listened to the words of a beautiful girl with freckles and dark brown hair, as naked as the rest.

"He is burning, our god, in a great pillar of golden flame," said the figure of the girl as she circled, idly braiding her hair while she went. The words seemed heavy in the air, and Susy could feel them weighing down on her like a blanket, lulling her into a sleep. "You can feel the heat as you walk towards him. It is painful and growing more painful with every step—"

Her borrowed necklace began to vibrate, and suddenly, she could no longer hear the girl's words, though her lips continued to move. In the cloud of tears at the center of the circle, the shadow of a torii gate beginning to form shape.

Susy whispered to her mount, "Baku-san, do you know what she's doing?"

"She is guiding them through a clever bit of hypnosis, describing the image we all saw of James Li during his fight with the Hungry Ghost. I'm sure the vision is still quite vivid in her mind, but more importantly, it disguises the pain they must be feeling as they connect to the warrior's burning soul."

"If I throw Funikugami's talisman into the middle, will it work?" she asked, anxious to interrupt. Those people looked like they were in agony.

"No, not yet. The gate must appear solid."

"But, will they be…okay? If we wait?"

"None of them are yet infirm or young enough that they will die, but they will suffer in their waking lives for some time."

Susy bit her lower lip, unsure of what to do. She wanted to help them, she really did, but she'd made a pact with a Kami to wait, and everything she had ever, ever, ever been taught told her that breaking such a pact was inviting a fate worse than death. Worse still, she could feel the patient anticipation from Sasumata-sama in her hand. The Lord of Justice had witnessed her deal, and she knew he wouldn't agree to assist her in violating it, even if it was with one of his enemies.

She took a few deep, calming breaths and centered herself. There was only one option for her, and unfortunately for the hapless mortals caught up in this mess, it didn't favor them.

Well, she thought angrily, she'd warned them explicitly, hadn't she? And Funikugami had been right! They were assaulting James in his sleep; they weren't innocent; they were basically rapists! They might not have deserved to die since they had been tricked into it, but they definitely deserved some sort of punishment.

With a clear mind and a still somewhat troubled heart, she climbed down from Baku-san. "The moment that gate appears, we'll move decisively. I'll place down the talisman, and you guys will hit her as hard as you can without killing her. I don't think James would want that, and we don't want to start a blood feud with her family."

Sasumata-sama manifested at her side in a crouch, taking the man catcher from her with an approving nod.

The next few minutes were the longest of her short life. Her necklace continued to protect her from the hypnosis, so all she could do was stare in silence, watching as the gate slowly came together and the circle of people grew more and more wracked with pain. Sillymander – and she really needed a better way to refer to her at this point – was unbothered by the harm she was causing them, increasingly consumed by a zealous fervor. For once, Susy's brain came to a total alignment, all one hundred percent committed completely to the plan.

I can do this.

Finally, what had appeared to her as a torii manifested fully as two towering, carved cathedral doors; this was, after all, Sillymander's dream. Susy could feel the wretched killing intent leaking out from the cracks in the doors, and like a deer in headlights, she froze.

I can't do this!

Luckily, her tsukumogami had no concept of mortal fear. Lord Sasumata leaped straight into the air with so much force that he appeared to vanish into the sky above in a fraction of a second, and Baku-san jutted her snout out towards the witch responsible. Susy's body jumped shortly after, moved not by her will but under the power of Mimi-chan, her robes, and the slippers she had borrowed from one of her older cousins. Mimi and the slippers sailed her gently over the top of the circle of heads, giving one a little kick as they passed.

She was still frozen when she landed before the gate to James's mind, blinking down at her hand and the twisting seal script on Funikugami's talisman. Behind her, like thunderbolt from heaven, Sasumata-sama came crashing down to Earth, eliciting a shriek of pain from the witch and one of surprise from Susy. She fumbled and dropped the talisman, watching with gratitude and embarrassment as the slippers moved her feet for her and kicked it part way underneath the doors. The effect was immediate; ashy dead vines came crawling up from the wooden talisman, swiftly covering the gate in swaying, grasping branches.

What now? She thought to herself. Did…we do it?

Did they do it? Her mind cruelly corrected. Susy hadn't done a thing save be here.

"Behold, wretched one! No mortal child can match Lord Sasumata's strength!"

She turned around to see the tsukumogami pinning the naked witch to the ground, pointing up and shouting at the crow atop the house. The girl looked terrified; crackling, uncontrolled power was pouring out of her eyes and hands, but the lightning was being sucked into Baku-san's snout, along with all of the color in the dream. Within a few seconds, the sky and ground itself joined along, as though Baku-san was vacuuming up the canvas of an oil painting.

They were left in short order, back in the Collective Unconscious. Briefly, the world appeared to be black, blasted earth and the sky a roiling mass of black clouds, but these too were swiftly sucked into Baku-san until all that remained were the shifting pastels that they had traveled here in.

Only the tsukumogami, the gate to James's mind, and the two girls remained. The rest of the humans had fallen through the ground beneath, hopefully to their beds where they'd be waking up with a newfound fear of all things magic.

"W-why?" choked out Sillymander through the staff pressed against her throat. She had stopped fighting back altogether, simply lying there in shock, weeping.

"Thou hast made an enemy of our Clan, witch! The mortal thou attacked is an ally of ours by Law!"

"W-what? I-I don't…speak…Japanese."

Lord Sasumata raised a foot to stomp down on the girl's ribs, but Susy finally felt herself capable of action. "Wait!" she yelled out. "Wait, Sasumata-sama!" He paused mid-stomp, but she could feel the weight of his judgment upon her once more, letting her know that he was ready to continue his thrashing should she fail his test.

Susy ran to the witch and kneeled by her side. She was crying as well, though she couldn't rightfully tell why; disappointment with her own performance, perhaps. "Sorry, sorry! Are you okay?"

The girl gave the slightest shake of her head, pinned as it was. "N-no."

"Me neither," said Susy honestly, wiping away her tears. She tapped on the man catcher to give the witch some slack so they could talk. Lord Sasumata to her surprise, obliged, lifting his weapon from her neck. "I didn't want to do this, you know? I was supposed to be editing fancams tonight. You're Sillymander, right? I'm eXscusyMe."

"O-oh," said Sillymander, rubbing her throat and eyeing the hulking samurai above her. "You can call me Sally. Wait," her gaze snapped to hers, "you're eXscusyMe? What the fuck?"

"Haha, yeah. You can call me Susy. This is Lord Sasumata, and that's Baku-san. They're Kami of the Black Harbor Shrine. We're here because James is a member by adoption, and we couldn't let you break into his head. The crow sitting on top of the gate to James's mind is Funikugami, or a representation of him, maybe. James is his Champion and he super, absolutely, definitely would have killed you if you had opened that door. He loooooves killing – would have got the people you recruited to help you too. They would have stood no chance."

The crow cawed in agreement.

The color drained from her face. "I'm sorry. M- My sister said it would be fine as long as I called for help if something went wrong. I-I'm really sorry. I wasn't going to do anything - I just wanted to know, you know, more about him."

Oh hey, that was pretty fucked up of her sister, wasn't it? It implied a laissez-faire attitude towards mind magic that Susy was entirely uncomfortable with. But, for the sake of this specific conversation, she put it aside. "Diiiid you tell her the boy whose dream you wanted to visit was a martial artist?"

She shook her head. "Um, I sort of implied I was checking up on my boyfriend to see if he was cheating on me. Does that matter?"

Her jaw dropped. "Eh! Are you serious? But what about that shared ritual and everything?"

"I was just doing what I thought would work." Her voice started to crack, and Susy saw a new fear appear on her face, not directed towards them but inwardly. "It-it felt natural, came easily to me."

Susy groaned. Kami-sama, she was an amateur witch with generational talent and the power of a demi-god. This was a nightmare. "You had to see the pain the others were in, didn't you? And I don't know how well you know my cousin, but James would have hated you doing that to them. You know that, right? Please tell me you know that was wrong."

Sally started to open her mouth to respond, but only a loud sob escaped her. She buried her face in her hands and began crying uncontrollably. "I know. I don't know what's wrong with me. This – it, it keeps happening. It's like, I do these horrible things without even realizing it until after."

The miko rubbed her temples. She was at a loss for what to do here, and there would be no help from her tsukumogami. According to the old traditions, the penalty reserved for being unable to control your powers as a witch was either death or being bound inside a Shrine. That wasn't going to fly, she didn't think. The former was a blood feud waiting to happen, and she doubted Sally was trying to move into the Shrine for the rest of her life.

With a sigh, she followed her instincts and pulled the crying girl into her arms, holding her and rubbing her back as she sobbed. Susy repeated calming reassurances as Sally continued her stream of apologies.

"Please don't tell him," asked a shaking Sally once she could more than say 'I'm sorry.' "I promise, I really promise I won't do anything like that ever again."

She made a face, not entirely sure she believed her. "Uhh…not just to James, either, right? No more invading minds?"

"Yes! Yes, I swear!"

"And no more roping in regular mortals into dangerous magic rituals."

"Never. Honest."

"And you've really got to stop lying to your sister and mother about what sort of spells you're doing. I know you're strong, but you have no idea what's on the other side of that door. If you had opened the gate, I don't think Sasumata-sama, Baku-san, and I together could have saved you. Martial artists and Kami, er, no offense, you three, they're like untamed beasts, basically. If you don't know exactly what you're getting into, you will get hurt."

The witch eyed the crow leering down at her. "I promise, really. I'll be way more careful."

Susy bit her lower lip. Was that all? Was she really going to just let her go? That didn't seem like the right option. For one, she had no idea if Sally would have another psychopathic episode, and for two, the girl seemed…lost. She needed help clearly, and more than just the magical sort.

She sighed. What would Maki do here?

No, never mind. She couldn't even fathom how her cousin's mind worked. What did James say in all of his instruction videos? 'You've got to focus on your strengths first. When you've pushed them as far as you can, then you can worry about weaknesses.' What was she best at? Music and being a good hang wouldn't help her—or, wait, actually…

"Okay. Here's how this is going to work. I'm going to unban you from the Discord, and then you and I are going to moderate it together, got it? You're also going to monitor that other mega-creepy server to make sure no one else is trying to mess with James. Is that, I don't know, okay with you?"

The witch rubbed her face with her forearm, wiping the snot and tears away. She blinked at her and then again at Sasumata-sama. "Is – really? I mean, you don't think I'm a freak?"

Susy shrugged. "It's cool. We're all freaks in the Underworld. Plus, my cousin Maki is a total maniac, and James is head-over-heels for her."

"Okay." Sally let out a little disbelieving laugh. "Okay, yes. I'd like that – I'd really like that, actually. I had some…dark thoughts when you banned me. Thanks, Susy. What now?"

Susy looked at the assorted Kami helplessly. "Um, can you guys send her back home? I…think it's fine now."

Lord Sasumata waved his hand dismissively, and the witch vanished. Kami-sama, she really hoped she had made the right call. Sally had been a mess, but maybe a little purpose in her life, even something as small as moderating a Discord with her, could help.

"We judge thee to be feeble in mind and body, girl, but noble and merciful. Call upon us as thy need be," said the Lord of Justice before returning to his sleep inside the staff.

"Come, little one," said Baku-san, scooping her up in her snout. "Let us return you to proper slumber."

Susy yawned. That was exhausting, and she hadn't even really done anything. How did the others manage? "Thanks, Baku-san. Do you think I did the right thing?"

"Only time will tell, little one."

"Yeah…guess so."