Pig Government Official

-64-

Leaving behind Juhwan, who was standing awkwardly with a dumbfounded expression, Junjae left the restaurant without a trace of lingering attachment. His gait and stride were the same as usual, but somehow his steps seemed to exude a sense of relief. However, his face appeared somewhat stiff. Perhaps because he had just committed his first real act of rebellion, Junjae’s heart was pounding.

Sure enough, as soon as Junjae descended to the hotel lobby, his phone began ringing incessantly, and the caller was, of course, his father. Old habits die hard; despite having properly rebelled, he instinctively looked around when his father’s name appeared on the screen, then immediately headed for the bathroom. It was to answer the call in a quiet place.

“…Yes. I’ve answered the phone.”

[Junjae.]

“…Yes.”

[Do things you can handle.]

The voice that came through as soon as he put the phone to his ear upon entering the bathroom wasn’t as sharp as Junjae had expected. However, those few words made Junjae stop in his tracks. Things you can handle. Things that know their place. It was what he had always been told, looking down on him from his childhood until now.

It was also the phrase Junjae hated the most. Because every time he heard those words, it raised questions, and those questions soon turned into fear. As a child born to his father, in what situations should he do things he can handle, and where should he know his place? Could it be that because he was a recessive alpha, he should know his place and act accordingly? How did his father see him?

When he heard those words, he felt like an infinitely weak person. So it seems he unconsciously followed his father’s thinking when he saw people he didn’t like. That person is doing something they can’t handle again. That person is doing something beyond their station. Though he had never said it out loud, it had become a phrase he hated hearing the most yet had internally uttered several times. He had even said it directly to Jung Taegeon recently.

Still, he hadn’t heard it directly from his father in recent years. So he had been thinking, let’s just go on like this. Let’s just do it this way. He had even felt satisfied with himself. So hearing those words after such a long time hit Junjae hard. It felt like a huge piece of metal was pressing hard against his solar plexus. Usually in these situations, he would quickly end things by answering, “I understand. I’ll keep it in mind.” But this time, he couldn’t do that.

[Go back right now.]

“…Father.”

[Return to your place.]

He had lived like this his whole life, and it didn’t make sense to turn his back on his father and give up everything just because he liked one person. So maybe he couldn’t handle all of this. And maybe he might regret it.

“…Where is my place?”

But that wasn’t his place. Nor was his place necessarily by Kim Jeonggwan’s side. He needed to stand on his own now. And at the same time, he had to admit it. The fact that he was attracted to Kim Jeonggwan. It wasn’t because of his appearance or the advances he made. Jeonggwan always, despite being called a pig countless times, stands firm and then shatters everything that tells him to know his reality and act according to his station.

Contradictions are inseparable from Jeonggwan. Because in the end, Jeonggwan only likes him for his appearance. He seems perfect, but in the end, being human, he can’t help but be imperfect. But that aspect made Junjae feel more at ease. Because he saw hope that even he, who was utterly imperfect, could become like that.

‘You’re really crossing the line.’

‘We haven’t had our dessert yet.’

And anyway, even if it’s selfish, the fact that Jeonggwan ultimately thinks of and loves himself first is true. He admires that part and wants to keep seeing that side of him.

“…I’ll hang up first.”

By Jeonggwan’s side, holding Jeonggwan’s hand.

* * *

What if you get rejected because the person you’re meeting for the blind date likes you? Ignoring Gwan Jihoon who told him not to go, he came to the hotel where Junjae was having his blind date. He took out Secretary Oh’s business card, who had asked to be contacted if he came, and opened the phone Junjae had gifted him.

“010-181…”

Should he call? Or should he just send a text? Should he contact Junjae directly? Is it not okay because he’s in the middle of the blind date now? While Jeonggwan was pondering for a moment, blinking his eyes,

[-Won Junjae-]

Speak of the devil, a call came from Junjae. What? Is it over already? 6:18 PM. It hadn’t even been twenty minutes since the scheduled time for the blind date. He really just went as a formality. Jeonggwan, who had been secretly nervous, let out a sigh of relief. He had been slightly worried that he might hit it off with the person he was meeting, as Gwan Jihoon had said.

“Hello?”

[…Where are you?]

Jeonggwan had actually prepared an answer to this question on his way here. If asked where he was, he planned to sneak up from behind and surprise him with a “Boo!”, or say “Look behind you!” and then jump into his arms when he turned around, and so on. But seeing Junjae’s figure from afar in the lobby, somehow the words wouldn’t come out.

“…”

There was a hint of laughter in Junjae’s eyes. No, rather than laughter… it was excitement. It was excitement.

[…Are you angry?]

When he didn’t answer, Junjae now stopped walking and blinked his eyes as if confused. As if he didn’t know what to do.

[…]

Thump. Thump. That made Jeonggwan’s heart race. Could someone who wasn’t family show such a range of emotions just from one phone call? Of course, his head knew that Jung Taegeon would have been the same, but seeing it with his own eyes was very different. Behind his back, when he wasn’t looking, this is what someone’s face… someone’s emotions look like when they think of him.

“…”

In fact, he seemed to have thought of it as a kind of game, having such a handsome and rich man fall for him. No, he had thought that way. I’m acting however I want and I’m not even good-looking, but you’ll definitely come to like me. How can you not like someone like me?

[I’m not good at…]

“…”

[expressing myself…]

“…”

[…I’m sorry.]

But he always asked another question along with it. How… do you like me? He lives saying what he wants to say and doing what he wants to do. He eats everything he wants because he’s his top priority, getting fat, and then drools over handsome alphas like Won Junjae. But when it comes down to it… he didn’t want his relationship with Won Junjae to become serious. Afraid he might get hurt. Afraid his feelings might lose out. Because he knows this is selfish, when he sees an alpha who says they like him, he understands but at the same time doesn’t understand. He knows this is what people commonly call a defense mechanism. He just didn’t want to admit it because of his pride.

So while he was happy and excited to see Won Junjae falling for him, on the other hand, it seemed like he had countless times tested him, saying, “Stop falling for me. Do you still want to fall for me even like this? Do you still want to fall for me even though I’m this selfish?”  Ridiculously, he had judged those feelings. While he himself hated being judged.

“…I’m, right now.”

Therefore, to Won Junjae, who likes him enough to leave his blind date with such an expression, despite him being a fatty with such bad thoughts,

“…at home.”

He became scared.

“I’m tired, so I should sleep…”

After smilingly vowing to jump into your life, seeing your pure feelings for me, I felt a bit ashamed of my past self who decided to seduce you just to fulfill my desires.

[…]

“I’ll hang up first!”

Jeonggwan, who had hung up the phone, hurriedly turned around. Give up and run away out of fear like this? That’s definitely not an option. He has no intention of suddenly pretending to be nice and reflecting on himself. Being selfish and greedy with bad thoughts is inevitably who he is.

But if he faced Junjae like this, strange, unorganized words seemed likely to spill out. Even if he were to convey his feelings, he wanted to do it openly and confidently after sorting everything out. To say that he’s this selfish. That he liked him just for his appearance, and that he’s a contradictory coward who doesn’t make sense. And yet, despite being like this, would he still like him?

“But what if he says he doesn’t like me because I’m a selfish and greedy person…?”

Jeonggwan’s hand stopped as he was about to open the app to call a taxi. What if Junjae was disappointed that he was that kind of person and left saying he didn’t like him? He… honestly doesn’t know love yet. But he knows he likes that person. He clearly likes Won Junjae. He wants to be with that person, and he wants that person to find him cute. And he wants to protect that person too. He wants to go eat delicious food together, hold hands, and walk together.

So if he says he doesn’t like him… what should he do?

“I know you’re selfish.”

“…Oh my god!”

At the sudden voice right behind him, Jeonggwan was so startled he felt like he had jumped about 3 seconds into the air. Of course, that was just Jeonggwan’s imagination. Clutching his chest and turning around, Jeonggwan’s eyes widened. Junjae was standing close by, having somehow found him and approached.

“I know you’re greedy too.”

Somehow, he was a bit different from the usually silent Junjae. His resolute voice and eyes held Jeonggwan’s gaze, not letting him look away.

“And because you’re like that.”

“…”

“I like you, Jeonggwan.”