PERSONAL

Chapter 1: Prologue

I awoke to the sound of much clamoring from above. The castle had not been this active in a long while. The last time was when that witch married His Highness and his friends. I bit my lips at the memory.

How could His Highness settle for such a relationship? She flaunted her lovers publicly. What they had couldn't be considered love, or at least from her end.

That witch must have somehow befuddled my beloved's mind. She must have done something to him. Since the first day of the academy, he became openly hostile to me. I had thought it was something that I had done. When I noticed what was truly happening, it was already too late. Julius ignored all my warnings. He could not see that I was trying to protect him. He threw me away. In his mind, I had become the villainess. What happened to Julius? What happened to the boy that promised to protect me?

My wallowing was interrupted by the sound of footsteps. Looking up, I saw Julius standing at my door all by himself. A small glimmer of hope blossomed within me. Had my love come back to his senses? Was he here to comfort me?

"Your Highness?" I croaked out. My voice was raspy from disuse and the poor conditions of the dungeon.

"Angelica... I'm here to inform you that we have decided to execute you for your crimes against the Saintess."

All hope in me withered away.

"I... I see."

"You seem rather composed," he said in a strangely detached tone.

"I had a feeling that this was inevitable. I'll admit that pulling in an outside representative for the honor duel was reprehensible, but it did not warrant my impending death. No. My execution is simply more convenient for the Saintess," I said as I spat out her title.

Julius angrily pounded the bars of my cell, and he shouted, "Do not slander my wife! Olivia is too kind to do such a thing!"

"Oh, Julius... She has you wrapped around her little finger. How did she convince you? Perhaps she said it was for the sake of-"

"Olivia pushed to pardon you. I was the one to push for execution."

His words shook me. I blinked confusedly as I tried to understand what he had just said. I stuttered, "... What? But why?"

"I pushed for your execution," he repeated with a sadistic smile.

"That's a lie! It has to be! You promised to always be by my side and protect me until the end," I cried out weakly.

"I remember telling you that. Mother told me to recite those words to you. They came from a romance novel she had read. It was all lip service born out of duty. At best, I tolerated you."

"Olivia must be using her magic on you. She must be altering your memory."

"She's done nothing of the sort. I've always hated you. Even before meeting Olivia, I made a point to avoid you as much as possible. There is no magic or illusion involved."

Reality crumbled around me. There would be no salvation. I had earned Julius's enmity, and I was going to die. There wasn't even a sliver of mercy in his eyes. This was just him exacting satisfaction from my suffering.

"Why are you telling me this?" I said with tears pouring.

"Olivia told me to talk to you. She wanted me to feel something for you. Unfortunately for you, I only feel hate for you."

"What have I done to deserve such hatred? Am I that detestable of a woman? All I've ever done was love you."

"... Your execution is set in a week. Please die in a manner that won't trouble Olivia,"Julius said as he left me alone.

I didn't even bother to call out to His Highness. Besides the futility of doing so, my heart could not bear any further torment.

....

For the next week, I wailed in sorrow, raged over the world's cruelty, begged for salvation, apologized to my family, and eventually resigned myself to my fate.

No one came until the date of my execution, and even then, the ones who came were only the guards. I felt numb when they dragged me to a stage at the main gate. The crowd must have been jeering at me, but I was too tired to care. Looking up, I noticed that the witch was nowhere in sight. I guess my death wasn't important enough for the Saintess. Julius didn't even have the decency to make an appearance as well.

What a cruel man.

My thoughts became interrupted as one of the guards shoved me down. He roughly placed my head on a guillotine. I guess this was the end. I expected to curse both Julius and the Saintess to the very end. I felt nothing towards either at this point. As I closed my eyes, the only thing that went through my mind was a wish.

I wished that I had fallen for a better man.

....

When I opened my eyes again, I noticed a little boy staring at me. It was Julius. Funny how my world revolved around Julius to the very end. I couldn't help but remember the moment I foolishly fell in love with the wrong man. As I stared at the boy, I saw how manufactured the scene was. The lines, while delivered properly, were only just. He made no other movements. He didn't fidget in nervous anticipation or try to come closer to me. The most emotion I saw from him was a look of confusion.

How could I have fallen for such a thing? I even recollected how I recognized the line when he had initially said them. I had originally thought it was romantic, but now I saw it was a lack of effort on Julius's part. I finally understood that Julius had been telling the truth.

We were never going to fall in love. I had just been infatuated with a man who wanted nothing to do with me.

Despite how monumentally painful this realization should have been, it felt as though a burden had been lifted from my shoulders.

I turned to walk away from the false memory without saying a word. This scene held nothing for me now besides a reminder of my misspent youth.

Looking ahead, I saw the image of my beloved father. My heart ached as I remembered that he and my brother had died in the opening skirmishes of the war. He was staring at me in surprise.

He asked, "What's the matter, Angie? You were so excited to be engaged to the prince."

"I've come to realize that Julius doesn't love me. He plays the part well, but he has no interest."

Father looked at me with concern, but it was clear that he knew that what I said was true. Even then, he calmly said, "He is still a child. He could come to love you."

"He won't."

"How can you be so sure?"

When I look at it now, everything seems so obvious. Looking back, I said, "He has no interest in even trying. Even now, he doesn't chase me."

Julius still stood there waiting. Even his facial expression hadn't changed. My father had looked up and saw what I meant. He didn't look happy at what he saw.

"While it would have been preferable that both of your feelings could develop into love, this engagement has already been finalized. You have a duty to the Redgrave family," he chastised.

"I'm sorry for being a disappointment, Father. This is one duty I can't fulfill," I said with a sniffle at the thought of disappointing my father.

He looked back down at me, and after a moment of hesitation, he embraced me. His hands brushed my head as he tried to assure me everything would be okay. It felt nice. I don't even remember the last time I was held like this.

I could only mumble apologies to my father before my consciousness finally faded into his warmth. Maybe it would be acceptable to fade away like this.

....

"Angie, it's time to wake up," a familiar voice said as I felt my body gently shaken.

"Cordelia?"

"Yesterday was a trying day for you, but today is a brand-new day."

A new day?

.....

I was sitting in front of my mirror as I poked and prodded my face. It's been a week since I was brought back, and I still couldn't get used to how young I was again. Even though it was my face, I could barely recognize myself. It was too different compared to what I had grown used to growing up.

"I'm back, huh," I vocalized to myself.

While I should have been elated, I felt lost on what to do. This was so far beyond what I thought possible that I couldn't begin to think about how to proceed. I had spent most of the week just dumbly doing what I was told. It got to the point that the staff got worried about my lethargy. I was just too bewildered. What was even the point?

Was this a chance to right the mistakes of my youth? Doubtful. It felt like I was fated to die. Despite walking away from his Highness, we were still engaged, and like before, his Highness had made no effort to talk to me despite my obvious distress. He truly despises me.

Was this Hell? Was I to be endlessly confronted by my fated doom no matter what I did?

It couldn't be. While in a dire situation, I could still enjoy the taste of food, feel the embrace of my loved ones, and experience relief. This couldn't be Hell. I was too free to act as I wanted and enjoy what may come of them.

Somehow the thought felt liberating. Perhaps I should enjoy what this life had to offer. Live it differently from my first and focus on living for my sake rather than his Highness's. I remembered how it felt to walk away from him. It was a good feeling.

....

In the years that led up to the first day of the academy, I traveled across the kingdom for a substantial amount of my time. It wasn't for sightseeing, though I did do my fair share of that too. They were mock adventures. The destinations were previously discovered locations and with chaperones. It was still enough to bring me joy. Going on adventures had always been something I wanted to do even after I had grown up, but I had never done so in my first life since I had been too busy with learning how to be queen and attempting to get closer to his Highness.

I almost hadn't even done so this time around. I was hesitant to bother my father with my inane request and would have left it alone if it wasn't for the fact that the desire to live my life burned more strongly in me than in my previous life.

To my surprise, he readily accepted and even commended the adventurous blood that flowed through me. It surprised me because he previously was far more strict. I would have thought the dangerous lifestyle of an adventurer would be beyond what he would have tolerated. At the very least, I would have figured he wouldn't have allowed me to due to potential time constraints.

Maybe he had allowed it because he had developed more faith in my abilities. I had heard everyone thought I was some prodigy based on how quickly and flawlessly I finished my course material.

The only flaw people pointed out about me was my disinterest in the crown prince. We barely interacted. We would meet on the first of every month and sit for tea. I would even signal my departure with a mildly snide comment such as 'It was pleasant to stare at each other... again' or 'Those were some pretty words. What novel did you pull them from?'. (I was oddly never chastised for such comments) The lack of effort on his part to interact with me made me cringe as I wondered how I had initially become so enamored with the boy.

Neither of us sought each other more than what was mandatory. What a sad relationship it was. Sadly, I could do nothing on that front since this was to be a political marriage. Though... I suppose my engagement would come to an end relatively soon. His Highness (and I) would go to Holfort Academy, Julius would meet the commoner, fall in love with her, and eventually break the engagement of his own free will.

I wonder how badly this event will affect my household. For some reason, I didn't feel too worried. Father and Gilbert both harbored a distaste for my betrothed and didn't admonish me for my apathy towards the crown prince. They were smart enough to guess what would happen and have probably made plans for when this engagement breaks apart.

That event was three years down the line. A torturous three years of this limbo, and even if I broke away cleanly, I would be unwed at the end of my time in the academy. The very thought that I would be disregarded so casually soured my mood.