April Fool’s Chapter - Fuck Everyone Who’s Not a Gelatinous Blizzard Blob
Chapter 29?
Fuck Everyone Who's Not a Gelatinous Blizzard Blob
“I don’t think we’ll make it to Crossroads,” Rowan called back to Tanlor and Daegan. Daegan groaned, his entire body slumping back in the saddle of his wretched horse. The horse wicked its head in a sign of mutual disdain, steam puffing from its mouth as he protested.
“Does that mean we’re sleeping out here?” Daegan asked, his eyes flicking apprehensively to the snowlined trees.
“There’s a good clearing just off the road a bit further ahead,” Rowan replied, “we can have a fire safely there.”
“What about bandits or raiders?” Tanlor put in.
“It may already be too late,” Rowan nodded towards a rocky outcrop south of them.
One man stood atop the outcrop, a longbow in hand. Even at this distance, Daegan could tell the man smelled foul. His hair was matted and his boots and breeches caked with cowshit. A scraggly unkempt beard hid most of the man’s face.
“Leave yer horses, and your bags and there’ll be no trouble,” the man called out. Daegan stiffened, in his saddle. His eyes searched the treelines for the man’s accomplices. No bandit would attempt to rob armed men alone.
“How did we not spot him?” Tanlor mumbled, his head also swivelling around looking for the man’s companions.
“There’s two in the woods, probably more hiding in the trees and behind the outcrop,” Rowan said evenly, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword.
“And why should we?” Rowan called out to the man. He responded with a bellowing laugh that echoed the clearing. Three more men, equally as dishevelled as the man with the longbow stepped out from the trees further up the road. Two of them bore rusted swords and one, a big man wielding a pair of axes, one in each hand.
“This don’t have to get bloody, hear!” the man with the axes rumbled. There was a screech of terror from where the outcrop, Daegan’s head spun to the noise. The man with the longbow the man flailed wildly as he fled to the other side of the outcrop.
“What the fuck are you doing?” The man with the axes roared. The bowman tripped and went sprawling.
Daegan stared with amazement as the ground around him began to turn white, as though with frost. Rowan and Tanlor wasted no time, kicking their heels into their mounts and barrelling towards the three men on the road. Daegan reacted slower and bumbled after them.
Tanlor reached them first, his greatsword now drawn. It came down in a terrifying slash cutting through one of the swordsmen. Daegan stole a glance back at the bowman and saw an icy fog looming up from behind the outcrop. Tendrils of mist, creeping over the stones towards man who was struggling to his feet.
Rowan was embroiled in a fight with the man with the axes and Tanlor had now jumped from his horse and was exchanging blows with the remaining swordsman. Daegan was unsure what he could do to help but then remembered that he packed his revolver. He fumbled with the straps of his saddlebag and started rustling about until his fingers clasped the metal barrel.
More of the bandits were emerging from the trees around them. Five, six, seven, more! Daegan’s panic-ridden mind couldn’t count them as more of the men appeared. A blood curdling scream sounded from the outcrop and Daegan glanced over.
It was a… blob?
He’d never seen anything like it, some kind of enormous jelly ambled over the rocks. It was the palest shade of blue imaginable and almost transparent. An icy mist breathed out from the blob as it roiled and twisted toward the limping bowman. The frost was now climbing up the mud man’s mud caked trousers as if all the heat was being sucked out of him.
Ahead Rowan and Tanlor were still fighting with the bandits, the others from the trees quickly closing the distance. Daegan shakily raised his revolver and aimed towards one of them. He fired, an ear-piercing blast as the bullet tore from the pistol. The bullet missed as the man didn’t seem at all hindered by the shot.
Daegan looked back over at the bowman who was frozen in place by the encroaching ice around him. The blob moved with a dreadful speed, its form undulating and writhing as it closed the distance between it and the bowman. He screamed as the ice crawled up him, fixing him in place. Daegan shot his gaze back to the bandits who seemed more concerned with taking down Rowan and Tanlor.
“What do we do about that?” Daegan shouted at them.
“It’s not our biggest concern right now!” Rowan replied, evading a swing of the man’s axes, sidestepping in close and driving his blade into the man’s chest.
Pain erupted in Daegan’s leg, he looked down and saw a crossbow bolt jutting out from his thigh. Oh that’s not good. He saw one of the bandits readying a second bolt in his crossbow. A primal part of Daegan’s mind screamed at him to flee. He tried to kick his heels into his horse but the pain caused him to twist as he did so. The horse took that moment to buck and Daegan’s vision spun. The world blurred in his vision and he felt the hard earth crash against his back.
He let out ragged coughs as he tried to catch his breath. The blood from the wound in his legs was hot seeping in a pool around him. The warmth was comforting, soothing even and he found that he was struggling to retain consciousness. His vision blurred. No, don’t… He fought against the darkness, forcing his eyes open. He let out a cry of pain as he pulled himself up to a sitting position.
Tanlor and Rowan were fighting now with more of the bandits around them. Daegan searched for the crossbow man and saw him running towards him with a dagger drawn. Oh shit. He’d dropped his revolver during the fall. Where is it? Where? His eyes darted about the frost covered ground.
He felt a sudden chill. The heat of the blood on his leg drained away in an instant. His cloak felt heavy and a thin layer of crackling ice crawled over it. Oh no. Daegan's eyes widened, he looked over his shoulder with horror. Covering his field of vision was a wall of pale blue. Daegan felt all the blood drain from his face. Any morsel of heat in him drained away as the gelatinous blob ambled closer. He tried to roll to the side, to crawl away, but the icy ground gripped at him. The material of his trousers and cloak sticking to the earth.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
The blob rippled and swelled in pleasure as it loomed over him. Daegan tried to scream but found that no noise escaped him. A freezing presence catching his lungs. No air came in or out but Daegan didn’t care. He no longer felt the cold. In fact, he felt warm. The translucent, pale blue of the blob dominated his vision. Ripples of sunlight permeated through, catching on shards of ice inside the blob.
It’s beautiful. Daegan thought. He no longer felt any pain, he couldn’t feel his body at all. There was nothing, no suffering, no shame… just warmth and comfort… and beauty. He couldn’t feel his eyelids closing. He wasn’t entirely sure if he even had eyelids anymore. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered.
The warmth embraced him.
He felt like he was falling asleep.
He allowed himself to be carried away by it.